Driving Miss Catherine

“I’m almost done with my study abroad program.” Cat stated at breakfast. Seb nodded, not entirely awake. “So….I’ll be going back to New York to complete my senior year.”

“Oh,” he almost dropped his spoon back into his bowl of oatmeal. “I didn’t realize it was already the end of the semester. That was so fast….”

“I know,” Cat laughed. “Now I have to take finals,” she pouted and Seb smiled a little at her cute little frown.

“So, you’re leaving me here?” He asked with puppydog eyes.

“I think you probably have to stay here. I’m not sure Ferrari would relocate to America just so I could finish up my classes.”

“But-”

“Next semester doesn’t start for another month or so, we’ll figure it out. We have a meeting today. I might be a little late if class doesn’t end on time.”

“Okay, I’ll try to save you a seat.” He smiled at her, although he didn’t feel like smiling. She kissed him goodbye before rushing out the door with her books.

The idea of being alone here without her sent chills down his spine. Seb didn’t really want to be alone any more, especially not for several months while she finished up school.

Cat rushed into the Ferrari boardroom that afternoon. She could tell she was a few minutes late because most of the seats were taken. Quickly scanning the long table, she found two open seats together and made her way toward them, hoping Seb would sit next to her. However, when she sat down she saw him at the other end of the table, so she gave him an apologetic smile as the meeting was brought to a start.

One last person snuck into the room as the meeting was beginning and slipped into the open seat next to Cat.

“Hey,” he whispered to Cat with a smile.

“Hi Kevin,” Cat found herself smiling more than she ought to, and felt guilty about it knowing that Seb was at the other end of the table, probably scowling.

They didn’t say anything else to each other the rest of the meeting, instead focussing on the presentation. Cat avoided Seb’s stare, instead discreetly looking over her notes from class, trying to study for her upcoming exams.

“Why did you sit next to Kevin at the meeting today? There was a seat open next to me,” Seb inquired when Cat returned from class. He was in the kitchen making dinner, so Cat sat at the counter and started reading through her notes from class and studying for her finals.

“Sorry, I didn’t see you. Besides, you said we shouldn’t be seen together.”

“What? I didn’t say that.”

“Yes, at the Ferrari party or whatever it was, you said ‘it might be better if we don’t spend too much time together.’ So I’ve been giving you space when we’re at Ferrari events together.” Cat shrugged, and ignored the shocked expression Seb was giving her.

“I just meant that at that one event we should spend time with the new team and get to know them, and not just stick together.”

“So you didn’t want to hide the fact that we’re dating? They all know that we’re together?”

“Well, I might have mentioned it to a couple of people, but it isn’t really a big deal.” Seb shrugged and turned back to the stove to stir the pot of pasta.

“So you don’t care if people think your girlfriend bought your way onto the team?” Cat tapped her pencil on the corner of her notebook and raised her eyebrow at him.

“Cat...it’s not like that,” he half turned back to her, while still watching the pasta.

“So you think you could have done this without my help?”

“I like to think that I still mean something in the world of F1, and that I’m still seen as the four time world champion I was last season. So, yeah, I could have done this without you, but teams like it when you bring sponsors.”

“....but nobody wanted to sponsor you, so I had to help you out.”

“Right. And now you’re paying my salary,” Seb replied glumly.

“Or Kevins.” Seb rolled her eyes when she said this, his back still to her, but Cat continued. “Or, Britta’s, or Annti’s, or the engineers, or for those red overalls you look so cute in.” Cat smiled, but he wouldn’t look at her. “I know this is hard for you, but you don’t have to push me away.”

Seb turned off the stove and drained the pasta into a colander in the sink. He leaned against the sink and hung his head, letting the steam from the pasta rush past his head. His mind was torn with conflicting thoughts. On one hand, he didn’t want to appear that he needed Cat’s help so much, and he wanted to be okay with her talking with other guys and being independent. But on the other hand….

“I don’t want to lose you...Cat, I love you,” he turned around looked at Cat, his face showing his true, unhideable emotions.

His words hit Cat harder than Seb was expecting. She looked surprised, shocked, even a little upset-and not in a good way. She tried to wrap her head around what he had just told her: ‘he loved her! Then why was he acting like such a jerk? But he loved her…?’’

Cat realized she’d been staring at him, mouth hung open, for at least a minute. She swallowed and tried to focus and think of a good response. “Then be my boyfriend, my Sebby. I don’t know 4-time world champion Sebastian Vettel; I know the kind, sensitive guy who used to drive me to school, the guy that helped me get over Heikki, and feel confident to be myself for the first time. That is the Seb that I know, and you are obviously trying to be someone that you’re aren’t any more. Just be yourself, don’t try to live up to your past; that’s just a memory now.”

“You’re right,” Seb said as the realization settled in.

“I don’t think anyone expects you to come back and be exactly the same as before, after taking a year off and nearly losing your best friend,” Cat paused as an idea hit her. “Speaking of whom, maybe you should talk to Kimi.”

“Why?” How could he help? And what exactly did Seb need help with? Kimi wasn’t really the person he would go to for relationship help.

“He’s older, more experienced, maybe he has some advice. I don’t know,” Cat shrugged.

“I guess I haven’t seen him too much lately, It wouldn’t hurt to stop by.” Seb sighed and continued making their dinner. That had certainly not gone how he’d planned. He’d wanted to tell her when they were cuddled in bed, happy, maybe after some passionate lovemaking; not as a last-ditch effort to prove his intentions and end a fight.

But most importantly, he’d expected her to say it back. He realized how selfish that was; of course she was under no obligation to say it back. Yes, it might make it less awkward, so it would be polite to say it back. But if you don’t feel it, the right thing to do is not to say ‘I love you’ when you don’t mean it, right? Maybe he just caught her off guard. Seb tried to convince himself he’d just surprised her, and that was all. One thing he couldn’t shake, was the chumy way Kevin said ‘hey’ to her. It was like they were friends, or something. And that smile she gave him? Seb had seen that smile before, and he used to love seeing it on her face when he was around.

He went to bed feeling confused, and a little sad. Cat stayed up and studied for her exams late into the night, but she kept getting distracted by what Seb had told her. He loved her? Then why was he being such a dick about it? Boys were weird….