Fickle Reticence

“Why do you look so happy?” Mikey asks when Frank enters the room.

“I, um, something happened,” Frank says, trying to pull the smile off his face. It’s hard though, he hasn’t had any real fun since school started. There’s something charming about Gerard that Frank can’t quite put his foot on.

“What does that mean?” Mikey asks, sounding judgmental already.

“Okay, so I don’t know if you’re going to like this,” Frank sighs as he throws off his jacket, and inches over to where Mikey is sitting on his bed. He looks up at Frank with his signature glare that bites into Frank pretty viciously.

“It’s about Gerard,” Frank says.

“Oh fuck.”

“Yeah,” Frank says, biting his lip.

“What did you two do?” Mikey asks, in a tone that suggests the two of them robbed a bank.

“Gerard kissed me,” Frank says, and then steps backward away from Mikey. It’s not that he thinks the guy is violent, but he doesn’t actually know what Mikey’s reaction will be. It’s Mikey, so there’s really know way to say exactly. Most of the things he does have no reasoning behind them, and he’s got that fucking poker face so there’s no telling what shit he’s going to pull before it’s been pulled.

“You kissed Gerard?” He asks, turning away from his laptop screen to look at Frank critically. His glasses are slipping on the bridge of his nose to make him look like an old stuffy school professor.

“Well, I mean, Gerard kissed me,” Frank says defensively.

“You kissed back?” Mikey says, but it’s not a question.

“I may have.”

“You like Gee, you’ve admitted to it. I know you kissed back. Also you wouldn’t have that expression on your face if you didn’t kiss back,” Mikey states.

“You don’t look that angry,” Frank asks hopefully.

“This is my angry face,” Mikey says, looking up at him, with the same face he has for everything. It never changes, he barely even smiles. Frank has seen him actually smile only a few times. One of those times was when he watched Frank fall down the stairs. He’s a bit of a sadist.

“So you are angry?”

“I’m not very happy. I’m not necessarily angry though.”

“Well that’s better than wanting to rip my throat out,” Frank shrugs.

Mikey rolls his eyes, and throws his laptop to the side of his bed. He starts looking at Frank with a more severe version of the same face he had a minute ago, and also the same face he had last week, two months ago, and probably when he was born. He looks extremely uninterested with most things.

“Are you fucking serious though? Gerard?” Mikey asks.

“Mikes, I’m not going to lie to you, okay? I like Gerard, and you know I do, and Gee said that they like me. Gerard also said something about the fact that you talked with them. You told Gerard that I could be a good influence,” Frank says, hoping to god that the words Gerard relayed about Mikey are still true. It’s one thing to be okay with the idea of something, but it’s another to actually be okay with something.

“Gerard’s so complicated, Frank. I love Gee, but I don’t know how much pressure you’ll be putting on them. Gerard is a great person, but there’s some inner demons there, Frank. You’re not a bad person, but you’re not a miracle worker. I don’t know how much you can really do.”

“Mikey, I don’t care that I’m necessarily unable to help or something. It’s not about curing Gerard, or anything, I don’t believe I, or anyone else can do that, it’s about making us both happy. I like Gee, and it’s not one-way, so I don’t see why you should be against the fact that I do, at the heart of this, I want to make Gerard happy. That’s what I want. I know I can’t do everything in the world, and I can’t really do much to make things better, but I can be there to hold Gerard’s hand through the hell it’ll take to feel better about who they are.”

“That’s a pretty fantastical speech for a guy who doesn’t even know who he is,” Mikey says.

“Okay, sure. I don’t know who I am, but I’m confident in the skin I’m in. Gerard knows who they are, and still hasn’t figured out the mechanics of looking at themself in the mirror. I see the irony in that, I’m not an idiot. I do know one thing about myself though, Mikey, one very specific thing, that I’m sure of, and that’s that I like Gerard,” Frank says firmly.

“Gerard’s not a boy, Frank. You’re not gay for being with Gee. Gerard’s not a girl either. I hope you realize what you’ll be juggling. You’re juggling having a nonbinary significant other, if that is indeed what you’re going to do,” Mikey tells him softly.

“I know that! Gerard said the same thing. I don’t care what Gerard is, I don’t give a flying fuck what’s going on with Gerard’s gender identity. I’ll respect it, pamper to their preferred pronouns and all that shit, but it’s not going to change how I feel about Gee. I like the person, not the gender they are. Not the sex, the gender, the anything. I don’t care, I just like Gerard.”

Mikey shakes his head and lets it fall into his hands. The room is quiet for a few minutes while Mikey deliberates, and he leaves Frank in a very uncomfortable position of standing and waiting. Frank’s nervous that he’s going to wear out a hole in the floor of their room from the amount of pacing he’s done in this spot.

“Frank,” Mikey says, sighing laboriously.

“Yeah?”

“I’m not happy about it, but-”

“Yes?” Frank prompts optimistically.

“But if you’re both for it, then I’m just going to have to live with it,” Mikey says.

Frank’s eyes pop and he hops over to Mikey’s bed, “Really?”

“I don’t think I have the power to really tell Gerard to do much of anything, and you’re like a fucking Chihuahua.”

“What does that have anything to do with Gerard and I?”

“Well you’re pretty energetic so I assume you’d give me a fucking guilt face if I told you I wouldn’t be okay with it. Besides, you don’t need my permission,” Mikey says.

“Well, yeah, but your blessing would be nice.”

“You don’t have all of it. Not in entirety. I’m not going to be okay with it overnight.”

“Alright, sure. I understand that,” Frank says, “Tell me what you’re thinking then? Like a trial thing? I mean, I promise that I am absolutely not going to listen to you if you tell me not to date Gerard, but I’ll at least walk on some egg shells around you if it helps.”

“Thanks,” Mikey says, looking especially unamused. “No, Frank. I don’t want you to be so afraid of me.”

“Well you’ve got this really calm demeanor that screams ‘serial killer’ to me.”

“Very funny Frank,” Mikey says, looking like he totally found it extremely funny, “But Frank, I want you to think about this a little more complexly.”

“I’ve been thinking about this for, like, three weeks, most especially in my dreams,” Frank says.

“Gross. Strange as it’s going to sound, Frank, I want you to take Gerard out on a date properly. I don’t want you two to decide you’re going to do this in a dorm room. Proper date, treat Gerard nice, you’re going to pay for it, and then if you’re still all in, than I guess that’s my blessing.”

“I’m paying?” Frank asks, suddenly feeling worried, “I’m fucking broke!”

“Yeah, but seeing as the man usually pays, and Gerard falls into a nonbinary category, than you are automatically defaulted as the man, so you pay.”

“That’s a medieval tradition instituted to make women seem more petite and weak,” Frank says, “if anyone is petite and weak it’s me. I’m not tall enough to ride a Ferris wheel!”

Mikey groans, “make as many excuses as you want, you’re going to pay, because this is about Gerard, and goddammit, if Gee wants to be treated like a lady, treat them like a lady.”

“I’ll do what Gerard wants, not what you think Gerard wants, got that?” Frank says.

“But you agree to the date part?”

“I’ve never really done one of those actual fancy date things. Should be fun. I don’t know how I’ll pay for it, but Gerard’s worth it,” Frank says smiling and falls back onto his bed.

“Yuck, that’s Gerard, my sibling, you’re talking about. Don’t look all wistful thinking about them, it’s creeping me out. It’s fucking Gee for god’s sake!”

“Exactly,” Frank replies.