Status: Updated 4/26/17.

Ready to Live

Chapter 1

Being in an abusive relationship is nothing new to me. I grew up in a volatile environment from the time I was five till I left for college after my graduation. I've never gone back home; I just couldn't go back to the personal hell I grew up in for nearly my entire life up to that point. I headed to the University of Pittsburgh with the intentions of being a studio arts major.

Six years later, I work at Heinz Hall behind the scenes, making sure everything goes right before each performance; it's the only part of my life I enjoy, besides the very few friends I have outside of my career. I'd have the dream life if I wasn't in the abusive relationship I first mentioned. For the past year and a half, which was shortly after I got my job at the theatre, I met a wonderful guy named Luke, who was the epitome of the dream guy. He worked at an art museum where he still works today and was the nicest, sweetest guy I ever met.

Naturally, I met him at an art exhibit that I was attending with my newest friend I met at work. He was a shy guy, but when he met me, he turned on the charm. The first year of our relationship was a fantastic one; he visited me at work and I visited him at his. The second year, though, slowly turned into a nightmare as he began to change. I didn't know why he was acting strange and had turned into a monster. I thought he was getting tired of times I've gotten home very late, like maybe, two or three in the morning; it's something I couldn't help. As much as I loved work, I wanted to go home to the man I loved and who loved me. I also thought that maybe I made friends with a few guys at the theatre; that was so ridiculous as a woman should be able to be friends with whomever they wanted and not wanna sleep with them. Knowing that now, I'm still shaking my head, but I can't find myself leaving him. I'm so scared to leave, which makes me think; how was I able to leave my home and never look back, but I wasn't 'able' to leave the abusive relationship I'm in now.

The abuse started a month after he started acting strange. A close male friend of mine had dropped me off after work and had hugged me before I walked inside. Little did I know, Luke saw what had happened and was furious.

I walked in and hung up my coat in the nearby hall closet before taking off my shoes. I turned to the right and began the relatively short walk to our bedroom. I didn't even get a couple steps when I heard Luke.

"Sasha." he said staring and scaring me.

"Yes?"

"Who was that?"

"Mason. He works at Heinz Hall with me and is a really good friend."

"Really good friend?"

I knew from that moment on never to use those words together again.

"Yeah. He even picked me up today because my car's in the shop. What do you expect me to do? Ride the bus?"

"Uh duh. Of course. He looked a little too comfortable hugging you there."

I rolled my eyes.

That was something I couldn't do either.

"He's gay. Do you know what that means? He's into men! Not me." I said getting a boost of confidence.

He grabbed part of my shirt and pulled me toward him.

"Don't you fucking talk to me like that again! You hear me?! And don't think I won't hurt you next time you disobey me. Ok?” he spit in my face.

"Ok."

"Ok, what?"

"Ok, Sir."

He let go and pushed me, not so much as to put me on my ass, but enough that it scared me. I fell asleep next to him less than an hour later, not knowing how worse things would get. The physical abuse started a week later when that same friend kissed my cheek and I kissed his cheek. Luke was there that night, supporting me; he saw me after the show when I was about to look for him, so we could leave together. He put on that fake smile of his and was nice; that was, until we got into his car.

"I thought you told me he was gay!"

"He is! There a lot of people, who do that, like in Italy and those people aren't in a relationship!"

"I have trouble believing that."

"Look it up, then you'll believe me. Idiot."

That set him off. I was the idiot for even saying that. He struck me across the face.

"You are so fucking stupid! You know that?!"

"Yeah. I do." I said tearing up.

"Good. I've never seen you act that stupidly before."

I wiped the tears and buckled my seatbelt while I tried to keep myself together. The following morning as I was about to wash my face I noticed that a bruise was starting to form; it wasn't big yet, but it was noticeable.


I woke up this morning with a nice-sized shiner. I had told him about a guy hitting on me during lunch at work and that I told the guy that I already had a boyfriend waiting at home for me. He didn't even let me get to the second part when he started yelling. As much as I tried to talk to him about it, he wouldn't and when I screamed in his face, he hit me and knocked me against our bedroom door. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, I had to head to work early; it's sad saying unfortunately or fortunately, knowing it's clearly the latter. Luckily, I've become a master in covering up my bruises, thanks to a little thing called makeup.

"I'm heading to work. I'll probably be back by 11." I said, mustering a smile.

If I don't smile, he's gonna hit me.

"Ok. Have a good day. I love you."

Really? Did I?

"You too. I love you." he said, kissing me.

I love you. Bullshit.

You wouldn't hit me like that if you loved me. You don't hit people that you love and care about; you just don't. That is the opposite of love. It is hate. It is pure hate. I tried clearing my mind while I headed to the theatre; it's the one place where I can escape from him.

Oh God. Did I just say that?

If I just used that word, it's gotten to the point where I'm scared to death of him, which makes it even harder for me to leave him. I need to talk to Mason as soon as possible; there was no way that I was gonna stop being friends with one of the people that knows me best and loves me, way more than Luke ever has. Thankfully, he was the first person I saw.

"Good morning, Mason." I said, walking toward him.

"Good morning, Sasha." he said, hugging me.

I willingly hugged him back.

"How are y-" he began to ask.

Shit. I know what he's looking at. He's the only one who ever notices.

"Did he-why did he?"

"Remember the guy who hit on me and was very persistent?"

"Yeah. Of course."

"Well, I began talking about that and how I felt about it and you know how I felt about it, but I guess, the second part went in one ear and out the other. He hit me and knocked me against the door."

I actually began tearing up. He took this as the cue to wrap his arms around me.

"You deserve so much better."

"I know and there's something that I wanted to talk you about. I've build up enough courage to leave him. I'm still trying to come up with a plan."

"I am so proud of you. You know that?"

There's nothing like someone saying that they're proud of you. I didn't hear that much growing up; isn't that sad?

"Do you know when you wanna do this?"

"I think tomorrow."

Tomorrow's Thursday.

"Well, talk about it then."

We talked for about fifteen minutes and came up with a plan, a plan that I'm gonna stick with. What's the plan, you ask? During lunch, Mason'll come with during lunch and pack as much stuff as we can and I'm gonna stay with him. Whatever's left, I'll be back for, even if I have to face him again; I'm scared of him, of course, but it's time. It's time for me to be happy and live my life the way I want to.
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Something I started writing five months ago and thought it was gonna be short, like maybe a couple chapters, but now, I don't know. I love this, but I am not sure where this is going, so bear with me. Enjoy!