Better for You

'So, I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes,
All I know is I don't know, how to be something you miss.
I never thought we'd have a last kiss.
Never imagined we'd end, like, this.
Your name, forever the name in my lips.
Just like our last kiss,
Forever the name on my lips.'

The soft melody of Taylor Swift's Last Kiss played in my ears, eventually fading out as it came to an end. I had been listening to sad love songs on the walk back to my dorm, my feelings relating to them. I felt free, like I had a weight off of my shoulders. Living in a new country had changed me and my outlook on life, I wanted to be free but I felt like Mike was dragging me down; it was like he had invisible strings attached to me. But now I had cut off the strings and broken free.

The other side to this wasn't as positive. Mike had been a big part of my life for over a year, and so ending this still hurt. I was suddenly alone in this world; I had always had a safety net with Mike, if anything was messed up then I could fall back onto him, but now I was alone and had to fend for myself.

But the more that I thought about it the more that I realized that Mike and I weren't right for each other. I hadn't even considered mentioning my parent's issue with him.... We had been had been walking on eggshells over Skype, and on the first day (and only day we talked while he was here) we had managed to keep the conversation light. The only explanation for not telling him what had been going on in my life would be that my mind subconsciously already knew that we were long over.

As I made it closer to my dorm the songs had switched to an even more relative song to the one that I had been listening to before.

'The smell of your skin lingers on me now,
You’re probably on your flight back to your home town.
I need some shelter my own protection baby.
To be with myself and centre clarity, peace, serenity.

I hope you know, I hope you know,
That this has nothing to do with you.
It's personal myself and I,
We’ve got some straightening out to do.
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket,
But I've got to get a move on with my life.
It's time to be a big girl now.
And big girls don't cry.'

The path that I'm walkin', I must go alone.
I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown.
Fairy tales don't always have their happy endings do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay.

I hope you know, I hope you know,
That this has nothing to do with you.
It's personal myself and I,
We’ve got some straightening out to do.
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket,
But I've got to get a move on with my life.
It's time to be a big girl now,
And big girls don't cry.

Like the little school mate in the school yard,
With play jacks and Uno cards,
I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine,
Valentine.
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to,
'Cuz I wanna hold yours too.
We'll be play jacks and lovers and share our secret words.
But it's time for me to go, home.
It's getting late, dark outside.
Need to be with myself and centre clarity, peace, serenity.

I hope you know, I hope you know,
That this has nothing to do with you.
It’s personal, myself and I,
We’ve got some straightening out to do.
And I'm gonna miss you, like a child misses their blanket,
But I've got to get a move on with my life.
It's time to be a big girl now,
And big girls don't cry.'

I hummed along softly, while listening to the song. I made it to my door and pulled out the key. After a few failed attempts of trying to open up my door, because of my shaking hands, I managed to open it. Once I was inside I immediately dropped my bag on the floor and headed towards my wardrobe.
I picked out Mike's jumper that I had kept from when he left on his first night here. I had never been the type of person to sleep in my boyfriend's clothes, but right now I needed the comforting scent of Mike’s cologne.

I sat down on my bed, and curled into a ball, considering writing a song or something to get rid of my feelings; however my body seemed to be locked into this position on my bed. I simply stared up at the ceiling in the room, as music played through my ears, however I wasn't able to concentrate on a single word that was sung.

I must have been lying in that position for at least an hour, when Abby walked into our room with a smug grin and finally bought me back into reality. "Where have you been?" I asked in a monotone.

"Nowhere." Abby replied casually, and I knew that she was lying. I had caught on that every time Abby would say a lie when I asked her where she'd been she was with Harry. I felt the familiar pinch in the pit of my stomach and swallowed the lump in my throat. "You need to get ready." Abby instructed and I shot her a weird look.

"Why?" I questioned, not remembering any plans for tonight.

"Because we're going to the frat house for a party..." Abby answered, moving around the room as she changed into her outfit. I stared down at my outfit, ripped jeans and a hoodie... Mike's hoodie... I closed my eyes and rocked my body back and forth as if it would get rid of the thought.

"I don't really feel like going out tonight." I replied quietly, making Abby whip her head around to face me with a shocked expression.

"Why don't you want to go out?" Abby pushed, moving towards me cautiously.

"Because Mike and I just broke up." I answered, my eyes flickering around the room to avoid Abby's expression.

"I'm so sorry Izzy." Abby said, sitting down beside me and hugging me tightly. I nodded against her neck, before Abby pulled back and held my arms at an arm distance. "You know what you need to do? Go to a party to get the break-up off of your mind!" Abby suggested and I laughed, shaking my head at her.

"Thanks, but I've kind of made plans to watch 'The Notebook' while eating an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's Ice cream..." I told her and Abby chuckled, shaking her head stubbornly.

"I'm not taking no as an answer Izzy!" Abby protested and I raised my eyebrows at her. "I'm not!" Abby cleared and I rolled my eyes at her. "Come on Izzy! It'll so much fun, I promise you! Pleeease! For me?" Abby pleaded, pouting at me. I threw my body back onto the bed and rubbed my face with the palms of my hands.

"Fine." I conceded, looking at Abby who was smiling gleefully at me.

"Really?" She checked, still grinning a huge grin which showed off her pearly whites.

"Yes, anything to get you off of my case!" I grumbled, getting up and taking off Mike's jumper, to reveal my Aztec printed top.

"Pleeease can I put some make-up on you? I promise, it will look nice!" Abby begged and I nodded my head at her, sitting down by the dressing table as Abby clapped her hands and immediately went to work.

After ten minutes of Abby working the make-up, I was finally allowed to look in the mirror. I opened my eyes and was shocked at how I looked. I never really wore a lot of make-up, and so wearing this much made me look so different. My skin looked so even and flawless; my eyes looked even more blue with the brown smoky eye make-up and eye liner. I inspected every inch of my face, taking in its new look.

"It looks so good!" I praised turning around to find a very pleased and slightly arrogant looking Abby.

"What can I say? I work magic!" Abby joked and I rolled my eyes, getting up putting on some grey vans and placing my phone in my pocket. "Ready to go?" Abby asked and I nodded my head as we made our way out of the house.

We began walking to the frat house, and Abby and I both checked our phones before putting them away in favour of a conversation. "So what happened between you and Mike?" Abby began, and I sighed, running a hand through my blonde waves.

"We just grew apart. We've just been so far apart for so long that we're now worlds apart, and there's not much that we could have done to take away the distance. That kiss was like a wakeup call, and then I realized how the odds were against us, and had won because I just feel the same way about Mike that I used to." I told Abby and she nodded as she acknowledged my statement.
"Yeah, I hate to say it, but it was a long time coming." But that doesn't make it any easier I silently added to Abby's comment.

"So how are you feeling?" Abby asked, as she began to type a text as we neared a corner.

"Ok I guess..." I replied, pretending that there wasn't an internal battle being fought between my heart and my head. In my head I knew that Mike and I weren’t going to work, but my heart seemed to be hung up on the idea of Mike and being in a relationship.

"You'll be over him soon, all it takes is time." Abby promised as we turned the corner and looked ahead towards the frat house in the distance, which didn't have any lights on.

"How come there aren't any lights on?" I asked confused.

"Oh, there isn't a party on tonight... I just wanted you to come and hang out with Harry and I..." Abby told me as my heart fluttered and deflated at the same time. It fluttered at the thought of being around Harry, but deflated in fear of seeing Harry all over Abby.

Although I had never seen how Abby and Harry together, so I had no idea how they around each other, I still knew that there was something suspicious about the amount of time that they had been spending together. "Oh, are um, are you two dating or something?" I asked as I tried to sound casual and contain my jealously, which I had no idea where it came from. I didn't like Harry in that way... Did I?

"No, no, no, no, no, no!" Abby exclaimed, with wide eyes and humour in her voice. "Harry doesn't date."

"What do you mean? Why not?" I asked and Abby shrugged her shoulders, her eyes still showing her bewilderment from my earlier question.

"I think that something happened, but he doesn't really open up about it to anyone so..." Abby explained as we got closer to the frat house and I noticed Harry waiting outside.

"Hey!" Abby greeted, as we walked up to Harry who wore a mischievous grin on his face.

"Hello Abby and Izzy." Harry replied, giving us both a small smirk, which I playfully rolled my eyes at.
Harry opened up the door to the frat house and turned the lights on as loads of people suddenly jumped up and yelled, "Surprise!" I jumped in shock at all of the faces, and noticed banners saying 'birthday girl' and realized that it was a surprise birthday party.

"You guys did this for me?" I asked Harry and Abby as my heart swelled and I felt slightly guilty. I had thought that they had been seeing each other, when in reality they were planning this!

"Yeah, it's no big deal." Harry shrugged it off, and I shook my head at him and gave him a massive hug.

My body immediately warmed as Harry's arm slipped around my waist. "It is a big deal, it means a lot to me." I whispered into his ear, before pulling away to hug Abby.

"Thank you so much." I whispered into her ear and then pulled away to give everyone else a huge grin. "And thank you to everyone else in this room!" I thanked and everyone else just smiled back at me warmly.

I made my way over to Andy who was surrounded by all of my other closest friends. "Hey birthday girl!" Andy greeted and I grinned at her, fluttering my eyelashes playfully.

"Technically it's not my birthday for another..." I began as I glance down at the time on my phone which read 9, "3 hours!"

"Oh, whatever!" Niall butted in. "The point is that it’s your birthday soon and we're celebrating it now; so as far as we're concerned you're the birthday girl!" I grinned at Niall playfully and he elbowed me playfully in the ribs in return.

"So, why isn't your famous boyfriend here?" Louis asked casually. He and Mike had gotten along very well and Louis probably just wanted to hang out with him again. He then covered his mouth and shot me a sorry look as he must have remembered Mike kissing Lucy. "Sorry, and for what it’s worth, Lucy isn't here today, Abby made extra sure that she wouldn't be!" Louis apologised.

"Aha, don't worry... But um, Mike and I finished things today; so that will be my excuse for when I get drunk and start acting all shitty!" I told them, trying to add the joke at the end to lighten up the mood.

"I thought that you didn't drink?" Liam asked.

"I don't, but tonight I need to." I replied and he nodded his head understandingly. Louis and Niall both smiled menacingly as they grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the stool of liquor.

"Now, if you're going to drink, then you're going to drink the right way." Louis instructed as he poured a shot into a short glass.

"Isn't that supposed to be disgusting?" I asked, wrinkling my nose as I smelt the alcohol.

"Yeah, but it'll do the trick; trust me." Niall answered and I shrugged my shoulders, leant back and downed the drink. I wrinkled my nose as I swallowed the disgusting tasting liquid and it burned my throat. However, it gave me a buzz of energy and I was beginning to feel the weight of loneliness on my chest disappear.

After a couple more shots, Louis poured me another shot, with an even stronger alcohol; however my body welcomed it as I chugged it down and the familiar sting burned down my throat. "You're a natural at drinking you know?" Niall asked as I froze and I felt the colour drain from my face at the thought of my father drinking. I remembered the person that he became when he drank, he would hurt my mother, sometimes hurt me, and I vowed never to drink so that I wouldn't turn out like him... And now look at me.

I quickly got up and ran outside into the cool air as I tried to get the clear air to sober up my clouded mind as fast as possible. The energy and excitement that was running through my veins was nothing compared to the even heavier weight on my chest of guilt from drinking.

"Izzy?" Harry asked, surprised, as he came outside and joined me as I sat underneath the familiar tree that I had sat under the first time that I had been here.

"Yeah." I choked out, the lump in my throat growing and getting heavier, making it harder to speak any words.

"You ok? Are you," Harry began as he leaned towards me and sniffed, "are you drunk?" Harry asked, shock filling his tone and also something else... Disappointment?

"Yep." I answered, popping the 'p' as I looked away and blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill over.

"Why?" Harry asked.

"It's been a long day." I sighed and looked over to Harry, whose eyes were probing me to continue. "I
broke up with Mike." I continued.

"Really?" Harry checked and I nodded my head, staring off into the distance straight ahead of me. A comfortable silence took over and my mind had begun to sober up.

"Is there something going on between you and Abby?" I blurted out, slurring my words together, before I could even think about what I was saying.

"No, why would you think that?" Harry questioned curiously.

"It's just that you two have been spending a lot of time together recently." I explained, and Harry turned to face me, his eyes absorbing every inch of my face.

"You look so different with make-up on." He stated, and judging from the reaction on his face, I don't think that he meant to say it either.

"Um, thanks?" I asked and Harry leaned in closer to me.

"It looks pretty hot." He whispered; his lips now inches from mine.

“I thought that you didn’t like it when girls wore make-up.” I quipped, my own voice sounding low and husky, and… Sexy?

“I don’t normally.” Harry answered as his eyes flickered to my lips. That was all I needed as my mind took over and I leaned towards Harry and closed the gap as our lips met. The kiss began slowly and gently, as electricity went rushing through my veins.

The kiss began heating up as a desire to have more of Harry took over me, and Harry's tongue traced over my bottom lip. I quickly granted him access to my mouth as his tongue began rubbing against mine, sending the most heavenly feeling running through me.

All too soon we had to pull away for air, both panting after the intense make-out session. I stared into Harry's eyes, trying to capture any emotion, but he seemed so well put together that I couldn't make out any sign of emotion. Just as I was about to ask him how he felt about the kiss, Abby came outside calling, "Hey Izzy, it's present time!" I sighed and got up, walking towards the house, with Harry close on my trail.