Here We Go Again

It had been two weeks since I got my things from California. Erin had started school last week, so she was busy with that. We would usually have dinner together and watch a show or movie after since we finally got our own internet and then we would do our homework. I would sometimes help her in her math homework and she would help test me with memorizing things for my Human Biology class. I used to be really good at memorizing details and such, but I just haven't been doing that so well recently, so she helped me. It was a comfortable routine we had. It was nice having my best friend as my roommate, but of course there was always little quirks that she did that annoyed me. Like she always ate straight out of the peanut butter jar, usually using the same spoon multiple times. I kept getting mad at her for doing that so now we had to buy separate peanut butter jars for each of us. Of course I did things she didn't like either, but that was expected of roommates.

It was different at first having a female roommate. I was so used to having a guy as my roommate for a whole school year that I almost forgot how much easier it was to have a girl roommate. I didn't have to hide my feminine hygiene products or anything and we could borrow each other’s clothes and stuff. I definitely couldn't do that with Will. I always hid my feminine hygiene products from him as if it was forbidden for a guy to see it. Simply because I thought it would be too embarrassing for both of us if he saw them. And while I did sometimes borrow Will's clothes, usually for bed, it didn't necessarily work both ways where Will could borrow my clothes. It was kind of funny to think of it that way, but also cringe-worthy.

Anyway, like I said, two weeks have passed. I had been commuting to and from school from my apartment and for the first week, everything was fine. Except only until recently did I realize how it was kind of a hassle sometimes. Just a few days back, I accidentally forgot one of my books for a class of mine here at the apartment and I couldn't exactly leave campus to go get it. If I was still living at the dorms, I could have just made a quick trip to the room and I would have been set. That wasn't the case though with my apartment. And this had been happening a lot more often than I would like. I always either forgot something or needed something important back at the apartment. I didn't even bother thinking about trying to move back to the dorms until I was in the library for my study hall period.

Since Travis and I had this period together and I didn't really know any one else, I would sit next to him everyday. We would usually sit in a comfortable silence, but we would talk every so often. Whether it was about class, books, the PJY club, or just music. Travis was a writer for the journalism part of the club and I was a photographer, so we would have to collaborate on some projects in the future. I was actually looking forward to what he would write. During one of our talks, we somehow got onto the topic of my living situation and I told him about my apartment. I then told him about some of the little inconveniences it had.

"That's not so bad," Travis said as he looked up at me from his book. "At least you have a roommate," he said quietly. I looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows. He just shook his head.

"It's nothing," he said as he turned back to his book. I wondered why he would say something like that. Was Annabella not living in their room or something?

"Wait," I said as I tried to stay on the topic. "Is Annabella not living with you?" I asked him. Travis rubbed his neck awkwardly before he replied.

"I shouldn't have said anything," he said as he avoided eye contact with me.

"I don't understand. If Annabella isn't living with you, where has she been living for the past few weeks?" As soon as the last word left my mouth though, I knew the answer to my own question. "Oh," I said in sudden realization.

"You weren't supposed to find out. Not by me anyway," he said as he finally looked up at me.

"No, no, it's fine," I assured him. "I just didn't think that she'd move back in with Will so soon after... everything, you know?" I said as I turned away from him and sat back in my chair. "So is she, um, completely moved out from your room?" Travis nodded at me. I nodded my head in understanding. "T-that's nice." I tried to steady my voice, but it wasn't really working. Luckily, the bell rang and the period was over. I muttered a quick goodbye to Travis before I quickly stood up and left the library. Lunch was next, but I wasn't feeling very hungry. I never felt that hungry anymore and after finding this out, I definitely was not in the mood for food.

I stopped by my locker to drop off my books and then quickly bolted to the farthest bathroom from the cafeteria. I needed to be alone and people usually gathered in and around the cafeteria area during lunch time, so I figured the farther I went from there, the least people I would find. Plus, I wasn't exactly in the mood to see Will or Annabella. For the past two weeks, I tolerated them, but after finding this out, I didn't think I could look at them right now without bursting into tears.

When I got to the farthest bathroom from the cafeteria, which happened to be the bathroom out near the school field, I finally broke down. I slumped to the floor in the furthest stall from the door and just let myself cry without any restrictions or boundaries. No one was here and I was glad for that. I didn't want anyone to see the state I was in. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs and continued to cry loud sobs.

Not only was Will back together with Annabella, they were living together again. It was as if I had never really come between them in the first place. It was as if I was just a little bump in the road, a lapse of judgment on Will's part, and they would always just end up back together in the end. I was just an inconvenience to their relationship, nothing of importance.

I continued crying as more and more negative thoughts flooded into my head. And for a second, cutting crossed my mind. I quickly brushed that thought away though as I realized that I was better than that. I wouldn't ever resort to that again. I wouldn't let myself.

While I could stop myself from cutting, I couldn't necessarily stop myself from starting to hyperventilate again. I took deep breaths to calm myself, but it wasn't working. I hugged my knees tighter to my body and continued to hyperventilate. This time, Chris wasn't around to take care of me before I passed out once again. I knew this feeling. The feeling of blacking out and forgetting everything. If only for a little while. As the darkness surrounded me, I gladly welcomed it and let it take over me completely.



When I woke up, I was still in the bathroom stall near the school field. I groggily looked at the time on my phone and realized that I had missed all of lunch, sixth period, and a fraction of seventh period. I groaned and pushed myself up from the tile floor. Sitting in the corner of a handicapped stall was one thing, but being completely sprawled out on my face on the bathroom floor was another. I felt incredibly dirty as I stood up and pulled my bag up with me.

I left the stall and quickly washed my hands in the sink before I looked up at myself in the mirror. I was a complete mess. My tears had smeared my eyeliner and mascara and while I was passed out, it had dried so I had black makeup streaks running down my cheeks. I sighed as I quickly scrubbed and washed my face of all my makeup in the sink. When I finished with that, I dried my face with paper towels. I looked at myself in the mirror again and it was a lot better than it was a minute ago. My eyes were bloodshot though and I didn't have any eye drops or anything, so I just had to deal with that and made my way to my seventh period class.

When I got there, the teacher questioned where I was, but I couldn't think of any excuse. As I opened and shut my mouth a few times, still trying to think of something, she asked me if I even had a note. I shook my head at her and she sighed before she told me to just take my seat. She told me she would let it slide this time, because it was still early in the school year and never before have I been late to her class yet. I thanked her as I quickly made it to my seat. Unfortunately, I had Will and Annabella in this class with me, so I never looked up once around the classroom and instead just focused on the teacher and the dry erase board.





Nicole had come into seventh period about fifteen minutes late and as I watched her talk to the teacher and then eventually walk to her seat, I realized how terrible she looked. Her uniform was completely disheveled with her bow nearly undone, her white shirt was wrinkled and slightly dirty, and her hair was tangled in some spots. I had started to wonder why she looked like that, because she looked fine earlier in the day when I saw her in our other class periods. I continued to watch her as class went on. She avoided looking anywhere else but the front of the room.

From where I was sitting, I noticed her cheeks looked slightly flushed and red. And her eyes, her beautiful brown eyes, were bloodshot. I clenched my jaw. She was crying. I was sure of that. She was crying who knows where and I just knew it was because of me. I was causing her this pain. I unclenched my jaw before I finally looked away from her. I ignored that nagging, guilty feeling in my stomach and tried to focus on class.





When class finally ended, I was glad to be out of there. As I walked through the school gates to head home, I realized that this was a bit of an inconvenience. While at a steady walking pace, at the most, it would take about fifteen to twenty minutes to get home. If I was still living at the dorms though, it would only take about five minutes to get from the school building back to the dorms; six to seven minutes tops. I sighed as I continued walking anyway.



"Hey, Travis," I said to him the next day during our study hall period. He simply nodded at me before he said a quick hello. "Wha'cha reading today?" I asked him as I read the title of the book. "Sounds interesting," I commented. Travis nodded again as he continued to read.

I sat in the chair next to him and pulled out my notebook and started working on the homework that I got assigned in the class period before. After finishing about a quarter of my homework, I glanced over at Travis. He was a quiet guy and he usually kept to himself, so I was a little surprised that he let me sit next to him and such, and even talked to me as well. I took a quick glance over him, taking in his features. He was on the skinnier side and somewhat tall, so that just made him look even lankier. He had dark hair and dark eyes to match. I couldn't even tell if his eyes were just dark brown or black. I watched as his dark eyes looked up from his book and locked themselves onto mine.

"Is something wrong?" he asked as he stared at me through his thick rimmed glasses. Travis had a deep voice and it complimented well with his Irish accent. It wasn't too thick that I couldn't understand what he was saying, but it was noticeable when he spoke.

"Nothing's wrong," I replied quickly. "Just thinking," I said with a wave of my hand. He hummed lightly as he turned back to his book.

After talking with him yesterday about my living situation and how it was a bit of a hassle commuting, and how he didn't have a roommate anymore, I got to thinking. If I moved in with Travis, then my commuting would be a lot easier on me and I wouldn't have to worry about accidentally leaving things at my apartment. That also meant though that I would be in the same building as Will and I would have more likely chances to see him. And I didn't know if I wanted that exactly. Moving in with Travis though didn't seem that bad though. Like I had said, he was a quiet guy who mostly kept to himself. He seemed like a decent enough guy and I never once heard Annabella complain about him before.

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?" Travis asked once more as he looked at me. I snapped out of my thoughts before I sent him a small smile.

"Actually," I started. "here's the thing." I decided to just go for it. "You don't have a roommate, right?" He nodded at me. "And I'm getting a little tired of my commute from my apartment to the school." I watched as his eyebrows furrowed together.

"Where are you going with this?" he asked cautiously.

"I'm suggesting I move in with you," I said with a smile. Travis looked at me in shock. "I mean, if that's okay with you. I know this is pretty sudden and out of the blue, but you'd be doing me a huge favor. If you don't want to, that's okay. You might like not having a roommate right now." I stared at his still shocked expression. "You know what? Never mind I even asked," I said quickly as I looked away from him and tried to take back what I said.

"Uh," he finally managed to say. "Sure?" he asked more than stated. I looked back at him, and while shock was still pretty evident on his face, it didn't look like I was just forcing him to say yes or anything. He seemed a bit hesitant though.

"Are you sure? I mean, this is a pretty big bomb I just dropped on you all of a sudden. I could give you more time to think about it if you want." He shook his head, finally shaking away his shocked expression along with it.

"No, it's fine. I don't need time. Sure, you can move in," he said. I stared at his face, trying to see if I could read what was going through his head.

"Really? Aside from my commuting and such, you're not gonna question me any further as to why I wanted to move in with you so suddenly?" I asked in slight surprise. Travis shrugged at me as he returned his gaze back to his book.

"It's your business and I don't need to know. If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. Plus, since Anna left the room, it's been really quiet and empty. So it'd be nice to have a little company," he finished as he never took his eyes off his book. I looked at him in confusion. I had never heard anyone call Annabella by Anna before. Sure, I heard Will call her Ann, but never Anna. I shrugged it off as I figured it was a roommate thing or something.

"So that's a yes then to being roommates?" I asked, just to be sure. Travis chuckled and looked up at me.

"Yes, that's a yes," he said with a small smile. I had never seen him smile or laugh before and it was nice. Travis was actually pretty cute.

"Great!" I said as I smiled wide. The bell rang loudly and when it was done, I spoke up again. "I'll talk to you later about the details and such," I said. Travis nodded and we said a quick goodbye before we both parted ways for lunch.