Broken Things

I had always been really awkward around children. That never deterred them from loving me, but sometimes I just didn’t know what to do with them. Harry, however, didn’t seem to have that problem as I watched him balance Lux on his hip while he chatted amicably with Lou, whom he had introduced to me as their hairstylist and one of his best mates.

It was inimidating to meet all of these new people, so intregal to what One Direction had become. Mostly, I was trying not to feel too overwhelmed while I stuck close to Harry, obviously uncomfortable. He’d definitely noticed, but hadn’t done or said anything to make it obvious. Instead, he’d move aside and grant me access to whatever conversation was taking place, doing his best to guide it in a direction I’d be able to chime in on occasionally.

Lux, ever impatient, clung to Harry’s shoulder while she focused her attention elsewhere. The very tip of a moon bounce was visible from where we were standing backstage and her eyes lit up as she watched one of the flags wave in the wind. Harry hadn’t noticed yet, probably used to Lux’s wandering eye when she was in his arms.

She wiggled impatiently against him and he turned to look at her. She pointed enthusiastically, simply stating, “Castle.” He turned around to see what she was talking about and frowned.

“I can’t take you out there, Luxie,” he told her.

This much was true. The gates had finally opened to the public and we were in the downtime before they were to go on stage. Duncan and Ashley had declared earlier they were going to do some exploring and we hadn’t heard from them since, either lost in the crowd or otherwise occupied with the festival.

Lux’s bright eyes alighted on me. “Castle,” she repeated, reaching for me.

“I can take her,” I offered.

“You don’t have to do that,” Harry said.

“No, really. It’s not a big deal.”

I turned to Lou as I said this, hoping for her approval. We’d just met, but she seemed trusting enough. Standing on her tip-toes to see over Harry’s broad shoulders, she surveyed the area.

“I don’t mind as long as you stay close. Just the one, okay?” she said, the last part sternly pointed at her daughter.

Lux blinked at her, blank faced, before turning back to me with arms outstretched. I smiled, stepping forward to allow Harry to pass her to me.

“Be careful,” Harry said, and I wasn’t sure which one of us that warning was meant for.

Lux was light in my arms, securely wrapping herself around me as I made my way down a set of stairs and toward a secluded hall that I knew would spit me out on the far side of the stage. A friendly-looking security guard held the door open for me and I thanked him as I stepped out. A dozen or so girls had crowded there, which blindsided me for a moment.

A lot of them cooed out hellos to Lux, eyeing me warily. I smiled as politely as possible as I moved forward, toward the bouncy castle. I could feel their searing gazes on me as they tried to put two and two together, where they’d seen me before or who I could possibly be. Someone called my name out but I didn’t bother to answer to it, instead picking up my pace until we reached our destination.

“Sawyer,” Lux repeated, and I nodded, offering her a genuine smile.

“That’s me,” I replied as I sat her down on a tarp littered with tiny shoes. I plucked off her adorable little Chelsea boots and left her clad in a pair of Frozen socks.

A wary-looking teenager stood beside the entrance to the castle, watching a nearby inflatable obstacle course as it was overtaken by twelve-year-olds, racing and tripping each other purposefully. She was rolling her eyes when she turned back to us, but she only addressed Lux.

“You going in, kid?” she asked.

Lux blinked.

“I’ll warn you, that Teagan girl over there has declared herself queen of the castle,” the attendant said, pulling aside the flaps and pointing to a rowdy-looking six-year-old in pigtails. She bounced with purpose. “I think you could take her,” she whispered good-naturedly to Lux, giving her bum a firm push to help her forward into the moon bounce.

The flaps closed and Lux stood uncertainly. She pushed herself against the mesh, searching for me. I moved forward so she could see me, confirm I was still there.

“Go on, then,” I encouraged with a shooing motion of my hands. “Go bounce for us who are too big.”

She laughed, a loud child’s cackle, and then turned to get to work. I sighed, remembering the days when bounce castles were still an option for me.

Stepping back from the tarp, I crossed my arms over my chest and surveyed the area around me. The inflatables were set up to the right of the stage, a barrier standing between the seats and the rest of the fair activities. A little further down, booths were set up with crafts and handmade jewelry.

“Are you here for One Direction?” the girl asked conversationally.

I sighed. “Yeah, something like that.”

She smirked, but said no more. I watched her as she put out a hand to balance herself on the bouncy castle and stretched her leg, bending it at the knee.

“Can’t you sit?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Have to be ready to swoop in and save the day if someone falls or something.”

“On an inflatable?” I raised a brow.

“You can’t even imagine,” she shook her head.

“There are such things as inflatable horror stories?”

“Oh, yeah. But most of the time I just stand here for four hours and tell kids not to wrestle.”

She reached back a hand to move her long, dark hair over to one shoulder. Her face was reddened in the sun and she looked bored beyond belief as she eyed the mesh around the bounce house carefully.

“How much do you get paid?” I blurted before I could stop myself. When her eyes darted to me, I added a hasty, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Why?” she snorted. “You want my job?”

“Maybe,” I shrugged.

My job search had fallen by the wayside long before I’d moved into Harry’s, and I was ever-conscious of needing a stable income before I could rent an apartment and get the hell out of Dodge. While my friendship with Harry might be improving, I didn’t want to leech off him forever. So why not stand beside inflatable bouncy castles and get paid to do it?

“Twenty,” she finally answered, her eyes skimming over me as if sizing me up.

“Per event?”

“Hour,” she corrected.

I let out a low whistle and she laughed.

“Honestly, no one would do it for anything less. This shit is awful.”

“Looks easy to me.”

“Oh, it is. But so mind-numblingly boring. You’ll think an hour has passed and it’s only been twenty minutes since you looked at the time last. But if you want in, my boss is always looking for more suckers. What’s your name?”

“Sawyer Powell,” I answered, offering her my hand. She smiled and accepted it.

“Eden Wainscott,” she introduced as she took a step back from me. “Do you want to leave an e-mail with me and I’ll pass it on?”

“Sure,” I shrugged.

Eden leaned over to dig through a satchel resting against a sandbag, which held down the inflatable. I glanced inside the castle to make sure Lux was still doing okay. It seemed she’d made friends with the queen of the castle and they were each yelling things to the other kids playing, who were all going along with the charade. I felt a burst of feminist pride.

“Here,” Eden said as she handed me her phone. I took it, typing in my e-mail and phone number for good measure. Just as I handed it back to her, my own phone began to ring in my back pocket.

“Excuse me,” I muttered, pulling my iPhone from my back pocket. Harry’s photo and name flashed across the screen and I swiped it to answer.

“Did you kidnap a child?” Harry asked incredulously. “Because I wish you would have let me know so I could have helped.”

I rolled my eyes, turning around where I stood to scan the barricades where the backstage area was. It was mostly blocked off with long curtains, but there were small gaps in between. In one of these, I caught a green eye staring back at me.

“She’s having fun,” I answered.

“Looks like you are, too. Making friends?”

“Sort of,” I shrugged, turning back toward the castle to keep an eye on the bouncing three-year-old

“Does she want to come hang out?”

I scoffed, balancing the phone between my ear and shoulder as I adjusted my crossbody where the strap was digging into me.

“You’re like one of those overeager mums. No, she’s working and I’ve maybe exchanged twenty sentences with her. She’s going to pass my name on to her boss.”

I couldn’t see him, but I could imagine vividly the way Harry scrunched his nose in distaste in the pause that ensued. I was far away from Eden now that she couldn’t hear me, instead staring blankly at the inflatable while she decided whether or not it was worth it to yell at the kid who kept “accidentally” stumbling into others.

“You want to stand next to inflatable bouncy houses?” he asked finally, judgment seeping into his tone.

“For twenty bucks an hour? Hell yeah,” I told him.

“To each her own,” he muttered.

“Is there a reason you called?”

“Yeah, Lou wants Lux back.”

“I’ll try to pursuade her, but she’s co-queen of the castle right now and I think she’s training an army. If I don’t come back alive, you know what happened.”

Harry snorted and I smiled as I hung up the phone, tucking it back into my pocket. Hesitantly, I poked my head through the flaps and caught sight of the toddler in question.

“Lux!” I called.

Her head turned in my direction, but the Teagan girl from before quickly whispered something in her ear to distract her. She turned away an instant later.

“Lux, your mum wants you!”

“That’s Queen Lux,” Teagan called over her shoulder, grabbing Lux’s hand as she bounced. I sighed, knowing it wasn’t very becoming of me to glare at a six-year-old but unable to refrain.

“Queen Lux, your mum requests your presence in her court.”

“You don’t have to go, you know,” Teagan told her. “You’re co-queen of the castle.”

“Actually, she does have to go, thanks,” I snapped.

Lux looked from Teagan to me, and back again. She frowned at both of us, and Teagan let go of her hand. Taking this as permission, Lux wobbled over to me.

“Sawyer,” she said.

“That’s my name,” I answered, taking her in my arms and pulling her from the castle. She seemed to have no objection to this and I wondered how tired she was after all that activity. Not tired enough, apparently, as she wrangled on her shoes and jumped up and down until I took her once again in my arms.

“Did you have fun?” I asked.

“Queen Lux,” she nodded.

“Queen Lux,” I affirmed.

We made our way back to the stage area, the girls parting like the red sea when security stepped forward to escort us back in. I could hear the shutters of phone cameras going off and did my best to pretend I was okay with it as I hiked Lux further up on my hip.

Lou and Harry were both waiting for us near the exit, Harry’s appearance eliciting screams from the waiting crowd. He didn’t glance in their direction, only focused on me as I transferred Lux back to her mum.

“How did it go?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I’m not used to people recognizing me, but it wasn’t bad.”

“They recognize you?” he asked, warily glancing at where the crowd of girls were separated from us by a thick black curtain and a bulk of security guards.

“Apparently,” I shrugged. “But don’t worry about it, it was bound to happen eventually.”

Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair as he watched Lou and Lux’s retreating forms. I wondered if this ever got any easier for him, taking the blame for something he had no control over. I reached out a hand for his arm.

“Seriously, Harry,” I repeated, making sure I had his attention. “It’s fine.”

He nodded, but I could tell he didn’t believe me as he began playing with his lip, his eyes looking anywhere and everywhere but at me. I let go of his arm when I realized it was a lost cause, crossing my arms over my chest as we began back toward the stage. It was getting closer to showtime now.

“They’re throwing an after party, if you want to go,” he said a few minutes later, looking over to me. His lip was still held tight between this thumb and pointer finger and I tried to pretend it wasn’t getting to me.

“Do you want me to go?” I asked.

“Of course,” he answered, finally meeting my gaze. He let his lip go to offer me a smile.

“Okay,” I agreed.

“Okay.”

-
The evening found me in a tent on the other side of the pier, twice the size of Harry’s house and with even more security. Declan and Ashley had found me again sometime during the performance and we’d wandered over on our own accord, not wanting to wait behind for Harry while he got changed. Regardless, the band was supposed to come together and make this grand enterance, so we thought it best to just come on our own.

I ran a hand through my hair as I stood awkwardly beside Declan, who was trying to decide what he wanted from the open bar. Ashley was offering pros and cons to everything he mentioned, but I knew better than to delve into the alcohol. Instead, I asked for a diet Coke and sipped it amicably as I surveyed the room.

There were tables and chairs and a DJ, but the entire back end of the tent had this fantastic view of the ocean that held my attention. The moon was full in the sky, casting its glow onto the sea as the tide rose. I was vaguely aware of whatever Katy Perry song was playing on the speakers, ignoring Declan’s jabbing into my ribs and whispering, “Katy Perry’s on replay, she’s on replay...”

Rolling my eyes, I turned to him. “Save the lame jokes for Harry.”

“Speaking of...” Declan smirked, his eyes focused somewhere over my shoulder.

I didn’t need to turn to know what scene was about to unfold. The song had suddenly changed to a familiar tune and I was already cringing by the time my arm was siezed.

“Put in a request with the DJ,” Harry told me, spinning me toward him.

“You don’t say,” I answered blandly. He laughed at my response, pulling me toward a spot in the sand where some people had started dancing.

I’d somehow missed the band’s entrance, probably too entranced with the rolling waves of the sea. It was obvious he’d been here for some time, the red tint in his cheeks hinting that he’d had a drink or two. Also, the song bumping through the speakers and the fact that he wanted me to dance with him.

“No I’m not tryna be rude, but hey pretty girl I’m feeling you,” he grinned, pulling me to him.

“No, no, no,” I protested, trying to push out of his arms. It was no good, my strength no match for his as he locked his arms around me. I threw my head back and whined, but he was undeterred.

“You must be a football coach, the way you got me playin’ the field,” he continued, and I sighed, glaring at him as I finally gave in.

“I hate you, Styles,” I groaned, allowing myself to move with him.

“No you don’t,” he replied proudly. “And that’s the beauty of it.”

I didn’t argue. Instead, I tried to dance with him in the least embarrassing way possible, which was far too difficult when you have Tipsy Styles and his crazy shapes to deal with. Mostly he held me close while we swayed back and forth, like Ignition Remix was some sort of slow song that deserved a serious dance. I prayed Declan’s iPhone was out of storage space so he couldn’t record it, but I was sure it was all in vain.

It was sort of strange to be in that place, pressed against a boy I thought I’d never see again in a topsy-turvey universe in which he was the center of it all. More than a few people seemed interested in what was happening, the way he clung to me as if I’d disappear if he loosened his grip. I was more than a little distracted by their stares, but Harry’s eyes didn’t waver from me. It was both soothing and unsettling and I didn’t know what to do with it.

My heartbeat was erratic by the end of the song, but I couldn’t be quite sure if it was from the sudden attention of a crowd, the physical activity, or Harry’s proximity. I offered him a smile as I took a step backward out of his arms, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear self-consciously. Harry watched with a small, amused smile.

“Thanks for the dance,” he said.

“Didn’t have much of a choice, did I?” I answered, because I couldn’t help myself.

“You always have a choice, Sawyer,” came his response.

I furrowed my brows, opening my mouth to ask just what he meant by that. I didn’t have time, my focus had been distracted by a quickly moving blur of a person. My eyes had no longer settled on her that I was covered in vodka and strawberry lemonade.

A hush settled over the crowd as I stood frozen, blinking through the ice-cold shock that had just hit me. Harry seemed equally as startled, stunned momentarily before he turned to see what had just happened.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Olivia Rasmussen stated, her cold eyes leveled on Harry as she dropped her empty cup to the ground.

The tall, lean brunette had seemed so cool and collected the time I’d seen her last at Harry’s party. Of course, she’d had him wrapped around her finger there, and pretty comfortably from what I’d seen. Now, she looked unsure. For some reason, she blamed me.

“Out,” Harry regained his voice, and it was dangerous. “Now.”

If looks could kill, Harry had long been dead. Her searing glare burned into him a moment longer before she turned and stalked off. Harry motioned for security to escort her out, which a member did without question. The DJ had started the Cha Cha Slide in a lame attempt to get some of the attention off of what had just conspired between a popstar, his ex-girlfriend, and his ex-lover. I wondered who would be the first to leak it to the tabloids.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Harry murmured, his hand finding my lower back to guide me toward an exit. I stumbled forward blindly, unsure of just where it was I was supposed to be headed.

He led me to the exit of the tent, out into the cool Californian night air. A small group of girls and photographers stood waiting, lights from cameras momentarily blinding me as a set of security guards suddenly huddled around the two of us. Harry’s hand was warm and secure on me, holding me close despite the tensing of his muscles at the sight of paparazzi.

We were escorted through the sand toward a shower and bathroom station. When we reached the pavement, Harry gently gave my hand a squeeze, commanding my attention.

“Are you all right?” he asked softly, his hand coming up to run against my shoulder. His green eyes held nothing but concern.

“Yeah, I’ll just... Um...” I stumbled over my words, gesturing to the building behind me that would be my destination. He seemed to understand, giving me a nod and a slight encouraging smile, though it didn’t touch his eyes.

I sighed, making my way into the bathroom area, cursing my decison to wear a white baseball tee and light-wash shorts. When I came to a halt in front of a mirror I realized just how bad it was, the pink of the drink soaking into the fabric and denim. I’d have to throw them both away, positive that there was no hope for it now that it was nearly dry. The best thing I could do would be to wash the stickiness from my face, but that would probably take off half my make-up as well. With a frown, I got to work wetting paper towels.

The majority of my foundation and concealer came off as I rubbed the alcohol and lemonade from my face. I smelled like a Russian stripper, could have passed out from the strong smell of Vodka, but tried to keep it together to at least not make a bigger fool of myself and need Harry to save the day again.

I stripped out of my tee shirt and wet it in the sink before ringing it out and holding it beneath an electric hand dryer. It was a last ditch attempt at saving its pathetic life, my jersey-knit, kitten soft tee shirt. The pink turned a lighter shade, but was still pathetically noticable. I grumbled to myself as I pulled it damply back on over my head and flipped my hair out from beneath the collar. My reflection looked a mess and a half, pink splashed across her front, make-up nearly gone, and a red sunburn on all the exposed limbs on her body. I probably should have listened to Harry earlier when he suggested sunblock, but I didn’t want to admit that to him or allow him to baby me any more than he already was.

So with a heavy heart, I cleaned up my mess and pulled open the door, stepping hesitantly back out into the cool night. Harry was no-where to be seen, which meant the paparazzi and fans had left to go back to their previous watch-positions at the tent, hoping for a glimpse of another member of One Direction. I bit my lip, eyes wandering around for where Harry could have possibly been. Just as I turned to look in the other direction, I ran into a body with a loud, “oof”.

Nearly knocked to the ground, a pair of hands reached out to sieze my wrists before I completely ate it. I put a hand to my frantically pattering heart as I looked up to see who had done such a thing, surprised when I met the kind-hearted eyes of Andrew, the waiter from the night before.

“Sawyer,” he breathed. “Are you okay?”

I couldn’t yet comprehend making a response. Sensing as much, he let go of my wrists and took a step back to allow me space. Once I’d caught my breath and calmed my heart, I managed to sputter, “What are you doing here?”

“Barney’s catered the party,” he explained, gesturing down to his uniform. After a few more moments of awkward silence, he tacked on, “I hoped I might see you again.”

I raised a brow skeptically and he laughed, raising a hand to run against the back of his neck awkwardly. Even in the damp light of the moon, I could tell his fair complexion was reddening.

“Why would you want to see me again?” I asked earnestly.

“I just didn’t really have a chance to say much to you at the restaurant. I wanted to ask if you were with that guy, the one from the band.”

I blinked, my mind falling numb.

“No,” I answered, sure of one thing at least. “I’m not.”

“Good,” he said. Then clearing his throat uncomfortably, “I mean for me. Not him.”

I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my face. So confident and sure when I’d seen him last, he looked completely out of his element now as he fumbled for words and blushed.

“What are you doing, Andrew?” I couldn’t help but ask, a small smile forming on my lips. His blue eyes darted to me, reading my expression, and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“I guess I’m asking if you’d want to go out sometime,” he shrugged.

I bit down on my lip, trying to hide my grin.

“Okay,” I shrugged.

“Really?” he asked, and I laughed again.

“Yeah, why not?”

“Okay,” he nodded.

I stood there a moment longer, staring at him. He was missing something. Then, he was a sudden flurry of movement.

“Right, yeah,” he muttered, digging through his khakis until he found his mobile. “Could I get your number then?”

I rolled my eyes, palm upturned for his iPhone. He handed it to me and I typed in my name and phone number, handing it back to him when I was finished.

“I should probably get back to work,” he said, his voice quiet with embarrassment.

“Probably,” I agreed, still smiles. He chuckled again in his awkwardness.

“All right, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah.”

He moved around me, following the pavement that led up to the parking lot or a separate trail that led in the direction of the tent. He strode confidently toward the tent, his long gait getting him there in no-time. With a slight shake of my head, my gaze flickered up to the parking lot where I noticed a car idling without headlights, Harry behind the wheel while his eyes focused on the distance.

I trotted up to it, pulling open the passenger side. A fluffy black towel waited for me and I wrapped it around myself before hoisting myself up into the Range Rover. Wordlessly, Harry handed me a styrofoam cup. I accepted it hesitantly, brows furrowed as I placed my lips to the straw. A chocolate shake, my favorite way to end a shitty night. There was no way to go to bed upset if you’d had a chocolate shake, I always said.

“Thanks,” I said brightly, turning to look at him. Harry nodded, his eyes still trained on the tent before he took a deep breath and put the car in reverse.

It was only when we’d hit the highway to go home that I wondered suddenly how long Harry had been there, if he’d seen the exchange that had happened between Andrew and I. His silence seemed ominous, and even when I was blatantly watching him he made no move to tease me about it.

I sunk lower in my seat, feeling guilty and not knowing why.