These Four Walls

May 10, 2014

“He’s the ugliest dog I’ve ever seen,” I voiced when I opened my phone under the table after receiving a picture message from Harry. I had to hold a hand over the screen in order to shield it from the harsh glare of the sun this warm Saturday morning had to offer.

“What dog?” Karleigh asked in her multiple twangs. She traveled so much I couldn’t comprehend what accent she had picked up along the way. “Have you finally gone crazy, Ava? I knew it would happen sooner or later.”

“Harry got a dog,” I answered. “And… it’s ugly.”

Karleigh’s eyebrows lifted so high I thought they’d fall off her face if they went any higher, before she threw her napkin down and reached across my plate.

“Let me see,” she ordered, ripping my phone from my hand before I could even process what she said. The sun was hitting her at just the right angle so I could see all the freckles that scattered across her cheeks and the soft beads of sweat. We shouldn’t have asked for a table outside. “Oh! It’s a Boston Terrier. My brother and his girlfriend have one of those. Besides the constant snorting and daily eye drops, it’s a great breed of dog.”

I slouched back in my chair, somehow not surprised that Harry would pick out a dog that requires a ton of work. Especially when he isn’t the one who has to take care of it every single day. “This sucks.”

Karleigh laughed, taking a bite of her chicken salad. “Give it time. You’ll grow to love it.”

I sure hoped so. I had my doubts about taking care of a dog though. All my life I had taken care of myself, and it suddenly feels like in the blink of an eye, I had a sick grandma, a scared mother, a spontaneous boyfriend, and an unfortunate looking dog to take care of and there wasn’t any way to make the heavy load a little bit lighter.

I took a sip of my glass of iced coffee after typing a short but sweet smiley face back to Harry, hoping he would get the hint and not send another message. I noticed he started typing, but then the little blue bubble disappeared in a flash.

“So does the dog mean anything? I figured your next step would be to move in together or maybe an engagement ring or something.”

I never really thought about it before and I wasn’t exactly sure. We were both at a place in our lives that required slowing down and Harry had mentioned he didn’t like me in my apartment by myself all of the time. I didn’t mind it, however, it was actually kind of peaceful.

I shook my head. “Think of it more as a replacement Harry.”

“That seems a little extreme,” she smiled, stabbing a leaf of spinach. “Most girls just hug a pillow that smells like their boyfriends or wear one of their shirts. They don’t get a pet.”

I shrugged, obnoxiously squirting mayonnaise onto my sandwhich. “What can I say? That’s Harry for you… extreme.”

We went silent for a few minutes, but it was comfortable as I bit into chunks of bacon and tomato. When Karleigh stopped by my apartment asking if I wanted to go out for brunch, at first I was skeptical and thought about lying just to get out of it, but so far it wasn’t bad at all. As long as she didn’t start to brag or copy everything I did or start being annoyingly perfect, we were good.

“I wish I had a boyfriend,” she said it so quietly I almost missed it. “Someone half as good as Harry will be good enough for me.”

“You’ll find someone,” I finally replied, looking back at her. “When you’re ready and the timing’s right, you’ll find someone.”

She tucked a lock of her trademark red hair behind her ear. When she locked eyes with me I noticed something different. Something that reminded me of when we were only kids, hopeful and passionate. “You really believe that?”

I was confused by her need of reassurance, but that didn’t take away from the lack of doubt in my mind. I tended to over think things, wondering right from wrong and wrong from right, but when I focused on how much I loved Harry, I knew that everyone deserved that. Even someone like Karleigh.

“Yeah, I do.”

***

After Karleigh and I finished brunch, we went for a bit of shopping and got our nails done before she dropped me off at the autobody shop. They had been working on my car for a few days now. I was no mechanic, but I knew a problem with the engine when I heard it.

My mechanic, Russell, was currently stuffing his upper body under the hood of my car as I stood a safe distance away with my arms crossed over my chest. I had only needed to come to the repair shop a couple times before, but his spiky blonde hair and piercing dark eyes never failed to make the little hairs on my arms stand up. I thought about switching to a new shop, but this one was the closest to my apartment and most likely the only one I could afford.

“You’re best bet is to get a new engine. I can replace it for you, but you’d still have to pay,” he said, coming out from under the hood with dark splotches of oil on his neck and the front of his blue jacket. “But if you keep showing up looking like that I’ll think about giving you a discount.”

The twisted side smirk on his lips made chills run up and down my spine and I secured my arms tighter around me. “You can’t fix it?”

“Sorry babe,” he snickered, swinging a white rag between his fingers. “ Your piston rings are worn, the exhaust valves aren’t sealing properly, and there’s a gigantic hole in the cylinder. There’s no saving it.”

I frowned. I didn’t know what any of that meant, but it was a lot at once and none of it sounded remotely good. Now I was stuck taking the bus everywhere I went and I didn’t want to tell Harry because I knew he’d just go and buy me a new and reliable car and I didn’t want that.

“What are you mumbling about?” Russell asked, pulling a lip between his teeth as he approached me. I hadn’t realized I was talking out loud until he was standing a foot in front of me.

“Oh, nothing,” I mumbled. “I just thought you’d be able to help me is all.”

Russell released his lip and slightly threw back his head, letting a loud and pretentious laugh escape his mouth. It always seemed like his eyes darkened the more amused he got. “Babe, I can help you. I can help you with all sorts of things, you just say the word.”

I blushed, but not because I was into it, but because I was incredibly embarrassed and uncomfortable. When he tried to take a step forward, I took one back and scooped my purse off the chair, looking for any sort of distraction.

“How cute,” he chuckled lowly. “Your cheeks turned pink. Did I get you all warm and fuzzy on the inside?”

I knew he was teasing, but I still felt like burying myself under a rock. “That’s disgusting,” I whispered.

“Look, I apologize.” Russell’s hairy arm reached forward and I pulled away faster than I thought humanly possible the moment his fingers brushed my wrist.

“Call me when you have the engine replaced,” I stuttered, making my way for the front door and trying not to trip over my own two feet. “Have a good day.”

When I stepped onto the sidewalk, I felt a rush of relief like you wouldn’t believe. Standing under that achingly dark ceiling and standing on those dusty floors and smelling that toxic aroma made me feel like I was drowning every time I entered the building. Russell’s dad owned the shop and he was one of the nicest guys on the planet. I wasn’t sure how someone so amazing could raise someone so horrible. It didn’t make any sense.

After I walked down the street a few blocks, I called Sawyer and had him pick me up. I could’ve asked nicer, but he was my best friend and I was sure he wasn’t doing anything important at the moment anyways.

“Damn it, Ava, it’s fucking one hundred and one degrees outside! What are you doing standing out on a curb outside of some sketchy back alley?” Sawyer questioned me before I could even get both feet in his car. I responded after making myself comfortable, slamming the door shut, and putting on my seatbelt.

“I was at DR Tires,” I told him as he sped down the street. “My engine is shot and Russell’s going to replace it. I really hate taking the bus to work every day. The people are weird and it smells funny.”

He turned his head quickly in my direction, his bright eyes bugging out of their sockets as his brows pulled together. I wanted to tell him to focus on the road, but I knew he’d just ignore me.

“You’re still going to Russell?” He shouted, but it wasn’t a question I had time to answer. “Ava, you’re so fucking naive. It’s not normal for mechanics to hug you goodbye and smell your hair and give you creepy compliments about how exquisite your breasts look in a crop top.”

I scoffed. “I’m not naive.”

“Oh yeah? Then what do you call it?” He asked sarcastically, speeding through a yellow light. “Because you’re sure as hell not aware of guys like him.”

“He’s nothing I can’t handle,” I told him. “I’m fine, Sawyer. He just fixes my car.”

He kinked his head, breathily laughing as he clutched one hand to the top of the wheel. “He wants to do a lot more than just fix your car, I can tell you that much.”

His comment left a bitter taste in my mouth and I scrunched my nose, turning to look at the side of his head. “Why are you so hung up over him?”

“Because I know a shitty guy when I see one,” he answered without missing a beat. “If Harry was here--”

“He’s not here,” I said dryly.

Sawyer looked at me after I cut him off, a disappointed look on his face. “My point exactly,” he said, shaking his head before flicking his blinker and turning off the main road.

He was right, even though I spoke before he could say it. If Harry was here, he would think I was out of my mind for associating myself with someone so demented and manipulative as Russell. In any other setting it was careless and reckless of me, but I liked to think he wasn’t dangerous if he was only fixing my car. And if I told Harry about Russell, he’d probably jump on the first flight to Minnesota, track him down, and beat him to a pulp. He made me super uncomfortable, but he didn’t deserve that.

***

I took a long shower the minute Sawyer dropped me off, partly wanting to wash off any sweat that had lingered on my skin from the hot weather and partly because Russell’s presence made me feel dirty.

My phone rang in the living room where I left it to charge as I was slipping into my robe. It was only two o’clock, but I felt like calling it a day. Too much sun made me tired.

After walking into the living room and staring at the caller ID, my face fell into a frown. Not because I was happily expecting Harry to call and it wasn’t him, but because it was someone else entirely. A million possible scenarios raced through my mind as I stared blankly at the screen that read incoming call from Golden Living Nursing Home.

With a shaking hand, I held my phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Hi, this is Joanne Dean from Golden Living, am I speaking with an Ava Larsen?” A friendly voice spoke through the receiver, but it didn’t calm my nerves any.

“Yes, this is Ava.” I tried mimicking her optimistic tone. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh of course, of course. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you,” she laughed and my shoulders fell as I let out a sigh of relief. “I was just calling to ask if you could make an appearance some time before nine tonight. Iris has been asking for you.”

Iris Holloway didn’t ask for me. If anything, I pulled on her pant leg until I got her attention or continuously knocked on her door until she let me in or made the gold honor roll at school to get some sign of approval. But nothing. Ever.

Until now.