Here We Go Again

A week later after I had built up my wall, I found Chris at my room door after school had ended for the day.

"Nicole, Will is a wreck," Chris stated as soon I opened the door. I stared at him in confusion and slight annoyance.

"Will's a wreck?" I asked with a scoff as I turned away and walked into my room. "He looks perfectly fine to me. He isn't the one with mental problems and depression. And a fucking therapist," I snapped angrily. Chris followed me into my room before he replied.

"Just because he doesn't have all that doesn't mean he isn't hurting either. Have you seen him recently? Have you seen how much his life has spiraled downwards since you two broke up?" I scoffed again.

"Maybe he shouldn't have broken up with me in the first place then," I argued.

"Nicole, just hear him out, alright? He's a mess. And you need to talk to him." I bit the inside of my cheek as my anger slowly subsided.

"He's a wreck?" I asked quietly.

"Completely," he replied. "Does that make you a little happy?" he asked as a small grin tugged at the corner of his lips.

"A little," I replied with a small smile. He grinned before his face became serious again.

"Really, Nicole, he's messed up."

"How messed up?" I asked with genuine concern. I wasn't completely heartless. Even though I was a little bit happy to hear that Will was suffering like I was, I still loved him and I still worried about him.

Chris took a deep breath before he replied. "His drinking has gotten out of control. He's going out and drinking almost every night. Plus, his grades are slipping. He's gotten into a couple of pub brawls and he snapped at another student the other day and almost got into a fight here. He got sent to the headmaster's office today and his parents got called in, because of his recent behavior. He's been suspended for the rest of this week to get his act together. And to finish it off, it's been pretty rocky with him and Annabella," he explained. "I gave him time to get his shit together, but he's not doing anything to get it together. In fact, he's getting worse."

"He's gotten this bad?" I asked and he nodded. "How did I not notice this before?"

"He tried really hard to hide it. He didn't want anyone to know, especially you. He didn't want to worry anyone. So will you talk to him? Will you get him to get his act together? If you're the one asking, he might listen." I bit my lip in thought.

"Yeah, I'll talk to him," I replied with a sigh.

"Alright, good. Oh, and he's hiding some liquor under his bed, so..." he trailed off.

"Yeah, I got it. I know what to do."

"Okay, thanks. It was good talking to you," Chris said as he walked forward and pulled me into a hug.

"Even if the subject of conversation was Will," I said with a chuckle. He laughed at that.

"Yeah," he said. "So you'll talk to him?" he asked to be sure. I rolled my eyes at him before I replied.

"Yes, I will. I promise. I'll try to help him."

"That's all I'm really asking for. Thank you."

"No problem," I said. I walked him out and he left to his own room. When he was gone, I was glad that Travis was out at the PJY room, because I needed time alone to think about what Chris just told me.

Will had a drinking problem? I noticed he had been drinking a lot more often, but I didn't think it would get this bad.

I bit my lip as I walked to my bed and sat down. I knew that the sooner I spoke to Will, the sooner he could get help if he really needed it. I couldn't bring myself to see him just yet though. Even though my wall had held up pretty well this week, I still needed to prepare myself and fix some holes in my wall where Will nearly broke through.

So as soon as I was prepared, I was going to see him. What was I going to say to him though? And how was I going to go about the situation?



It wasn't until four days later that I finally mustered enough courage to see Will. It did help me that he was suspended for the week so I didn't have to see him during the school day. So before I left for my apartment for the weekend, I stopped by his room.

"Nicole! What are you doing here?" he asked in surprise when he found me in front of his room door.

"We need to talk," I replied as I looked past him. "Is Annabella here?"

"No, she went out to spend some time with James," he answered.

"Can I come in?" I asked him and he nodded. I brushed past him and walked towards his bed.

"What are you doing her-" he stopped suddenly when he watched me kneel and push up his bed covers to show beneath his bed. I reached around with my hand and felt a few shoe boxes. I pulled them out from under his bed. "What are you doing?" he asked in a slightly panicked voice as he walked towards me. I held up my hand to stop him from walking and glared up at him.

"Don't you dare," I warned him as I pointed up at him. He opened his mouth to argue, but I only narrowed my eyes further at him.

He didn't say anything and just watched me as I took the lid off the first box. It was a pair of loafers. I pushed that box aside and opened the next box. It was a pair of running shoes. As I reached for the third box, I was starting to doubt the information that Chris gave me and thought that maybe I had made a mistake until I took off the lid. And in that third shoe box, I found a nearly empty bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. I let out a disappointed sigh as I looked up at Will. He had a guilty look on his face and he wouldn't look me in the eyes. I was actually kind of hoping that Chris was wrong about the liquor and that Will didn't really have a drinking problem.

I pulled out the last three shoe boxes from under his bed. One box was a pair of dress shoes, but the other two boxes had alcohol in them. One box had a full bottle of Smirnoff vodka and the other box had a half empty bottle of a brand I was unfamiliar with, but I assumed was some sort of rum.

I let out another disappointed sigh as I placed all three bottles on his bed.

"It's not what it looks like, Nicole," Will tried to explain.

"Oh really?" I asked in disbelief. "Because I think it's exactly what it looks like me. It looks like you're hiding liquor underneath your bed in shoe boxes. And hiding the fact that you're the only one drinking all of this!" I retorted angrily. I stood up and walked towards him. Will looked down in guilt. "You have a problem, Will, and you need to get your shit together." I watched as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I don't have a problem," he muttered. I rose my eyebrows in surprise.

"Really? You don't have a problem? I find that very hard to believe. You've been drinking a lot, Will. Are you even sober right now?" I asked as I took another step towards him. I sniffed the air around him and I smelled the faint bitterness of alcohol on his breath. "Wow. You're not," I stated. "What a shocker," I said sarcastically as I turned away from him.

"Is that why you came here? To lecture me on my drinking habits?" he snapped at me. I whipped around and narrowed my eyes at him. The look on his face showed that he regretted saying that, but it was already out there now.

"I came to talk you. I came to fucking help you," I said as I turned back around and picked up the three bottles from his bed.

"What are you doing?" he asked as I walked past him and into the kitchen.

"Helping you," I stated simply. I set the bottles on the counter next to the sink before I uncapped one of the bottles. I started with the full bottle of vodka. I poured it down the drain as Will watched me helplessly. I then worked on the other two bottles before I turned to face him.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked quietly.

"Because you need help and I want to help you. I wouldn't be here today, living and breathing if I didn't have my friends and family helping me like I'm helping you. So just accept my help."

"I thought you hated me." He looked down at the ground. I felt a tight feeling in my chest and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

Don't let your wall break, Nicole. Don't let it fall. Don't let it crumple.

I thought to myself before I replied.

"I never said I hated you," I said as I turned around and gathered the three empty bottles. From my peripheral vision, I saw Will's shocked expression. I ignored it as I tossed the bottles in the recycling bin underneath the kitchen sink.

"You don't hate me?" he questioned me. I didn't bother to reply to that and instead said something else.

"Will, you've got to stop doing this. You can't keep drinking every night and you can't go picking random fights at bars or here at school."

"Maybe I'm doing this, because you won't forgive me," he muttered. I stared at him in shock. I knew that he was having problems because of our break up, but I didn't think he would pick up a bad drinking habit because of me alone. "I want you to forgive me," he said in a more confident voice as he looked up at me. And my wall almost broke down; almost.

"You want my forgiveness for what you did to me?" I asked and he nodded. "Well, this is definitely not how to go about in getting it, okay? Get your act together, get cleaned up, and if it's gotten really bad, get professional help. Then we'll talk some more, alright?"

"Alright," he said in defeat. I brushed past him and walked towards his door. Right as I opened the door to leave, the door was closed shut once more. I looked at the toned arm that was holding the door shut. I gulped before my eyes followed the arm to its owner. "So you don't hate me?" I swallowed my saliva before I looked up and locked eyes with him.

"No," I answered. "I could never hate you." His hand dropped from the door as a stunned expression overcame his face. I took this as my chance and quickly turned away from him and opened the door once more. I left his room, shutting the door behind me before I practically ran down the hallway to the elevator. I needed to get as far away from him as possible. And I couldn't be in the same vicinity as him right now. If I had stayed in there any longer and stared into those hazel eyes of his, my wall for sure would have broken down then and there.





After Nicole left my room, I was left with the lingering smell of her perfume and the thought that she didn't hate me. Sure, she hadn't forgiven me either, but she didn't hate me so that was a start.

I couldn't stop the grin that made its way onto my face. The alcohol in my system probably played a part in my happiness, but Nicole was a bigger part of it right now. The look in her eyes when she said she didn't hate me, it made me think that she still loved me instead. Because God knows I still loved her. In fact, I think my feelings for her grew even stronger in these past few months. How was I supposed to tell her that though? How was I supposed to tell Ann that? I was still dating Ann right now. How could I possibly tell her that my feelings for her had grown less and less while my love for Nicole had grown more and more? And that I actually wanted to break up? Again? There was really no easy way to do this.

I sighed as I realized that Ann was going to be back any minute now and I still hadn't prepared what I was going to say to her. It was one thing to break up with her once, but it was another thing to break up with her twice.

My eyes snapped up to the door when I heard it open. Ann walked in with James behind her. He was carrying a shopping bag that he set down on the couch. He gave me a nod to acknowledge me and I nodded back at him before he left the room with a simple thanks from Ann. When he was gone, she looked towards me.

"You alright then?" she asked me as she walked into the kitchen.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine," I replied as I followed her. I sat down on a stool as she grabbed a few vegetables from the fridge.

"I'm starving," she muttered as she washed the vegetables and started chopping them on a chopping board with a knife. As she went to toss the ends of the vegetables underneath the kitchen sink and into the bin, I realized that she would see the empty bottles. From the look on her face, I could tell she saw them. Before I could say anything, she spoke up first. "So I see you finally tossed out all your liquor," she stated simply as she went back to cutting the vegetables. I stared at her in shock.

"You knew?" I questioned.

"Of course I knew. I'm not stupid."

"How'd you find out?"

"I'm your girlfriend, Will. If something seems a bit off, then I'm gonna get curious and snoop around." It was a little unsettling that she would snoop around my things, but it didn't really upset me all that much. "What made you change your mind?" she asked me.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"What made you change your mind and throw out all your liquor?" she clarified. I tightened my jaw and when I didn't reply, she looked up at me. Realization dawned on her face. "Right. It was Nicole," she stated, not questioned.

"She came by and spoke with me about it. I guess Chris must have told her what was happening."

"I see," she said as she tossed the chopped vegetables into a pot of boiling water that I hadn't noticed she had set up. She didn't sound angry and her voice instead was flat, void of any emotion.

"Why didn't you try to make me stop drinking?" I asked her suddenly. If she knew about it, why didn't she try to stop me?

She shrugged before she replied. "You wouldn't have listened to me anyway."

"You don't know that," I tried to argue.

"Come off it, Will. I know you. You're bloody stubborn, so you wouldn't have listened to me. If Nicole had asked you on the other hand..." she trailed off as she stirred the soup she was making before she set the cover on top of the pot for it to cook more. I tightened my jaw once more. As much as I didn't want to admit it, she was right. I probably wouldn't have listened to her even if she tried. The only person I would have listened to was Nicole. And I couldn't imagine how Ann was feeling since she knew this.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. She shook her head before she turned to me.

"It's fine. Really. As long you're getting better, it's okay," she said with a smile. Her smile was genuine and I couldn't help back smile back at her weakly.

"Ann," I started quietly as my smile dropped. I paused to collect my thoughts. "Ann, I can't do this anymore," I finally stated. She looked at me, searching my eyes for what I had meant.

"I'm losing you again, aren't I?" she asked and I looked down. I couldn't look her in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, I just..." I trailed off, unsure what to say. "I made another mistake."

"Yeah," Ann replied sharply. "You tend to do that a lot," she said quietly as she turned away and started washing the chopping board and knife. For a split second, I thought it was probably a terrible idea to tell her this while she had a knife in her hand. I knew Ann though and she would never hurt me and or anyone else for that matter, so that thought quickly left my mind.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"Yeah, I know you are," she said and it went completely silent after that. The only sound that was heard was the screeching from the boiling pot of soup.

When it was done, she poured two bowls of it and placed one of the bowls in front of me without a word. I gave her a small smile as thanks and she nodded as she ate from her own bowl. We ate in silence and even if I knew what to say, I probably wouldn't want to say it. She needed silence and time to think, and I was going to give that to her. It was the least I could do.