On My Mind

“I don't know, maybe this is the wrong—”

“Go tell them your name,” Maggie said pointedly, making an exasperated motion toward the set of doors a few feet in front of them. “He said he left your name at the door, right? They'll let us through.”

Kaia nodded, but didn't move, biting her lip. She was nervous, the kind of anxious that she remembered feeling before she took her driving test, or before she said goodbye to her dad as a freshman in college; silly-nervous, as in she was giddy in the pit of her stomach but there was something in her brain that was telling her to calm down and retreat, waving a white flag, before something went wrong. The two of them were standing on the outskirts of a crowd waiting to get signatures from the Penguins coaches, who—according to Maggie—were supposed to be giving a press conference in a few minutes. Maggie was eyeballing the crowd, and Kaia was staring down two security guards, battling her own thoughts.

“Come on, Kai,” Maggie urged, kicking her friend's foot gently. “It's now or never.”

Kaia thought for a second about how she didn't think that Maggie understood what was happening in her mind at that moment in time, but nodded, relenting, and shuffled up to the two men in Penguins polos, her eyes on the floor. “Um—I'm Kaia,” she said awkwardly, and felt herself blushing. “I don't know if that, like—Sidney told me to just—”

“Yep,” one grunted. “You're all set. She with you?” He nodded toward Maggie, who scurried after Kaia through the doorway, mumbling thanks.

“Thanks!” Kaia called to the closed doors, looking vaguely at the empty hallway around them. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“This is weird,” Maggie observed, looking around with her arms crossed over her chest. “I didn't really expect it to look like this.”

“Come on,” Kaia mumbled, and started to walk. “What if he, like, left already?”

She felt out of place in the empty hallway, even wearing the #87 jersey that Sidney had dropped off with the tickets. The tickets had been in her mailbox like he had promised, and when she got home from her game—sleep-deprived and wondering a little if the conversation had even happened—she and Maggie had spent a few minutes staring at them quietly, not sure what else to do. After awhile, they started to laugh, giggling and dumbfounded, at the second row seats Sidney had somehow procured and even more so at the two Penguins sweaters he had sandwiched the tickets between. Maggie had almost immediately claimed #9, gushing about how he was her favorite player—how did he know that I love Pascal Dupuis?—as Kaia held the sweater she assumed was intended for her, #87, up to her chest, trying to swallow back the nerves that had welled up from her stomach and into her throat.

The two kept walking, falling into silence, and Kaia looked around nervously. She felt the weight of the beer she and Maggie had drunk in the pit of her stomach, trying to soothe her own nerves as she heard hurried footsteps coming up the hallway behind them. She glanced over her shoulder once, and then twice, feeling a wave of relief when she saw that it was Sidney. A smile crept up on her face, her nerves almost quieted at the sight of him calmly walking toward them, his hands in his pockets.

“Hey,” she mumbled. “Good game.”

He offered her a lopsided grin. “You liked it?”

“Yeah! The seats were amazing, you—you shouldn't have.” She fumbled a little for her words, feeling her cheeks get warm. “Thanks for everything.”

“I'm glad you had fun,” he said then, and looked over at Maggie, who had been absentmindedly looking around the otherwise empty hallway. “You like the sweater?”

“Did I mention to you that I like Pascal?” She countered, feigning suspicion.

Sidney nodded. “You did.”

“Oh, good,” she said, and smiled. “I was worried you had tapped into my brain, or something. Thanks, though—” She lifted the sweater away from her shoulder with one hand. “You didn't have to do that.”

“Consider it a pre-emptive congrats for all your games this season, alright?” He glanced at Kaia. “So—you guys up for dinner? Some of the guys are going to get food.”

“I should really get going,” Maggie excused, “I have a class tomorrow morning. Gotta study, y'know.”

Kaia opened her mouth to protest—Maggie didn't have any classes on Fridays—but stopped herself, nodding. “Maybe some other time, Mags?”

“Definitely,” her friend replied, and the two girls exchanged a second-long look that they both knew that they would reconvene later. She started to walk away, looking back one last time. “Thanks, again, Sid—really.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, turning back to Kaia as Maggie disappeared through the doors the two girls had just come through. “You really had a good time?”

Kaia nodded, taking his lead as he started walking. “Yeah. It was my first time, like, watching a professional hockey game live, so—”

Sidney made an almost incredulous face at her. “Seriously?”

“I'm not from a hockey family!” She defended, and held her hands up in front of her. “I knew nothing about hockey until four years ago, okay?”

“I get the idea you still don't know that much,” he teased.

Kaia just laughed, nodding a little. “You might be right about that.”

“Hey,” Sidney said suddenly, looking over at her. “Do you like your sweater?”

At that, she nodded wholeheartedly. “I do. Actually—it's my first hockey sweater, too. You got a double on this one.”

He reached over and felt the fabric for a second, nodding approvingly. “Hopefully my number is the only one you'll need."

Kaia felt the butterflies in her stomach double—or triple—and she looked up at him coyly. “Maybe it will be.”

He broke into a grin, shaking his head as he looked away. “Alright—so—dinner. Have you eaten anything?”

Kaia thought of the pretzels that she and Maggie had scarfed down during halftime and grimaced, nodding. She was starving, actually, and realized that she hadn't had anything but the pretzel since practice that morning—a routine, she thought, was dictated entirely by nerves. “Bar food,” she emitted. “But I could definitely eat.”

“The guys are getting sushi,” he commented. “So I suggest we stay away from wherever they are.”

She laughed, bumping her shoulder into his upper arm. “You're not embarrassed, are you?”

“No, no,” he said quickly, defensively. “The opposite. Sometimes they don't know when to stop. We should go somewhere quiet.”

“I know a good place,” she offered. “If you trust my judgement.”

Sidney looked at her curiously. “Where?”

“It'll be a surprise,” she said, surveying his face to gage a response. For a second, she worried that he would say no—based off of the temporarily contemplative expression on his face—and the night would be over as quickly as it had started. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Let's do it,” he said, and held out his keys to her. “If that's the case, you wanna drive?”

Kaia went wide-eyed at the BMW logo on his keychain. “Are you serious?”

“I can trust you, right?”

She took his keys slowly, side-eyeing him even as he gave her directions to where his car was parked. As she slid into the driver's seat, she paused and looked at him again, cautiously, almost asking for permission. At his smile, she slid the key into the ignition.

It was a short drive into downtown Pittsburgh to the restaurant that Kaia was thinking of. She had only been to the hole in the wall a few times before, and most of them had been with Maggie; they considered it one of their discoveries, the result of a several month long search for the best pizza in the city. It was on one of the side streets that bled out from Market Square, Pittsburgh's version of Quincy Market, and took some walking to get to. The first time she and Maggie had tried to find it, they had gotten hopelessly lost.

Sidney looked at Kaia almost nervously as they climbed out his car. “Where are we?”

“You'll see,” Kaia promised, and started off down the dimly lit sidewalk, stopping when she realized that he wasn't walking with her. “Come on!”

He started walking slowly, looking at her with an expression that Kaia couldn't quite place in the dark. “You're not leading me to my death, are you?”

She couldn't help but laugh at that. “I promise I'm not,” she said seriously, and reached out to take his hand in hers, tugging him along. When she spoke again, she made sure that her voice was teasing. “Does that make it better?”

“A little,” he said quietly, laughing, and then stopped short, dropping Kaia's hand. Before she could react, her took her face in his hands. “This, though—” He leaned down, bringing his lips to hers.

Kaia let her hands drift to the lapels of his suit jacket, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss, and—in the middle of all of it—prayed that, so close, he couldn't feel her heart racing beneath the sweater he had given her.

When they pulled away from each other, Sidney stood still, pressing his lips against her forehead. “That made me feel better.”

Kaia said nothing, her mind a jumble of racing thoughts, and leaned into him, her forehead against his chest. His arms circled around her shoulders, and for a moment they stayed like that, pressed against each other. When she stepped back, she looked up at him, glad to meet his eyes, and smiled shyly.

“Come on,” she sing-songed. “I'm hungry.”

Sidney let out a laugh, and took her hand. “I'm following you.”