It's Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies

It was early September, the first day of classes for Jack Barakat, and he was already done with college. He had moved a few towns over from where he grown up to attend this school, where he basically just had to drag himself out of bed early in the mornings to attend classes, and then could, and would, spend the rest of his days lounging around his apartment in his underwear, drinking hot chocolate, because he had no friends where he lived, and hadn’t bothered to make any yet. The 19 year old saw it almost as offensive to do so, because his best friends still remained in the town that he had tried so hard to abandon, and it just didn’t feel right interacting with new people, when he could barely talk to those who were supposed to matter to him the most.

If you were to ask Jack why he’d get up and leave such a perfect place, home to all of his friends, family, and childhood memories, he’d simply laugh and shake his head. If you were to press on some more, he’d blame his parents. Jack grew up without a father, not even having known who his father was, and a mother, who thought she’d been doing a good job, but actually served to add on to her son’s growing list of insecurities. She’d make jabs about his sexuality, criticize his style, and complain about his achievements (or, lack thereof,) and life decisions. So, just as Jack said he would, back in his sophomore year, he saved up as much as he could, packed up all of his stuff just after graduation, and moved miles away, where nobody could hurt him.

That’s what Jack would tell you, though. It’d be part truth, sure, but definitely not the whole truth. He was also running away from a relationship he never thought he’d have. He was in love with his best friend, Alex Gaskarth, who was only 18, and still attended high school back in the place Jack was trying to forget about. Why distance himself from the boy, you ask? Well, it was simple. Alex was in a relationship with another guy, who graduated in Jack’s year, but still stuck around in that same town to see Alex, to play with his feelings, and to treat him how he definitely should not have been treated. Jack was always left to pick up the pieces, to comfort the smaller boy with the bright eyes and golden hair, every time that stupid burnout would carelessly stomp on his best friend’s heart. He despised Collin, hated him with a passion, and loathed the way he troubled the life of the boy he cared for most. The one thing that he disliked most about Collin, though, was that he did not approve of Alex and Jack’s friendship, and tried his hardest to keep Alex away from Jack. Jack couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t deal with Alex having to say goodbye like it’d be the last time they were seeing each other, after he’d spent hours comforting the boy, and showing him that he cared. So he left.

After forcing himself to go to his classes on that first morning of college, without even fixing his raven and platinum hair, never mind taking a shower, Jack found himself back in his apartment again, doing exactly what he had done all summer; absolutely nothing. As he lay on his couch, he began to question if he’d even have sufficient funds for everything he’d need to buy for the year, including a never ending supply of ramen. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing, though, so he used all the energy he had to sit up and reach for his phone on the coffee table. He answered it without checking his screen, and knew instantly who was calling once the voice of the person on the other line began to speak.

“Jack, I’m so sorry for not talking to you all summer, and I’m also very sorry for how I’ve just been letting Collin separate us, but I really need you right now and I-“

“Whoa, whoa, Alex, calm down. What’s the matter?” Jack asked in a soothing tone, sighing to himself, and then immediately feeling guilty for treating Alex as if he were a bother, because he was nothing but.

“Collin, he, he-“ Alex started, voice muffled by what were obviously tears. “He said things again, I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this, and I really need my best friend right now,” he continued.

Jack had no idea how to break to Alex that over the course of the summer he’d moved miles away, but he figured that the truth would be a good place to start.

“Alex, you know that I’d be there for you whenever I could be, but I moved a bit of a ways away over the summer, and I don’t really think that’s possible right now.”

There was silence on the other line, and then Alex spoke up.

“You left? You left me?”

“Well, yeah, I mean I told you about my plans way back in 10th grade-“ Jack tried, but was interrupted by a voice much smaller than his own.

“Oh, yeah,” Alex replied, and Jack could literally hear his heart sink.

“You know what, just give me a couple hours, okay?” Jack said, hanging up his phone quickly, and getting up to rush around his apartment, grabbing what he needed for the fairly long journey he was about to embark on.

As the rain fell onto his windshield as he drove, Jack wondered why he did this to himself, put himself in situations where he knew he’d just end up getting hurt. Eventually, he wound up at Alex’s house, pulling into his driveway, and walking up to his door. Before he could knock twice, Alex was opening the door, and pulling him into a hug. They spent the rest of the day like they usually did, cuddled up together in Alex’s bed, Alex telling Jack about whatever shitty thing Collin did, while Jack comforted him. Like always, Jack cherished these moments, the ones where he was within inches of being where he wanted to be with Alex. As much as he wanted to put up a wall between himself and Alex, he continued to let him know that he’d always be there for him.

Eventually, Jack lost all faith in forgetting about Alex, and realized that moving could not keep him away from the younger boy, not at all. He continued to attend his classes every morning, and then would drive the miles that he needed to, to spend time with the boy with the broken smile. The lanky teenager found himself parking his car on the corner of Alex’s block on a Sunday afternoon, just like he did every day. He walked down the block, and around the side of the Gaskarth’s house, to be greeted by a smiling Alex. Jack lifted a hand to tuck a stray piece of Alex’s caramel hair behind his ear, and found his hand being taken by said boy. Alex began to lead him out of their garden, but stopped when he felt Jack tug on his arm. He turned around, tipping his head to the side.

“Where are we going?” Jack asked, laughing.

“To the park,” Alex responded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“But it’s raining,” Jack retorted, raising his eyebrows at the shorter boy.

“Whatever!” Alex sang, and continued to tow Jack along, the other boy laughing behind him.

Alex and Jack sat on the swings at the park, chatting mindlessly, until Jack decided to finally bring up what had been on his mind for days.

“I think I want to move again,” he started, earning a hopeful reaction from the boy next to him, letting him know that he was going down the right track. “Not necessarily right here, but closer, because I still have to go to school.”

“I like that idea, yeah,” Alex nodded, smiling, his dimples on full display.

“Somewhere in the middle, compromise, yeah?” Jack asked, thinking out loud. Alex nodded again, urging him on. “That way you could come and visit me, as well. Maybe I’d get you a key, too, and you could come over any time you wanted.” Jack continued, pleased with the ideas that were spilling out of his mouth.

“That sounds great, Jay.” Alex grinned, leaning over to hug Jack, silently ending their conversation.

Jack was back at his apartment, and it was a Tuesday night, no later than seven o’clock. He was scrolling through dozens of ads for places closer to Alex, when his phone rang. He picked it up, saying “I’ll be right over,” into the microphone, before he could even be sure of who was calling… but he knew. “Alright,” came the reply, and Jack hung up, beginning to shrug on his jacket and head out to his car to start his drive.

As Jack drove, he thought about how much Alex had changed him as a person. Before Alex, Jack was the one in need, but after having cared for Alex for so long, Jack found his problems to not even matter anymore. His insecurities had disappeared, and nothing was more important than the other boy. That was when Jack knew that he was in love.

The first thing Jack noticed as he pulled up in front of Alex’s house, was that the other boy’s car was missing from their driveway. Without having to think about it, he continued driving down Alex’s block, towards exactly where he knew Alex would be. Jack knew everything about Alex, had picked up on all of his little habits. He knew the way Alex would tie his shoes, left first, then right, he knew how Alex would change his clothes dozens of times every morning before finding what he wanted to wear, and he knew where his best friend would be, if not at home, after getting hurt yet again from his careless boyfriend.

Jack pulled up next to Alex’s car in the parking lot across from the playground at their old elementary school. Opening his door carefully, so it wouldn’t bang into Alex’s car, Jack slipped out of his vehicle, and opened the passenger door to Alex’s. He found the boy with his head leaning against the steering wheel, breathing heavily, with tears running down his face. He pulled Alex into his lap, nudging at the small boy’s soft hair with his nose. Jack waited for Alex to calm down a bit before he spoke, making soft shushing noises as the other boy continued to cry into his chest. Finally, when Jack had determined the time to be right, he placed his hand under Alex’s chin, and tipped the boy’s head up, asking, “What’s wrong, baby boy?” The term of endearment drew a smile from the other boy, before it was quickly replaced by a frown again.

“Collin, he, he-“ Alex stumbled across his words, while Jack thought, ‘No surprise there!’

Jack rubbed Alex’s arm, signalling him to continue.

“He told me that he cheated on me, he’s been cheating on me for months, and he just thought I’d accept it!” Alex cried, still unable to hold in his tears, instead opting to let them collect on the shoulder of Jack’s coat.

“Oh, Alex,” Jack replied, genuinely hurt for the boy as well, not a sign of 'Hey! Now’s my chance!’ in his heart, not in the least bit.

“So, I decided to break up with him, but I don’t really know if that was the right choice, what do you think? Alex asked, looking up at the older boy once more.

Jack just shrugged his shoulders, and replied with, “I don’t know, hon, but why don’t you come back to my place tonight, I’ll make you some tea, we can cuddle, and you can get your mind off of Collin for at least one night?”

“I don’t know about that, what if Collin finds out? He won’t like it, so maybe we shouldn’t, maybe you should just go back-“

He was interrupted by Jack’s lips pressing up against his. They were soft and warm and inviting, and Alex knew that kissing back was definitely the right thing to do. Jack pulled away not long after, whispering in Alex’s ear, “Please don’t try so hard to say goodbye.”