Fickle Reticence

“Now that is fucking low,” Frank says, and Mikey turns to see what he’s looking at. It’s just a flyer on the bulletin board, and he steps around Frank to get a closer look as to what it says.

He agrees after he reads it though. That is fucking low. The first thing that jumps out at him is the heading that reads simply ‘Traditional Values for True Christians.’

Mikey doesn’t know what a ‘true Christian’ is meant to be. On one hand he’d always thought that Christianity was about not hating anyone and forgiving people, but on the other hand, the rise of things like the WBP make him question that philosophy. It’s not that Mikey has anything against religions at all, it’s just that he is against hateful religions. There’s a distinct variation between believing things and shoving your beliefs down other people’s throats. The bottom line is that whether using religion as an excuse or not, homophobia as well as transphobia is the act of condemning an entire group of people for something they can’t control. It’s bullying, and it’s wrong.

Technically under the first amendment everyone in America has the right to freedom of religion. There is however a difference between religion, education, and state. There’s a reason that the church doesn’t run the state and it’s because there are different religions. So why is it okay for some religions to spew their hate and not for others? Why are some religions allowed to have a pull in the government when others aren’t?

Under the heading on the flyer there’s some bullshit about being happy with what god gave you and a bible quote that he decides not to read, because it’s only going to piss him off even more.

“What do you suppose traditional values means?” Frank asks, “Hate filled shit, or shit filled hate?”

“How can they get away with that though? There’s an LGBT club here already. What purpose is it meant to serve?”

“Mikey, read the fine print, it’s an unofficial club. Not school sanctioned. They can do whatever the hell they want, and since it’s privately operated there’s very little the school can do about it.”

“It’s bullshit,” he answers, grabbing the flyer and ripping it off of the bulletin board. Mikey’s a little defensive about some things and people who undermine Gee’s existence are people he’d like to punch in the crotch. Or the boob, respectively.

“Mikey, I don’t know if you should do that,” Frank says.

“Too late, I fucking did,” Mikey replies crumpling the paper up in his hands and then throwing it in the garbage.

“They’re just going to put another flyer back up.”

“And I’ll tear it down,” Mikey replies.

“Mikes, I’m not saying you don’t have the right to be mad, but I think that you’re taking it a bit personally. It’s not directed at anyone specifically,” Frank says.

“No that’s the problem, it’s a broad generalization. It’s an umbrella insult to anyone who isn’t a straight cisgender Christian.”

“Well what do you want to do about it considering the fact that we don’t really have any voice? I’m sure there’s going to be an uproar though, I mean come on. People aren’t that ignorant and vacuous that they’ll allow someone to just trounce on and disparage anyone who isn’t strictly ‘traditional.’ Hell, I don’t think there even is a fucking consistency in traditional anymore. It’s only the tradition of one group of people who are greatly outnumbered by the opposition.”

“It really bothers me Frank. I mean, I just hate that they’d... I hate it. My skin crawls just thinking about these people.”

“Just remember that you’re better than people who preach their hate. Everyone knows it’s not gonna last as well. There isn’t a thing wrong with being gay or bi or whatever the hell else. There isn’t anything wrong with being a chick in a dude’s body or a dude in a chick’s body, or anything outside or in between. You can tell those fuckheads that all you want, but they’re not going to listen. They’re stubborn.”

“What’d you mean with that last part? The outside or in between thing?” Mikey asks. That’s the best proof he’s going to be able to give to Gee, and it’s really fucking painful to see Gee so afraid of everyone. On the other hand, knowing that there’s a group of people on the campus who are strictly against his entire existence will do anything but encourage Gerard to interact with people. It’s even more likely that Gee will just block everyone away even further. If Gee hears wind of this, it’ll set back any progress they’ve made in the past year.

“Just that I don’t give a shit what you feel you are, transgender or something else, as long as you’re not a fucking asshole,” Frank replies.

He looks at Frank and wonders if it’s a personal offense to Frank, and he’s struck with the fact that he has absolutely no idea what Frank is into. Sure he’ll make jokes about Frank’s nonexistent sex-life, but it had never even occurred to Mikey that he had no idea what Frank’s orientation was. It’s just honestly never come up in conversation. He’s one of those people who could be both flamboyantly homosexual, or just a really strange hetero at the exact same time, and you wouldn’t be able to figure it out. It’s probably too late in their friendship for him to actually ask Frank though. Mikey has no idea to be perfectly candid.

“Frank, are you gay?” Mikey asks without even thinking about it. Luckily this is Mikey, so it’s the exact same tone he would use to ask someone if they’ve been to Walmart recently.

“Where’d that come from?” Frank asks.

“I just realized that I have no idea,” Mikey replies.

“Well Mikes, if you want me to be completely frank, and yes that pun was intentional, then I have no fucking idea.”

“No clue?”

“Well I’ve got sort of an idea, but I don’t really care. I don’t see why I need a label,” Frank answers. Not many people will just bluntly ask things like that, but Mikey doesn’t mean it offensively, probably, he’s just strange like that.

“Good enough for me,” Mikey says, and the whole conversation seems to be put to rest for a few minutes as they grab food, and then find a table near the back of the cafeteria.

“I will say though, that I find myself extremely attracted to Idris Elba.”

“I feel you bro,” Mikey nods, “I’d tap that.”

~*~*~*~

Mikey’s jaw almost drops when he sees Gerard enter the cafeteria about ten minutes later. Not Gee, Gerard. Gerard, dressed like a boy, wearing no makeup whatsoever.

Gerard walks over to them and Frank looks up more in surprise than in utter shock like Mikey.

“Gerard?” Mikey asks.

“Yeah, hey Mikes,” Gerard answers.

“Are you... why are you here?”

“I was feeling sociable,” Gerard replies.

“What does that mean?” Mikey asks.

“What’s wrong?” Frank asks, “I’m lost.”

Mikey looks at Gerard either accusatorily or confusedly, and stands up to be level with Gerard. He gives the elder a good look in the eye before deciding he knows precisely what’s going on.

“I need to speak with you in private, Gerard,” Mikey says and the way he says the name makes it sound like a vile insult or something.

“What? Why?”

“Because I’m a little pissed at you,” Mikey says, thinking of calling Gee out right here in front of Frank, but he knows better than that. He’d only be making things worse.

Mikey brings him to the side of the cafeteria where there’s a second exit that is seldom used, because there’s nothing much of interest in the hallway outside. They exit the large room and he brings Gee to a stop outside of it, where they’re not likely to be overheard.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Mikey asks.

“Getting lunch? Interacting with other human beings like you wanted me to?” Gee says.

“I didn’t want you to pretend to be someone else, Gee,” Mikey states.

“What? I’m not pretending!”

“Oh right, you just started to feel more like a boy right after I asked you to come hang out with me,” Mikey says.

“Yes,” Gee says defensively.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you,” Mikey replies, “Why would you do this? I wasn’t actually mad at you, you know. Well I am now. I don’t want you to put on a different face and hate yourself on the inside just to feel ‘normal.’ This isn’t okay. You know that.”

“But Mikes-”

“No, Gee. We both know what happens when you try to kid yourself. We both know that it doesn’t work for you. Don’t let yourself drown just because you think it’ll make people like you,” Mikey says.

“Why do you think that’s why I’m doing this?”

“Because it fucking is and we both know that. I’m not an idiot, Gee, I know you. I know who you are and I know what you act like when you’re faking this. You think that being a boy all the time will make people think you’re normal so they won’t be freaked out by hanging out with you, but you’re not always a boy are you, Gee? You’re not now, but you’re pretending to be.”

“Shh,” Gee says putting a finger to her lips, because someone could overhear, though it’s doubtful. It’s kind of strange for Mikey when he sees Gee so obviously trying to act masculine when that’s not the case. He doesn’t like the way that it makes Gee feel so alien in her own body.

“Go back to your dorm, Gee. Either come back as yourself and actually tell Frank, or stay there and stop suppressing who you are, okay? You can’t do this to yourself, not again. I will not put up with your form of self-destruction.”

“You’re really mad?” she asks.

“I am when you do this to yourself,” Mikey says, “Self-harm doesn’t have to leave a mark, Gee. It doesn’t have to be physical to be detrimental.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. I don’t think you can see it, but right now, just looking at you, you’re hurting yourself a million times more then you ever did with a lighter.”

She says, with warning in her voice, “That’s behind me.”

“But you’re fucking doing it right now!” Mikey says, trying to keep his voice down. “Don’t you remember what led to that? Don’t you remember why you thought you had to in the first place? It was this Gee. It was pretending to be a boy when you fucking aren’t sometimes.”

“I’ve said I’m sorry a thousand times over, Mikey. I’m really trying,” she says.

“Yeah, well you have a funny way of showing it,” Mikey states.

“You’re going to be mad at me no matter what I do, aren’t you Mikey?”

Mikey groans, “When did I ever say that? I don’t think it’s healthy to lock yourself away, but I also don’t want you to have to pretend to go out in public. I’d rather you stayed in your room all the time but remained true to yourself, then had a dozen friends and lied to every single one of them.”

“Fine,” Gee says, looking guilty, “I’ll go back to my room.”

“Do you want me and Frank to wait for you in the cafet-”

“No. You’d rather I never went out in public the way I am now then I won’t.”

“We both know I didn’t say that. You’re narrowing what I said into a point that I wasn’t trying to make.”

“I understand what you meant, just fine. You want me to leave, I’m leaving.”

“Gee!” Mikey says, voice rising despite himself, “just... ugh, fine. Mope or do whatever the hell it is you do when you lock yourself away. I’m trying to be the best brother to you I can, but you make it so hard when you insist upon pulling stunts like this.”

“It’s not a stunt, it’s a coping mechanism,” she says.

“It’s not a good one.”

Gee turns without another word and walks down the hall. Mikey actually sighs a little bit in relief, because it didn’t seem like Gee saw a flyer for that thing. Mikey’s going to have to make it a point to get that club disbanded, whatever it takes.