Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed...

I sit there, absorbing her words like a sponge. I can't look up at her, knowing how much more hurt I'll be if I see the anger and disappointment on her face.

...When you get what you want, but not what you need...

"Stop crying, you fucking loser. I'm so sick of you," she says. "I don't know how I've put up with you for so long. You're such an insecure piece of shit."

...When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep...

And with that, she leaves-- leaves me alone in my apartment, kneeling on the floor, eyes stained with tears.

I get up finally, wiping tears from my face as I walk to the bathroom.

I stare into the mirror.

"Look at you," I tell myself. "You're a mess. No wonder she left you. You don't deserve her."

...Stuck in reverse...

I look at the framed picture hanging on the wall, of Lisa and me at a party-- happy and smiling. I stare at the smile on my face. I wish I still felt like that. I wish she didn't do this to me. I wish I could go back.

...And the tears come streaming down your face...

I cry and cry. I knew it would happen, anyways. How could anyone love me? I'm insecure. I'm a crybaby. I look back into the mirror.

...When you lose something you can't replace...

"Stop crying, you fucking bitch. You're so worthless," I think to myself.

...When you love someone, but it goes to waste...

"She never even loved you, anyways. She just wanted your money."

...Could it be worse?...

I slam my fists onto the sink in anger. Suddenly, I hear the sound of breaking glass next to me. I look down to see the now-shattered picture frame. I lean down shakily to pick up the picture.

...Lights will guide you home...

I get ready to tear it in half. Suddenly, my eyes draw away from Lisa and onto someone in the background.

...And ignite your bones...

He's looking right at Lisa and me. The corners of his mouth are turned downwards in a frown, and his eyes are watery and sad. It's the person I need more than anyone else right now.

...And I will try to fix you.

"Jack..." I whisper, running to the living room to retrieve my phone. I press the name of the very first person on my favorites list.

And high up above, or down below...

It rings a few times before I heard the familiar voice of my best friend.

"Hey, Lex."

...When you're too in love to let it go...

"I need you," I manage to choke out. I hear movement on the other line.

...But if you never try, you'll never know...

"I'm coming right now," he says, quickly hanging up. I manage a smile, but it fades quickly as I'm reminded of the event that just happened. My breathing gets shallow and my stomach churns.

...Just what you're worth...

A few minutes pass before I hear my apartment door open.

"Lex, I'm here. Where are you?" He says hurriedly. I raise my shaking hand to signal my position in front of the couch on the living room floor.

...Lights will guide you home...

My tears are back, and Jack runs to my side.

"Are you okay? What happened? Oh god, Lex." He says, wrapping his arms around me and leading me onto the couch, where I nudge into his side and cry onto his white t-shirt.

...And ignite your bones...

I manage to pull myself together with his help. I tell him everything that happened-- about Lisa getting so angry over my small panic attack and leaving me. He comforts me, assuring me that nothing she said was true, and that she's just a bitch. I pretend to agree, but I don't believe him.

...And I will try to fix you.

After settling down and talking to Jack for a while, he stands and holds his hand out to me. I face him with a puzzled look.

"I think you need some alcohol. That always helps."

I laugh, taking his hand.

We drive in comfortable silence to the bar. I want to thank Jack a million times, for being there for me whenever I get in my crybaby moods. I wonder how he can put up with me.

We drink and laugh and drink some more at the bar. I lose my worries with every drink I take.

Soon we're both the least sober people in the whole bar. Things get intense.

"Lisa doesn't deserve you, y'know. You're amazing and sexy and... god, I love you."

I stare at Jack, not quite registering much but the last part catches my attention. Suddenly, our lips are together and everything else disappears. Jack leads me back to the car, and we drive to my apartment, both jittery and filled with passion.

Tears stream down your face...

We get into my apartment and he immediately pins me to the door. I feel his sweaty hands against my cheeks. I pull at the hem of his shirt, pleading to get it off of him.

...When you lose something you cannot replace...

We manage to reach the bedroom, shirts long gone and now fidgeting with the buttons of each others pants. When those garments are also thrown somewhere on the floor, Jack pushes me onto the bed.

...Tears stream down your face, and I...

Boxers also long gone, everything goes slow and passionate, as Jack gives me everything he's got. Even when drunk, sex with Jack doesn't feel so unimportant, rushed, and purely lustful. It feels like real love, like I finally found someone who wants to give me all the care and pleasure they can. Someone who makes sure to find every little thing that makes me moan and groan.

...Tears stream down your face...

Loud knocks come from the door. Jack situates himself out and off of me. I silently curse whoever is at the door, getting up and slipping on my bathrobe. Jack wraps himself in a blanket and follows me to the door.

...I promise you I will learn from my mistakes...

I open the door to find a crying Lisa, mumbling how she's so sorry and how she wants me back, eyes situated on me. Suddenly, she looks past my shoulder to see the man behind me.

"H- How could you do this to me?!"

Anger overcomes me. I grab the door, quickly yelling--

"NEVER come back here EVER again, you motherfucking bitch."

--And proceed to slam the door in her face.

...Tears stream down your face, and I...

I sigh with relief. Jack comes up behind me, nudging me in the crook of my neck to signal that he's proud of my decision. We remove our coverings and hurry back to the bedroom.

...Lights will guide you home...

I awake to sunlight and muscly arms wrapped around me.

...And ignite your bones...

At first I'm startled, until I hear a familiar voice say--

"Good morning, beautiful."

I finally realize that I am happier than I ever was with Lisa.

I finally realize Jack was right-- nothing Lisa said was true.

I finally realize I found someone who loves me for who I am.

...And I will try to fix you.