Here We Go Again

It was Friday today, three days after my talk with Travis, and we had a short assembly today. I was sitting next to Will, completely ignoring him as usual. I glanced over at Chris and noticed he had papers in his hands that he was looking over. I looked at him in confusion, but didn't think more of it until the assembly was over.

On our way out of the T-building, I caught up with Chris. "What's that?" I asked him as I pointed to the papers in his hand.

"My notes for Human Biology," he answered quickly as his eyes still scanned the papers.

"Why are they out? Do we have a quiz today or something?" I asked nonchalantly as we made our way to our third period class which also happened to be Human Biology.

"Duh, we have a test today."

"Wait, what?" I asked as I grabbed his arm to stop him from walking.

"Yeah, we have a test today."

"Since when?"

"Since last week. Mr. Burroughs has been on all our arses every day to study for this test since last week. Don't you remember?" he asked as we continued walking to class.

"Huh. It must have slipped my mind," I replied as I continued walking beside him. For the life of me, I couldn't remember that we had a test today. "What's it on?" I asked as I looked over his notes. As I glanced at his surprisingly neat handwritten notes, I realized I had no idea what we were going to be tested on. I remembered studying for this test, but I couldn't remember what exactly I was studying and that we even had a test today.

I sighed as we walked into the classroom and took our seats. I knew this test was going to be a bitch.



"How could you forget we had a test today?" Chris asked me as we were in line for lunch. "We've been studying together almost every day." I shrugged at him.

"Like I said, it must have slipped my mind," I replied with a shrug, though I did wonder myself how I could forget something like that. I was usually pretty good at remembering things like that. Chris gave me an incredulous look before we continued our way down the line to get our food.

"So what do you think you got on the test then?" he asked and I shrugged again.

"Probably really bad. I just hope I didn't fail it completely. What about you?" I asked as I grabbed a bread roll. He glanced down at my tray and noticed there wasn't that much food on it compared to what I usually got before. I grabbed a piece of fruit and a water bottle before he spoke up.

"Is that all you're getting?" he asked as he ignored my question. I glanced down at my own tray. There was only a bread roll, a jello cup, an apple, and a water bottle on it.

"Yeah, I'm not that hungry," I said as we got to the front of the line. He hummed at me, but he didn't say anything about it.

"Well, to answer your question, I think I did pretty well." I nodded at him. After we paid for our food, we glanced around the cafeteria. "Still not okay to have lunch with the rest of us?" he asked. I glanced at the table where Will, Annabella, Sara, James, and Hayley were all at. I shook my head before I turned back to him.

"Not yet. Sorry." I flashed him an apologetic smile.

"It's okay," he said. "Where are you gonna eat then?"

"I think I'm gonna go to my room for a bit."

"Not the library or the PJY room?"

"Nah, I need a change of scenery," I replied with a shrug.

"You sure you don't want to join us? Or Hayley and I could join you if you'd like?" Chris asked.

"No, it's fine. Really. Go have lunch with them. It's okay," I said. He gave me a look, but I sent him a reassuring smile in response. He eventually gave in and made his way to the table where everyone else was at.

I let out a sigh as I grabbed my lunch and stuffed it into my bag, placing the tray off to the side next to a trash can. I nibbled on the bread roll as I walked to my dorm building.



The following Monday, I had another appointment with Dr. Matthews. I had finally told her about my nightmares. They weren't as bad now and I only had them every few nights though I didn't get much sleep still. I also told her about how I had been forgetting a lot of things lately. At first it was just small things like forgetting to put the milk away or that we had homework. Then it got to bigger things like forgetting I made plans with Chris or Hayley or forgetting what my next class was or something. She wrote the forgetfulness off as too much stress and lack of sleep, and that the nightmares should go away if I confronted my problems. My problem was Will though and I wasn't exactly prepared to face him just yet.





As I walked into my dorm room after school from speaking with a teacher about a class assignment, I noticed Annabella laying down on the couch as she read a magazine.

"Oh hey. You're back," she said as she put down her magazine to look at me. I faintly smiled at her as I dropped my bag near my bed. I walked towards the couch and sat next to her before she spoke up. "Well, I was just about to head into the shower," she said as she got up from the couch. She leaned down towards me to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my head nonchalantly and her lips grazed my cheek instead. I could tell she had a scowl on her face. She didn't say anything though and walked to the bathroom with her towel and shut the door.

I sighed as I leaned back into the couch. I threw my head back and ran my fingers through my hair. I groaned and stared at the kitchen in front of me. I reluctantly stood up and headed towards my wardrobe. I remembered I had some laundry to do.

I grabbed my laundry basket from the far corner of the inside of my wardrobe before I picked up the dirty clothes that had fallen to the floor next to it. As I moved the basket out of the wardrobe, I found a gray shirt wedged between the side of the wardrobe and the basket that I hadn't noticed had fallen there before. I picked it up and realized that this was the same shirt that Nicole used to wear to bed sometimes. I secretly hoped to catch a whiff of Nicole's scent as I hesitantly brought the shirt to my nose and inhaled. It smelled exactly like her. Like wild flowers and freesia. I sighed out contently. And then I realized what I had just done.

I dropped the shirt in shock. I looked around the room as I was brought back to reality. I ran my fingers through my hair and quickly picked up the shirt from the floor and stuffed it into the pile of dirty laundry in the basket.

I grabbed the rest of my dirty clothes before I grabbed the laundry detergent and my key card. I made my way out of the room and to the laundry room in the basement of the dorm building.

When I got there, I was beyond surprised to find Nicole there. She was stuffing a load of dark clothes into a washing machine. She poured the detergent in before she shut the lid. She stuck her hand into the pocket of her jeans and a confused expression crossed her face. She patted the rest of the pockets in her jeans and still came up empty handed. She must have forgotten her key card. She looked around and as soon as she saw me, her eyes widened before she quickly turned away.

I coughed awkwardly as I walked towards the washer right next to hers. By some luck, whether it was good or bad, it was the only washer available. I quickly dumped my dirty clothes into the washer before I put detergent in and closed the lid. From my peripheral vision, I could see Nicole watching me as I started the wash with my key card.





After my appointment with Dr. Matthews, I grabbed my dirty clothes so I could wash them. When I gathered all my clothes, I took the elevator down to the basement. I quickly stuffed my clothes into a washer with detergent before I reached for my key card to pay for the load. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as I found my pocket empty. I felt around my other pockets and found nothing even remotely close to my key card. All I had on me was my cellphone. I sighed out in annoyance as I realized I forgot my key card in my room. I hoped Travis was in the room and turned around to go get it. I stopped though when I saw Will standing near the entrance of the laundry room, staring at me with a basket of dirty laundry in his arms. A look of surprise crossed my face before I quickly looked away from him.

He let out a cough and walked towards me. I took a quick glance around and realized that the washer next to mine was the only one available. I mentally cursed everything and everyone, and regretted even doing my laundry at this time.

I watched as Will put his clothes into the washer with detergent and closed the lid. He stuck his key card in and the washer started up quickly after. Right as I was about to walk past him to get my own key card from my room, I noticed that Will had dropped a piece of clothing onto the floor when he dumped the rest of his clothes into the washer. As if on instinct, I picked it up and held it out to him. My breath hitched in my throat as I realized what it was.

It was one of Will's shirts that I used to wear to bed, the same gray one that I used that same night I lost my virginity to him.

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat. "You dropped this," I said quietly. Will looked at me and then at the shirt in my hand. His eyes widened in recognition of the shirt before he hesitantly took it out of my hand and tossed it in with the rest of his clothes.

"Thanks," he muttered. I nodded at him. As I tried to walk past him again to get my key card, cursing my recent forgetfulness, Will stopped me. "It's on me," he said as he stuck his key card into my washer and paid for my wash load. I swallowed again as the wash started.

"Thank you," I replied awkwardly. There was no need for me to get my key card now, except for the dryer when the washer was done. That wouldn't be for another half an hour though. And I also didn't like leaving my clothes unattended in a public place like this, despite it being the dorm building.

I pulled myself up and sat on one of the folding stations and faced my washer. And apparently, Will didn't like to leave his clothes unattended either because he stayed where he was and leaned against his own washer, facing my direction. I didn't look at him and instead focused on the ground in front of me as I placed my hands under my knees.

"So," Will started awkwardly as he cleared his throat. I glanced up at him and he was fidgeting nervously, not entirely sure what to do with his arms and resigned to folding it across his chest. My mouth twitched up in a small smile, but it quickly disappeared as I realized now wasn't the time to think that it was adorable how he looked at the moment, especially after everything that he had done to me.

"So what?" I asked rudely back as I locked eyes with him.

"I see you're doing your laundry here," he answered lamely. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Yeah, and?"

"Don't you have a washer and dryer at your flat complex?" And then did I realize that he didn't know that I had moved back into the dorms. I cleared my throat before I replied to him.

"Yeah, there is. But it'd be a hassle to do my laundry there when my room is here." Will let his arms drop to his sides as he straightened himself.

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"I moved back into the dorms," I replied as I swung my legs back and forth gently.

"When?"

"More than a week ago," I replied with a shrug.

"Why didn't you tell me?

"Why should I?" I snapped at him as I stopped swinging my legs. I saw him clench his jaw before he spoke up again.

"Who are you living with?"

"Travis."

"Travis?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Travis? As in Ann's roommate?" I narrowed my eyes at him once more as my anger came back.

"You mean Annabella's ex-roommate," I retorted. I watched as Will snapped his mouth shut. He must have finally realized that I found out about his living situation. "You didn't tell me that Annabella moved back into your room. I guess some things slipped from both of our minds." It got quiet and I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him any longer, much less speak to him any longer. I jumped down from the folding table and brushed off my jeans.

As I walked out of the laundry room and into the elevator, forcing myself to leave my clothes unattended for a while, I took deep breaths. I didn't notice until I was out of the room and away from Will that my heart was racing and it had become hard to breathe. It was probably my panic disorder kicking in, because my chest felt tight and it started to hurt. I continued to take deep breaths so I wouldn't hyperventilate again. I clenched my throat with one hand and noted that my hands were shaking. I tried to brush it off as I left the elevator and walked down the hallway to my room.





After seeing Nicole in the laundry room, I felt like I needed a drink. I impatiently waited for my clothes to wash and dry, noticing how Nicole didn't come back for her clothes until she was probably sure I was gone.

I quickly dropped off my clothes at my room, told Ann I would be out for a few hours, and left the dorm building and the school campus. I hailed a cab and made my way to the nearest pub.

I ordered a pint and sipped the amber liquid. As I was about to finish my fourth pint did I realize how pathetic I probably looked. It wasn't even five o'clock on a Monday afternoon and I was already drinking.

I ran my hands over my face before I finished up the last of my drink. I hailed a cab back to school and popped a few mints into my mouth to cover up the smell of the lager on my mouth.





Luckily, Travis was in the room when I got back, so I could get my key card and kill some time before I had to go get my clothes.

I waited at least two hours before I went back down to the laundry room to finish drying my clothes. I didn't want to see Will any more than necessary.

After I had gotten my clothes and dropped them off at my room, I stopped by Chris' room so we could talk for a bit. We talked for a little while before he went out with Hayley. I mainly just told him what I spoke about with Dr. Matthews and how I was forgetting things more often and how I started to have a bit of memory gaps. And that he should be prepared if I forget anything and not to be mad at me. He totally understood and I left his room shortly after that and went back to my own room.

When I got back to the room, it was empty. Travis was probably at the PJY room now. I walked into the kitchen to get some water when I noticed a note on top of a plastic container. I picked up the note and read it.

I figured you haven't eaten yet, so I made some food for you. Make sure to eat all of it, okay?

-Travis

I smiled to myself as I set down the note and took the lid off the container. It was a tomato basil soup. I grabbed a spoon and started eating it. And though halfway through eating, I started to get full, I kept eating. Travis told me to finish everything and I didn't want to be rude and not eat it.

After I was finished, I put the empty container and spoon in the sink. The soup was actually really good. I started to wonder where he learned how to cook.

I let out a yawn as I walked towards my bed. I was tired already before I ate, but now, I was exhausted. I let another yawn escape my mouth as I changed into pajamas and crawled into my bed. I hoped that I could at least get a few hours of sleep instead of nightmares as I drifted off to sleep.





When I got back to my room after stopping by the PJY room for a bit, I found Nicole already sleeping in her bed. I was quiet as I walked into the room and shut the door behind me. I glanced to the kitchen counter and noted that the food I left for her wasn't there anymore. I walked into the kitchen and saw the empty container in the sink. I smiled a little at that.

Since Nicole moved into my room, I started to notice her eating habits. And while she already told me she didn't really eat much anymore, I really started to notice it for myself. And honestly, it didn't look healthy. She was already skinny and since she didn't eat much anymore, she looked even skinnier than when I first met her. So I figured if I made her food, she would eat it. And she did, which was good.

I was quiet as I walked to my wardrobe and changed out of my uniform. Right as I finished pulling a shirt over my head, I heard shuffling from Nicole's side. I glanced over my shoulder and she was just getting up from her bed. I faced her when I noticed her wipe her hands over her face. I looked just in time to see her wipe her tears away. I frowned to myself. She probably had another nightmare.

"You alright then?" I asked her. She looked up at me as she forced a small smile onto her face.

"I'm fine. Just a bad dream," she said with a sniffle as she wiped at her eyes once more. I nodded at her as she stretched and then got of her bed. She walked towards the bathroom and shut the door behind her. I grabbed my camera and sat down on my bed as I looked through the photos. Even though I was a writer for the PJY club, I took up photography as a side hobby to pass some time. I wasn't nearly as good as Nicole or any of the other photographers in the club, but I was decent enough. Though I didn't take photos for the club and strictly was just a writer. Right as I set my camera aside, Nicole had left the bathroom and was in the kitchen getting water. "Where'd you learn how to cook, Travis?" she asked from the kitchen as she sipped her water.

"My mum," I replied.

"It was really good. Thank you," she said with a smile. And this time it was a real smile. I nodded at her in response.

She left the kitchen and walked to her bed before she went on her laptop. As I went on my own computer, I glanced at her from my peripheral vision. She was typing something on her laptop before she stopped and just stared at the screen. She began fidgeting with the wristband on her left hand before she went back to typing.

I recalled the time she almost relapsed and cut herself. She looked so vulnerable and in so much pain. I couldn't the stop the anger from bubbling up as I realized Will was the cause of her pain. It gave me more of a reason to not like him. I shook my head and tried not to think more of it as I turned back to my laptop.





After I was on my laptop for a bit, there was a knock on the door. I glanced at the time and it was almost nine o'clock. Who the hell would be here at this time? I looked at Travis.

"Are you expecting anyone?" I asked him. He shook his head. "Huh. Well, I'm not expecting anyone," I said as I got up from my bed and walked towards the door. I opened it and was surprised to find who was standing in front of me. "Jason!" I exclaimed in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard you moved rooms," he said as he brushed past me and into my room. I rolled my eyes at him before I stepped in front of him so he couldn't go further into my room.

"Are you deaf, asshole? I asked, what are you doing here?"

"I thought we could give it another try," he said smugly. I stared him in shock and disbelief.

"Excuse me?" I managed to get out.

"Well, since you and Will," he said his name as if it left a bitter taste in his mouth. "have broken up, I figured we could try again."

"Are you still fucking on that?" I asked him. He shrugged in reply. "You're a complete dumbass, you know that? You think that after all this time, I'd still be interested in your sorry ass?" Before he could reply, Travis spoke up.

"What's going on?" he asked as he stood next to me.

"Nothing. This asshole was just leaving."

"No, I just asking Nicole out on a date," Jason replied. I rolled my eyes at him as a surprised expression came across Travis' face.

"And I was just saying no," I said as I turned Jason around and started pushing him out of my room.

"Oh, come on. We had fun before," he tried to argue. As I pushed him through the door, I stepped out of my room, closing the door slightly behind me.

"Jason, quit it," I said lowly. "If you keep bugging me, I'm gonna get a fucking restraining order on your ass," I said seriously.

"You're joking," he said as he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Does it look like I'm fucking joking?" Jason saw the completely serious look on my face. His eyes narrowed further before he stepped back.

"I don't believe you. I'm still gonna try, Nicole," he said as he started to walk down the hallway to the elevator.

"Then I'll have my lawyer on speed dial," I called out to him. I heard him scoff before I glared at his back. I stepped back into my room and closed the door behind me.

"That was your ex, right?" Travis asked me.

"Yeah," I replied quickly.

"Seems like a prick," he said. I couldn't help but laugh at that. I wasn't expecting him to say anything like that.

"Yeah, he is," I replied as we both went back to our laptops.