Here We Go Again

I opened my eyes and blinked slowly to let them adjust. I felt a warm arm holding me around my waist tightly. It wasn't painfully tight, but more snug and I didn't ever want to leave them. When my eyes were adjusted, I looked over my shoulder to find Will still soundly asleep. I bit my lip to keep from smiling as leaned further back into his arms. I let my fingers wander over his toned arm and continued to do this until he stirred and his arm tightened a bit more around me. I felt his soft lips on the outer shell of my ear.

"Morning, love," he muttered sleepily. I smiled to myself before I turned around in his arms.

"Morning," I replied with a grin. He looked at me with a lazy grin on his own lips, sleep still evident in his eyes.

"You're beautiful," Will said suddenly. I looked at him in surprise. I was caught so off guard by that. I wasn't expecting him to say anything like that to me. "What?" he asked me as he took in my shocked expression.

"Oh, nothing," I said quickly.

"No, what is it?" he pressed.

"It's just," I started. "It's just I wasn't expecting that."

"Expecting what?"

"Expecting you to call me that," I clarified.

"What? Beautiful?" I nodded at him. "And why not?"

"I don't know," I said with a shrug. "It's just, I don't think I'm worthy of that word." I saw Will tighten his jaw at that.

"Nicole," he started.

"Will," I cut him off, knowing exactly what he was going to try to say. "Don't even start, Will. I don't deserve that word, so don't even bother."

"Nicole," he said again.

"I'm serious!"

"So am I!" he argued. "Can't you just believe me?" I bit my lip as I thought about it.

"I'm not beautiful. Not compared to others," I said quietly.

"Fuck the others. You're absolutely stunning to me and that's all I really care about. I fail to understand how you can't see how beautiful you are. You deserve that word and more." I looked him in the eyes and he had such a sureness in his eyes that I couldn't help but just nod at him. Whenever Will was so nice to me, I still couldn't really believe it. I mean, he was always so mean to me before, so when he called beautiful now and meant it, of course I would be caught off guard.

"Okay," I said for a lack of a better thing to say. He smiled at me before he leaned forward and kissed me. Before it got too far, I pulled away from him. I covered my mouth as I spoke. "I need to brush my teeth." A light blush came over my cheeks. He chuckled as he let go of me. I crawled over him to get to the bathroom.

While I brushed my teeth, Will got out of bed and walked out of my room. When I was finished with my usual morning routine, I walked out of my room and found Will in the kitchen, finishing up on cooking an omelette.

"Come sit down. Breakfast is almost ready," he said simply as he motioned towards the kitchen table. I smiled at him and sat down, shivering slightly at the coldness of the chair on my bare thighs. In a few minutes, the food was done and he placed a plate of food in front of me. While I ate, he brushed his own teeth before he made his own food. It was nice having breakfast with Will and it felt... normal.

After breakfast, we spent the rest of day just relaxing. We didn't have anything planned for today, so we just watched movies in our pajamas. At around six o'clock after four movies in a row and endless amounts of popcorn, Will grabbed my laptop and went on it as I watched some random talk show on TV.

As I sat next to him, I glanced at him every so often. Since he was still in his sweatpants and no shirt, I had a good view of his bare back and chest. I bit my lip as he reached over and typed something, his back muscles flexing slightly. I almost forgot how nice of a body he had and how he liked to not wear a shirt when he relaxed.

I wrapped the couch blanket around myself tighter as I tried to focus back onto the TV. Will was too much of a distraction for me. As I kept sneaking glances at him, I realized it had been awhile since I had last been... intimate with him, if you would call it. I know I was the one to initiate it the very first time around, but I couldn't really think of a good way to go about it this time.

I mean, I can't just go out and say, 'Hey, Will. I know we just back together again, but I really want to have sex with you. So yeah, let's do it!'.

I cringed. I couldn't imagine myself saying that. That was not a good way to say that. I tried to think of different ways to go about it and there was only one good way that came to mind. I breathed in deeply before I opened my mouth to speak up.

"I'm gonna head into the shower," I said before I stood up, the blanket falling to the couch, and pulled the shirt lower to cover my bare legs. Will hummed at me in reply as he continued to type away on my laptop. When I stood in front of him, he stopped typing and looked up at me. "Would you like to join me?" I asked him, thankfully, without a stutter. I felt my cheeks flush as Will's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Oh, u-uh, um," he said as he fumbled for words. I almost started to regret even asking him in the first place. "Y-yeah," he finally replied. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in. "Let me just finish this up and I'll join you in a minute," he managed to say without stuttering this time. I nodded at him before I walked down the hall to my bedroom. I grabbed a towel before I walked into my bathroom.

I turned on the water to the right temperature before I quickly undressed and hopped into the shower. I faced the shower head and closed my eyes as I let the water run over my body. I let it wash away my scarlet blush and nervousness.

I heard shuffling from inside the bathroom before I heard the shower door slide open and then close. I didn't bother to open my eyes or turn around. I slowly felt a large arm wrap over my shoulders and I sighed contently. I opened my eyes and leaned back into Will. I sighed again as his lips grazed my temple.

"I missed this..." I sighed out. "I missed you..." I clarified.

"I know," Will replied as he held me tighter to his body. "I missed you too..."

I turned around in his arms, leaned up towards him, and pressed a light kiss on his lips. And just like, all my shyness was gone. And it was just me and Will, and there was nothing stopping us from being intimate with each other once again.



After our second shower - we had to wash off from our first shower because of obvious reasons - we dried off and changed into a fresh pair of clothes. When we were dressed, I quickly climbed into my bed since it was cold. Will didn't bother with a shirt again tonight and it made me wonder his tolerance for cold. I mean, even though I was only wearing a t-shirt earlier, it was a long shirt and I was wrapped in a blanket on the couch. Maybe it was because he used to the cold weather of England and I was still accustomed to the warm California weather.

I patted the bed next to me and he sat next to me, wrapping the blanket around me tighter. He made sure I was warm and snug before he even pulled a bit of the blanket up to cover his bottom half. He pulled me against his bare chest and I gladly welcomed the warmth he emitted.

We entwined our fingers together and as we sat in silence, I stared at his hand in mine.

"Your hands are huge!" I suddenly said. Will just laughed at me.

"Well, your hands are tiny!" he replied as held up our connected hands and examined them. I laughed this time. He moved my hand towards his face and pressed his lips against my thumb. "But they're beautiful," he said with a smile. I still had to get used to that word being directed at me. And so to cover the blush that crept up my cheeks, I leaned closer to him, slightly my burying my face in his chest. "Your fingers are beautiful." He kissed each one of my fingers on my left hand. "Your palm is beautiful." He kissed the inside of my palm. "The back of your hand is beautiful." He kissed the back of my hand. "But why is your wrist covered?" he questioned. My smile instantly turned into a frown. I had put my wristband back on right after we got out of the shower.

"Will..." I said quietly as I tried to pull away from him.

"You didn't answer my question," he said seriously.

"Because you already know!" I exclaimed. I pulled away from him and looked away. He pulled me back in and turned my face so I looked at him.

"Let me see your wrist. You've showed me before already. Do it again," he said softly. I diverted my eyes from him since I couldn't turn my face away from him.

"...No..." I said quietly.

"Please?" he begged. I looked back at him and bit my bottom lip nervously. I knew I stood no chance against him, so I slowly brought my wrist up to him.

He let go of my face and gently grabbed my forearm. He slowly and carefully removed the wristband from my wrist. I cringed as soon as I saw the scars. Will's eyes only softened though at what he exposed.

"They're ugly, aren't they? The scars," I said.

"No, they're not," he said as he gently caressed the scars. I felt shivers run up and down my spine. He kept eye contact with me as he traced and retraced the overlapping of scarred lines.

"Yes, they are. They're hideous," I said. I could feel my eyes brim with tears. "Please stop, Will. You're hurting me," I whimpered. We both knew he wasn't hurting me physically, but emotionally. I didn't want these scars. They were a reminder of my past; a reminder of what I voluntarily did to myself.

"You stop. They're beautiful. Your wrist is beautiful," he said as he kissed my scars, his eyes trained on me the whole time. After he pulled away, I looked away.

"How can you say that? How can you say they're beautiful? They're scars. They're hideous," I said with a sniffle. Will once again turned my face to look at him.

"Listen to me. You're beautiful. Everything on you is beautiful. Even these scars on your body are beautiful. These scars aren't what make you ugly or beautiful. You make these scars beautiful," he finished. Honestly, that was the nicest, most amazing, and most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. And I wasn't sure what to say to that exactly.

"You're too good for me," I finally said.

"No, you're too good for me," he said with a smile. I broke out into my own smile before he leaned closer to me and pressed his lips against mine.

Eventually, his lips trailed down to my neck. I involuntarily arched against him. He moved his head upwards and kissed my lips again. When he pulled away, I ran my fingers through his slightly damp hair and pushed it back to see his own scar right before his hairline. I leaned forward and kissed it. As I pulled away, he placed his hands on my cheeks and I reached up and placed my hands over his. I could feel the scars on his knuckles from his bar fights. I pulled his hands away from me to see the healed flesh and kissed those scars as well.

The moment was instantly killed though when we both heard a stomach growl loudly. I let go of his hands and held my stomach. "Sorry," I apologized sheepishly. Will chuckled.

"Hungry?" he asked and I nodded at him. "We haven't had dinner yet. Do you want to order takeaway?" I nodded again. "Chinese?" he suggested. I nodded once more, still too embarrassed that my stomach would make such a noise at a tender moment like that.

Will crawled out of the bed, making sure I was wrapped in the blanket once more, before he darted out of my room and into the kitchen to search for the Chinese take-out menu and phone number. He came back into my room a minute later, a white pamphlet in his hand. He sat down next to me and we picked out what we wanted. He quickly called the number and ordered our food.

In less than thirty minutes, there was a knock on my front door. Will pulled on a shirt before he grabbed his wallet and left my bedroom. I could faintly hear the exchanging of words between Will and the delivery guy - I could tell it was a guy by how his voice sounded - before Will came back into my room. He shut my bedroom door with his foot and held up the paper bag of food with a smile. I smiled back at him as he placed the food in front of me, setting his wallet on my bedside table.

I opened the bag and my nose was instantly filled with the smell of orange chicken and chow mein, and the other delicious Chinese food we ordered. I pulled out a carton of food and chopsticks as Will grabbed my laptop and set it at the foot of my bed so we could watch something while we ate. He chose something at random before he settled himself next to me, a carton of food and chopsticks of his own in his hands.

As we ate, I barely paid attention to what was playing in front of us and instead was thinking of Will and I. He had met all my immediate family and they loved him, so there wasn't really a problem with them. And he was fine with Erin now and all the friends I made here were already friends with Will before I met them. He was already integrated into my home life, my school life, definitely my love life, and he knew of my past and accepted it. He had met everyone important in my life aside from my therapist. And knowing Will, he would want to meet Dr. Matthews as well when we left for California in a few days. He had of course insisted to come with me again to visit my family for Christmas break, telling me that his parents would be on vacation once more. So aside from Dr. Matthews, there was just one person I definitely wanted him to meet.

"Will, I want you to meet my dad," I said suddenly. He stopped chewing his food and turned to stare at me in confusion before he swallowed his food and spoke up.

"Your dad? As in your dead dad?" he asked me slowly. I nodded at him. "You want me to meet him?"

"Yes. And by meet my dad, I mean, I want you to come with me to visit his grave."

"Oh!" he said in understanding. "Right."

"Are you okay with that?" I asked as I looked up at him. I half-expected him to say no, but he didn't say that.

"Yes, of course," he replied instead. I smiled at him before we want back to eating our Chinese food and watching a random show on my laptop.