Keep on Going

Kennedy had lost track of the time as he had been sitting in the bar since John left his apartment earlier that day. His back was facing the door, so he had no idea how long he had been sitting at the bar. His gaze drifting between the current drink in his hand, the bar counter, or the shelves of liquor he eyed as he debated what to order next. His breath exhaled deeply as he eyed the few bottles of beer lining the bar counter in front of him. He ran his hand tiredly down his face as the emotional stress of the day and past relationships weighed on his mind.

He went to reach for his wallet, the alcohol starting to hit his system hard, when the sound of familiar laughs rang through the bar. He hesitantly turned around and saw John sitting in a booth next to Abby with Kacey sitting across from them. The sight of her made his heart lurch. Part of him wanted to go and talk to her so badly, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so.

Kennedy quickly pulled out his wallet and laid a few bills on the counter to cover his drinks and tried to escape the bar as quickly as he could, and prayed he wouldn’t be spotted. He had almost made it to the door when he heard John call out his name.

“Yo Kenny! Why don’t you join us?” John looked over at Kennedy with a knowing smile and a look that told Kennedy he didn’t have a choice in the matter.

Kennedy groaned and dragged his feet over to their booth. He approached them and awkwardly looked at them all, since he would now be forced to sit next to Kacey.

She quickly shot a look up at him, and glared across the table at John as she begrudgingly scooted over.

John wore a cocky smirk the entire time as he looked over to Abby, who seemed to be sporting the same look.

“So Ken, what brings you to this neck of the woods?” John asked.

Kennedy shot daggers at John as he knew exactly why he decided to go to the bar. The decision to tell Kacey about Jade had weighed heavily on his mind since John brought it up and it seemed that this was an all-too-perfect setup that forced Kennedy to talk about it. Granted he was hoping to be in a better state of mind than he currently was.

John was still looking at him expectantly, waiting for his answer.

Kennedy cleared his throat and tried his best to remove the venom from his voice as he spoke. “Oh ya know, just seemed like a good night to drink.”

“Oh? Any particular reason?” Abby inquired.

Kennedy’s glare shifted from John to Abby as know he realized they must be tag-teaming on this.

“Uh, no,” he muttered as his gaze shifted to the table, “I just needed to get out.”

“Psh, I’m sure you did,” Kacey muttered under her breath.

Kennedy looked over at her with furrowed brows. His annoyance now distributed to all members in the booth.

“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” he scoffed.

“I don’t know, you tell me. You seem to be the one with all the secrets,” she mumbled as she lifted her drink to her lips and took a hearty sip. If she was going to be forced to sit in such close quarters to the guy she had been trying so hard to forget, she was going to need some liquid courage.

Kennedy shot a glare at John.

“Well Abby, I think that’s our cue to leave. Ken, you can give Claire a ride home right? Let’s go Abby.” John gave a gentle nudge to Abby to move so they could both get out of the booth.

Kacey shot Abby a pleading look, to which she only shrugged as John led the two of them out of the bar. Kacey watched them until they were out the door and she saw his truck leave. It was official. She was stranded here with Kennedy. Her only way home now was either in his Jeep or in a cab. She wasn’t fond of either option and was currently furious with John for forcing her into this situation. She slinked further into the booth as she quickly grabbed her drink and guzzled down the last of it. Kacey felt her phone vibrate in her lap and saw a text from Abby.

Abby: Hey, sorry for leavin ya stranded. John’s bringing me to his place for a while in hopes that Ken will take you home and work things out. I’m a text away if you need me Xx

She threw her phone on the table and groaned.

Kennedy nervously rubbed his hands on his thighs as he turned towards Kacey. Part of him was tempted to leave her here to fend for herself, but he talked himself out of that the moment it crossed his mind.

“So um, do you want me to take you back?” he asked.

Kacey moved her gaze from the table to him briefly, and nodded as she sat up and grabbed her phone. She went to pull her wallet from her purse but Kennedy beat her to it by laying a couple bills on the table to cover her drink. She forced a small smile to thank him as she moved to slide out of the booth.

He stood at the end of the table and waited for her. Instinct kicked in and his hand instantly went towards hers to help her out of the booth so he could lead her outside. However the moment his hand touched hers, Kacey’s head shot up to his and he quickly released her hand. He stuffed that hand in his pocket and rubbed his other hand on the back of his neck.

She got out of the booth and instantly crossed her arms. Kacey wanted nothing more than to hold Kennedy’s hand or wrap her arms around his, but she was currently on the defense. She couldn’t help but be careful around him after how hot and cold he had been towards her. She didn’t wait for him as she made her way towards the door outside.

Kennedy exhaled a deep breath and quickened his steps to catch up with her so he could lead her to his Jeep. He went to try and open her door, but she not so subtly shoved him out of the way so she could get in herself.

He raked his hand through his hair as he made his way around the front of his Jeep to get in. He looked over at Kacey and her gaze was focused on the scenery outside of her window. Defeated, he put the key in his ignition and turned it on. The sounds of Third Eye Blind came through the speakers and he quickly turned the stereo off. He noticed Kacey flinch at the sound as it came on and decided it would be best to ride in silence; no matter how tension-filled it was.

The short drive to her apartment seemed to drag on as the silence was deafening and her obvious dislike towards him at the moment was suffocating him. Not that he didn’t feel he deserved it, he knew he did. He deserved every bit of anger she had towards him for how he had treated her. The conversation with John and his hours to himself at the bar told him that much.

He pulled up to her apartment, and Kacey unbuckled her seatbelt and bolted before Kennedy could even say anything. He quickly turned off his Jeep and rushed after her. Locking his Jeep over his shoulder as he ran up the stairs to catch up with her.

“Kace! Wait!”

She continued to ignore him as she struggled to find her keys in the bottom of her bag. She could feel her face turn red as she was growing flustered at not being able to find her keys and knowing that she was quickly losing whatever lead she had in front of Kennedy. Accepting defeat, she quickly moved the number on the door to get the spare only to find it missing. She threw her head back in frustration as she remembered the spare laying on the coffee table inside. She went to look back through her purse as she, thankfully, found her keys and quickly threw open the door and moved to slam it shut behind her.

She wasn’t quick enough as her issues finding her keys lead to Kennedy being able to catch up with her. He caught the door with his hand before it closed and made his way inside, quietly shutting the door behind him. He spotted Kacey pacing the living room, her arm draped across her eyes, her other hand perched on her hip.

He quietly cleared his throat to announce his presence.

She slowly removed her arm from her eyes and turned her head to look at him. Her brows creased and she grew exasperated as she moved to collapse on the couch.

“God Ken, can’t you take the hint? You’re not wanted here!” she lashed out.

“You can’t honestly think I believe that,” he challenged with a small smirk, hoping to break her tough exterior.

“What, and you think I honestly believe you want me around when you are nothing but secretive and distant from me? Level with me Ken. What the hell do you expect me to believe when you say one thing and act the complete opposite? Excuse my confusion,” she scoffed.

He sighed and moved to sit next to her on the couch. She glared at him as he approached the cushion next to her, so with hands up, he backed off and moved to sit in the chair across from her.

“Look, I’m sorry that things have been so….”

“Fickle? Hot and cold? Tempermental?” Kacey supplied monotone.

“Uh..yeah. That. There’s a reason for that,” he started.

“God Ken, save the sob story. Lemme guess, you fell in love with a girl and she broke your heart so now you’re bitter about love. Am I getting warm yet?”

Kennedy tried to keep his cool as he took the words she hurled at him. “I mean, you’re not wrong, but it’s not in the way you think--”

“Oh, ok. Let’s see...she was unlike any girl you’d ever met before and you thought she was the one until she dumped your sorry ass. How about that?” she retorted as she crossed her arms.

By this point, Kennedy was fighting back tears as his gaze dropped to his hands. He was hunched over, his arms propped on his knees.

“I had no idea she was sick,” he said barely above a whisper.

At those words Kacey’s face softened and she quickly sat up to listen to more of his story.

“We had been best friends growing up and ended up dating throughout high school and college. To say she was someone special would be an understatement,” she chuckled lightly. “She was nothing short of perfect. We knew from the time we were kids that we would end up together. Something about us had always clicked. I had proposed, she accepted, and we were just a few short months away from our wedding. That’s when everything started falling apart.”

Kennedy stopped momentarily to compose himself. He was biting his lip to try and keep his composure as he sat there. He couldn’t believe he was telling Kacey this. Telling her about Jade. He hadn’t brought her up since he lost her.

Kacey saw his hesitance and quickly crossed the room. She sat on the arm of his chair and placed a comforting hand on his forearm, giving it an encouraging squeeze.

Kennedy placed his other hand over hers and held it as he took a deep breath so he could power through the rest of the story.

“We uh, we were at a cake testing one day when she suddenly felt very ill. She brushed it off, claiming it was just a weird bug and pushed through it. I didn’t think anything of it, and now that I think back on it, I should’ve noticed something was wrong then, and way before then.

“She started growing sicker and weaker as time went on. It got so bad that she passed out on me one day. I rushed her to the ER and we found out she had stage 4 cancer and it was too late to stop the growth as it had spread through most of her body. It was just a matter of time. They gave her four months; long enough to get married. She lost her battle two days later.”

Kacey’s eyes were watering as she now felt horrible about what she said to him, though now she understood his hesitance towards relationships.

“Ken?” she mumbled as she choked back her tears.

He hummed in reply, not making eye contact as now his walls were completely down. He hadn’t felt so exposed since the day he lost Jade. Despite the four years that had passed, the wound still felt fresh. Since he met Kacey, for the first time in his life, he wasn’t thinking about Jade. And he felt guilty. His guilt about forgetting about Jade made him hesitant about moving forward with Kacey, however something about her just kept drawing him in.

“Ken, you know that’s really rare. That sort of thing doesn’t happen all the time,” she murmured.

He looked up at her with a forced smile, and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, John told me the same thing.”

Kacey had to laugh a bit at that, “Of course he would.”

“Ya know, this whole time I was so afraid of losing you, that I kept pushing you away. Which I guess only made me actually lose you huh?” he laughed humorlessly.

She sighed as she rested her head against his. “You never really lost me, Ken. I just hated how secretive you were. I’m not saying you had to tell me your life story, but I felt that I had been doing something wrong to keep pushing you away.”

Kennedy turned in the chair so he was semi-facing Kacey. He took her hands and pulled her into his lap so he could better look her in the eyes. He took his right hand and cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb against it as he leaned his forehead against hers.

“It was never you Kace,” he exhaled.

Kacey couldn’t hold back any longer as she grabbed his neck and connected their mouths.

He instantly grabbed her waist with one hand, and the hand that was cupping her cheek now held the back of her neck as he tried to pull her closer to him.

Kennedy broke away after a few minutes.

“Wait, wait,” he said breathlessly, his forehead braced against hers as she now straddled his lap.

“What’s wrong?” she asked confused.

“What about Ben?” he nervously asked as he leaned back to see her face.

She rolled her eyes, exasperated. “You really wanna talk about Ben right now?” she chuckled.

“If I’m gonna do this, I wanna do this right,” he said adamantly.

She sighed as she combed her fingers through his hair. “If you must know, I met up with Ben the day after you started ignoring my calls and broke up with him.”

“Really?”

“Yes really,” she chuckled. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I mean, I was ignoring you, and you hated me...Ben’s such a great guy...why would you break that off for me?”

Kacey shook her head with a smirk as she leaned forward to reconnect their lips. “He’s not you,” she mumbled against his lips.

He smirked into the kiss and pulled her closer. Her presence being more than a comfort to him now. He knew that trying out a relationship wouldn’t be easy, but something about Kacey made it worth it to keep on going.