Here We Go Again

By the next day, my mom said she found a good psychiatrist and our appointment was in a few hours. I had a feeling she already had a whole list of therapists picked out years ago and knew that now was a good time to finally call one of them. I finally showered and then got dressed for my appointment. We dropped off Eric at a family friend's house before we made our way to the therapist's.

When we got there, other than the secretary, there was only my mom and I in the waiting room. After a good fifteen minutes of waiting, the door opened and a teenage girl holding a black folder in her arms walked out with an older woman behind her. I glanced at the spine of the folder and noticed the name Simon Ashford on it and then the name Kate Montez under that. I looked away from the folder when I realized that it wasn't my business to know who those people were. After the girl left, the older woman turned to my mom and I.

"You must be Natalie Greene. My name is Dr. Ava Matthews, we spoke on the phone," the doctor said as she shook hands with my mom.

"Yes, and this is my daughter Nicole, the one I was talking about," my mom said as she introduced me. I shook the doctor's hand and got a good look at her. She was a pretty woman, looking to be between her mid-twenties to her early thirties. She wore black thick rimmed glasses and her dark hair was up in a bun.

"It's nice to meet you, Nicole," she said politely.

"It's nice to meet you too," I replied.

"Well then. Let's get started. If you could step into my office," Dr. Matthews said as she gestured to her office. I nodded and hesitantly walked into her office. Right as my mom was about to follow me in, Dr. Matthews stopped her. "If you don't mind, Ms. Greene, I'd like to speak with Nicole privately for a bit. I'll need to get to know her a little before we start and then I'll call you in. Is that okay?"

"Yes, that's fine," my mom replied as she sat back in her seat.

"Great, I'll see you in a bit," Dr. Matthews said before she closed the door behind her. Dr. Matthews turned to me and gestured to a chair in front of her desk. "Please, sit." I nodded at her and awkwardly sat in the chair. She walked around her desk and sat down in her own chair. She pulled out a black folder and a pen before she spoke up. "So," she started. "I hear that you're going to start your senior year of high school."

"Yeah, I am," I replied.

"That's a bit exciting."

"Um, I guess," I said half-heartedly. Before this whole thing, it was exciting to me. At the moment though, it just looked like something to dread looking forward to.

"Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and say this. I'm going to be your therapist and you're going to be my patient. And for this to work out and for you to get better, you're going to have to tell me everything and not lie about anything if I ask you something. I've been through this before where someone is withholding information and it's not beneficial for either of us. Do you understand?" I nodded at her. "And even though I said I'm your therapist, I hope you don't think of me strictly as that. Here, I'm your friend as well." If I had heard this before, I would have rolled my eyes at her and called her out on her bullshit. Right now though, I was glad to hear that. "Alright, well, I'm going to call your mom in now, because she needs to be here for this next step." I nodded again and she stood up from her chair and walked towards the door. My mom entered the room and sat in the empty chair next to me. Dr. Matthews took her place once again in her chair and handed a few papers that were in her folder to my mom and I. I looked over the papers and Dr. Matthews explained they were doctor-patient confidentiality papers that needed to be read and signed before we went any further. She handed me another set of papers and told me this was a small survey of some sort to help get a little gist of what my mental and physical health was like. I read over a few questions and they were asking things like how many hours of sleep I got per night, how often and how much I ate, if I've had any suicidal thoughts or tendencies, etcetera, etcetera.

After I filled out the two and half pages - front and back - and signed the doctor-patient confidentiality papers, I handed them back to Dr. Matthews. "I'm finished," I stated. She glanced over it to see if I answered all the questions before she spoke up.

"Everything looks about right. So you're starting school again and I hear you're boarding in England."

"Yes, I am. How are our sessions gonna be like then if I'm in school?"

"While you're here in the states, we can have regular sessions where you come into my office. When you leave for England though, we can continue to have our sessions through video chats and emails. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, that's fine," I replied.

"Alright then. Well, our first session will be the day after tomorrow. I have an opening at 2 PM," she said as she opened her appointment book. "Is that fine for both of you?" My mom looked at me and I nodded.

"Yeah, that's fine for both of us," my mom replied.

"Alright then," Dr. Matthews said as she stood up from her chair. My mom and I followed her lead and stood up as well. "It was really nice meeting you and I look forward to our sessions and getting to know you better."

"Same," I replied awkwardly.

We soon left her office and made our way home. We picked up Eric at our friend's house before we finally got back home. When we got there, we were all surprised to see a tall, dark haired boy sitting on our porch, fiddling with the strap of the backpack he was wearing.

"What the heck?" my mom asked as we all got out of the car and the guy stood up.

"Good question," I replied as I walked up to the porch. My mom and Eric walked past us and into the house. "What are you doing here, Chris?" I asked as I looked up at him.

"I finally talked to Will. I came as soon as I could after I found out. I'm so sorry," he said as he pulled me into a hug. I leaned into him and hugged him back.

"It's okay," I muttered into his chest.

"No, it's not," he said as he held me at arms length. "It's not okay," he said. I looked up at him and nodded.

"Alright, it's not okay," I said. "But why did you come all the way over here?"

"Why else? Do you think I could let my best friend wallow in pain alone without at least trying to make her feel better?"

"What about Hayley?"

"She told me that you once helped comfort her before and she wished she could be here to do the same thing you did for her. She's busy though, so she couldn't make it out. So she completely understands why I needed to see you."

"You do realize you're completely lucky to have her as a girlfriend, right?"

"Totally. Now, are you going to invite me into your home or are you just going to leave me out here on your porch?"

"I'm still thinking about it," I replied jokingly. Chris rolled his eyes at me and pulled at my arm. He led me to my front door and we both walked inside.



"You what?" Chris asked me as he sat down on my bed.

"I entered therapy," I said.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked him. After Chris properly greeted my mom and Eric, we went upstairs to my room to talk.

"I never thought you'd actually go into therapy," he said with a shrug.

"Yeah, me neither. But after thinking about, I really should have gone years ago."

"When's your first session?"

"I actually just came back from an appointment to figure out when my first session and stuff would be. It's the day after tomorrow."

"What about when we go back to school?" Chris asked. I explained the situation that Dr. Matthews and I had arranged and he nodded in understanding. "That's cool," he said with a nod.

"So," I started. "how long are you staying in the states?"

"Just a few days then I'm gonna head back over."

"Where are you staying? If you don't have anywhere to go, we have a spare room you could use."

"That's alright. I'm staying with a friend I have over here."

"A friend?"

"Yeah, he was friends with Will and I back in grade school. He moved to America a few years back and a few months ago, he recently moved to California. He lives about half an hour or so from here actually."

"Oh wow. That's convenient."

"Yup. Anyway, I'm starving. What do you say we go out to eat?" Chris asked as he stood up and dusted himself off. "Your treat, yeah?" he asked playfully. I tried to manage a smile, but with the look on Chris' face, it looked like it wasn't working. "Rain check on going out then?" I slowly nodded at him.

"Sorry," I replied with an apologetic look.

"Nicole, don't even worry about it. You're not in the mood to go out. That's understandable. But if it's alright with you, I'd like to stay here with you for a bit. I don't want you to be alone."

"Thanks, Chris. I really appreciate that."

"What are friends for?" he asked as he sat back down on my bed.



Chris spent a few more hours at my house and had dinner with my family and I before I drove him to his friend's place. He was right about his friend living about half an hour away.

There was nothing good on the radio and none of my CDs were that appealing to me right now, so the ride back home was a quiet one. And silence was never a good thing for me when I was going through a breakup. I kept thinking about what I did wrong and kept beating myself up over it. By the time I got home, I was mentally exhausted so I just crawled into my bed and cried myself to sleep.



I spent the next day with Chris and Erin. They both practically dragged me out of bed and forced me into decent clothes before they dragged me to the movies. They picked a horror movie that just recently came out. They both tried to avoid the whole romance genre for my sake. As if that helped any though. The horror movie still ended up having a bit of romance with the two main characters. So when the movie ended, both Chris and Erin turned to me.

"I'm sorry, Nicole. We hoped there wouldn't be any romance in it, but there was," Erin said.

"Yeah, we're sorry," Chris said.

"Guys, it's fine. It's not your fault," I said as we stood up from our seats and made our way out of the movie theater.

"It is our fault. We shouldn't have forced you out in the first place," Erin said.

"No, it's fine. Really. It was good being outside for a change," I replied. And it was true. It was nice being outside and taking my mind off the whole Will thing. It was a good distraction. And distractions were what I needed at the moment.

"How about we grab something to eat?" Chris suggested.

"That sounds good," Erin agreed. "What do you think, Nicole?"

"Sure. I'm not too hungry right now though," I replied. Erin had a concerned look on her face, so I quickly spoke up. "But I could go for a bit of food." She smiled at me and we all got into her car before she drove off to some burger place near my house.

I made it halfway through my burger and a couple of fries before I declared I was full.

"You sure?" Chris asked me. I nodded at him.

"Yeah, I'll just take the rest to go," I replied. While Chris and Erin continued eating, I took out my phone and went online.

"What are you doing?" Chris asked me, his mouth full of fries.

"I'm looking for an apartment," I replied absentmindedly as I continued to look through listings on my phone.

"An apartment? Why?" Erin asked. I finally looked up from my phone before I answered them.

"When I get back to England, I don't think I can handle sharing the same room with Will."

"So you're finding a flat to live in to avoid rooming with him," Chris stated. I nodded. "Why don't you just request to change roommates?"

"Too much of a hassle. Plus, you never know who you'd end up rooming with," I answered.

"True," Chris said.

"You're gonna commute from your apartment to school then?" Erin asked.

"Yeah, I guess. If I have to."

"Find any place good?" she asked as she leaned over to look at my cellphone screen.

"A few, but they're either too far from school or too pricey for my liking."

"When did you start looking for a place?" Chris asked.

"This morning while we were on our way to the movies."

"If you need help finding a flat, I could help you. I know a few people," Chris offered.

"That'd be great actually. Thanks, Chris," I said. He sent me a toothy grin in reply.

"Did you tell your mom about finding an apartment?" Erin asked. I shook my head.

"Not yet. I'm gonna tell her when I get back home today. Speaking of you helping me find an apartment in England," I started as I turned to Chris. "when are you heading back over there?"

"The day after tomorrow," he said as he bit into his burger. "I could look at a few places over there for you when I get back."

"That'd be nice. Thanks."

Erin and Chris continued to eat their lunch while I continued to look through apartment listings.



When Erin and Chris dropped me off at home, I found my mom in her office.

"Hey, mom?" I asked as I entered her office.

"Hm?" she hummed as she continued to type away on her laptop in front of her.

"So I have something to tell you." I sat down in a chair in front of her desk. She looked up from her laptop and looked at me.

"Okay, what is it?" she asked me.

"I've been thinking," I started. "you know how my roommate is Will back in England?"

"Yeah, how's that going to work out? Are you okay with that?"

"No, I'm not. That's why I was thinking that I should get my own place over there."

"In England?" she asked and I nodded at her.

"I was thinking maybe an apartment or something. Nothing too big or fancy."

"An apartment is a big thing," she said.

"I know. And I think it's a great thing for me. Plus, I'm gonna head off to college soon and I've already been living away from home for almost a year."

"But you've been living in a place with a roommate and other people and teachers and a bunch of others who could watch over you."

"I can take care of myself, mom. But if it'd make you feel better, I could get a new roommate if I get an apartment out there." I let my mom think it over for a minute or two.

"You don't need to get a roommate if you don't want one," she said. "Okay, you can get an apartment. I'll take care of all the payments and such."

"I was just planning on using some of my savings for paying it by myself," I said.

"Nonsense. Don't even worry about it. I'll pay for it. Save your money. You're gonna need it to pay for your furniture in your new apartment," she said with a smile. I smiled back at her and stood up from my seat.

"Thanks, mom," I said as I hugged her.

"Have you found a place yet?" she asked as I pulled away.

"Not yet, but Chris is going to help me find a place when he flies back there on Thursday."

"Okay, well, let me know when you find one and we'll find out more about it," she said before she turned back to her laptop.

"Thanks, mom. I really appreciate this." She smiled at me before I left her office.



The next day, I had my appointment with Dr. Matthews. Nothing too big or exciting happened. Our first appointment was pretty much just Dr. Matthews getting to know me a bit before we went any further in my treatment. I spent a good hour with her before I left and drove myself home.