Better for You

I hadn’t been able to think clearly ever since the kiss that had happened two days ago. My mind was clouded with this fog that just wouldn’t seem to clear. I had pretty much kept myself to myself for the past two days. Abby and Andy had tried to get me out of my room but I needed this. I needed to isolate myself from the world for a while. I needed to be alone and figure out everything.

I felt this constant weight on my shoulders of guilt that wouldn’t seem to leave. I had only been single for around 5 hours before I had kissed Harry. But what I felt even worse for was the undeniable feelings that the kiss had given me. It was a feeling which I had never felt with Mike, and ever since the kiss I’d been comparing Mike with Harry constantly.

I had come to the conclusion on my feelings between Mike and Harry. With Mike I felt this familiar safety, like he was the pair of strong arms to catch me whenever I’d fall. But with Harry it was dangerous; he was intoxicating and exciting and made me feel things that I had never felt before. Just sitting next to him in class would cause an unfamiliar warmth and hanging around with him was like a breath of fresh air.

I had spent the previous two days sitting on my bed and watching movies on my laptop, occasionally checking my social media, but I hadn’t posted anything; just removed Mike from my name. I chewed on my bottom lip as I eyed my draw, and the notepad that was sticking out, before getting up and grabbing it along with a pen and then returning back onto my position on the bed. I hadn’t written a song in a while, but now just felt like the time; I was in desperate need of sorting out my feelings and this was how.

The glimmer in your eyes,
Brings out a side to me that I never knew.
And the way that your smile,
Could light up a thousand rooms.
Even the moon,
Has to surrender to the sun.
The same way that I,
Am at mercy to your light.
And I know it would be stupid and irrational.
And I would be out of my mind to let myself fall.

But I just can’t stop myself,
There’s just no way around it.
Even though you could never, return this feeling,
But if you could see me the same way, that I do you.
Cause you light up my life without even trying,
And I’m falling harder when I should be crying.
Maybe that’s what’s wrong,
Something messed up in me,
That keeps me hanging on,
To a messed up dream.

Never in my life,
Have I felt a pain this good.
I thought I knew what love was,
But it was nothing like this.
Never thought that I’d been swooning for you,
But back then I didn’t understand you.
And if stars can’t shine without surrounded by darkness,
Then you must be some kind of galaxy.
And I know it would be stupid and irrational.
And I would be out of my mind to let myself fall.

But I just can’t stop myself,
There’s just no way around it.
Even though you could never, return this feeling,
But if you could see me the same way, that I do you.
Cause you light up my life without even trying,
And I’m falling harder when I should be crying.
Maybe that’s what’s wrong,
Something messed up in me,
That keeps me hanging on,
To a messed up dream.

In the end,
I’ll be left broken in you trail.
And you,
Will find someone better without fail.
Never knowing that I,
Had been waiting for you,
And that’s what I plan to happen.
I can’t trust you to hold me together.
So maybe I’ll pretend I’m fine that we’re not together.
Pretend that you don’t keep me up and night,
And you don’t make me have to fight,
The loneliness that’s been screaming at me.
When I’m haunted with your eyes,
In my messed up dreams.
In my messed up dreams, oh.
And I know it would be stupid and irrational.
And I would be out of my mind to let myself fall.

I blinked back any tears that threated to fall while I finished off my song, then putting my notepad and pen back away, hidden from the prying eyes of Abby. I flopped back on my bed, thinking hard about what agreement I had made with myself within the song. I couldn’t let Harry know that I was falling for him, I just couldn’t.

My thoughts were disturbed by a knock at the door; I got up towards the door and opened it cautiously only to be met by the green eyed beauty himself. “Hello.” I greeted, opening the door for
him to come inside.

“Oh no, I actually wanted to take you out.” Harry began, my heart raced as I heard his words; take me out? As in on a date? Harry must have picked up on this as he quickly corrected himself, “not like a date, but like just out of the dorm.” My lips formed an ‘o’ and I nodded and turned to grab my bag, hoping my hair would hide my face and the blush that was creeping up onto it. I could only hope that he didn’t sense my disappointment when he corrected himself.

“Ok, I’m ready to go.” I told him as he nodded and we went out. I was only wearing my ombre white to blue jumper with short black frayed shorts along with a necklace and some navy blue converse. Harry nodded as I tucked my IPhone into my pocket and followed him down the building.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked as Harry pulled out onto the main road.

“To the woods.” Harry replied and I nodded, taking out my phone to reply to a few texts that I had received from Abby. I then looked at the time, realising that I probably needed to have dinner soon as it was already 8:00.

After around 15 minutes of driving Harry parked the car and hopped out, and I did the same, then following him as he led the way to the tree house. Harry climbed up the ladder, and I followed him closely then climbing into the tree house.

“What made you decide to take me here?” I asked, looking out of the tree house to take in the beauty of the forest from up here.

“You’re a curious person aren’t you?” Harry commented, his voice rising at the end, however it came out as more of a statement than a question.

“Yep.” I answered, turning to look at him and his heavy gaze at me. His eyes looked full of lust as he leaned in and his lips made contact with mine, causing the same yet different spark of electricity to go flowing through my veins. I wanted to treasure the feeling of his lips on mine, but my body wanted more of Harry, as my hands began to pull on his hair causing a throating moan to escape his lips.

My natural instincts took over as my tongue traced his lips, begging for entrance which he allowed as our tongues danced together while fighting for dominance. I pulled away reluctantly, keeping my face only a few centimetres from mine. “Stop avoiding the question, why did you want to bring me here today?” I pushed breathily and Harry sighed, leaning back with his palms on the floor.

“I uh, wanted to spend some time with you and I didn’t want it to be in some cheesy place like at the movies or something…” Harry trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. I couldn’t help the huge grin that was covering my face at his reply, as his answer caused an unusual feeling erupt within me.

“Hmm, so you like spending time with me?” I teased and Harry rolled his eyes at me playfully.

“You’re not like the other girls around here; you’re actually genuinely nice and just different. Like, the other girls would have broken down in hysterics before me by the way that I’d treated you; but you didn’t, you actually fought back.” Harry explained and I shrugged. He was right, I was pretty tough; but it wasn’t always a good thing. I just wear a mask and bottle up my feelings for as long as I can, until it becomes too much and I break down; alone.

“I hate crying in front of people.” I confessed. “I just feel weak and damn awkward.”

“Well, your sass very much intrigued me.” Harry answered, his voice sounding flirty and full of meaning as he leaned towards me again and sealed his lips onto mine. His lips then moved to my neck as he continued his sweet assault. He pulled back for a quick second and I let out a whimper at the loss of contact, but he quickly reattached his lips back onto mine.

Our lips moved together in-sync as my hands found their way to his hair and tugged on the roots while his hands cupped my cheeks. Harry then slowly leaned back, taking me down with him as I straddled his waist while kissing him.

A bird then chose to randomly sing a tune, as I jumped back in shock. Harry chuckled a bit at my reaction and I playfully swatted his arm. “You need to loosen up.” Harry whispered into my ear as I climbed off of him and sat next to him.

“And how would you suggest that I do that?” I quipped, turning my head sharply to face him.

“Well, there are many ways.” Harry answered, his low raspy voice teasing my ears.

“Is everything about sex to you?” I asked and Harry raised his hands in innocence.

“Hey, I never said anything about sex.” Harry answered and I rolled my eyes playfully.

“Whatever.” I replied, looking out of the tree house and noticing how much darker the sky had gotten.

“Do you wanna head back now?” Harry asked and I simply nodded in return as we both got up and began climbing down the ladder, then walking over to his car.

We hadn’t been driving for long when my stomach let out a quiet growl that unfortunately didn’t go unnoticed. “You hungry?” Harry asked and I nodded my head sheepishly. “Ok, well I know this really good diner place that’s not too expensive; my treat.” Harry suggested, and my heart warmed at how Harry spoke. He really had changed since when I first met him, and he was being so sincere to me and actually treating me well.

When I had first met him he treated me like a piece of meat, and then we had this hate relationship; and now it’s this; whatever this is. I wouldn’t call it dating as such, but then what are we? Friends don’t randomly start making-out with each other…

Harry parked in the car park and we both went out of the car, and into the diner. It was a rather cosy place, which had a 90s theme to it. “What do you want to eat?” Harry asked after I’d scanned through the menu for a good 5 minutes, and I was stuck between whether to be healthy and order the salad or go ahead and eat a burger and fries.

“Uhm, I’ll get the cheese burger with fries.” I decided and looked up to Harry who was smirking at me. “What? I’m hungry!” I defended; I was literally starving at this moment. My diet for the past two days had pretty much entirely consisted of Ben and Jerry’s phish food Ice-cream; which really wasn’t good for my health, and reminded me that I really had to go to a gym.

“Well at least I know that you’re not the type of girl who starves themselves for a good body.” Harry answered, with an emotion that I couldn’t quite decipher in his tone, the way he said it sounded quite harsh but the smile on his face afterwards was sincere.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

“Just that I’m glad that you’re not like one of those plastic girls.” Harry answered, still avoiding fully
answering my question, but I let it slip.

“So what are you going to get?” I asked, successfully changing the topic.

“Same as you.” Harry replied, closing his menu, and raising his hand as a signal for the waiter to come over.

After stuffing my face with Harry, and feeling slightly sick after it we both went back to my dorm and I offered to watch a movie with Harry which he agreed to. I walked in and saw Abby sitting on her bed, typing on her laptop. “Hey.” I greeted, rubbing my stomach as I sat down, hoping that it would calm it.

“Hey, you alright Izzy?” Abby asked with concern laced in her soft voice.

“Well I made the mistake of trying to finish the waffles for desert after having a burger and chips and
let’s just say I’m paying the price.” I explained.

“No, I finished your waffle and my brownie while you just sat there complaining about how full you
were!” Harry cut in, and I simply stuck my tongue out at him as I began setting up my laptop and logging onto Netflix to find a good movie to watch.

“Abby, we’re gonna watch a film, do you want to join us?” I asked, looking up at Abby from my laptop as Harry and I settled down on my bed.

“No thanks, I’m going out with Andy and the boys. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Abby replied, grabbing her bag and then leaving.

“Ok, so we can watch Mean Girls 2; but it’s pretty crap so I’d strongly suggest against it… How about Clueless? Clueless is a classic.” I told Harry and he shrugged. I smiled strongly as I clicked on the movie and moved closer to Harry as the movie played, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the movie given the fact that Harry placed his arm around my shoulders; sending the familiar buzz around my body.