It's a Start

It was a slow morning for both Craig and I. He came home later than expected last night and a lot of stumbling and muttering came along as he went into his room across the hall. Probably drinking again. I didn’t ask him when he was moving in with Brian, so I was hoping holding off on asking would buy me some time. You know, to just savor the moments left.

I woke up and honestly did not have the motivation to shower. Even if I was sweating during the whole night, I didn’t bother. I slipped on a dress that I grabbed on first touch and tied my greasy hair up in a bun. How the hell do people get buns so perfect? Mine’s terrible beyond belief. I yawned and stuffed my phone into my bag, idly checking for any missed calls. I was expecting one from John. He doesn’t seem like the type– You don’t even know him that well.

My shoes strapped onto my feet and I walked out to see Craig’s door wide open. Plain brown boxes made me frown, but I ignored it and adjusted the necklace around my neck.

We shared a quiet and late breakfast, or brunch, and he wasn’t really up for the sunlight shining in his eyes.

“You don’t have to come with me today if you don’t feel well,” I muttered before taking a sip of the orange juice in my glass.

Craig looked at me, “I’m fine. I want to go.”

We took his car after I put on a light denim jacket and grabbed my bag that sat on the bed. It was more of a comfortable silence than an awkward one. It was plain to see he drank a lot last night by the dark sunglasses over his eyes and the baggy attire he was wearing.

Dr. Carr came out to the hall and led us back into his office to sit in the two seats in front of his desk. He leaned against the piece of furniture after closing the door for privacy. He asked me basic questions like how I’d been doing and how it was going with being back at home. I answered them with the first thoughts that came to my head and I’ll admit that I did zone out a little while he talked.

“Dr. Carr, is my memory going to come back?” I interrupted without thought. That’s all I’ve been wondering this whole time. He needed to give it to me straight.

I could feel Craig’s eyes on my face while I stared at Dr. Carr who still had his mouth open slightly. For a second there I thought he was going to ignore my question and continue on about whatever he was saying. His eyes glanced toward Craig, but I didn’t care. He sighed as he looked back at me with pleading eyes. Folding his hands on top of the papers, he spoke. “I’m afraid not. We’ve dug deep into your case, Andrea, and we’ve come to the conclusion that that section of your brain is far too damaged. I’m very sorry.”

I’d already begun to cry and thank god I didn’t put makeup on this morning, otherwise I’d look like a monster.

Dr. Carr began asking me questions after I calmed down. Craig just sat there and didn’t say anything. Having him come was a mistake. “Have you been getting a full eight hours of sleep?”

I sniffed and wiped my cheeks. “Not really,” I shook my head.

“Why is that?” He asked while jotting notes down on the paper in front of him.

“Bad dreams,” I admitted.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Craig asked, finally speaking up during the twenty minutes we’d been here.

I looked at him quickly, seeing the protective fiancé look on his face that he must’ve given me a lot back then. My eyes adverted to my lap while Dr. Carr ignored the exchange between us and asked me the next question. “What have you been dreaming about, Ms. Collins?”

For the rest of the time that we were there it was nothing but sad looks from Craig and tired sighs from me. I just wanted to go back to bed. Why is he even asking me these questions? Do I have some disorder or something? Dr. Carr thanked us for coming in and we left after he prescribed sleeping pills for me. I put it in my bag, also taking out my phone and finding that I had a missed call and text message from an unknown number.

Hey. It’s John, or the sex-crazed rapist, which ever you prefer.
Wanna meet up at BJ’s around noon?

Craig didn’t speak that much to me as he drove, but I still asked him if he could drop me off at the restaurant. He said sure without any further questions and I was thankful, looking back down at my phone and texting John back.

“I won’t be able to pick you up later. I have to work.” Craig said with a gloomy voice. Yeah, he really shouldn’t have gone with me. I nodded and closed the door after I got out. He sped off and I had the urge to rake my hand through my hair, but I remembered that it was tied up.

My feet planted on the sidewalk and I searched for John’s face through my sunglasses, spotting him sitting outside just by the door. I walked up to him with an off smile and he stood, once again towering.

“Hey. Hungry?” He asked with a more promising smile. With a nod we walked inside to find a table, being seated right in front of the window. I automatically rubbed my eyes after setting my sunglasses on top of my bag between my feet.

A waiter came over and left us to look over the menus while he took our orders for drinks.

“How’s your day been so far?” He asked while my eyes scanned the list of food choices.

I gave him a shrug, blinking my heavy eyes. “I really just want to go back to sleep.”

“Rough night with the boyfriend?” A stupid smirk showed.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I rolled my eyes and set the menu down. Our drinks were placed in front of us and the waiter took the menus away along with what we wanted to eat.

“Oh.” Was that pleasure I heard in his voice? “What’s up, then? What’s on your mind?” He leaned his arms on the table, sipping his drink through the straw.

To hell with it! I wasn’t getting my memory back anytime soon, so whatever. “Doctor’s appointment didn’t go so well.”

He waited for more, but I just looked at him while taking a few sips of my drink. “That’s all? We can’t be friends if you don’t open up, Andrea.” He joked a little, trying to get me to laugh or smile.

“Who said I wanted to be friends?”

“Ouch.” He made a face of hurt before a smile creeped up. “You know you want to be friends with a guy like me.”

“A rapist?” He laughed, shaking his head as I spread a smile finally. “I lost my memory,” came out because I just wanted to tell him before I was called back home or before Mindy wanted to meet up or something that would have me put off telling him. Again.

He stopped laughing, his smile fading when he saw that I was serious. “What?”

“I have traumatic amnesia. Basically, I hit my head pretty hard because of a car accident that happened in February and I didn’t wake up until last month.” I watched his expressions closely, seeing how he was taking it. Obviously, he wouldn’t start crying like Mindy did since he was a guy and he’s probably more mentally strong. I, however, was tearing up already. “I didn’t know who I was until my doctor told me my name and asked if I knew my middle name. Craig told me when I asked him and the rest is just a sad sob story.” I dabbed my eyes and looked down at my lap when our plates were set down.

“I’m so sorry. Shit, that’s terrible.” John said softly as I started to eat. He hadn’t touched anything on the table; he just looked at me in awe.

I shrugged, the mood still there. “There’s nothing I can do about it. My memory’s not coming back, that’s what my doctor said today.”

He left it at that and the rest of our meet up was quiet. I knew he had more to ask and say to me, but he probably felt like it wasn’t the right time. I mean, I was open for questions, yeah, but I was just tired.

I did not like the fact that he paid for our lunch, but I didn’t urge him to take his money back since I had a feeling it would bother him if I did. I asked him where the pharmacy was and he decided on going with me, finally asking what he wanted to ask. It was Craig. “Who’s Craig?” He probed. I told him and he felt bad for asking, but I said it was fine. Plus, it wasn’t in any way his fault with my situation.

The bottle of Estazolam was handed over to me in a paper bag and I thanked the lady before leaving with John. He offered me a ride home since I didn’t answer his question on if I had a way of getting there. On our way to his car, someone stopped us and it only completely ruined my mood because they were someone from the past; another person I didn’t know. I regretted playing along with glazed eyes, but it was the only way of not ruining their day. I didn’t want to do that with the saddening news.

John led me to his car, hands in his pockets and I let the tears slip as he drove toward my street. Craig’s car wasn’t there and I was thankful for a quiet house so I could sleep off today.

“Are you okay?” John shut off his engine while his car sat in the driveway.

“It’s just,” I started, getting frustrated with reality. “There’s people from my old life that I don’t know and they’ll see me in public and think that I know who they are, when I have no idea what their eye color is. It’s so frustrating because they’re so disappointed when I tell them what happened and they’ll think of the Andrea they knew and be disgusted with me.”

“Hey,” he spoke softly, the huskiness of his voice soothing me. “Don’t cry. It’ll be okay.” His hand touched my shoulder while I looked out the window at the neighbor’s lawn.

“I’m sorry, this is a lot on you since we just met.” I realized after a few minutes of silence. Way to go, Andrea. “Thanks for lunch and everything,” I shrugged, looking over at him. I got out of his small car and walked up the path with my keys in hand.

Was it wrong of me to even say anything to him and to agree to lunch? I should’ve kept my mouth shut and kept it private. Like I said, I just met him two days ago (right?) and now he knew all that I knew.

Maybe it’d be okay now with the sleeping pills helping, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t turn out okay with the whiskey beside my bed.