Fickle Reticence

“Do you ever think about the monsters of the world and wonder how they got that way? And wonder if they even know that they are monsters at all?”

Gerard snorts, “Okay, anymore?”

“When you think about it, the meaning of life is simply to give life a meaning,” Frank replies.

“Wow, very deep. You’re truly amazing.”

“I could start a book with all the gold I’m giving you. Profound Thoughts, by Frank Iero,” he replies, frowning at the fact that Gerard’s laughing when she should really be sitting in a fetal position questioning the reality of her life by now. Frank’s half expecting her to have some sort of moment where she gazes into the camera in The Office and just blinks a few times in amazement, but it hasn’t happened yet, and Frank’s starting to feel offended by her lack of existential crisis.

“They’re beautiful, Frank, really. But they stopped being wise after about the fourth one. The one about the metaphorical implications of our hearts being considered the part of us that love even though all they do is pump blood or whatever.”

“I said it way better than that,” Frank replies.

“Yeah, but I was only paraphrasing.”

“Paraphrasing my ass, call that butchering,” Frank says, mock angry, and crossing his arms. He watches Gerard pulling on a pair of shoes, not sure if they really go with the rest of the outfit, but he’s really not that great at clothes matching and regularly wears mismatched clothes, so who is he to judge. But really, whatever Gerard wears will look great because it’ll be Gerard wearing it.

“I’m sorry. You are a real poet, you know that?” Gerard says.

“If that was sarcastic I’m going to throw my tic tacs at you,” Frank says.

“No tic tac throwing will be necessary, I really do think you’re a poet.”

Frank frowns, but he doesn’t voice his skepticism. “I could write a poetry book. Call it “’Gerard and Other Poems.’”

“Oh, and how would ‘Gerard’ go?”

“Uh something like, Gerard is prettier than you, deal with it.
Gerard has a cute nose and think’s I’m a good poet.
Gerard’s the cuter brother, don’t tell Mikey.
Gerard wears shoes, but they are not Nike.
Gerard is honestly so fucking cute.
Gerard looks damn sexy wearing a suit.
Gerard looks damn sexy in a dress too.
Gerard has a healthy respect for the Beatles, Goo goo ga’joo.”

Gerard snorts, “That’s fucking beautiful, that is. How come you’re not a poetry major?”

“I don’t think that’s even a thing. Is that a thing? I should’ve been a poetry major, fuck! It’s too late, someone had better just kill me now, I’ve made a huge mistake. My dream to become Walt Whitman is shattered.”

“Walt Whitman? Seriously Frank?” Gerard asks.

“Okay fine, Dr. Seuss, but let’s be honest here, Gee, who would you rather read? Mr. Long Convoluted Similes or Mr. I Do Not Like Green Eggs And Ham, I Do Not Like Them Sam I Am.”

“You make a valid point,” Gerard says, nodding and falling back onto the bed next to Frank. Gerard is feeling feminine today, and Frank’s spent the last twenty minutes trying to perfect her outfit. Even if she doesn’t leave her dorm, she deserves to look like a goddess which is not exactly hard to achieve. Frank was explicit that she should wear a red dress, something about the color complimenting ‘the perfect fucking color of your hair, hot damn, you look like a supermodel. You know who pulls off jet black hair better than you? Trick question, the answer is no one at all.’

“There’s a slight issue with your outfit, Gee,” Frank says, looking down at Gerard who’s lying with her back against the bed.

“What?” Gerard asks, worried all of a sudden.

“You literally cannot go outside like that without making everyone around you jealous. Well, they’d probably be mostly jealous of me though, because I get to date you, but you could seriously give someone a heart attack when you look that amazing. You could literally blind someone with how fucking beautiful you are. I mean, but at the same time, it’s an insult to the world not to grace it with your presence. Everyone on this campus who is not here right now in this very room looking at you, is missing out on quite possibly the most amazing moment that this earth has ever seen ever, because you could literally stop traffic. Hell, you could stop the earth from spinning if you tried.”

Gerard blushes, and Frank is worried for the safety of his own heart, he loves Gerard so much and he wants to just shower them with every compliment in the books. He wants to tell Gerard she is the prettiest human being on the planet, and that it doesn’t matter the tiniest bit what anyone else thinks, because he would move a mountain for Gerard. He just doesn’t know how to say it.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I could say anything, give you any compliment in the world, and it would be as true as one plus one being two, but I don’t think you’d believe it.”

“Well, yeah because it wouldn’t be true.”

“Nope it would all be true. Gerard, I could say you’re the best rocket scientist in the world, and you wouldn’t be able to dispute it because if you were ever to perform rocket science, you would be the best at it, and if your skill isn’t as good as everyone else around you, you’d still be way hotter than any of them, so who’s the real winner there.”

“You’re full of crap,” Gerard shakes her head, “but please go on.”

“Whoever the hell made that dress should be paying you to wear it. Hell, they should be paying you to live on the same planet as someone so perfect. But you know what this outfit really needs though?” Frank says.

“What?”

“Fucking bright red lipstick. I’m not talking any tame coral or anything, Gee, I mean Rocky Horror, slay the red carpet, make the Kool Aid guy jealous red lipstick.”

“I don’t have any that red,” Gerard replies, grinning.

“Well fuck, this is a travesty. How much is lipstick anyway?” Frank asks, “Like, I’ve never bought lipstick, how much are we talking.”

“Okay, first of all, you are not going to buy me lipstick, I don’t need it and it’s not that big of a deal, and secondly, it’s based on how willing you are to spend money. It can really range anywhere from two bucks to a couple dozen.”

“Twelve bucks?” Frank asks exasperatedly.

“Sometimes more than twelve. Often more than twelve actually.”

“What the fuck? I hope it’s made out of diamonds, and unicorn tears and the blood of your enemies at that price. Fuck, I’ll still buy you red lipstick though. Still definitely will. This broke man is willing to do anything to make people jealous of his cute-ass girlfriend.”

“But I don’t want any,” Gerard replies.

“Okay well I can also buy you a red cupcake and it’ll have basically the same effect, but will be much more appetizing, and when people ask me why I have frosting all over my face I’ll be able to respond with ‘because I made out with the hottest chick ever, that’s why.’”

“You’re delusional if you think I’m going to wear frosting as makeup.”

“So that’s not a decisive answer on the making out though...” Frank points out.

“Idiot,” Gerard murmurs before grabbing the back of Frank’s neck and pulling him down, which he’s not about to protest. Frank has got to admit, Gerard looks very good in red. It’s a great color on them. Also, he’s very much in support of Gerard’s dress, nothing is lovelier than seeing her beaming like that when Frank gets to say that Gerard is gorgeous beyond all belief.

“Hey Frankie,” Gerard says, looking up at Frank, who’s doing his best to lean over her without crushing her, but Frank’s not very tall and he weighs like six and a half pounds in total, so really, his biggest worry is in the fact that he might just fall out of the bed if Gerard so much as breathes too strongly. Then again, he’s already running the risk of being blown away by Gerard’s very existence.

“Yeah?”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Depends on what kind of secret it is,” Frank says, “do you have the coordinates to the Lost City of Atlantis?”

“Sadly I do not,” Gerard answers.

“Okay well that’s a bit of a disappointment but I’ll here you out if I must.”

“You sure you wanna hear? It might be a bit of a letdown if you were expecting to find Atlantis.”

“Nothing you say could be a letdown,” Frank says, “unless you tell me that you like Dumbledore better than Gandalf, because if you’re unable to see how much better Gandalf’s badassery is, than this really isn’t going to work out.”

“Right so, it’s good to know that the continuation of our relationship is based on my preference of fictional wizards.”

“Don’t you dare call Dumbledore and Gandalf fictional!”

“I’m ever so sorry, it seems I’ve misspoken. I meant frictional wizards,” Gerard says.

“Frictional? What’s that mean then?”

“Uh, it means that if you were to be stupid enough to think that Dumbledore was better than Gandalf, it would cause a great amount of friction.”

“Ah I see,” Frank nods, giggling. He pulls himself up and then lies back down next to Gerard, putting his head in the crook of Gerard’s neck. “So what was this secret then?”

“What? Oh, I just wanted to tell you that I’m in love with you.”

Frank, who a second ago was not taking anything either of them said seriously, now feels like the whole world has shifted within a matter of seconds. Because that’s something Gerard tells him when Frank’s having a really good dream. That’s what he hears inside his head when he’s drifting off during class. He hears Gerard saying that they love Frank, at every hour of the day, in a hundred different scenarios, but never has it ever been real.

“What?” he asks, not sure that his mind isn’t playing tricks on him.

“You don’t have to say it back, I just think it is important for you to know, because if I don’t tell you then it’s like I’m lying to you, but, like, I love you, so I don’t want to lie to you.”

“I don’t have to...” Frank drifts off, before popping up to look over at Gerard clearly, “are you kidding me? Of course I have to say it back, otherwise it’d be like lying back to you. I love you too, dumbass.”

“Dumbass? Should you really be calling me a dumbass after I’ve confessed my love to you? Should you really be calling me a dumbass after you reciprocated it?”

“Yes,” Frank says, “I should absolutely be calling you a dumbass.”

“Well alright. I guess I should’ve known what I was signing up for the minute I first heard you call my brother a shitdick.”

“Well, Gee, I hate to break it to you this way, but your brother is a shitdick.”

“I’ve known him a while, Frank, I’m aware of his shitdickiness.”

Frank snorts at that, his head falling onto Gee’s chest, “shitdickiness? Really?”

“I am not the poet, Frank,” Gerard replies.

“No, you’re certainly not.”

“But you still wuv me right?” Gerard asks, putting on this face like a small puppy stuck outside in the rain, and Frank’s pretty sure his heart melts like that guy’s face in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

“I can’t believe that the first person I said ‘I love you’ to, is you. You are a gigantic dork. You are an unparalleled, light saber owning, comic book hoarding dork, and I’m the idiot who’s gone and fallen in love with you. When the fuck did this even start to happen?”

Gerard beams at him, batting her eyelashes, “probably about the same time you called my brother a shitdick.”