Status: 'i dont wanna be your friend i wanna kiss your neck'
White Teeth and Blue-Blooded Boys
not boyfriends=no leverage
"So you're asking me not to go to a party I want to go to? And you're not even my boyfriend, so you can't use that leverage."
He was right about that: me and Theo weren't boyfriends, weren't dating, were just doing whatever fucking occasionally was called. I did it for obvious reasons and Theo, well he never said and I didn't push because we weren't dating.
"Yes, that's what I'm asking." I turned so I was staring at the ceiling, counting how many cracks there were while I listened to Theo's heavy breathing.
"Why? Because your afraid the boy you're in love with will think it's weird," he put a finger to my lips when I was about to interrupt, "-if he finds out somehow - that we're just hooking up? Since you swear he doesn't feel the same why would he care? He'll just be happy for you."
He shrugged like what he was saying was logical (which it probably was) and sat up, cringing as he surveyed the white-stained clothes in a ball on the floor. Knowing me and my infallible bad luck this "thing" between me and Theo would get out and I didn't want to explain it to Henry. I wanted to avoid explaining this to Henry because I didn't want him to think I liked the whole "no strings attached" thing. I didn't want him to have that notion in the back of his brain because even though I knew he'd never feel the same, irrationally I concluded that I didn't want to dampen my negative percent change of something happening between us.
Sometimes I thought I was hurting myself more than helping, that holding on to some loose thread of hope was only going to lead to even more heartbreak.
"I guess." Sighing, I rolled onto my stomach, groaning into one of the various pillows littering Theo's bed. "I still think you shouldn't go, though."
I should have felt bad about forcing Theo to not go to something he wanted to, but deep down I knew Theo cared and thought that maybe he would give in. I swear I did too - caring about him - but I cared about saving myself from embarrassment more. I heard him shuffle over the clothes and open his closet door, waited until I heard the soft glide of him putting on a shirt before I lifted myself onto my elbows and looked at him with hopeful eyes.
"So, will you ditch it?"
He looked over his shoulder and his blue eyes reminded me of water.
"No. I want to go and you can't ban me. "
I groaned and rolled my eyes, exaggerating a belly-flop back onto the bed.
"Ask Henry not to go, then."
"I can't, his girlfriend's the one who's throwing the party."
I closed my eyes and felt the bed shift beside me as a body slid against my side, the tickle of hair under my chin making me stifle a laugh.
"You can stay with me. We'll rent movies and shit," Theo said with an added eyebrow wiggle, kissing my cheek when I frowned.
"I told Henry I was going to go."
"Then you'll just have to deal with your fuck buddy and the boy you want to fuck at the same party."
I sighed for the billionth time in the conversation and resigned myself to the idea that Theo was going to the party no matter what I said and that Henry was going, too.
"Fuck."
"We just did, but okay."
I elbowed him in the stomach when he started nipping at my neck, half-wishing that the bruises already lacing my skin would make Henry jealous.
But I knew they wouldn't.
'be ready in 5 im coming to pick u up.'
I tossed my phone onto my Ocean bed sheet - childish, maybe, but I hadn't had the motivation to buy another one - and continued to rummage through my closet. I never really cared too much about fashion but for some reason I was growing conscious about it(maybe it was my subconscious kicking in, maybe it was because I knew that if Theo saw me dressed like I just woke up at the party he would definitely say something about it). I ended up just shrugging into some jeans and a patterned-collared shirt, slipping on some shoes that sat in the corner of my room and re-pocketing my phone. I didn't really want to be held up by my mother's insistent questions for a solid twenty minutes, so in my vain attempt to avoid her I just raked a hand through my hair(in lieu of actually styling it) and tripped out the door, closing it just before my mother entered the foyer.
This earned a laugh from Henry and my insides quaked as I slid into the passenger seat. The vinyl squeaked against my jeans and I smelt something like a mix between fresh air and flowers. It must have been Sophia's perfume and I wondered if she was sitting where I was not too long ago, or if she was in here so often that her scent became permanent, like the metallic and wood scent that belonged to Henry. I didn't want her to become that permanent, and the thought of her smell always being on Henry made me want to cringe. It would always be a sickly sweet reminder that Henry would never love me back, that he was marked by someone else's smell. Instead I just propped my feet on the dash and buckled my seat-belt, telling Henry I was ready.
"Next stop, la fiesta!" I tried not to look at his smile but it proved impossible and I regretted it a second later, barely managing to look away before Henry felt my eyes on him.
God, was he beautiful.
He was right about that: me and Theo weren't boyfriends, weren't dating, were just doing whatever fucking occasionally was called. I did it for obvious reasons and Theo, well he never said and I didn't push because we weren't dating.
"Yes, that's what I'm asking." I turned so I was staring at the ceiling, counting how many cracks there were while I listened to Theo's heavy breathing.
"Why? Because your afraid the boy you're in love with will think it's weird," he put a finger to my lips when I was about to interrupt, "-if he finds out somehow - that we're just hooking up? Since you swear he doesn't feel the same why would he care? He'll just be happy for you."
He shrugged like what he was saying was logical (which it probably was) and sat up, cringing as he surveyed the white-stained clothes in a ball on the floor. Knowing me and my infallible bad luck this "thing" between me and Theo would get out and I didn't want to explain it to Henry. I wanted to avoid explaining this to Henry because I didn't want him to think I liked the whole "no strings attached" thing. I didn't want him to have that notion in the back of his brain because even though I knew he'd never feel the same, irrationally I concluded that I didn't want to dampen my negative percent change of something happening between us.
Sometimes I thought I was hurting myself more than helping, that holding on to some loose thread of hope was only going to lead to even more heartbreak.
"I guess." Sighing, I rolled onto my stomach, groaning into one of the various pillows littering Theo's bed. "I still think you shouldn't go, though."
I should have felt bad about forcing Theo to not go to something he wanted to, but deep down I knew Theo cared and thought that maybe he would give in. I swear I did too - caring about him - but I cared about saving myself from embarrassment more. I heard him shuffle over the clothes and open his closet door, waited until I heard the soft glide of him putting on a shirt before I lifted myself onto my elbows and looked at him with hopeful eyes.
"So, will you ditch it?"
He looked over his shoulder and his blue eyes reminded me of water.
"No. I want to go and you can't ban me. "
I groaned and rolled my eyes, exaggerating a belly-flop back onto the bed.
"Ask Henry not to go, then."
"I can't, his girlfriend's the one who's throwing the party."
I closed my eyes and felt the bed shift beside me as a body slid against my side, the tickle of hair under my chin making me stifle a laugh.
"You can stay with me. We'll rent movies and shit," Theo said with an added eyebrow wiggle, kissing my cheek when I frowned.
"I told Henry I was going to go."
"Then you'll just have to deal with your fuck buddy and the boy you want to fuck at the same party."
I sighed for the billionth time in the conversation and resigned myself to the idea that Theo was going to the party no matter what I said and that Henry was going, too.
"Fuck."
"We just did, but okay."
I elbowed him in the stomach when he started nipping at my neck, half-wishing that the bruises already lacing my skin would make Henry jealous.
But I knew they wouldn't.
♡♡♡
'be ready in 5 im coming to pick u up.'
I tossed my phone onto my Ocean bed sheet - childish, maybe, but I hadn't had the motivation to buy another one - and continued to rummage through my closet. I never really cared too much about fashion but for some reason I was growing conscious about it(maybe it was my subconscious kicking in, maybe it was because I knew that if Theo saw me dressed like I just woke up at the party he would definitely say something about it). I ended up just shrugging into some jeans and a patterned-collared shirt, slipping on some shoes that sat in the corner of my room and re-pocketing my phone. I didn't really want to be held up by my mother's insistent questions for a solid twenty minutes, so in my vain attempt to avoid her I just raked a hand through my hair(in lieu of actually styling it) and tripped out the door, closing it just before my mother entered the foyer.
This earned a laugh from Henry and my insides quaked as I slid into the passenger seat. The vinyl squeaked against my jeans and I smelt something like a mix between fresh air and flowers. It must have been Sophia's perfume and I wondered if she was sitting where I was not too long ago, or if she was in here so often that her scent became permanent, like the metallic and wood scent that belonged to Henry. I didn't want her to become that permanent, and the thought of her smell always being on Henry made me want to cringe. It would always be a sickly sweet reminder that Henry would never love me back, that he was marked by someone else's smell. Instead I just propped my feet on the dash and buckled my seat-belt, telling Henry I was ready.
"Next stop, la fiesta!" I tried not to look at his smile but it proved impossible and I regretted it a second later, barely managing to look away before Henry felt my eyes on him.
God, was he beautiful.
