Pleasure of the Pain

They had dropped me off at the hotel, where I had thanked them and apologised for making them drive so late. I then walked to our room, the idea finally coming to my head.

Death or Disgrace, me and Drew had both agreed when writing it, had something missing. A few lyrics that would go on in the background during the chorus. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it down.

Can you make it out alright?
Will you put up a fight?
Or will you just give in and die?

-

I woke up, realising my head was on the desk I was writing on to Drew who was swearing loudly. Luke’s laughs signalled the bassist had either fallen or hurt himself. At least they had gotten home okay.

There was suddenly a ring from my pocket, and I reluctantly pulled it out, seeing that the hospital were calling. My heart leaped and my fingers fumbled for the answer button.

“Is he okay?!” I blurted out, unable to help myself.

“Is this Kier Kemp?” The woman asked on the other side of the line calmly. I guess she was used to this.

“Y-yes, how is he?” I asked.

“He is stable. However, the doctor would like to talk to you, if it’s okay” She explained.


“Luke!” I called after drawing the phone away from my ear. Luke walked into my room. “How much fuel do we have?”


He looked sheepish as he said “not enough”

“We’ll get there as soon as we can” I told her. I rooted in my suitcase.

“I knew I’d have to use this” I sighed, pulling out some money from it. It was money I had earned myself, and I kept it for emergencies.

“We can’t use-” Luke began.

“Yes we can” I interrupted, walking out of the door and out the hotel. A confused Drew followed me.

“Kiwi?” Drew called. I rolled my eyes at the nickname, and carried on walking. Once I had gotten outside, I noticed both Drew and Luke were following me.

“You’re driving, though” Luke sighed, throwing me the keys. Oh yeah...I must’ve forgotten about that.

-

We’d finally gotten to the hospital. I went straight to the reception.

“Hi, we’re here to see a doctor about Laurence Beveridge?” I asked the lady.

“Ah, Kier is it?” She asked. I nodded. “Come with me”

We all followed her to a consultant room, where Drew and I took both the unoccupied seats. Luke stood behind us.

“Hello” The doctor who I had seen last night smiled at us. I realised he was Laurence’s head doctor. “I understand the nurse has told you Laurence is stable?”


“Yes” Drew nodded.

“I was just wondering what the cause of this was. Has Laurence ever been uncomfortable about his body?”

He didn’t need to, he’s fine the way he is, but of course he didn’t think like that.

“I...I guess he has been” Luke answered for us. “We never noticed. He kept it well hidden”

Harry noticed.

“Right, well, do you think we should support him with therapy?” He asked. Before anyone else could speak, I did: “No, he would hate that. I’ll help him.” I said.

“He will have frequent checkups with the hospital if you choose to go that way”

“That’s okay” I responded. “How long until he comes out?”

“We will keep him for a couple of weeks, and see how he progresses from there. He will have to eat something before he leaves, first though” The doctor explained.

“Can I go and see him now?” I asked, anxious to see if he’s finally awake yet or not.

‘He isn’t awake quite yet, but yes” the doctor nodded. We all walked out and practically ran to Laurence’s ward. We stepped to his room, where I sat in the chair I had sat in last night. He was still asleep, but I noticed the amount of wires to his body had reduced.

“I’m gonna go get us a drink, do you all want one?” Luke asked us both. We replied with a nod and so he walked out. I guess it upset him seeing Laurence like this. Drew shuffled around before finally saying: “I don’t think we should carry on”


“What do you mean?” I asked, not taking my eyes off Laurence.

“We shouldn’t carry on with the band. Well, at least not now, it’s tearing us apart” Drew explained further. I paused, turning briefly before trailing back to my fellow singer.


“Didn’t Shane tell you to carry on?” I asked.

“He did” he sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s more Laurence I’m worried about. Fame isn’t something everyone can cope with, Kier. People handle it in different ways, I mean you know the amount of famous people caught doing drugs. I guess Laurence and Shane couldn’t cope as well as us, and found that way was easiest for them”

“But Shane wanted us to carry on.” I said again “Laurence will too, whatever happens. He’s not one for backing down easily.

“If that’s the case, then why is he here?” Drew muttered. It was so quiet, I could have pretended what he hoped; that I didn’t hear it. I don’t know why I didn’t do that. I just stood up and walked out without another word, ignoring the faint call for me from Drew as the doors slammed shut.

-
I still hadn’t spoken to Drew a few hours later, and was sitting in the waiting room again. This time I was alone and was not waiting for news. I wasn’t angry at Drew for saying the it, because quite frankly, he was right. I was just saying what I wanted to believe, not the truth.

I hadn’t seen Luke either and thought maybe they’d left me to think it through, which I guess if I look back to the conversation me and Drew had, s my way of dealing through hard things. I like to sit and be alone in silence, trapped in my own thoughts. Whereas Luke would turn to music, and Drew used to talk about it to Barrone. Now, I’ve noticed, Drew writes letters instead, and then throws them away when he’s finished.

I guess Shane thought it best to inflict pain upon himself, as hard as it sounds. Every time he was stressed he’d play his guitar, which is what I used to think he used to do. Now, I know it was so he could ‘break’ a string for that short, sharp pain.

Then Laurence, he would self doubt himself, try to keep it locked inside until he wanted to do something about it, and it ended up him doing the wrong thing. Thoughts like that probably stuck in his mind like smoke would in the air, never fading until he finally tries to waft it away to make it better, but really he’s just adding more smoke to the fire.

I’ll make a promise to myself, to never let him do that ever again.