Driving Miss Catherine

All Seb could hear was the blood rushing through his veins, his heart pounding like a drum. He tried to comprehend what he was seeing; it was what he wanted to see, and what he’d imagined for months, but now it was really here. Kimi was alive, and he hadn’t changed a bit.

“This season’s been shit without you,” he said as he hobbled across the floor. It was clear he was still getting used to the cane, as if he’d been in a wheelchair for a few months. He sat down on a chair close to Seb and hung his cane from the end table between them.

“I don’t know if that’s true. Mercedes has been doing very well, and Dan’s been great, I wouldn’t say the season’s been too bad,” Seb stammered, shocked that Kimi wanted to talk about F1, but still getting over the fact that Kimi was in fact here, alive, right in front of him.

“That’s only because you aren’t there to beat them. And Dan,” Kimi shook his head. “He’s the number one Red Bull driver now, of course he’s winning.”

This drew a smile out of Seb, and for a second it seemed like old times. “Yes, they certainly picked some good drivers to replace us, though I haven’t heard much from the new Ferrari kid.”

Kimi muttered something in Finnish that Cat didn’t catch, but she assumed it wasn’t nice. “No, they aren’t replacements,” he added, in English.

“You’re right, they’re just holding our places for us, until we can come back again,” Seb stated with shaky confidence, as if he wasn’t sure he’d be able to drive again.

“Well, you might be returning, but I’m…” Kimi gestured toward his leg. “Can’t drive without your legs.”

Silence filled the room and months of repressed sorrow came flooding back to Seb. His breath caught in his throat as he tried to say sorry, but he knew that wasn’t enough. He wanted to beg for Kimi’s forgiveness, but nothing could ever make up for what he’d taken from Kimi.

Cat got up, sensing that her presence was no longer needed. “I’ll let you two talk in private. I’ll just be…outside, or something.” Seb barely noticed her leaving, but he stopped trying to hide his emotions. Slowly, tears rolled down his cheeks; whether or not they were tears of happiness or sadness, even Seb did not know.

Cat strolled through the halls of the building, trying to waste time. She realized, as she climbed the steps to the second floor, that no one had been up there for a while. It wasn’t dusty or anything like that, it just had an ‘unused’ feel to it. Nothing was out of place, and there was nothing that didn’t belong. Except Cat, of course. She didn’t belong in Kimi’s house, or whatever this was. Regardless, she kept snooping. Mostly because she was bored, but she was curious about him. What exactly had he been doing for the past six months, and why had he decided to disappear?

She looked through a few rooms, but didn’t touch anything. Nothing looked personal, or like it even belonged to Kimi, so she didn’t glean much. She was about to head into the next room when she heard voices downstairs. She came to the edge of the balustrade in time to see Seb and Kimi leaving the room she’d left them in, but they didn’t see her, so she hid behind a plant.

“So, you’re a chauffeur now? Why?” Kimi asked with a laugh.

“It’s, umm, complicated.” Seb ran his hands through his hair and turned around. For a second, Cat though he’d seen her, but he kept turning and faced Kimi again. “Her dad got me out of a….hard situation, and at first it was just a distraction, but now…”

Kimi raised an eyebrow, the only indication that he was interested in what Seb was saying. “Now it’s what….? You actually like driving people around?”

“I don’t mind it, Cat is a really great person, she’s-” Kimi interrupted Seb with a smile.

“Oh I see, it’s about the girl now. Is this why you don’t want to get back into racing?”

“I never said that!” Seb blushed, and Cat could see it clearly from her hiding spot at least thirty feet away and behind a plant. “I never said I was giving up racing. I’m just taking a year of two off.”

“Right. But the girl, she’s….special, right?” The Finn asked, almost like an older brother talking to his sibling.

“It’s complicated, she’s been through a lot this summer I don’t want to make it worse,” He paused. “And then of course, there’s…”

“Hanna.” Kimi nodded solemnly and the two exchanged some kind of look that obviously meant something, but Cat was clueless. Hanna? Who’s that? She’d never heard Seb talk about a girlfriend, or even his family. She’d never thought about it, but there was a lot she didn’t know about him.

After a pause, Seb cleared his throat. “It’s getting late, maybe I should get Cat home.” He looked around, and she realized he was looking for her, so she moved away from the plant and pretended she was just coming out of the library and totally not eavesdropping.

“Cat! There you are. I was wondering where you’d scurried off to,” Seb smiled up the stairs at her. “What are you doing up there anyway?”

“Nothing, I was just…looking for the kitchen. It’s a little late, I was hungry, I thought maybe I would find some food, or something,” she explained quickly as she descended the stairs, proud of herself for lying on the spot.

“Maybe we’ll pick up something to eat on the way home,” Seb reached out as if to put his arm around her, but ended up awkwardly resting his hand on her shoulder. He caught Kimi’s eye and removed his hand, shoving it back in his pocket. “Know any good places around here?”

Kimi shrugged. “I don’t get out much, I’ve been kind of busy…” He gave Seb a look before turning his gaze to Cat.

“I don’t think we’ve been introduced yet, but I’m Cat,” she held her hand out and they shook. He nodded, but didn’t say anything. “It’s nice to meet you.” She withdrew her hand and got the feeling Kimi didn’t like her very much. He shifted his gaze back to Seb and nodded politely.

“Nice to see you again, maybe we can meet up again sometime,” Seb said, sounding as emotional as Kimi was not. He looked like he was on the verge of tears again, his hand shaking slightly. Cat had only known Seb to be fun, light hearted, and seemingly optimistic (given his situation), so this came as a surprise. She wanted to comfort him and put her arm around him or something, but she felt weird with Kimi there, and because she didn’t know who this ‘Hanna’ was.

This thought stayed with her as they drove him. Seb said he didn’t want to talk, but he wasn’t mad, so she didn’t try to talk to him. When they got home he wanted to be alone, and so she didn’t bother him. It wasn’t until the next night that she saw him again, and it was obvious he’d been drinking.

Cat was sitting in the kitchen doing her homework when Seb appeared and leaned on the doorway. “I wanted to thank you,” he said quietly. “That was very kind of you.”

“Why don’t you sit down before you fall over,” Cat pushed the chair across the table from her out for him. He sat down and didn’t say anything for a while, so she continued working on her homework.

“Kimi is….he’s Kimi,” Seb laughed, but it sounded hollow and empty of joy. “He’s great once you get to know him.”

“I’m sure he is,” Cat smiled. “You seem to be very close to him.”

“We were definitely very close, best friends even,” he paused and stared thoughtfully at his bottle. “If he had been mad at me it would have been so much better. I’ve been hating myself for months, so if he hated me too it would have seemed right, somehow.”

Cat reached across the table and took his hand. “It must be hard for you being here. I don’t know why, but I thought it would make it better. At least you’d know he wasn’t dead, but I never really thought about what you’d do after. I guess I thought things would go back to normal.”

“Normal,” Seb repeated and laughed that empty, hollow, laugh that was almost tragic. It hurt Cat to see him like this, and she felt guilty about it now. Maybe he was better off not knowing.

“Is that what you want? To go back to the way things were?” She asked. “I can see why you’d want that; you must have had a pretty nice life as a world champion racing driver.” She smiled encouragingly.

“I was certainly very lucky in many aspects, but near the end, many things were starting to fall apart,” he shrugged, as if to say ‘it happens.’

Cat hesitated before asking the next question. She knew it wasn’t really any of her business, but she was curious. “Did you- or, do you, have a girlfriend, or anything?”

His face changed, and he looked tense, maybe angry, but suddenly he laughed. “Yes, at some point in my life I have had a girlfriend. Do you mean recently? I, um, there was someone for a long while, but she and I are over. That was one of the ‘many things’ that was falling apart.”

“Hanna?” Cat asked apprehensively, and Seb nodded without looking up. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories; I just wanted to try to help, somehow.”

“Cat, you have already helped me more than you could imagine. You have kept me from falling into depression again, and every day I have looked forward to driving you, and hearing you laugh, and watching you giggle when I take a corner too fast.” He smiled, his eyes distant as he held her hand in his. “Miss Catherine, you don’t know it, but you have saved my life and given me a reason to live.”

The quiet pause that fell between them was filled with so many questions. Cat’s heart was beating fast, her palms sweating, and her mind raced as she tried to find an appropriate reply. Instead, she leaned across the table and kissed him on the lips.