Physical Therapy

Jon had called me Saturday morning, letting me know that he had to go to the house show in Canada on Saturday, so our Chicago reunion would have to wait. Which meant I either had to decide to hide my decision from him until we could see each other, or I could just tell him now.

Neither of them seemed like the best option.

I was at Phil’s making lunch for all of us when Phil walked up behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Have you really given this thought?” I pretended not to hear him, staying focused on cutting the peppers for the fajitas.

“Maeve.” He placed a hand on top of mine, to stop me from cutting the peppers.

“I did, I decided it was best.” I nodded my head, to solidify my decision for him, and for me.

“You did, but you did it within like an hour of picking us up at the airport, finding out Jon wasn’t coming, and going to the grocery store. I don’t know, kid, it just seems like this is a rash decision.”

I turned to face him, putting my hands on my hips. “Are we really doing this right now?”

“Why not? I have no idea what’s going on in your head, I am assuming you and Jon are back together, or on the road to being together based off of the giant ass hickey right there,” he poked to spot where my neck meets my collarbone, Jon had marked me, I even had a bite mark on my shoulder that had yet to fade, “and instead of embracing being back on the road with him, you’re thinking of quitting? You’re not a quitter, kid.”

He was right. I didn’t quit things. Fuck, I joined a yoga studio I hated but didn’t stop going until I left the Hawks, just because I didn’t want to quit something.

“I know, I’m not. But I don’t see it as quitting.”

“What do you see it as?!” He raised his voice, obviously annoyed with this.

“I see this as finally having a fucking family, Phil. You, AJ, little baby Brooks? That’s my family, I want to be here for that, and I want to be involved. It feels good to be loved.” It was hard admitting that, since my mom passed away, Phil had been the surrogate everything, and then AJ too. And now this baby, I had to be here.

“You can still be family if you’re traveling, babe. What about Jon?”

“What about him?” I looked away, upset and frustrated with the way this conversation was going, I started to play with my hair, and then stopped myself. It was a tell, he would know that my anxiety was running high, and knowing him he would know how to exploit.

“You love him, what about him? Are you just leading him on at this point? Or are you really trying to be back with him?” All questions that I really didn’t know, did I love him? Absolutely, but was love enough to make everything work? I don’t know.

“I wish I knew the answer to all those.” I crossed my arms and tucked my chin on my shoulder, biting down on my tongue to stop the tears I felt coming.

“He could be your family, kid. He wants to be.”

I nodded my head tightly, I knew that. He hadn’t said as much, but I knew that’s what he wanted. I remember when we talked about marriage at one point, he had always told me that he dreamt of a family, and we just sat in silence. It went unsaid, but we both knew what he was talking about.

“You just have to let him, he fucked up. But it looks like to me, you forgave him. You and I both know that forgiveness does not necessarily mean acceptance and moving on, but you really should. You are my family, you are always going to be, but I want you to find your own too. Living in Chicago, following my family, I don’t want you to sell yourself short.”

The tears were coming now, he wrapped me up in a hug and held me tightly as I sobbed into his shoulder. He was right. I was hurt and now I was avoiding anything more, I was scared of being hurt but I wanted a family. Quitting had seemed like the best option, it would push Jon away from me without blatantly hurting either or us, but would allow me to be with my family.

“Give him a chance kid.”

“What about Randy?” I mumbled into his shoulder, in between sobs. Phil let out a low chuckle, apparently he forgot about Randy. And how I would be assigned to him, on the road with him.

“Maybe, just maybe I can pull some strings regarding that?” He pulled away and looked at me with his signature smile.

“You know, for someone who quit the WWE, you really have a hard time staying out of its business.” I teased, wiping my tears away and washing my hands, to get back to cutting the veggies.

“What can I say, I am invested in you and am willing to wound my pride to ask for some favors.” He sent me a wink and headed out of the kitchen, leaving me to finish prepping the food on my own. I smiled to myself, for being someone who has made a lot of bad choices in his life and was generally an overprotective asshole, he was a pretty insightful asshole.

---------------

“I miss you, princess.” They were the first words out of his mouth when he answered her call.

“I miss you too, bubs.” He had gotten into his hotel not 5 minutes before, she felt like that was plenty of time to get adjusted so they could talk, his long day of meeting with his realtor and then the long flight to Canada really put a damper on their communication today, and after today I was ready to tell him what happened with Phil.

“How was your day?” She filled him in on everything but the thoughts of her quitting, about her giving up.

“And then, Phil and I had a talk about me coming back to work…” I let it hang between us, waiting to gauge his reaction first.

“That’s in a few weeks right? I can’t wait.” Good, he wanted me back. What a relief.

“Yes, but not with Randy. I wanted to quit today, give up the WWE and move home.” I took a deep breath, he didn’t respond, silent Jon was never good and I knew I had to recover before this hurt him.

“But Phil and I talked about it, we decided that this was me running away from things that scared you.”

“I scare you.” He didn’t ask, he knew he did.

“Yes, you do, everything about you scares me.” He sighed deeply, as though he expected me to let him down right now.

“But, I am not quitting, I told him I wanted to be with my family, that I had finally found my family, and I didn’t want to leave them, he told me I didn’t have to, that leaving wasn’t me leaving my family. He said-“

“I will be your family.” He cut me off, just as I was about to say ‘Phil told me to let you be my family.’ I laughed a little at the irony of this.

“You read my mind, that’s exactly what he said.” I could almost hear his smile through the phone.

“I love you, Maeve.” He said it so softly, it was nearly a whisper. I wasn’t ready to say it back, not yet, but hearing it was reassuring. It solidified the choice I made, to stay with the WWE.

“Thank you, Jon.” I blushed, he couldn’t see me, but I did. He really did make me feel loved.

“Wait,” his tone completely changing, “are you going to be stuck with that asshole on the road still?” His tone was incredulous, I couldn’t help but laugh at him again.

“Well are you? Because that is ridiculous, I won’t stand for it, I will call Paul righ-“

“Stop, stop, stop!” I said in between laughs, he was being ridiculous, overprotective just like Phil. “No, I worked it out so that I took a little bit of a demotion but will be on the rotating staff, which unfortunately means I will be back this Monday at RAW, so I will travel to all tapings, and rotate house shows. But I will be in need of a travel buddy, do you know of anyone who may be in need of one?”

“Actually, you know that crazy guy? Dean Ambrose is his name, I think? I think he may be in need of a travel buddy who can keep his ass in line.”

“Hmmm…you’ll have to let him know that I may be interested.”

We bantered back and forth for another half or so, before we both decided to call it a night. I tried to sleep but the anxiety of RAW, being back on the road, and trying to figure it out with Jon, was just too much.

Oh well, I can sleep when I am dead.