Falling Out

After managing to fit enough clothes for a week and my toiletries, I zipped up my luggage. Billie had informed me that every summer when he isn’t touring he and the family, along with the other two members of Green Day and their families, go on vacation to Alabama for a few weeks. He told me to pack enough clothes for a week because we will more than likely go shopping when we get down there. I thought it was different that they wanted to travel all the way to Alabama to vacation because there are plenty of nice places, or so I was told, to vacation in California. I asked Billie and he simply told me that he liked Alabama. He also told me that he owned a condo in the resort that we will be staying at. I was okay with that answer.

A simple knock echoed through the room. I turned around and saw Billie standing there.

“You ready?” He asked. I nodded. We were flying there. I haven’t been to bed, though. Lately it seems like the nightmares have been coming full force and it was easier to not sleep but my poor arms were taking the repercussions.

Billie walked in and grabbed my luggage. I grabbed my new cell phone, with a whopping five numbers in it: Billie, Mike, Tre, Adrienne, and Brittney, Mike’s fiancé. Billie had given it to me a few days after the incident with the magazine. Even though I told him numerous times that I didn’t need a phone he told me to take it anyway. He said it would be easy for anyone to contact me.

I didn’t have much clothes that were vacationy. I mean, I didn’t own a bathing suit or a cover up or, hell, even a beach towel. When I was told that we were going to Alabama and staying right on the beach, I was nervous, because of the above reasons but also because of my scars. Adrienne had told me that when we got to Alabama that she would take me shopping and get me the “beach essentials”. The last time I went to the beach was when I was 6. I didn’t know if I liked going to the beach or even swimming for that matter. I was very inexperienced in anything fun or selfish.

Before I knew it we were waiting in line at the airport. After everything seemed to go through we boarded our plane. To say that I was nervous about flying was an understatement. I was flat out afraid. I knew that I wouldn’t enjoy this, even if we were in first class. When I got in my seat, which was by Tre and his son, I started to internally freak out. I knew this wasn’t going to be good. I scanned my carry on for the pain pills that I still had, popped two of them, and closed my eyes. Tre laughed at me

“Is this your first time flying?” He asked. I nodded.

“Tre for the sake of future conversations, when you have to ask if this is my first time doing anything, just say yes in your head. I wasn’t allowed to do anything.” I assumed he nodded because he didn’t say anything else and I wasn’t going to dare open my eyes. At that moment, I didn’t care if I sounded like a bitch to him. The stewardess went up to the front of the plane and began showing everyone what to do in case of an emergency, where the bathrooms were located and all that jazz. I wasn’t paying attention. Soon, the plane started to rev up and we were in the air. Once the pills kicked in I slowly began to relax. Why did I even agree to come on this vacation? Why couldn’t I just stay at the house and be safe on the ground?

“Whoa! Dad, look!” I heard Tre’s son, Frankito, yell by the window. He told me he had a daughter but she lived in New York and didn’t want to come. I thought it was sad.

I was glad that the little Frank wanted to sit by the window, even though Tre had offered it to me. I quickly said no at his proffer.

“Yeah, it’s cool buddy!” Tre exclaimed with his son as he unbuckled their seatbelts. I didn’t even move to touch mine.

Billie’s head peaked above the seat in front of me and smiled.

“You okay?” He asked. I simply nodded, my grip softening from the poor armrests.

“Are you hungry? I can order you something. If you want I can order you a vodka to calm your nerves.” I shook my head as I ran my fingers through my hair.

“I’m fine on all choices.”

“You sure? We still have about 5 more hours to go.” I nodded, reassuring him that I was fine. He mouthed okay before turning back around.

“My condo is cooler than Billie’s.” Tre said randomly. I looked at him.

“Really? How so?”

“Because I have a taxidermied alligator in my room. It is full size, too. It’s like 6 feet long and its mouth is wide open like it is about to eat you!” He said, with hand motions and all. Frankito nodded furiously.

“Yeah! And I got a baby alligator in my room! It is the coolest thing ever! Daddy named his Dooder Jr. because we have a dog named Dooder and-and my alligator is named John-John.” Frankito exclaimed. He was a hyper little guy.

“That’s cool.” I told him, smiling. About half way through the flight I wound up falling into a nightmare and dream free sleep. The next thing I knew I was being shaken awake by Adrienne’s smiling face. We got our luggage, each family renting their own Cadillac Escalades and drove to The Turquoise Place. When we pulled up to the resort, I was in utter shock. It was completely done in light blue reflective glass. It was so big and amazing. I haven’t seen anything like it but that didn’t say much. We pulled up in the front and all of us got out. Someone in a blue polo shirt and khaki pants came out and grabbed our bags and parked our cars. We walked into the glorious building only for my mouth to drop even further. The lobby area was all white with turquoise accents. There was a huge chandelier right in the middle of the room with clear crystals and turquoise lights. After Billie let the front desk know that we are here, we walked in the elevators, which was made of glass, and went to the 14th floor. We went to room 1409 and went in.

The inside of the condo was sleek. The walls were white with picture of coral and shells on the walls. They had a white couch with pillows that had a cherry blossom designs with four chairs that matched the pillows on either side of the coffee table. The kitchen had stainless steel appliances and granite countertops. A dining table with 8 comfy chairs surrounding it sat between the living room area and kitchen. It was all open concept. I guess I had the look of a newbie because when I faced Billie he was just staring at me and smiling.

My taking in the beauty was interrupted by a knock on the door. The same guy with the turquoise shirt and khaki pants was standing there with a trolley of our luggage. Billie gave him some money and pulled the trolley in.

“Let me show you your room.” Adrienne grabbed my hand and brought me to the room I was staying in these next few weeks. It was about the size of the room at the house but the bed was king sized and a bathroom was attached. It was a pretty blue with more shell pictures around the room. It had a TV directly in front of it, hanging on the wall. I wasn’t going to be using that.

“Nice, huh?” Adrienne asked. I nodded.

“It’s...a lot to take in.” She nodded.

“We’re going to be going to dinner soon. It’s nowhere fancy so you can go with what you are wearing. So just unpack and settle in.” I nodded. Right when she walked out, Billie walked in with my bag.

“Thanks.” He nodded and walked out. I put it on the bed and began unpacking. Once I was done I shoved the luggage under the bed. I started to feel overwhelmed by everything. I don’t know why it suddenly came on and the way I usually handled my being overwhelmed was about a two thousand miles in California, on the desk, in my butterfly box. I sat on the bed. After a few minutes I fell back, staring at the white ceiling. It was all too much. Too much new. I went from only being in one place, one city at all times to a different city and now a whole different state. A new place to sleep.

I closed my eyes. I inhaled through my nose and exhaled through my mouth, trying to calm myself. I was just thinking too much.

My door opened to reveal Adrienne. I sat up.

“You okay?” She asked. I nodded. I was tired of that question and I was tired of people always worrying about me, especially these people.

“We are leaving in five minutes.” I nodded again. She walked out. I sighed and ran my hands over my face. I was exhausted. Even though I slept on the plane I feel like it had made me more tired. I got up and walked into the attached bathroom. I grabbed my brush and began fixing my hair. It was a little bit everywhere. I sighed in frustration when it wouldn’t do anything so I just grabbed a clip and put it up. I sprayed some perfume on me before walking out of my room.

I walked behind Joey and Jakob as we exited the condo. They were so excited to be here. They were most excited to go swimming later on tonight. I knew I wasn’t going to because I didn’t have anything to swim in. Plus, I hated large quantities of water.

It was weird knowing that I had two kid brothers. I mean, ever since I came here they haven’t really paid that much attention to me, which I was glad for. They would talk to me but that was about all they did. They didn’t sit down to get to know me or ask about me. They just talked. It was refreshing. And it helped that they were 10 and 7 years old. All they seemed to care about was video games, swimming, and aggravating their parents.

We met the rest of the group that was vacationing with us at this little restaurant called The Gulf. It was down the road from the condo. The restaurant was outside. The only thing that was inside was the bathrooms and the kitchen, which all was made out of stacked storage containers. They had a big spot light with a triton cut out that shone through palm trees. It was lit by jumbo sized Christmas lights that wrapped around all the palm trees. The way you ordered the food was kind of like at a fast food restaurant. You had to wait in line. But the difference was that they brought your food out to you.

The best thing about this restaurant is the ambiance and atmosphere. There was a bar that sat on a deck. The deck slowly disappeared into the sand and there were plenty of places to sit. Some of the furniture were white whickered chairs and couches, picnic tables, and they had tables made out of dark oak with comfortable chairs. The restaurant looked out on the water, with a concrete barrier separating it. They had a lot of sand.

As I told Billie what I wanted to eat, choosing the burger and fries from their limited menu, I was on finding a seat for all nine of us. I chose a table that was on the deck but was close to the sand so the kids could play. The sun was setting, making the sky look really beautiful. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I had never really seen the sky so beautiful.

“This is one of the reasons why I love coming to Alabama. The sunset is so beautiful.” Billie said as he sat by me. He put my sweet tea in front of me. I started drinking it.

“It’s refreshing.” He said randomly. I looked at him. He wasn’t looking at me but at the sky.

“What is? The view?” He shook his head and turned his gaze to me.

“No, well, yeah but that’s not what I was talking about. I meant you.” I gave him a curious look. That’s a weird description of me. I would think I would be something opposite of refreshing. More like suffocating.

After I was silent he continued on.

“When you walked into the resort your whole face was so amazed at what you were seeing. I know that you aren’t used to seeing anything like it. But you looked like you were seeing stars for the first time. I have been so used to the best things in life that sometimes I forget that I was just like you a long time ago. I never let it show because I was a “man” and didn’t want anyone to see me react at the finer things. But seeing you reacting to everything was like I was experiencing it all again. It’s just refreshing and humbling.” I didn’t say anything. Not because I didn’t want to, because I didn’t, but also because Adrienne and everyone else was coming.

“They said it should be about 25 minutes until the food is done.” She told him. When the food came out, at exactly 25 minutes later, everyone ate and held conversations. Not me, though. I wasn’t trying to be rude but I didn’t have anything to add to the conversation that they were talking about. Once I was done eating, I told them that I was going to sit by the water in one of the big, round, wicker lounge chairs. I knew we were going to be here for a while because they had ordered various drinks and they said they loved to sit here for a couple of hours to relax after the long flight. It was dark now and the stars came out of their hiding spots and flounced around the sky. I curled up in the chair and stared at the sky. This was a whole new experience for me and I was trying to soak as much in as I possibly could but at the same time I was still feeling overwhelmed by everything.

I got distracted when someone sat on the chair with me. I turned my head and saw Jakob. He smiled at me.

“Can I sit with you?” He asked. I nodded.

“Yeah.” He got closer to me and surprisingly I didn’t push him away when he leaned his head against me. I didn’t feel threaten by him. Before I knew it I heard light snoring. I smiled a little and just let my little brother sleep against me as I just stared at the stars.