Status: Just beginning

Broken Things

Seven

When Declan came home that night, I was already in bed. I felt absolutely exhausted from the day I’d endured, both physically and emotionally, and after soaking in a bubble bath until my fingers became pruney, I headed straight to bed.

I heard him when he entered, it was just after nine, but I pretended to be asleep when he cracked open my door and peeked in at me. I was saving my energy for the fight we were sure to have in the morning, and he must have been doing the same because after pausing in the doorframe for a few moments, he sighed and closed it softly behind him. His footsteps quietly retreated from my room and fell silent a few moments later when he reached his own.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t in for the deep sleep I so desperately needed. Instead, I had the dream again.

To that day it was a mystery why he’d bothered to take me anywhere, doing what he was going to do. It could have easily been broken off on his doorstep or mine, but he’d instead led me to the creek bed behind his house, down in the dip between an open field and an expanse of woods.

It was where he’d first kissed me.

I think maybe I’d sensed it. Harry had finished his time on the X Factor and came back for just a few days after signing the deal with Simon Cowell to take One Direction to the next level. There were big things ahead, and he’d been distant when he’d come home. Consciously, I chalked it up to the future he was beginning to build, but I think on some subconscious level, I knew what he was going to do before he did it. When I’d heard the tone of his voice on the phone, I knew what I was in for, but I’d subjected myself to it anyway.

Maybe I hoped I could talk him out of it if we met in person, but the thought flew out the window while I watched him, perched beside me on the small hill overlooking the running water below. He was sitting slightly further up than me, and when I turned to him as he spoke, his eyes carefully avoiding mine, he seemed so much bigger than I remembered him. It was true that I’d seen him a few times throughout the filming of the X Factor, but they were brief sessions with enough people around that we couldn’t really have any sort of proper chat. His texts came as often as could be expected, but there was a small shift between us and it all came crashing down.

I don’t really remember slapping him, but there had been a sting in my hand as I huffed away up the hill, leaving him behind me as I tried to bite back tears until I at least made it home.

When I pushed my way through the front door, an involuntary sob choked its way out and my mom’s head had poked around the corner from the kitchen, a spoon covered in icing clutched in her right hand. It fell to the floor as she moved to embrace me, my head cradled to her tumored breast that she had not yet told me about, but had knowledge of.

Months later, she’d softly break the news to me and it would top the list of awful things to happen, but for now she let me cry into her sweater while she raked her fingers through my hair and kissed the crown of my head.

Harry was my first actual heart break, and I’d loved him with everything my sixteen-year-old self had to give.

It was unfortunate for Declan that I’d woken up in the mood I had. I was bitter and angry for going back to that place, yet again. When I walked into the kitchen, dark circles beneath my eyes, he was the closest thing I had to blame. I wasted no time in digging into him.

“You crossed a line,” I told him blatantly as I trudged past him in search for a k-cup to pop into the coffee maker. He snorted into his bowl of cereal.

“Good morning to you, too, sunshine.”

“What the hell were you thinking?” I snapped.

He seemed exasperated above all else, as he leaned back in his chair and pushed a hand through his shaggy blonde hair. He looked almost as tired as me as his blue eyes warily scanned my appearance. I was sure I looked like hell, but he kept his comments to himself, choosing to instead answer my question.

“I wasn’t going to let you wander around downtown LA alone, Sawyer. You should have guessed that much.”

“Why the hell not?” I demanded. “I will be when I move out.”

“You moving out in the first place is stupid. You have a perfectly fine home here with me.”

“So you were trying to ruin my apartment hunt by forcing me to spend an entire day with Harry?”

“Don’t be daft. You always jump to the most ridiculous conclusions. I asked Harry to take you because I knew you’d be safe with him, and in the hopes that maybe you two would be able to smooth things over.”

“This isn’t how it works. You don’t force me into a situation I’m uncomfortable with and expect it all to work itself out.”

I was openly yelling now, but Declan didn’t bat a lash as he watched on from the kitchen table. For the second time in twenty-four hours, I was being looked at in that sad sort of way that I hated, and I had to turn away to restrain myself from slapping him.

The silence that stretched between us was deafening, and I closed my eyes in an attempt to slow my heart rate as I sipped my coffee. My back was still turned to him when he spoke next.

“There are two people on this continent who truly know you, Sawyer, and we’re both worried. But I realize now that this is only causing you more stress, so I’ll back off. I just wish there was something I could do.”

“Well, there isn’t,” I sighed, finally turning to face him. He was standing to scrape out the remains of his cereal into the garbage disposal, dressed for work. He set the bowl down in the sink and turned to me, eyeing me in a manner that could only be described as protective.

“You’ll tell me if there is though, yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I muttered before taking another gulp of coffee. He nodded, offering me a small smile as he reached forward to give me a quick hug, his lips pressing to my forehead before relinquishing me and heading for the doorway. I heard the front door open before he called out to me.

“Harry and I are going out tonight, so I’ll be late getting in!”

I rolled my eyes before affirming that I’d heard him. A few moments later, the door shut firmly behind him and I sighed, leaning back against the counter.

With the apartment hunt going the way it had the day before, I wanted nothing more than a lazy day in. In my room, a boxed set of all four seasons of The O.C. was calling to me, and it was time I answered.

Padding softly through the apartment to my room, I rummaged around until I found the season 2 DVDs. The air conditioner was on full blast, and for good reason. It was 86 outside already and it was only 11 AM. Still, I always found something sort of comforting in wearing my mom’s favorite hoodie, so I slipped it on over my tank top, knowing I wouldn’t get overheated in the mesh running shorts I’d slept in the night before.

The problem with watching The O.C. was how easily it was to get sucked in. It had been a few years since I’d watched it last, and I found myself struggling to remember specific plot points and names. Still, it was far too easy to find myself pulled into the spiraling vortex of drama (and who can really resist Seth Cohen’s sarcastic charm?).

I spent the entire afternoon into evening on the couch, ordering in Jimmy Johns when I started to get hungry for an actual meal after snacking on salted pretzels all day. It wasn’t the healthiest day I’d had, that was for sure, but it felt nice to sometimes mindlessly stare at a TV screen, engulfed in the fictional problems of people who weren’t you.

At some point, I was getting a migrane from staring at the screen and found myself dozing off, the DVD still playing in the background. It was soothing, the faint voices arguing over Chrismakuh dinner mingling with the hum of the air conditioner in the corner of the room. Since I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, it felt nice to catch up on it now.

It didn’t last long.

I probably should have seen it coming, but I was still startled awake by the raucous laughter outside the door. In all the years I had known both Harry and Declan, they never got drunk with one another without passing out together. I had hoped it would be Harry’s, but of course nothing ever goes the way I would have liked it.

“Fucking hell,” I groaned as the door burst open, Declan stumbling through with Harry hot on his heels. I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest as I watched with narrowed eyes.

“Sawyer!” Declan called, his glassy gaze falling upon me. “Thought you’d be asleep.”

“I was,” I mumbled.

“This girl, Harry. I told you. This girl,” he said, turning to Harry. I rolled my eyes as I reached for the remote and shut off the TV.

“This girl,” Harry agreed, nodding when his eyes set upon me. A moment later he burst into laughter. “She absolutely loathes me.”

I sighed, rubbing a hand over my eyes as I tried to figure out what to do with the two of them. They were obviously smashed out of their minds.

“How did you get here?” I asked, watching as Declan made his way over to the couch, flopping down and missing it by a few inches. He landed half on, half off, his back arching over the arm rest as he winced at the impact.

“Cab,” he dismissed.

“Where is it now?”

“Left after Harry threw up in the back seat,” Declan answered between snorts of laughter.

“You’re not supposed to tell her that!” Harry shouted, offended.

Declan shrugged. “Dunno why you’d mind. It’s not like you’ve impressed her thus far.”

I ignored them both as I ran a hand through my messy hair. I didn’t have a license, so driving Harry home was absolutely out of the question. It seemed my only option was to get him to pass out so he’d sober up and leave as soon as possible.

A loud crash sounded behind me, and I wheeled around to find Harry on the ground, rubbing his lower back as he sat in a mess of shattered glass from a vase full of flowers he’d just knocked over. Groaning, I leaned down and offered him my hand. He seemed taken aback, but accepted.

“Are you going to throw up again?” I asked him as I pulled him to his feet. He began smacking his lips, as if trying to get a feel for it, before shaking his head.

“If you throw up on my white sheets, I’ll kill you,” I muttered, guiding him in the direction of my room. I’d deal with Declan in a moment and crash on the couch. Not the ideal arrangement, but one I’d have to live with.

“This is your room?” he asked, brows furrowed as I helped him to my bed. He flopped down clumsily, eyes scanning his surroundings. “Where are all the pictures?”

I bit down on my lip as I pulled one of his shoes off. He was obviously too distracted to do it himself.

“That was my room in Holmes Chapel,” I answered him, if only to get him to shut up.

“Oh, right,” he nodded, watching me as I pulled off his other boot. “Good times in that room.”

I shot him a warning look, but he was wiggling his brows at me suggestively. Less than amused, I let his foot fall heavily to the floor and he winced.

“Sober up,” I told him as I straightened to my full height in preparation to leave. His head followed me as he leaned back on his forearms, looking me up and down.

“I really fucked you up, didn’t I?” he asked.

I blinked, frozen in place. This was at the top of the list of things I didn’t want to be discussing with a drunken Harry Styles laying in my bed. He shrugged a moment later, falling backward into my comforter as he raised a hand to rub at his eye.

“S’okay,” he dismissed. “I really fucked me up, too.”

Relinquished his gaze, I shook my head and made a turn to leave, but what fell from his mouth next had me stopping again.

“I used to listen to your voicemails.”

My mouth felt dry.

“Or at least the first bits,” he clarified a moment later. “You would be so drunk and angry and I think it made it easier to hear you call me names. Made me think I was doing the right thing. But then at the end, you’d sort of get all sad and I’d have to turn it off before I ended up taking it all back.”

“Taking what all back?”

The question left me before I had time to stop myself. It didn’t matter, though. He either hadn’t heard me or was no longer talking to me as he crawled beneath my comforter and rolled on his side, facing away from me. Just when I thought he was asleep and I was clear to go, I heard his voice.

“I still loved you so fucking much.”

The words had been mumbled into my pillowcase, and a moment later he was still, his breathing shallow as he fell into unconsciousness. I stood there for much longer than necessary, watching him sleep while I tried to sort out the mess that he’d just effectively made of my mind.

When I made my way back into the living room a few minutes later, Declan was snoring on the sofa. I sucked in a deep breath as I made my way over to him, draping an afghan over his lanky body. He’d somehow managed to curl up on his side, sneakers still firm on his feet, but he was fast asleep.

In the kitchen, I took a long pull from a bottle of water in the refrigerator. In the cabinet beneath the sink, a small broom and dustpan were stowed away, and I pulled them out to clean up the mess Harry had made beside the front door.

I crouched down, picking up the larger chunks of glass with my fingers and placing them softly in the dustpan before sweeping up the rest. In the small sliver of light coming from the kitchen, I couldn’t be sure I’d picked up all of it, but exhaustion was taking over and I decided I could vacuum it in the morning.

I made my way back into the kitchen, depositing the broken glass in the trash before returning the broom back to its rightful place beneath the sink. After flicking off the light, I trudged to Declan’s room, shutting the door behind me.

Declan’s room smelled distinctly of boy and deoderant, not an altogether unpleasant aroma to surround myself with. I yawned as I pulled back the covers and crawled under, turning away from the glowing digits of the alarm clock that read 1:19 AM.

Only then, with my face buried deep in Declan’s pillowcase, did I allow myself to start crying.
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Look at all that drama I packed in such a short chapter. I've been imagining this scene, and the one in the next chapter, for a few months now, so it was really exciting for me to write it up! Can't wait for you to see what I have in store for the next.

As always, please stop by socoolyouseem.tumblr.com to say hello and check out some of the content I've been posting up there. I love interacting with readers and I feel like it doesn't happen as much with this one, which is sort of depressing for me because this is probably my favorite thing I'm currently working on. I'm also super friendly and always down for a chat or any fic recommendations you may have! And leave comments here as well! Either way works, just talk to me kids. I know there are at least 37 of you still sitting out there, and I'm getting desperate. Who knows? I might abandon all plot points and start writing just to get reactions from you all! (;