Better for You

‘Recently I tend to zone out
Up in my headphones to Holocene ‘

The past week had been tough to say the least. It had been almost impossible to get over Harry and I when we were technically never a ‘thing’. The worst part was that I had to pretend like everything was ok; that I wasn’t hurting.

I’d lost count of how many times I had smiled at Abby and said, “I’m ok” but the truth is that I still hadn’t meant it once. I had spent the entire week smiling and pretending that I was ok, trying to push the burden of what had happened away. But it was sitting there menacingly, in the back of my mind waiting for the right moment to wash over me completely so that I could drown in it.

My mum had also suggested that we should have lunch together to talk as I hadn’t seen her since she had told me about my father. I was wearing a black crop top with a blue skirt along with some sandals and a brown handbag. I had also put on a bit of eye make-up as I had had a hard time sleeping recently which was starting to show around my eyes.

The three knocks on my door bought me back into reality as I sighed, forcing myself up from the comfort of my bed and over to the door which opened to reveal my mother looking slightly off as she hugged me tightly as if she was afraid that I would break otherwise. “Hi mum.” I whispered, inhaling her usual scent of coco chanel perfume.

“Hey sweetie, we have a lot to talk about.” She told me as she linked arms with me and led me out of my dorm.

“How have you been?” I asked my mum and looked at me and paused, considering what to reply with.

“Let’s just say that I’ve been better.” She answered rigidly and I furrowed my eyebrows as we came to the exit of the building. “What about you? How have you been?” She asked.

I stiffened slightly before forcing a smile and replying with, “good.” My mum looked at me sceptically as we walked over to the car. She quickly unlocked it and I got inside, fastening my seatbelt. I looked across to my mother who was eyeing me warily. “What?” I asked and my mum shook her head at me.

“You may be fooling everyone else, but you’re not fooling me. What the matter, love?” My mum asked and I sighed resting my head back onto the car seat. This is what I was worried was going to happen. I was worried that my mum would pick up that something was wrong and make me have to talk it out and spill my feelings.

“It’s nothing, just boy issues; that’s all.” I told her quietly, fiddling with my fingers in my lap.

“You don’t seriously think that I’m going to let you off that easily do you?” My mum asked as she started the engine. “Come on, tell me.” My mum whined and I huffed, rubbing my face with my hands.

“It’s just this boy who I liked and I knew that he was trouble; it was written all over him with his tattoos and all, but I thought that he was different. I thought that he was just a lost boy who was hanging around with the wrong crowd… I mean, we didn’t even get off to a good start! I hated him! I thought that he was this huge player but then we got talking and I saw a difference in him. But then he was a douche and so I got mad at him and we didn’t talk for a while.” I told my mum cautiously, trying not to let too much emotion slip into my voice.

“But then when I found out about dad I came home crying and he was there and told me that he was done with being a douche and I believed him and so we became friends again and things were going well. And then Mike came over and we broke up and he was there for me without even knowing it, and at some point I had fallen for him. Then we kissed and we went out of this not-a-date-but-felt-a-lot-like-a-date thing and watched a movie after and it was just kind of perfect. Then the next evening I went to a party and he was there and he was making out with the same girl that Mike kissed, who also happens to be a girl that I despise, and we got into a huge fight and he said all of this rude stuff to me. He then got in a fight with my friend because he was sticking up for the damn girl that he kissed. And so now I’ve basically been spending the past week getting over a relationship that never really happened.” I explained to my mother as she nodded her head.

“Well, to be honest he sounds like a jerk and you’re probably better off without him in your life honey.” My mum told me and I nodded my head sadly, and then turning my head to look out of the window. “It’s probably for the best though; any guy who can treat you like that isn’t worth the time of day.”

“I know… It’s just that when I was with him I felt more alive than I’ve ever felt; from just his touch my whole body was on fire and when we kissed I swear that there were fireworks… There’s something about him mum; something that has me wanting to see him again which is really annoying because at the end of the day he doesn’t care about me and I shouldn’t care about him.” I sighed as my mum parked the car.

I looked out of the window and my breath hitched in my throat as I noticed where we’d be eating. Of course my mum would choose for us to eat at the same diner that Harry took me to on our not-a-date-but-felt-a-lot-like-a-date thing. “Sweetheart, trust me when I say that boys like him don’t change.” My mum told me softly.

“Harry.” I whispered and my mum’s eyebrows knotted in confusion. “His name was Harry.” I clarified and my mum just sighed and nodded before getting out of the car.

“Come on, let’s go inside.” My mum encourage as I got out of the car and walked towards the diner alongside her.

When we sat down a waitress came over and politely handed us our menus with a friendly smile. I thanked her quietly scanning through it, reminiscing how Harry and I had ordered so much food together, filling me up entirely to the point where I felt sick.

“What are you going to get darling?” My mother’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

“The chicken Caesar salad.” I answered softly.

“Hmm, I might get the salad too.” My mum agreed and I forced a smile at her as the waitress came over and we ordered our food along with a diet coke each.

“So what was it that you wanted to tell me?” I asked my mum as the waitress left.

“It can wait till later.” My mum replied, but I was never going to take that for answer and my mother knew that; what can I say, I’m a curious person.

“Mum.” I pushed and my mum sighed.

“You’re not going to like it.” She warned me and I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. “Fine; it’s about Mike.” She told me and my blood froze in my veins and my body stiffened.

“What about Mike?” I asked warily, not sure if I wanted to know about whatever it was any more.

“He’s been suffering from depression since the break-up.” My mum told me and guilt overwhelmed me.

“H-how is he? Is it- is it bad?” I stuttered, my voice betraying my anxiety.

“He’s not good Izzy; he’s on medication but I’m worried about him. Catherine says that he’s not in a very stable place right now which is why I wanted to talk to you.” My mum paused, “you and Mike had been best friends for a while before you got into a relationship and I think that you should be there for Mike; not as a girlfriend but as a friend because God knows that he needs one now.” My mum told me and I nodded my head.

“Yeah, I should probably talk to him.” I agreed and my mum nodded her head just as the waitress came out with the food. She handed the plates over to us and I eyed the salad hungrily.

“The chicken is amazing.” My mum told me as I stuffed a piece into my mouth and hummed in agreement.

“So I was thinking, Abby’s parents Greg and Tina suggested that we could have a barbeque together next weekend? Are you free then?” My mum asked and I nodded my head.

“Yep, can Abby make it?” I asked and my mother nodded her head.

“Yeah.” My mum replied and I smiled at her before asking the inevitable question.

“How’s dad been?”

I asked and my mum finished her mouthful before replying, “He’s been…” My mum began, unsure of what word to use, “distant.” She eventually finished and I nodded my head, picking at my salad and then forcing a piece of lettuce into my mouth.

After a few minutes of small talk laughter filled the air from behind us as some people walked in. I turned around to look at the people walking in when I noticed Lucy, and then Zayn coming from behind her and then him. Harry. I flipped my body back around bowed my head slightly, trying to not get noticed.

“What’s the matter? Do you know them?” My asked and I nodded my head shyly.

“You see the one with the brown curly hair?” I asked my mum and she looked it the group and bobbed her head up and down. “Well that’s Harry and he’s with Lucy; the girl that he kissed.” I told my mum and she narrowed her eyes at Harry.

“Hold on, I’m going to go talk to him.” My mum told me getting up as my eyes blew wide open.

“No, no, no, no, no mum. Please don’t; let’s just pay the cheque and leave. Like you said, he’s not worth the time of day.” I told her and she sighed and caved, sitting back down.

I looked around for the waitress when I noticed her talking to Harry and his group, taking their orders. I then noticed a blush creeping onto the girls cheeks as Harry undoubtedly flirted with her. She then cut a glare at Harry and walked away, to give the chef the order.

When she came back I signalled her over and she walked over to us with a flustered appearance. “Please can we have the cheque?” My mum asked and she smiled at us, going to get it and then returning with it.

Once my we’d paid, we got up from out booth and I turned to walk towards the exit when I noticed Harry staring at me. I awkwardly tucked a strand of hair that had fallen out of my bun behind my ear then started walking towards the exit, which happened to be near where Harry was sat.

I walked towards the doors with my head tilted towards the ground slightly as I tried to ignore Harry, but that was pretty much impossible to do when Harry grabbed my hand murmuring my name in his low husky voice.

“Leave me alone, Harry.” I whispered harshly, freeing my hand from his grasp then walking away with my mother right behind me. I didn’t allow myself to turn around and look back at Harry as I walked away, as I knew that he’d be watching me go, and once I looked at Harry with his eyes full of guilt it was very hard to walk away.

“Did you want to get anything while we’re out?” My mum asked me as we reached the car. I did need to get a car, but I had only just started my job waitressing at a nearby restaurant. I had gone to town with Andy last Saturday, and managed to find a well-paid job there so I called them up and went to the interview there and managed to get the job. My first shift was yesterday and it had gone well, and I had made a few friends with a few of my co-workers.

“I do need a car…” I trailed off and my mum nodded her head.

“Well how about we get that now?” My mum asked and I smiled and nodded my head. “Good, I don’t expect you to pay for all of the car, you know? How about we split it?” My mum asked and I looked over to her with wide eyes.

“Really?” I asked and she simply smiled at me as she started the car.

After a long shopping trip with my mother we had eventually decided on a small grey golf. Although it wasn’t cheap, it had a sturdy build and I was more than excited to drive it around the campus. My mum and I had parted ways from the car shop, and I had driven back to the dorms in my new car.

As I reached the door I heard two raised voices. I opened the door hesitantly to reveal Abby and Niall arguing. “Niall, I don’t care what you say. Ed Sheeran is better than Coldplay!” Abby shouted and Niall simply rolled his eyes as I let out an internal laugh.

“No, just no Abby.” Niall replied, running a stressed hand through his hair.

“Izzy, come on, back me up on this.” Abby called.

“Sorry Niall, but it’s Ed Sheeran all the way.” I told them and Abby grinned triumphantly.

“See?” Abby told him and Niall shook his head, standing up from the bed.

“I’ve gotta go, but I’ll see you later Abby, bye Izzy.” Niall said, giving Abby and I a quick hug before walking out of the door.

Abby looked at the door longingly for a couple of seconds, then turned around and pulled out her laptop. I stared at her expectantly as she eventually looked up to meet my eyes. “What?” she asked and I smiled at her knowingly.

“How long?” I asked Abby as I sat down on my bed. Abby pretended to not know what I was talking about as she knotted her eyebrows together. “How long have you been seeing Niall?” I asked and
Abby’s eyes widened before she looked down at her computer screen.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She replied trying to keep a straight face.

“Oh come on, stop with all of the b.s and tell me!” I pushed and she sighed, pushing her laptop away.

“A couple of weeks… But please don’t tell anyone, we haven’t told anyone else yet.” Abby replied and
I smiled, batting my eyelashes.

“Nothing goes past me.” I joked and Abby laughed a little.

“So what did you do today?”

“I got a car!” I replied and a smile broke onto Abby’s face.

“Really? What type?”

“A golf.”

“All right Miss Fancy.” Abby joked and I laughed with her, all thoughts of Harry and his betrayal long
forgotten.

“Wanna take it for a test run?”