Noelle

Noelle drained the last of her third butterbeer, watching from the sidelines as the Yule Ball came into full swing.

The band was playing, students were dancing, teachers were drunk. The ballroom had to be one of the most spectacular things she had ever seen, with the perpetually frozen ice sculptures, the wondrously frozen floor, as if they were standing upon the Great Lake in the height of winter. Everything was perfect down to the last detail, with the frost resting upon the rims of all the goblets, and a beautiful snowflake pattern swirling delicately around the edges of napkins. Despite the wintry Christmas theme, the room had to be about 60 degrees, if not, warmer, considering all the excited, dancing bodies converged in one space.

It had to be the most marvelous night Noelle had ever experienced…

And she was alone.

She’d been asked by several people, graciously turning all of them down. Her friends, some of whom weren’t asked at all, couldn’t understand her insistence upon going alone, especially if she was going to be so sullen about it.

“Noelle, just take Anton,” her friend Josie had advised. “He’s handsome, he’s foreign and a Quidditch player. What more could a girl want?”

The problem was, Noelle knew exactly what more she wanted. Charm, wit, looks, talent, and an incomparable set of piercing grey eyes…

Cedric Diggory.

Noelle had been harboring a piteous crush on Cedric since their first year together. He had always been charming, that one, even since the awkward age of eleven. She watched as he transformed from a gawky adolescent, whose hair was always in his eyes, into a stunningly handsome man, whose windblown auburn locks always seemed to be swept back so effortlessly. Sometimes, when they were joking in class, he would laugh so hard that a lock would fall down into his eyes, giving her a momentary glimpse of the boy he used to be, and reminding her of the man he had become.

And now, sitting all alone at a table pushed far to the side, away from all the festivities, she watched as he sat with the exquisite Cho Chang, her beauty unparalleled by any girl at Hogwarts. Noelle had been sure that Cedric was going to ask her, almost too sure. She remembered a few times when he started a speech leading up to it, or so it seemed, when it turned out he was just asking her to study that night, or maybe have dinner as friends. She feared she had been building it all up in her head, that her unrelenting hope had blinded her from the truth, and had kept her from seeing the massive burden of reality that had been bearing down upon her all along:

She and Cedric were friends, and that’s all they ever would be.

After she learned the news of Cedric asking Cho, Noelle decided that she wouldn’t settle to go to the ball with anyone else. That was what it would be, after all, settling. She had already picked out a dress, bought shoes and decided on a hairstyle; she’d be damned if she didn’t get to play princess for a night, whether or not she had her prince. She’d told herself she’d dress up, strut in like a showstopper and dance the night away, perhaps even snog one of the burly Durmstrang boys. Who needed Cedric Diggory?

It was easier said than done.

Watching Cedric and Cho have the first dance, watching them kiss from time to time, seeing Cho push that rebellious lock oh hair out of his eyes the way Noelle wished she could so many times, was more than she could bear. And yet, she continued to sit off to the side, prolonging her self-inflicted torture, her solitary suffering. She wasn’t sure just what had been the trigger, what had propelled her out of her seat and out of the room, but eventually, the increasing pressure on her heart inevitably caused it to fracture.

Hurriedly, before a single tear could fall, she gathered up the billowy skirt of her blue ballgown and excused herself out onto the patio. As soon as she was out of earshot of anyone near the door, a sob practically toppled out of her, as if it had been waiting to escape into the night all along. And then, almost inexplicably, she began weeping, the cries yanked from her core and ripping through her, practically tripping over themselves on the way to freedom. She was glad for waterproof makeup as tears cascaded from her meticulously done eyes.

She let all of her weight come down on the railing overlooking the grounds. It was as if her legs had given out in order to join the grieving process, and the marble was the only thing holding her up. She gripped the banister so hard that her hands were shaking, the cool night air relieving the pain. She tried to look up at the night sky, counting stars had always calmed her, but her vision was severely impaired by her blubbering, the ether blurred by her overabundant tears. She gave up with a cry and let her head fall into her hands, sniffling and trying to focus on steady breathing, as she was practically hyperventilating by this point.

“Woah, woah, hey!” Noelle heard a voice from behind her. She felt hands on her shoulders and was being pulled away from the banister and turned to face her rescuer. Keeping her head down, she continued to sob, trying frantically and unsuccessfully to wipe away the tears. She knew that musky, leathery scent anywhere, and Cedric was the last person she wanted seeing her like this.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” Noelle choked out, carefully wiping away whatever makeup may have begun to run from beneath her eyes.

“And what on earth would you be apologizing to me for?” Cedric asked, his voice deep and soothing, like dark chocolate during a terrible thunderstorm. Noelle sniffled and raised her head.

“For your misfortune of seeing me in this miserable state, it’s absolutely pathetic.” She straightened up and removed Cedric’s hands from her shoulders, brushing her blond wisps behind her ear.

“I can only imagine what’s gotten you so worked up,” Cedric said, dipping his hands into his pockets. He noticed that Noelle had been avoiding eye contact since his untimely arrival, and he bent over a little to look up into her face. Noelle almost gave a start at the sudden appearance of his face, disarmed by his impossibly full lips, his sparkling grey eyes framed by heavy dark lashes. “Care to talk about it?” he ventured, searching her green eyes for some clue as to what might be causing her such grief.

Noelle didn’t answer, but kept her eyes glued to Cedric’s as he straightened up again. She took his arm when he offered it, and he swept her down the stairs and onto the grounds. They walked in silence for a time, the music and commotion from the ball growing dimmer and dimmer. Noelle was inexplicably calmed by Cedric’s presence, and she found it funny and kind of tragic that the one person capable of unknowingly causing her such pain could just as unwittingly be the cure for it. They found a bench beneath a willow tree overlooking the Great Lake and took a seat. The two sat identically, with their backs straight and their hands folded neatly in their laps, as if both were resisting the urge to reach out and hold the other. The Great Lake was eerily still, the way it only was in the evening, when all the creatures that caused it to stir during the day were slumbering peacefully beneath its depths.

“I didn’t see you all night,” Cedric remarked, not taking his eyes off of the lake’s still surface, a perfect mirror of the divine night sky.

“I’ve been around,” Noelle said, perfectly composed by this time.

“Anton was looking for you. I think he wanted a dance.”

Noelle didn’t respond. Cedric turned to face her.

“Several boys wanted to dance. You’re quite popular, it would seem.” Noelle gave a shrug, and Cedric couldn’t help but laugh at her blatant disregard of her plentiful suitors.

“I didn’t want to dance with them.”

“Did you dance at all tonight?”

“No.”

“Then what did you do?”

“I sat. I drank. I watched.”

“Watched what?”

Noelle opened her mouth to respond, but immediately snapped it shut, cutting her eyes over at Cedric, whose eyebrows were raised in curiosity.

“Now that we’ve established how dull my evening was, how was yours?” Noelle asked, regaining her poise and returning her gaze to the lake. Cedric furrowed his brow slightly, scanning her profile as though a clue or an answer to his last question would be etched somewhere in her perfectly delicate features. Dropping that line of inquiry for a moment, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Noelle caught the action, and felt her heart flip.

“It was fine, I suppose.”

“You suppose?” Noelle felt that troublesome feeling of hope swell beneath her ribs, against her will.

“Yeah, it went well. It was fine.” Still facing her, Cedric turned his gaze to the horizon, Noelle now examining his profile.

“What does that mean?” she prodded, slipping off her heels and turning on the bench to face him as well. She tried not to let her optimism color her voice.

“I don’t know. Cho is a sweet girl, and remarkably beautiful.” Noelle felt the hope deflate and her heart’s fissure begin to widen.

“But...” Within a moment, the hope had swelled again and her heart was pumping stronger than ever.

“But what?” Cedric returned his gaze to her, casually draping his arm over the bench behind her.

“But she’s rather dull,” he snickered. Noelle couldn’t help but join him, and the two laughed for a moment about Cedric’s sweet, reamrkably beautifuly, but utterly dull date. “And I don’t mean to say she’s not intelligent, not at all. She’s just very mild. Very mild humour, very mild personality.”

“So tonight was fine, but not fun.”

“That’s it, that’s it exactly.” Noelle nodded in understanding, tucking her legs beneath her and leaning her elbow on the bench, smiling warmly at him. He returned the favor, and Noelle’s heart seemed to do a loopty-loop in her chest, making all her hair stand on end. Cedric chuckled, rubbing his jaw as he laughed.

“What?” Noelle asked, her smile growing wider.

“Nothing, it’s not important.”

“Okay, but I still want to know.”

“I was just imagining how much better this evening would have been if I had asked you to the dance.” Noelle felt her eyebrows shoot up and practically disappear into her hairline, her smile faltering as her heart stopped in surprise. It was as if the world had paused just to let her cherish this moment, memorize every detail of the night that Cedric finally professed his feelings for her. Her love would no longer be unrequited. She had dreamed of this moment for as long as she could remember, and—

“As a friend, of course,” Cedric hurriedly added.

And then, for what would be the third time that night, Noelle’s heart broke again. This time, it wasn’t a fracture, it wasn’t a fissure. The damn thing shattered, clattering inside of her hollow ribs, she could almost hear the crash. Swallowing hard against any more tears, Noelle turned her head away, focusing on a single firefly drifting listlessly through the night.

“What? What happened?” Noelle was still, unable to move or think or speak or breathe for fear of dissolving into sobs once again. “Oh, God,” Cedric groaned. “Did I say something wrong? Or do something?” Noelle still couldn’t answer. “Or no, I’m being self-centered. Maybe it’s not about me, maybe it’s something completely else, I didn’t mean to assume that—”

“Why only as friends?” Cedric stopped and looked up at Noelle, whose striking green eyes were sparkling with tears.

“What?” Cedric whispered, not completely sure of what was happening.

“Why would you only take me as a friend? I mean, is there something wrong with me?” Noelle angrily wiped away a rogue tear and sat up, swinging her legs out from beneath her. “Is it because I’m not remarkably beautiful? Is it because I’m not sweet? I know I’m not sweet, but I’m funny! I’m smart, I’m at least nice, and we have fun together, Cedric. We have loads of fun together. Tons. One could even go so far as to say oodles! I’m saying it! We have oodles of fun together, Ced.” Noelle huffed and stood up, pacing back and forth in front of the bench, unsure of how to stop this impromptu confession from spilling out of her. The cool grass on her feet helped calm her slightly, but not enough to make her stop.

“Noelle, where is this coming from?” Cedric asked, watching her with concern, shedding his dress robes and leaning forward, his elbows on his knees.

“What do you mean ‘where is this coming from’?” Noelle hissed. “It’s not coming from anywhere, it’s been staring you in the face all along! God, for someone to be so brilliant and so marvelously astute, you really can be astonishingly dense.”

“Noelle, what has been staring me in the face?” Cedric said, raising his voice slightly as he stood to confront her. Noelle stopped and put her hands on her hips, taking a deep breath as she looked Cedric in the face, his eyes narrowed as he waited for her response.

“I am in love with you, Cedric Diggory.” His eyebrows raised and he took a deep breath, crossing his arms as he waited for her to go on. This was the most daunting task Noelle had ever faced, and she was determined to soldier through. “I have been for six years. Ever since that first night on the boat ride over to Hogwarts in our first year, and you let me under your umbrella with you so that I wouldn’t be soaked by the time we arrived at the castle. And it’s only grown from there. That was puppy love compared to the way I feel about you now.

“I’ve had the privilege and the misfortune of being your best friend throughout the years, watching you grow and evolve as a person, and watching you fall in love with other girls and watch other girls fall for you the way I did. The only difference is, you were there to catch them.”

“Noelle--” She put her hand up to silence the boy, her entire body trembling from the adrenaline rushing through her as though she was jumping from a plane with parachute she wasn’t sure would work.

“I want to be with you all the time. Whenever I’m not, I’m trying to think when the next time will be. Whenever something amazing happens, you’re the first person I run to tell. Whenever I need guidance, I flock to you for advice. Whenever my world feels like its being turned upside down and the contents have been shaken up, you’re the only person able to set things right again--”

“Noelle--”

“Please, let me finish, Cedric,” she begged. “You are my best friend. You are my confidante. You are the sun and the moon and every star in the sky, and I feel as though without you, my world would be plunged into an unfathomable darkness.” The tears falling freely now, Noelle approached Cedric, and took both of his hands and brought them to her chest, gripping them with all her might. “And I could never expect you to reciprocate these feelings, or to match my heart beat for beat, but if any small part of you harbors even a fraction of the love that I have for you, then tell me. And if you don’t, I need to know so that I can move on, and start figuring out how piece myself together so that I can be whole for somebody else before it’s too late.”

Cedric was quiet, his face unreadable as he stared into Noelle’s pleading eyes. The silence was agony for her, every second dragging on with the weight of a thousand suns, and the pain was comparable. Very slowly, Cedric extracted one of his hands from hers, using it to cup the side of her face, gently letting his thumb trace the smattering of freckles littered across her cheekbones. He had counted 27 on her left side, 32 on her right over the years. He paid more attention to her than she’d noticed.

“Are you finished?” he whispered gently, his voice shaking as well as he let his other hand rest on her waist, pulling her closer to him. Noelle nodded almost imperceptibly as she laid her palms upon his broad chest. She could feel the heat coming off of his skin, and his pounding heart kissing her hand over and over again through the fabric of his shirt.

Finally, after six excruciating years of patient waiting from both of them, Cedric and Noelle shared their first kiss.