Things to Do Before I Die

Sawyer Jacobson. I had heard my name so many times in the past month that it doesn't even feel like my name anymore. It's just another label to be put on my when people talk. And believe me; they do talk. 'Sawyer Jacobson? That Sawyer Jacobson?' Like, I can't even just be a person anymore. I have to be the person everyone stares at. The person people whisper about in the hallways. I have to be Sawyer Jacobson. I know I used to crave the attention, wanting to be noticed in a crowd; but when you're noticed for the wrong reasons it obviously makes it less enjoyable. I'd take my old life over my current one any day.

Some days are easier than others. Some days my best friend is here with me. The stares seem to disappear into puffs of smoke replaces with smiles when she's around. Hailey Stant. Everyone knows her almost as well as they know me. Only, she's very popular; they know her for the right reasons. I was just one of those average high school students with the average grades, average family, and average life. Then, about a year ago, Hailey moved to town. We became fast friends through a local group we met at. And once she was introduced at school, everyone wanted to be her friend. So she was friends with them. Hailey never forgot about me though. On her first day here I showed her around to all her classes- three of which she had with me- and we even sat together at lunch. We've been inseparable ever since. Hailey doesn't show up at school most days now, though. Her appointments take up most of her days and after she's usually so tired she just goes home. I'm happy for her, but sometimes it gets lonely.

As of right now I am officially, one-hundred percent, drop dead exhausted. I'm standing in Rhinestones with an overly enthusiastic Hailey. It's our monthly shopping trip to the mall and she just had to drag me in here. Rhinestones is, as expected, very true to its name. Every single item in this store is somehow affiliated with rhinestones. Sparkly rhinestones that are actually starting to give me a headache. Rhinestones is a prom show. Prom. Can you believe that? Hailey actually believes that I will be asked to prom. Not that I would mind- I sincerely do want to go to prom- but it's very doubtful.

"Please Sawyer? Just this last one!" After Hailey so forcefully pulled me in here, she had me try on practically half the shop. The one she had picked out now was a long, turquoise beauty flowing down to the ground with a sweetheart neckline, and wouldn't you guess? Rhinestones filled up the bodice with a variety of colors and headaches to come.

"Hails, what's the point? Trying on a bunch of dresses isn't going to make someone ask me." I sighed in exasperation, no one wants to feel this low while in a prom shop. Hailey ran up to me with puppy dog eyes that popped out of her skull and I couldn't resist, "Fine! But this is the last one!"

I grudgingly grabbed the dress from her small, delicate fingers and pulled it with me into the fitting room. As I slipped the silk fabric over my body, I noticed it hung just a bit more loosely than it would have a few months ago. I was losing more weight. I shook the negative feeling off and pulled the dress together on the second clasp instead. A perfect fit. The sweetheart neckline gave rise to some breasts that I could hardly believe were actually there. And the dress itself was snug tight around my very slight curves. It was a glorious feeling.

I walked back into the store area with the dress on, expecting Hailey with her phone, ready to snap a picture. Only, she wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Hailey?" I called out for her, already starting to jump to conclusions. What id she had left without me? What if she was somehow kidnapped? I mean, I know in a prom shop the chances are pretty slim to none, but still. Before I even had time to search my purse for my phone, Hailey popped out from behind a clothes rack scaring my heart into oblivion.

"Boo!" My heart lept with my body as I screamed out of frustration and fear. As my feet left the ground for a split instant, there was a flash of light and a very giggly Hailey that followed.

"Really? You almost gave me a heart attack! What if I had one? What would you have done if I just dropped down on the ground, dead and it was all your fault? Then you wouldn't be laughing!" My sarcastic humor did nothing to phase Hailey except make her roll her eyes.

"Oh, come on Sawyer! Stop being so melodramatic; lighten up a little!"

"Whatever. . .but show me the picture." I was curious and all at the same time wanted to delete the evidence before she could show anyone.

"Sorry, no can do." She held up her old Polaroid camera in one hand and a magazine in the other. The smirk on her face made me want to slap her into another dimension.

"What's the magazine for?"

"Gotta keep the picture out of the light for at least an hour. Then we can see it." She waggled her eyebrows at me for effect. Well, there goes my 'deleting the picture' idea out the window. Maybe I could get it from her when she's not looking and tear it to shreds. Now it was my turn to roll my eyes and I asked her,

"So? What do you think?" I held up the ends of my dress to show her. Her joking manner ended and she looked at me with complete and utter seriousness. Her eyes roamed up and down over the dress, analyzing it. Finally she said,

"Sawyer. That is absolutely breathtaking! Oh, come here!" She ushered me over to a mirror and stood me in front of it. Slowly, she removed her hands from my shoulders and let me get a good look.

The dress was strapless and I thought that a shawl would have gone perfectly with it. The corsage would have a white ribbon and some yellow flowers, because too much turquoise is just not an option. The cost of the limo and dinner was filtering into my mind when I remembered I'm not going to prom. Sighing I mumbled longingly,

"I want to go to prom."

Hailey looked at me thoughtfully. I knew she was thinking of what to say to me, but, for once, I didn't know what she would say. Finally, she told me,

"So, let's add it to the list." She walked over to our purses and pulled a folded sheet of paper out of mine. Smiling as she made her way back, she handed me my paper with a pen attached.

See, I have a list of things I want to do before I die, a bucket list if you will. All of the things I've wanted or wanted to see over the years has made its way onto this list. And I plan to finish each and every one on it before I die. So far I have at least thirty, but it keeps growing each and every day.

As Hailey handed me the list, I smiled widely and took it from her grasp excitedly. Feeling like a little kid getting candy, I added another dream to my list. Smiling up at Hailey in content, she took the list from me and looked it over. Her eyes scanned up and down and suddenly stopped and sparkled in delight. That's when she told me,

"Go get dressed. We're going to cross off number one."

Now we're sitting in a beauty parlor and my heart is racing as the beautician gets the gun ready. I'm getting my ears pierced. I've wanted them done since the sixth grade when all the other girls had theirs done. My mother, unfortunately for me, said it was impractical to punch holes through my head. Since I'm going to be eighteen soon, she has become a little more lenient on what I can and can't do. The only thing she always tells me is to make sure I do things for myself and not for someone else.

The lady, Barbra her name tag said, came back to my anxious and giddy self with the piercing gun and earring I chose. I picked out a pair of ruby studs, just for starters. The rubies were for my birthday month, July, and it was my favorite gem.

"Are you ready?", Barbra asked me with a warm smile. I took one look at my beautiful best friend. Even though she was bald and getting skinnier from the sickness, she was still so incredibly gorgeous. I gave her one last, 'should I do this?' look and hoped she would say what I wanted to hear. Hailey gave me a thumbs up along with an encouraging smile. Exactly what I wanted to hear. Even if she hadn't, I would've done it anyway. Because I remembered, this is for me, not what she thinks. I nodded back to Barbra saying,

"I'm ready." I glanced back to the mirror at my own bald, shiny head. Oh, haven't you heard? I'm Sawyer Jacobson and I have cancer.