Status: Completed. This is the sequel of The First Cut is the Deepest, so if you haven't read that story, you should read that story first then come back here for this story. =) Third and final installment is already up.

Here We Go Again

Chapter 8

I spent the next three days cooped up in my room. Erin had come to visit a couple of times within that time, but I told her I wasn't really in the mood to do anything. She suggested we go watch a movie, but I couldn't even do that. I told her not worry about me and that I just needed time to be alone. I knew though that she was worrying about me anyway.

In those three days, all I did was stay in bed. I would stay up late at night on my computer usually just listening to sad, depressing music and then go to bed at around dawn. I would sleep for a few hours and then wake up at around noon, because of the nightmares I started to have. I barely ate because I simply didn't feel like it. That didn't stop my mom though from bringing up food and leaving it at my door. I ate a little just to keep me going, so I didn't pass out and so I had something to take my iron supplements with.

When the fourth day rolled around, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I dragged myself up from my bed and headed towards my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked like absolute shit. I hadn't any energy to shower, so I was pretty dirty and my hair was a tangled, oily mess. I reached up and touched my cheeks. I looked skinnier than usual and it was showing. My cheeks looked a little too sunken in for my liking and there were dark bags under my swollen eyes. I sighed as I placed my hands on the counter.

I opened one of the drawers and pulled out a spare razor blade that I had lying around. I was absolutely miserable and cutting always used to help me with that. I took off my wristband and set it aside before I brought the blade to my wrist.

Right as I was about to take a slash, there was a loud knock on my bedroom door. I looked away from the blade and looked at myself in the mirror again. I didn't even realize I had started crying. I looked away when I heard another knock. I glanced back at my wrist before I dropped the blade. I put back on my wristband and walked back into my room. After quickly wiping at my eyes, I opened the door and saw Eric standing there, a tray of food in his hands.

"Mommy wanted me to bring you food," he said as he held the tray higher. I leaned against the doorframe and managed a small smile towards him.

"Thanks, buddy, but I'm not really in the mood to eat," I said quietly.

"But mommy said you have to eat," he said in a somewhat sad voice. The look on Eric's face nearly torn me to bits. I let out a sigh as I opened the door wider for him to enter.

"Alright, I'll eat a little," I said as I crawled back into my bed. Eric set the tray on my lap before he sat next to me. I grabbed the fork and it seemed as if he was holding his breath until I took a bite. I took a bite, chewed, and then swallowed the food. Eric let out the breath he was holding and a huge smile came across his face. He had this look on his face as if to say to eat more. I sighed again and continued eating, Eric waiting patiently next to me.

When I finished the food, Eric clapped excitedly with a cheer. I smiled at him. Even though I was pretty miserable, the happy look on his face helped me feel a little better.

"Do you want dessert?" he asked with a big smile.

"No, it's okay, Eric. This is enough," I replied. His smile disappeared and he had a sad look on his face now.

"Hey, what's wrong, buddy?" I asked as I patted his head.

"Are you sick?" he asked. "You look sick."

"You know what, Eric? I think I am," I replied honesty.

"Are you getting better?"

"No, I don't think I am."

"Why not?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied.

"Maybe you should go see a doctor," he suggested. I took a deep breath before I replied. He was probably right.

"I think I will," I said. He nodded before he sat up and grabbed the tray. He left my room and I was left all alone once again. I let out a sigh as I sank deeper into my bed. I was surprised though when my cell phone began to ring. I picked it up and looked at the caller ID. It was Chris. "Hello?" I answered half-heartedly.

"Nicole!" he exclaimed.

"Hi, Chris," I said quietly. "What's up?"

"I've been busy for the last couple of days that I haven't had a chance to talk to you, let alone come up to your room. So I went to see you and Will and he told me that you went back to America. What the bloody hell, Nicole? Why didn't you tell me?" he asked as his voice raised slightly.

"I'm so sorry, Chris, but everything was just so hectic for me that I wasn't really thinking straight."

"What happened? Will wouldn't tell me anything and he went pretty quiet when I asked him what happened."

"So he didn't tell you?" I asked in surprise.

"Tell me what?" he asked.

"We, uh," I started. "we broke up," I finally said. It was quiet on the other end before Chris finally spoke up.

"What?!" he yelled. I held the phone back for a few seconds before I brought it back to my ear.

"We broke up," I repeated.

"But... What? How? Why?"

"I'm not even entirely sure. You should ask Will. He's the one that broke up with me."

"That piece of shit..." I heard him mutter. "I'll talk to you later," he said before he hung up. I didn't even have a chance to say bye. I shrugged it off though as I laid back into my bed.

Image


Chris


I quickly hung up my mobile and rang Will's mobile. I asked where he was and he said he was in the canteen. I told him not to move before I hung up and angrily made my way to him.

When I got to the canteen, there were a few other people there. I found Will and Annabella at a nearby table. I walked up to their table and slammed my hands down onto it.

"We need to talk, Will," I said.

"About what?" he asked as soon as he overcame his shock.

"I think you know what," I said with a stern look. A look of understanding came over his face before he turned to Annabella and spoke up.

"Excuse me for a moment," he said as he stood up and followed me to a few tables away. "What?" he asked as soon as we were out of earshot.

"Don't 'what' me. What the fuck happened? Why'd you and Nicole break up?" I asked him. I watched as he tensed up.

"It's complicated," he said as he rubbed his neck.

"Make it simple," I ordered him. He let out a sigh and glanced back. I followed where his eyes were and found Annabella at the other end. I glared at him. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked through gritted teeth. "You broke up with Nicole to get back together with Annabella?" I could feel my hands ball into fists.

"I told you. It's complicated."

"You just broke up with the girl that you love for your ex. After all the shit you and Nicole have been through, you just ended it like that? Are you fucking mental?!"

"Chris, it's not-"

"It's not what? It's not what it looks like? Bullshit. Absolute bullshit."

"Whatever you say," Will said in a dismissive tone. "I'm gonna try again with Ann," he said matter of factly. I couldn't stop my fist from colliding with Will's jaw. I watched as he fell back onto a nearby table from the impact. I breathed out through gritted teeth before I spoke up.

"Will, I never hit you before when I still liked Nicole, but now I think I should have. What you're doing is completely," I paused to find the right word. "heartless," I finally said. "You broke the heart of one of my best friends, the girl you love. The girl we all love. It's bloody heartless. You're bloody heartless and I don't know how you can live with yourself," I finished before I turned and walked away. I was still fuming as I walked back to my dorm room.

Image


Nicole


After talking with Chris and thinking over what Eric and I spoke about, I think I really did need some help.

I crawled out of my bed and grabbed the small trash can in my room. I dumped what little trash I had in there into my bathroom trash before I started gathering all the razor blades and other things I used to cut myself with. I grabbed all the razor blades I had taped in and under drawers which amounted to about seven blades. I tossed them into the bin before I grabbed a broken pair of scissors that I solely used to cut myself. I grabbed a piece of glass that broke off from an old frame that I used to have and tossed that into the bin as well. I grabbed a bunch of other little things that I used to cut myself with and let them all accumulate in the bin. And lastly, I grabbed an old box cutter that I hid in my underwear drawer and placed it into the bin.

When I was finished getting all the things that would tempt me to cut again, I grabbed the trash can and made my way downstairs. I found my mom sitting at the kitchen table, her laptop in front of her. I placed the bin on top of the table next to her and she got startled at the suddenness of it.

"Nicole!" she said in surprise. "You're out of your room."

"I am," I replied simply.

"What's in the bin?" she asked as she stood up from her seat. She tilted the metal can and peeked inside. "What-" she started in shock.

"Can you get rid of it?" I asked her. She continued to look at me in shock. I just stared back at her, a determined look on my face.

"Uh, yeah," she finally managed to say. "Of course." She grabbed the container and gave it a small shake and glanced into it again.

"And one more thing," I started.

"Yeah?" she asked as she looked at me again.

"I'd like to go into therapy."

"T-therapy?" she asked in shock.

"Yeah."

"Uh, are you sure? After all these years of not wanting to go-"

"I'm sure," I said.

"Okay," she said in understanding. "I'll look into it and schedule an appointment.

"Thanks, mom." I gave her a quick hug before I turned away and walked back upstairs to my room.
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I had access to internet for a bit, so here's the next chapter.
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