Physical Therapy

The ride home from the doctor’s office was nothing but awkward. We sat in silence the entire ride back; I watched her grip the steering wheel so tight I was sure that her knuckles would ache after we stopped. I don’t know if we crossed some invisible line in the office, but something is up. I have so many questions for her but the time is not right, she’s on edge, anxious and won’t even look at me.

The minute we get back to Phil’s she disappears back to her room without a word.

“How did it go?” I spin around to see April in the kitchen, cooking or something.

“Uh,” I run my hand through my loose blonde curls, trying to remember the last actual conversation I ever had with her and I come up short, “It was interesting.”

She mutters a ‘hmm’ and tilts her head to the side, pursing her lips as she continues to portion food into Tupperware containers.

“Hmm, what?” Cocking my head, knowing ‘hmm’ is never just a ‘hmm’ when it comes to women.

“I wouldn’t call her going to her room upset ‘interesting’ but what do I know?” She shrugs her shoulders and cocks her eyebrow at me.

“I don’t know what the fuck that was about okay? We went to the doctor, everything was fine, and then it wasn’t.”

She looks at me again in a way that makes me feel like I am being studied, her stare is picking me apart and I rock on my heels, trying to shake off the uncomfortable feeling she is giving me.

All I get from her is another ‘hmm’ and I go to the spare room that Phil set me up in. Fuck, I need to get my head together and figure out this person who I thought I knew so well.

An hour or so later, I sit in the room on my laptop, looking for flights back to Vegas tonight. I have the European tour coming up and I am dreading it, earlier this year it was the start of the end for my relationship and now it comes at another bad time. I just want to stay here, and fix us, no, fix her.

I start flipping through the photos of us that I never deleted on my mac and I feel that burning in my heart, the emptiness that has been there for several months but I pretended to ignore.

And then I hear it, it sounds like gagging? Or someone dying? Whatever it is, it doesn’t sound good and I follow the sound. I see the girl that I was just looking at in in pictures, curled around the toilet, retching in to it. Without hesitation I scoop up her blonde hair that feels like silk and hold it back from her head, and rub her back. She swats a hand at me to go away but stops when I hand her a wet hand towel to wipe her face. She glares at me as she wipes and flushes the toilet, leaning back against the cool tiled wall adjacent from where I sit and stares at me.

“Sorry you had to see that.” She rubs her hands, her tell that she is anxious.

“It’s fine,” I nod to the toilet, “this happen a lot?”

“More a month or two ago, but still sometimes it happens whenever I eat something or he just decides I need punishing.” A small smile lifts at the corner of her lips and then fades when she meets my eyes and sees my matching smile. We sit in silence for a few minutes; she looks at her lap and I at her. She is still the beautiful woman from a few months ago, there are a few changes-her hair is shorter, cut in a longish bob looking cut and of course, her small rounded belly. I resist the urge to lean over and palm it, I am dying to feel it, feel our baby in there to feel it kick or move would just make it real and would maybe give me the kick in the balls I need to figure this out.

“How long are you going to stay here?” I motion around and stick my hand out the open door, letting her know I mean Phil’s, not the bathroom. She stares at me with that questioning look that burns a fire in my soul.

“I don’t know, we rented the condo out and I think I am going to sell it when that lease is up. I can stay here as long as I want, I mean, I think it will be easier to have people here to help me when he comes, and there is plenty of room.”

I nod my head when it occurs to me, she doesn’t think I will be around to help.

“I will be here to help.”

Hurt coats me when her stare is nothing but surprise, she really didn’t think I would be around?!

“Really?”

“Are you kidding? That’s my kid as much as he is yours, he ours, so yes of course. Did you really think I wouldn’t be?”

She knots her hands and bites her bottom lip, again, and I can feel my dick stir at entirely the wrong time.

“Jon, I didn’t really ask you if this is what you wanted and I hid it from you, frankly? I am surprised you have been as cool about this as you have been, it’s not like we had a great breakup and then just drop the ‘I’m pregnant’ bomb on you at your best friend’s wedding? I can’t believe you didn’t run for the hills. So yeah, I was planning on doing this on my own with assistance from my friend’s, I wasn’t banking on you wanting to do this.”

She is so wrong. So wrong. The minute it sank in that we were having a baby I knew I wanted him, I wanted to be a part of this baby’s life, the father that I never had. I shift to pull her in to a hug when her face turns green and she leans over the toilet again, letting whatever is left in her stomach go. I grab her hair and sweep it to the side, taking the clean towel and resting it on the back of her neck.

“I’m not going anywhere.” I say calmly, and I hope it’s convincing enough for her. Because I mean it with all that I am.

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I puked in front of him for almost an hour. He sat with me the entire time, held my hair, and we talked a little.

And I think I believe him when he said that he would be there for us, no, the baby. Not me. There is no us.

I pull the cold rag off of my eyes and glance at him; he sits on the couch next to me, flipping through the channels. It all feels so domestic, so familiar and safe. I don’t want it to end.

“When is your flight?” He looks over at me, surprised that my voice doesn’t sound like a frog with all the puking I did.

“Three hours back to Vegas, I have to pack for the overseas tour.” Ah, yeah. Life of a WWE superstar.

I give him a nod in understanding, laying my head back down, trying to ignore the memories of what happened on his last tour.

He clears his throat, “Depending on what you’re doing, I would like to come back to Chicago after the tour and Survivor Series, you know check in and stuff.”

“You don’t have to, I don’t have another appointment for a few weeks, nothing interesting will be happening.”

“I know, remember I was there?” He raises his eyebrows, silently teasing me. “But I have to find a place to rent around here, especially if you’re staying with Phil, I want to be close by.”

This shocks me. SHOCKS ME. I am in utter shock and I know my mouth is gaping open.

“You’re moving here?” WHY?!

“Maeve, I can’t be a dad when I am on the road like 225 days a year and living in a tiny ass rental in Vegas, it won’t work. I want to be here as much as I can, so living here is the only answer.” He shrugs his shoulders and looks at me like there is no other way this would work.

“Are you really? Are you really going to do this with me?” I can’t hide the hopefulness in my voice; I hated the idea of imposing on Phil and April any longer than I have. I hated the idea of being a burden, of making them give up their entire guest rooms for my baby and me because we have no one else.

“I will do everything by your side.” I try to ignore any hidden meaning in there, I know that I am blowing it up but in my mind I am making it more, more than co-parenting. I have to stop that feeling before I get attached to him, before this becomes more.

“Thank you.” He nods as though this is nothing, but it is everything to me.

“Anything for you,” He smiles lightly and then catches what he corrects himself, “Anything for the baby.”

I smile back; I have hope that maybe this can work. We can do this together, as friends.

“I gotta get going though, I have a shit ton to do in Vegas.” He gets up and walks to the room, grabbing his duffel. I hurry up and follow him to do the door, not sure what the right thing to do is.

“Can you come back for Thanksgiving? I am cooking here with April for Phil, his family, and her parents are coming in to town. Nobody is staying here so I am sure you can either crash here, or wherever you want but we can talk more then?” I rock back and forth, mimicking his nervous movements.

His face breaks out in a huge smile, his one dimple peeking through.

“You got it, I will see you then.” He gives me a small side hug and leaves me standing there. I press my back against the door and slide down, tears falling down my cheeks.

Fucking, hormones.