Physical Therapy

Having him sit next to me is surreal, we ride in the backseat of Phil’s car, our hands just centimeters apart, and every time I glance at his hand I swear that it has moved minutely closer to mine.

I want to grab it. I am doing all sorts of self-talk to make myself do it, but I stop.

I can’t give in, I don’t know how these things work, how you start a relationship, or whatever this is, but I can’t cave the minute he shows up with pretty flowers, sad eyes, and a pretty good apology. He has to earn it a little more.

We get to the Aragon, and of course we get the royal treatment. Phil valets his car and we get escorted to our VIP balcony, it’s nice to have privacy, but I would love to be at the front of the crowd, with them.

“Do you want anything to drink? I am going to get a few beers.” Jon asks in my ear, he just has to go to the VIP bar so he has time before they start the set.

“Sure, surprise me?” Not sure what they have, and knowing he will pick out something I will like. He turns and heads over.

I punch Phil in the arm, as hard as I can manage.

“That didn’t hurt.” He says and gives me a playful sad face as AJ jokingly rubs the arm.

“You’re an ass. You set me up, you helped him do this!” I try not to yell, but my annoyance overrides that.

“He called me! He tracked down Super Cena, got my number, and called me. He essentially begged me for help, told me how much you mean to him, how he fucked up, how he knows this, and how he cannot lose you because he was a drunk, selfish idiot. And what can I say babe, I have been there. I knew how the dude felt, I gave him a break.”

I glared at him, letting him know this was NOT okay. He could not be the puppet master in my life.

“Look, maybe I crossed a line, maybe I didn’t. But you let him come didn’t you? You didn’t throw him out? You even let him guide you with a hand on the back. You should be thanking me, not trying to punch my arm.”

“You can’t just do things like this, you can’t make this decision. What if I don’t want to love him?” It slips before I can stop it.

“Whoa babe. No one said anything about love, but now I am glad I had him tag along. This will be good for you.” He pulls me into a side hug, “And AJ would kill me if I stopped this from happening, she thinks you two are ‘so cuuuuute’!”
It was AJ’s turn to punch his arm, “You know, P? You are an ass sometimes, but at least that ass belongs to me!”

Jon got back just as Bastille cued up for “Pompeii” and we drank our beer side by side, until I started dancing, more like jumping and singing along to the music with AJ.

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I stood back and watched her dance and sing with AJ. I missed her voice, I had heard her sing a few times before, mostly memorably the time she sang in the shower when I pretended to sleep. But this was something different entirely, watching her dance and sing, she looked…complete.

She wasn’t the damaged girl that she thought she was, or the fragile one I saw her as. She was strong, talented, and beautiful. It took every ounce of self-restraint through the hour of the set for me to not grab her and kiss her, to not take her out of there and just show her how much I wanted her. How much I loved her.

But this wasn’t the right time, I knew it. And when she looked at back me, and sent a wink in our direction, Phil pulled me back.

“Nah man, let her enjoy this, this is her band.” I shook my head, I knew that, I just had to keep my own wants take a backseat temporarily.

The band finished a song and she came to the back of the balcony where we stood taking in her and AJ, she reached for my hand and held it gently, pulling me with her.

“Come with me! Come on, they are doing my favorite song next.” She mock pulled that I was not moving, and I gave in, I went up to the front and stood side by side. My hands on the balcony railing, mimicking hers, resisting not grabbing one and holding on to it throughout the song.

And “Of the Night” started, a song I heard dozens of times pumping through her iPhone or iPad, I knew it word by word but experiencing it with her, was something different entirely.

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They started playing “Of the Night” my favorite song, I have such a connection to it.

Singing the lyrics, I realized how much the song could apply to this song. When the lead singer asked all to jump, I realized that AJ had gone back to Phil leaving us alone.

I jumped and jumped. And then I noticed that he did too. He looked at me and smiled, such a genuine, kind smile. We stopped jumping and he moved closer to me, our arms just barely touching, it made my skin feel alive.

And then he started my favorite verse of the song:
Wont you teach me how to love and learn,
There'll be nothing left for me to yearn,
Think of me and burn and let me hold your hand,
Oh yeah-ah-eh,
I don't want to face the world in tears,
Please think again, I'm on my knees,
Sing that song to me,
No reason to repent.

And I looked at Jon, he was too into the song, not noticing that I was trying to get his attention, yelling was out of the question. I put my hand on top of on the railing, he looked at it surprised, and then back at me, slightly raising an eyebrow. I hooked my other finger, telling him silently that I had something to say. He bent down so that his ear was eye level with me. I leaned into say something, and you know what, fuck it.

I took my hand off of his, turned his head to me and I kissed him. It took a few seconds for him to register what was happening.

His hands grabbed my head and pulled me into the kiss deeper, his tongue parting our lips. I ran my hands down his chest and wrapped them around his waist, pulling him in closer to me. I couldn’t tell where he ended, and I began. A hand went behind my head, like he was trying to keep it on its place and another went down to my waist. We stood there, making out on the balcony, for an entire song. Before he finally broke the kiss.

“That was perfect.” He whispered in my ear.

“Time to go you two?” Phil popped up right next to my head, “I think so, let’s roll!”

Jon grabbed my hand, and pulled me into him, walking with his hand around my waist, not letting my leave his side the entire walk to the car, and holding my hand the entire car ride. Suddenly I got nervous, what was going to happen when we got back to my condo, and were alone.

He massaged my hand with his thumb and we rolled up to my building. Phil and Aj got out and we said our good byes, as Phil gave me a hug, he whispered into my ear.

“Be careful, ladybug.”

I gave him a surprised look.

“With your heart, and that too. Do we need to have ‘the talk’?” He said, trying to do his best concerned look.

I looked at Jon as he was trying to figure out the lock system on my door, and looked back at Phil, “No, I think I know what I am doing. Thanks.”

And off I went to go save Jon from getting us locked out of the keypad entry system, and up into the uncertainty that would follow.