Voodoo Doll

“Okay, so like, if you could be any animal in the world, what would it be?” Welly asked from her spot on her bed. It was Saturday and we were supposed to be getting ready to go out, but she was still lying in her towel on her bed. We’d polished off nearly half a bottle of vodka between us and to say I was a little tipsy was an understatement.

I was supposed to be going over Michael’s today, but he had asked to reschedule because he had something to do, and it hadn’t bothered me. It meant I had more time to get ready. Thursday had been uneventful. He hadn’t done the work I had asked him to do so we spent the whole time doing that. His mum was home though and she kept coming in to offer me something to drink or see if I wanted cookies. I think she just seemed excited to see Michael with a girl.

“I have no idea, a cat maybe?”

“I’d be a fox.” she said thoughtfully.

“You already are.” I smirked, causing her to erupt into a fit of laughter.

“There is that.” she grinned. “So, how’s Michael?”

“He’s fine, as far as I am aware anyway.” I shrugged.

“Oh, come on! You have to dish the gossip! What’s his house like? What about his family? What’s HE like?” she giggled.

“Get dressed and I shall consider telling you.” I offered. I didn’t like to gossip, but I also knew that it was the only way I was going to be able to make her get ready in time.

“You suck.” she huffed, but she still dragged herself from her bed and made her way to the bathroom to get dressed.

Fifteen minutes later she reappeared fully dressed, make up on and ready to go. “I hate you.” I sighed.

“What? Why?” she gasped.

“You always manage to look so perfect, and it kills me slightly.” I laughed. I wasn’t really self conscious at all. I liked how I looked, but Welly was seriously beautiful, and I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous from time to time.

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes, “give me the gossip then?”

“There isn’t really all that much to tell. His house is really nice, and his mum is lovely. She’s a feeder, that’s for sure. I haven’t met his dad yet, and Michael is, well, he’s Michael. There really isn’t that much to tell.” I shrugged, because truth be told I really didn’t know a lot about Michael. I thought maybe I’d learn something about him from his house, but there wasn’t much to learn. His room was exactly as I imagined, it was dark, covered in posters, and there was a flat screen in the corner with both an Xbox and a playstation 3. All I learnt was that his mum liked to spoil him. Admittedly I was hoping to learn why he was so mean to me, but there was no such luck.

“That’s really boring.” Welly sighed, pulling on her jacket. “Are you ready to go?” she asked, walking towards her door, not really waiting to see if I was ready or not.

“Would it matter if I wasn’t?” I chuckled, following her out of her room.

“Not really, I need a drink, and the band is starting in twenty minutes.” she smirked.

“Who even are these guys?” I asked. I’d never heard of them, but I’d heard a bunch of girls going crazy about them in the girls toilets this morning.

“I don’t know, but apparently there is a huge buzz over them recently, and apparently Louis Tomlinson tweeted about them or something.” she shrugged. I felt somewhat disappointed. I liked One Direction, but in general they weren’t my cup of tea. I liked heavier things, well not heavier, but heavier than One Direction. Things like Blink and All Time Low were more my cup of tea.

“I suppose that’s pretty cool.” I shrugged, but in truth I didn’t really care. I didn’t know them, and while it was nice that someone from this shit hole was getting noticed, it didn’t affect me. I’d still be stuck here for another year.

Finally we got to the pub and it was packed. I was slightly shocked, it wasn’t that the pub wasn’t ever busy but this was ridiculous. I found myself weaving through the crowd of people to reach the bar. “I didn’t think they were going to be this popular.” I shouted when we finally reached the bar.

“No, nor did I.” Welly grinned. Welly liked busy crowded places. She got to show off and flirt with everyone. I liked busy places, and I liked people, but this was completely over the top.

“Two JD’s and coke, Conor.” I shouted over the buzz of the crowd. He nodded. I hated when Conor made the drinks, he never put enough Jack in them, but I paid up anyway.

Welly and I pushed our way through the crowd until we were at the front. The band had set up but they weren’t ready yet. “So have you listened to much of their stuff?” I asked Welly as I sipped on my drink.

“Not really, they did a really good cover of your favourite song though.” she smirked.

“Welly, is there something you’re not telling me?” I asked her skeptically. She had a look on her face, and it was one I recognised from the last time she had lied to me.

“Maybe I know who the band are, and maybe I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t come if I did tell you.” She replied sceptically. It wasn’t until we finally managed to push our way to the front of the crowd that I realised why she had lied to me. The four boys stood in front of me were the same four boys I’d seen practicing in Michael’s garage the other day.

“Uh, Hi. We’re 5 Seconds of Summer, and this is American Idiot.” Luke introduced before the first chord hit, and while I wanted to be mad at Welly, I wasn’t. The music was good and I was too drunk to care.

Half way through the first song Michael spotted me and shot me a snarl. I thought about letting it affect me, but I was enjoying myself too much, and I couldn’t deny he was talented. I wasn’t very good at guitar but he had skills.

“Do you want another drink?” Welly asked halfway through their cover of Teenage Dirtbag. I nodded, handing her my now empty glass. I was shocked by how talented they actually were. When Welly said they had been noticed by Louis Tomlinson I just figured that they were some boy band with little to no talent, but I was honestly impressed by them. They could all play their instruments and Luke’s voice was something else. Even drunk I was able to appreciate it.

Everyone found themselves singing along, and by my third drink I was even dancing. It wasn’t like me to lose my inhibitions. Dancing and relaxing were not my thing.

Finally their set ended. It was only a little after ten, but the crowd began to thin out significantly. Welly and I found our usual spot at the end of the bar. I was just about to order my fourth drink when I noticed someone lean on the bar next to me. I turned to see Ashton leaning against the bar casually.

“What did you think?” he asked, his voice slightly shaky.
“You guys are seriously impressive!” I slurred excitedly. “Have you guys been signed yet?”

“Nah, not yet. It’s a dream though.” he smiled as he motioned Conor over to us. “Do you want to join us?” he asked, pointing at the table where the others were perched. I looked at Michael uncertainly. I’d caught him glaring on more than one occasion and I wasn’t sure he’d be impressed with me joining them.

“We’d love to.” Welly replied before I had a chance to refuse. Before I even knew what was happening Ashton had ordered our drinks and we were being ushered over to the table.

I slunk down in the seat opposite Michael, next to Ashton. “I didn’t pick you as a Green Day fan.” Ash said, finally breaking the awkward silence that had fallen between us. I could feel Michael’s eyes on me. I could almost feel the anger radiating off of him. I wanted to tell him I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to crawl under the table and never come out, but I knew I couldn’t do that. Ash had been nice enough to invite us over here and I couldn’t be rude to him.

The other boys had buried themselves in conversation, and Welly was talking to them about how she thought it was cool that Louis had tweeted them. “Yeah. I mean, they’ve been my idols since I was about 10. I’ll be seeing them for the second time in June and then I’m seeing them again in August at Reading festival. My dream is to meet Billie Joe one day.” I grinned, the same way I did whenever I talked about Billie Joe.

“God are you really that fickle?” Michael spat, “First Alex Gaskarth and now Billie Joe? There’s more to those men than looks you know.”

I felt my jaw lock as I filled with anger. I didn’t stick around to hear what else he had to say, I was up and out of my seat in a second. I just managed to hear Welly shout at him ‘You have no idea, do you? Twat.’

I pushed my way into the girls toilets and locked myself in the cubicle. I didn’t let the tears fall this time. Just calmed my breathing and sat patiently till I had managed to calm myself enough to go back downstairs and face him.

I was about to unlock the door when I heard the door to the toilets swing open. “Annabelle?” A timid voice called out. I was shocked when I recognised the faint Australian accent.

“What do you want, Michael?” I asked, swinging the door to the cubicle open.

“Welly, she explained, and I’m sorry. I had no idea.” He mumbled, not looking me in the eye.

“Yeah, well not everyone has the perfect family.” I grumbled. I wondered how much she had told him. Not many people knew the truth exactly. It wasn’t something my mother wanted shared, and in all honesty it wasn’t something I wanted shared either. It changed the way people looked at you. “What exactly did she tell you?” I asked, trying to catch his eye, but he was refusing to look anywhere near me, and I knew then that she had told him pretty much everything.

“I’m sorry about your dad. I really don’t know what to say. I’m sorry for treating you like shit, I mean if I’d known I would never have...I’m just really sorry Annabelle.”

“Did she tell you how he died?”

“She just said it was Afghanistan...she didn’t go into detail.”

“Michael, please look at me.” I snapped. I hated it. This is why people didn’t know. This was worse than the looks of pity people had given me.

“I’m sorry.” he slurred, and it was then that I realised how drunk we both were, but at least he had managed to look me in the eye.

“There was an attack on the convoy he was in. They weren’t supposed to be out that day. They’d been stuck in the police station all night because they’d just killed and captured some taliban members and they’d retaliated by kidnapping an SAS soldier. Whenever something like that happens the soldiers are basically kept on lockdown for a few days, till the heat dies down. Except there was a report of multiple roadside bombs by a civilian compound so they went out anyway. They were ambushed and he managed to make it out, but there were still men trapped in the vehicle. He died saving those other men. One of them was only 19 and the other was 35 with two kids and another one on the way. It’s horrible, but I’d give both those men to have my dad back. To have the life I used to have back.” I admitted. I’d never really been good at keeping how I felt a secret, but even less so when I was drunk.

“He didn’t deserve that. Nor do you. It’s not harsh; I think anyone would feel that way about losing a loved one. No one wants to lose someone they love, but he was a hero and those kids have their dad because of him. They don’t have to go through what you’re going through, and from what I can tell about you Annabelle, that matters to you. You’re a good person and that matters to you.” He sighed. We were both too drunk for this, and I could feel the knot forming in my throat. I never imagined myself having a heart to heart with Michael Clifford in the girls bathroom.

“Don’t pretend you know me Clifford. You’ve spent years treating me like shit. You don’t know a damn thing about me.” I spat, but a look of determination crossed his face.

“You think I don’t know you? I know you more than you realise. I’ve spent years terrorising you, yet last week was the first time you’ve ever snapped at me, and even then you apologised. That tells me you’re a good person, who cares about other peoples feelings before her own. You think more about someone who treats you like shit than yourself and despite the fact you are more than capable of doing this project on your own you still come to my house three nights a week. Three nights where I ignore you and treat you like shit. It would be easier for you to just do it yourself, but you don’t, because you refuse to give up on me. I know you better than you think.” He snapped, getting up close. “I know you Annabelle.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. Instead I just took my leave, storming past him out of the girls bathroom. He didn’t follow me. I stormed down the stairs, past the table where Welly and the boys were sat. Welly noticed me and jumped up from her seat following me out of the pub.

“Hey! Hey! Annabelle, what’s going on?” She slurred drunkenly, tripping over her foot as she fell out the door.

I sighed, I just wanted to go to bed. “Nothing. I just want to go home, okay?”

She looked at me sceptically before deciding it wasn’t worth the argument. “Okay, but we’re going back to mine alright? Just let me go get my bag.” I wanted to protest but I knew better.

She returned a few minutes later and without a word we walked back to her house. I followed her to her room and without a word collapsed on my bed. After a few years of being friend her mum had bought me a bed to put in her room. I stayed there often enough, especially after my dad died, that her mum thought it was best that I had a bed instead of the floor.

“I told you that you underestimated him.” She muttered before climbing into bed. I didn’t reply. Instead I just shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I didn’t need Michael Clifford analysing me, and I didn’t need my best friend validating him.