Keep on Going

Kacey woke up to light tapping on her door. She turned her head to see Ben still peacefully asleep from the night before. She hated that she was sneaking away like this, but she couldn’t think of what else to do. She sat up a bit more to see over Ben’s sleeping figure to check the time on the alarm clock. It was just after 4:30 in the morning. They really had no need for leaving as early as they were other than wanting to sneak way before everyone else awoke. Knowing the group like she did, they would all be too hungover to wake up much earlier than noon, but Kennedy had insisted on the early hour.

With a sigh, she threw the blanket off her legs and swung them over the edge of the bed as she sat up. She looked down and smiled as she remembered she was wearing Kennedy’s black 8123 shirt. She had forgotten she had packed it. Since the day he’d let her wear it, the shirt had become the shirt she slept in. It smelled like him from his detergent to the faint whiff of his cologne. Kacey looked back over her shoulder at Ben and with a slight frown, leaned over, placing a small kiss on his forehead before getting up to grab her stuff. She had packed all of her things the night before so she could leave with him at the early hour.

“Kace?” Ben mumbled groggily, “Where’ya goin?” His eyes were still closed as he reached his hand out, patting the bed next to him trying to find her.

“I’m uh, I’m goin to the bathroom. I’ll be back. Go back to sleep.”

He nodded and rolled over, turning away from the door.

She sighed a breath of relief as she quietly grabbed her bag and tiptoed to the door. She opened it to see a sleepy, but smiling Kennedy on the other side. She barely closed the door behind her before he was leaning into her, kissing her briefly and moving to grab her bag from her hands.

“Let’s head out,” he whispered. He was carrying both of their bags as she quietly followed him down the stairs and out of the house to the car.

He was loading his stuff in the trunk of the car when she put a hand on his arm to stop him. “Wait, didn’t you ride up here with the rest of your band?” she asked.

He nodded and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah. What of it?”

“Well..how are they gonna get back? Won’t they notice the car missing when they leave?”

He grinned before draping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her body next to his. “Oh naive Kacey. They already know I’m leaving. Well, John does at least,” he muttered and cleared his throat. “Anyway, someone knows I’m leaving and that I’m taking the car. They can figure out how to get back. Besides, didn’t you ride with Ben?”

Kacey nodded sheepishly.

“Ok, so they can ride back with him. Besides, Tim and Ash have room in their car as do Peter and Andrew. They’ll all make it home, don’t worry about it.” He gave her a kiss on her forehead before making his way over to the driver’s side.

She sighed and made her way to the passenger seat. She slumped in the car, ready to fall back asleep on the drive home. Yet at the same time she didn’t want to because she didn’t know how things would be with Kennedy in their new state. She had no idea if they were a couple, or if they were dating, or anything for that matter. All she knew was that they both liked each other and Kennedy was terrified of relationships.

He started the car and she instantly curled into the door, resting her head against the window as he backed out of the driveway. After a few minutes of driving, he turned to ask Kacey a question only to notice she was fast asleep against the door. He let out a light chuckle and reached in the seat behind him and grabbed the blanket that was always kept in the car. When he got to a stop sign, he carefully draped it over her sleeping figure, her body instantly relaxing at the warmth suddenly encompassing her.

Kennedy was really hoping to talk to Kacey on the drive back but he was glad for the silence. He spent the drive back thinking about what a potential relationship with Kacey would look like. If it meant he could spend as much time as he wanted around her and kissing her whenever he wanted, he was more than okay with that. The thought brought a smile to his lips. He looked over at her, his grin only widening as he looked at her. He was content with where things were right now and for the first time in years felt alright about the idea of a relationship. He flipped down his visor, grabbing the familiar CD from the visor holder and put it in the player. He turned down the volume so he wouldn’t wake Kacey up as the the intro to Losing a Whole Year played. He softly sang along as he drove, the smile never leaving his face.

Far too quickly for his liking, he arrived at Kacey’s apartment. He looked at the time and saw that it was almost 7am. With a sigh, he ran his hand down his face and turned to find Kacey still curled up in the blanket against the door. With reluctance he gently shook her arm to wake her.

“Hey Kace, wake up. We’re back.”

She groaned and turned so she was facing Kennedy as she burrowed further into the seat, pulling the blanket closer to her shivering body.

He chuckled, “Kace, you need to wake up sweetheart. I’ll help you inside and you can sleep in your own bed. You’ll be more comfortable.”

She shook her head and groaned again.

He rolled his eyes with a smile as he turned off the car and got out, making his way to the other side of the car. He opened her door and carefully pulled the blanket off of her, much to her disapproval. He leaned over her and unbuckled her seatbelt as he placed one arm behind her knees, the other arm wrapping around her shoulders as he picked her up and carried her bridal style to her apartment. He barely realized he was carrying her up a couple flights of stairs, too distracted by the way she too easily curled into his body and wrapped herself around him. He found his nerves returning the more he thought about it.

Upon arriving at her door, he tried to get her attention so he could get her keys to unlock the door.

“Kace,” he whispered in her ear, “where are the keys? I need to let you in.”

The way his voice curled around her ear spread goosebumps across her skin. She only buried her head into his chest more as she mumbled her reply. “There’s a spare behind the number on the door.”

He looked at her inquisitively as he shifted her in his arms, her wrapping her arms around his neck so he could use the hand supporting her shoulders to retrieve the key. He reached up to the metal number nailed to the door, and pushed it slightly. The number twisted sideways around the nail, revealing a spare key taped to the door. He chuckled at the ingenuity and retrieved it as he unlocked the door.

He walked inside the silent apartment and walked towards her room, kicking the door open more, so he could get through the door. He walked over to her bed and gently laid her down on the bed, however she didn’t remove her arms from around his neck.

He chuckled, “What’re you doing?”

“I dont want you to leave,” she admitted through her sleepy voice. She tugged on his neck until his face was inches from hers. “You drove home, the least I can do is offer you a place to crash.”

“You act like I live hours away rather than ten minutes down the road,” he teased.

She scoffed and pulled his face to hers until their lips touched. After a few moments, she mumbled against his lips. “Have I convinced you yet?”

He hummed in agreeance before reluctantly pulling away, pecking her lips again before kicking off his shoes and laying on the other side of her bed.

Kacey rolled her eyes and moved over until they shared a pillow and curled into his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist to hug him to her.

He smiled, kissing the top of her head, as he draped his arms around her to hold her to him.

Kennedy was woken up by the sound of his phone ringing in his pocket. His eyes opened and he took in his surroundings, realizing that he was still wrapped around Kacey as they laid in her bed. He reluctantly removed his arms from around her as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and got out of bed to answer his phone in the hallway.

He groaned as he saw John’s name flash across his screen. He swiped his finger across the screen to answer.

“Yo Ken, are you done messing around with Claire so we can all hang out?”

“What are you talking about?” he rasped, his voice hoarse and thick with sleep.

“Dude, you sound like you just woke up…”

“It’s because you woke me up dumbass,” Kennedy scoffed.

“Geez, someone’s cranky. Did you get up on the wrong side of Kacey’s bed or something?”

“What do you want John?”

“Just asking to see if you were too busy to hang out. The rest of us are over at Garrett’s place.”

“We just spent the whole weekend hanging out at the lakehouse.”

“No, we spent the whole weekend hanging out at the lakehouse. You spent the weekend moping about Kacey.”

“Whatever man, when is everyone meeting up?”

“Uh...soonish? So basically just come over whenever. Oh and bring a case of beer when you come.”

Kennedy hung up the phone and made his way quietly back into Kacey’s room.

He leaned over her sleeping figure for the second time that day and gently kissed her lips.

“Why did you leave?” she mumbled against his lips.

“John was calling me,” he sighed. “I uh, I have to go.”

“I wish you could stay.”

“Trust me, I do, too, but we’ll hang out later this week okay?”

“Okay,” she sighed dramatically.

He gave her a small kiss on her forehead and pulled the blankets back over her body as he walked out of her apartment towards his car.

***
Kennedy had been sitting on the couch in Garrett’s house with the guys for the last couple hours and he couldn’t help but continue to replay the morning he’d had with Kacey. He wasn’t used to being as affectionate with her as he had been. He’d never been that affectionate to begin with so the fact that he couldn’t seem to stop himself from constantly touching or kissing Kacey had his mind frazzled. He was anti-commitment. He was anti-relationships. He was anti-emotion. What about this girl was making him abandon his resolute ideals?

His thoughts were interrupted by John. “Yo Ken, where’d you disappear this morning? We woke up and you were gone. The car too.”

Kennedy shot a glare at John as he knew full well that he was leaving. Honestly he was hoping to avoid the entire topic in general because the last thing he wanted to do was discuss why he left.

“Yeah dude, where’d ya go? Kacey was missing too,” Garrett mused as he took a sip of his beer.

“Ben was pr-pretty bummed. He said she h-h-had gotten up to g-go to the bathroom and n-never came back. He thought he r-ran her off. Did she go h-h-home with you?” Pat asked.

“Uh, yeah, I gave her a ride home,” Kennedy mumbled. No way he was going to admit anything more than that.

“Woah-oh-oh boys! Kennedy took Kacey home,” John teased.

Kennedy rolled his eyes at what he was insinuating happened. “It’s not like that man,” he defended.

“Sure it isn’t,” Jared laughed. “We all see how you look at her. Hell, how could nothing have happened after that kiss at the lake?”

Kennedy shot a glare at John who only held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, I swear I didn’t say a word.”

“John didn’t, but dude, way to be subtle about it,” Garrett scoffed. “We all saw you two eating each other’s faces by the lake that night,” he chuckled over his beer. “For the record Ken, the zombie apocalypse hasn’t happened yet.”

Kennedy groaned as he took a huge gulp of his beer, finishing off what was left in his can. “Whatever,” he scoffed as he got up to get another beer from the kitchen.

“So how long have you had a soft spot for Kacey?” Jared asked the moment Kennedy rejoined them in the living room.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you do,” John encouraged. “You’ll bend over backwards to please that girl. No pun intended, unless you’ve already gone that far--”

“John!” Kennedy cut him off. “That’s enough.”

“What?” John chuckled. “I’m just saying there’s nothing wrong with it. It is ok to have a girlfriend.”

The word suffocated Kennedy as he sat there letting the word tangle his thoughts. He word felt heavy on his tongue and he couldn’t repeat the word as it rattled around in his head.

“Exactly! I mean, she seems to like you well enough Ken, why not go for it?” Garrett encouraged. “This relationship could be good for you.”

The more the other guys encouraged and teased him about Kacey, the more unsure of himself he had become. This morning the thought of being something to Kacey put an immovable smile on his face. Now? The thought itself had him dizzy; the room spinning with all of his insecurities. Surely he wasn’t taking the relationship seriously if he was so willing to abandon his ideals about love over one girl so quickly. He was resolute. He didn’t do relationships. He didn’t do commitments. Why couldn’t anyone else understand that? There was a reason he didn’t do relationships and her name was Jade. Too many years of wasting his time and attention on someone and something that didn’t matter in the long run.

His phone started ringing and he looked down to see Kacey calling him. He looked around to see all of the guys talking amongst themselves. He looked back down at his phone to see Kacey’s name and face filling his screen. He quickly swiped his finger across the screen to decline the call. He couldn’t answer the phone with the guys around and if he were to get up and answer it, the guys would only tease him about it when he returned. Their mocking words were enough to drive whatever confidence about his relationship with Kacey, away. It was for the best that he didn’t answer, he figured. Especially since this could be the start of him distancing himself from her. He would need to pull back from her a bit to gain some clarity about the situation. Sure he liked Kacey, but he wasn’t anywhere near ready for whatever was going on between them. He needed time to himself if he was going to maintain his sanity.