Better for You

***Izzy’s POV***
As I walked further into the forest the memories of my relationship with Harry came back to me harder and harder.

I shouldn’t be here.

But I had to come here.

It’s weird though because I thought that breaking up with Mike was painful; but this is 1000 times worse. I’d take breaking up with Mike one million times while standing on fire over this pain. This pain was soul consuming. Harry had stolen me and dragged me under, sinking me further and further with his lies. And now I was drowning. Now I couldn’t breathe.

A few tears fell from my eyes as I walked past a tree that I had made-out with Harry against. This forest was full of memories of my relationship with Harry.

I walked for a few more minutes until I reached the tree house. I began climbing the ladder when those curls came into view. I had to be hallucinating. I was sure I was until I heard his desperate voice say my name. It fell from his lips so perfectly that I stopped to stare at him while halfway up the ladder. He stared down at me with parted lips and wide eyes.

“Izzy.” He repeated and began walking closer to the end when my body removed myself from its trance and began climbing back down the ladder and then running as far away for him as I could get.
Of course he would be here. Of course he would be sitting in the darn tree house. And of course he would heal my heart and then shatter it in seconds.

***Harry’s POV***

I sighed as I sat down on the tree house. There were so many memories with Izzy that bought both comfort and pain with them. Coming here brought both torture and pleasure. But also comfort. And that was what I needed. As the seconds apart from Izzy passed the pain was only increasing.

I must have sat there for at least an hour when I heard a sniffle. Was it her? Could it be? I then heard climbing and her face came into view. She had tear stained cheeks, red puffy eyes and chapped lips. She looked like some broken angel. She was perfect but she looked awful at the same time. “Izzy?” I asked, unsure of if it was really her or a hallucination. She stared back at me with wide eyes. “Izzy.” I repeated, walking closer to her when she suddenly began retreating and began climbing down the tree.

I immediately began chasing after her and after a half minute I caught up with her. Running had never been her strength. I looked at her outfit and she was in all black. But it looked wrong. She shouldn’t wear black. It makes her look dark when she’s the most innocent and fucking borderline angel-like human being that has ever existed. She shouldn’t be wearing black.

“Please Izzy, I need to see you. I need to talk to you.” I pleaded and she surprised me by nodding.

*** Izzy’s POV ***

Harry stared at me with bewildered eyes. He must have not expected me to allow him time. I shouldn’t be. But I wanted to.

“How have you been?” He asked quietly.

“Depends, do you want the truth or what I want to say?” I asked curtly.

“The truth, of course.”

“I’ve been shit.” I answered honestly.

“Really?” He asked; his eyes lifting slightly as he looked at me and they looked brighter as if they were full of… hope?

“What? Does it give you some kind of sick pride in knowing that you’ve hurt me? You know what, I need to go.” I told him. I don’t know what I was thinking coming here yet alone allowing him to talk to me.

“No, it doesn’t. Please, stay.” Harry begged as rain began pouring. I love rain.

“Why then? Why does it make you happy? I saw your eyes light up when I answered.”

“Because, I guess it just gave me reassurance that maybe you loved me the way that I loved you. I love you so goddamn much Izzy. I love you! And I need you. I need you so fucking much.” Harry explained and the rain got heavier and I turned and began walking away. I was going to end up getting stuck in his web of words unless I left. “Izzy! Don’t leave me!” Harry shouted at me as I began walking away. “You-you can’t just leave me after what I just said! Not like that!”

I turned around sharply with fire in my eyes. “Why not Harry?! You lied! Big time. You used me as part of a fucking dare! And now you’re telling me you love me?! Are you crazy?! Like out of your goddamn mind?! I am never going to forgive you! Ever! We can’t be fixed Harry! You can’t just come out here and say how much you love me and think that it will win me back!” I screamed over the heavy rain that was drenching me and dripping off of my face as I tugged my leather jacket closer to my body.

“But I love you Izzy! How else can I say it to you?!” Harry yelled back.

“How about how you show it? How about by not revealing all of my secrets to the whole world?! My dad’s affair was on there Harry! That was personal. That was too far! As if the website wasn’t enough! You put my family history on there! I trusted you with that.” I replied, it started off screaming but eventually ended much quieter.

“I-I’m sorry Izzy. I don’t know what else to do.”

“That’s because there’s nothing that you can do.” I answered and began walking back to my car as my body was getting too cold.

“I got Zayn to take down the website.” Harry called out and as I turned to face him I saw a water droplet fall down his face however I couldn’t decipher if it was the rain or an actual tear.

“I know.” I whispered and then continued walking away. As I turned a corner I’m sure that I heard Harry yell fuck, but I refused to turn around. He did this to himself. He did this to me.

*** Harry’s POV ***

“Fuck!” I yelled as she turned the corner and I slammed my fist into the nearest tree. “Fucking shit” I cursed as I drew back my hand. Shit that hurt. Blood was oozing out at an alarming pace and fist hurt like fuck. But that was no comparison to the ache in my chest after my talk to her. She had answered all of my insecurities, just not with the answers that I had been hoping for. I’d pushed her too far now and I’d lost her over my stupid fucking ‘reputation’.

The broken look in her eyes when I saw her climbing up the ladder broke then healed then broke my heart all over again. I’d lost her now and I could either fight for her or let her move on and be happy. She deserves to be happy. I took off my drenched shirt and wrapped it over my hand as I considered going to the hospital but decided against it. I didn’t need anyone’s help.

So, I ran a hand over my damp hair and walked over to my car, got a spare, dry, t-shirt from my trunk of my car which I seemed to carry with me everywhere. The blood rushing out of my hand seemed to have slowed down but I knew it was broken. I then began driving.

And I found my way back to my old roots. Where I couldn’t feel anything. Where I could numb out the pain of Izzy’s absence. Maybe.

“Well well well, what do we have here? Harry Styles? I haven’t seen you ‘round here for a long fucking time.” Jonny said, wrapping his arm around my neck and I ignored the heavy stench of smoke on his shirt and breath.

In reply I just gave him a tight, forced smile. And moved further under the shelter of the bridge to keep myself from getting too wet. It was rainy really damn hard and I could only think of the way that Izzy would go on and on and on about loving the rain because it reminded her of home. Well now I guess that it reminded me of my home because it reminded me of her.

“I heard that you got with some British chick.” Luke commented, little fucker. He tried hitting on her once at a party just to piss me off. I never liked Luke.

“Yea.” I replied with a forced voice as I looked at the others in the crowd on the street. The same street that I had denied having any relationship with Izzy at – in front of Izzy and Abby.

“Well what d’ya want?” Jonny asked, finally removing his arm from my shoulder. For a certain blonde to forgive me and to never leave me, my mind answered.

“For a joint.” I answered and Jonny laughed.

“You know it’ll cost ya?” he checked and I shrugged. I don’t care how much it costs, I just need something that can take away the heavy weight on my chest and those haunting blue eyes.

“How much do you want?” I asked, taking out my wallet from my back pocket.

“Not money, how about you go and” He began, scanning the area before finishing, “fuck Ruby” he said and my face paled and I clenched my jaw. No fucking way. No. Fuck no. It would be impossible in every way. I couldn’t get hard over some bleached blonde, no personality girl like her. Only Izzy. I didn’t want anyone other than Izzy. Not even some fucking model. Izzy is all that I need and there is no way that I could get with anyone else.

“Fuck no.” I answered, giving Jonny a piercing glare.

“You sure? She’s been needing a good fuck recently – been awfully moody.” He commented and began laughing while Ruby shouted “Shut the fuck up, ass”

“I said fucking no!” I shouted and grabbed Jonny by the shirt and pushed him up against the wall and ignored the shooting pain in my hand from moving it.

“Woah, woah, woah! I was just fucking with you! Fuck! It’s $30” He told me and I clenched my jaw but let him go.

“Here” I mumbled, giving him the money as he then handed me the joint and a lighter. As soon as the drug touched my lips I already felt lighter and with every toxic breath I inhaled the feeling only increased until I got to the point where I was untouchable. I was numb. The pain had been silenced.
This was all that I needed to do. This was all I needed to forget about Izzy and those haunting eyes. This was the answer.

“Feeling better now?” Luke asked as he brought his cigarette to his mouth.

“Yea” I answered, in a much calmer voice than just a few minutes ago.

“So what happened with you and that British chick then?” Ruby asked in her usual annoying voice which made me wonder why I ever fucked her… Or Lucy… Or any other girl to be honest. For the brag or for the thrill? I’m not sure really.

“Nothing.” I replied shortly. I may be high but I can never be high enough to discuss what I did to Izzy without feeling the pain.

“Oh really? So if I found her and fucked her you’d be fine would you?” Luke challenged and even in my drugged state I would still easily choke him for laying one finger on her.

“No, I wouldn’t be fine but it’s none of your damn business.”

“Then what happened to your fist?” Jonny asked, pointing to my fist which had the now crimson coloured t-shirt wrapped around it. It was throbbing before but the drug has managed to numb out the pain.

“I punched a tree.”

“What? Why?” Luke asked through his laughter. I fucking hate Luke.

“I was mad.”

“At who?” He pushed.

“Myself.”

*** Izzy’s POV ***

As I sat down in my car I had to take a few minutes to compose myself before I could get out of the woods. Seeing Harry had shaken me to the very core and as a result I felt weak and dizzy. So I sat for a few minutes listening to the rain beating down on the car outside and allowed the sound to calm me down. Then I began driving.

I drove all around the place while singing along to my Lana Del Rey playlist. She had a pain which she showed in her songs and I found it oddly relatable for me while her heard her sing songs such as Without You because it made me believe that maybe I wasn’t insane. I was just hurt.

After an hour or so had passed I was on the other side of town in an unfamiliar area. I decided that it was about time that I came home. I was drenched and getting too cold and I was worried that I might start getting hypothermia. So I turned around and began driving home when I passed the group of guys that Harry used to hang around with. I rolled my eyes as I watched one of the members take a guy by the shirt and thrust him against the wall. His hand was bleeding. And as his head turned to the side I realised that it was him. Harry. He was hanging around with them?

Why would he be hanging around with that crowd? I thought that he had stopped when he started seeing me. Clearly not. Or maybe he started hanging around with them after the break up. I shook my head free of the thoughts when I suddenly collided with the car in front of me and blacked out.