Falling Out

I sighed as I started down the hall. I leaned against the wall, waiting for my next class. Felicia walked up to me and gave me asypathetic smile.

“Dude. You look pathetic.” I sighed.

“I miss Amber.” She rolled her eyes.

“I don’t want to talk about her.”

“She didn’t do it, Felicia.” She didn’t say anything. I stood up straighter.

“I’m leaving to go see her.” Felicia sighed.

“You can’t leave. You’ll get suspended.” I started down the hall.

“I don’t care.” I managed to get to my car as the tardy bell rang. I needed to see her. I don’t care about the consequences.

First, I drove by Amber’s house to make sure her parents weren’t home. As I drove by I saw that the only car in the driveway was Amber’s. I sighed in relief. I drove further down the road and turned around as soon as I could. I knew skipping last period was stupid and could get me into more trouble but I didn’t care. I didn’t care if Felicia thought I was stupid for skipping and that she believed Tyler and what he said. I don’t know why she does because she hates him.

It drove me crazy when we didn’t talk every day, Amber and I. So I was going to surprise her with my presence. And hopefully I’ll get a pretty long and hot make out session out of this.

I parked my car behind Amber’s and got out. I walked to the front door and hoped that it was unlocked. The door opened. I ran up the stairs and stood in front of her door for a few seconds to catch my breath. I opened the door and was about to say surprise when my eyes widened.

There she was hunched over her desk with a straw up her nose. She shot up when she saw me. She looked so guilty.

“What are you doing?” I asked her. She moved in front of the powder. Doubt started to fill my mind. She was doing drugs.

Drugs.

“What are you doing here? I’m grounded and can’t have visitors.” I walked closer to her. I can’t believe she was doing drugs.

“I skipped last period and I saw Billie wasn’t here. What are you doing?” I was only a foot away from her. Tears started flooding her eyes. She moved out of the way to show me the powder. She was doing cocaine. Oh, my God. This explained so much.

“Is that cocaine?” She shook her head fast.

“No. It’s oxycodone.” I took a few steps back feeling like someone had hit me in the gut. I ran my hands over my face. I don’t want to believe this. How long has she been doing this? I needed to know.

Then is all started to make sense. Drugs. Her look. Her emotions. It all was coming together.

“Were you high when we first met?” She didn’t say anything. Typical. Typical Amber not talking. It started to make me mad. I started thinking back to the beginning to see if I could see signs. It all clicked.

“Were you high when we kissed?” No answer. I clenched my fists. She was even looking at me.

“Were you high when you told me you loved me?” Nothing. Anger filled my veins. I punched the wall. It left a dent.

“So, all this we had together wasn't even you? This whole relationship was you just high all the fucking time? It makes total sense now. You were spacey all the time and when you were sick those times it was because you didn’t have any more pills, wasn’t it?” She didn’t say anything. Not one fucking word. I felt tears prick my eyes which made me even more angry. I hated that she made me cry.

“Talk to me, Amber!” I yelled which made her jump in surprise. She finally looked at me. Her face was wet from tears.

“What do you want me to say? Yes to all those questions? Because you already know the answers. I used this to help me survive, Donovan. You don't know what-”

“-you've been through, I know. That's your answer to everything! How am I supposed to know when you haven't even told me? I don't know anything about you. How can I love someone who has lied to me from day one? Day one, Amber. All the way back to Alabama.” I shook my head in disbelief. Why was I so stupid and didn’t see anything? How could I be so stupid and love someone that I barely knew? I knew she had a rough past but I didn’t care. I loved her for her but it turns out the person I thought she was just synthetic and chemically induced.

My heart dropped then. She had to have gotten those pills from somewhere. She had to get them from Tyler.

I knew how he operated. I knew what he made girls do. I know what he does to girl who can’t pay or doesn’t have the money to pay.

I looked up and stared at her straight in the eyes.

“Who supplied you?” I already knew the answer but I needed her to say his name. I needed her to reveal to me who she really is and what she has done. Her eyes widened a little. I knew it. I knew it was him. Which only meant that he was telling the truth. I chuckled in disbelief.

“You slept with him, didn’t you?” She brought her hand to her mouth and started crying more. She walked over to me and tried to hug me but I pushed her away. I didn’t want her to touch me. I didn’t want to be near her.

“Fuck you. You know how I feel about Tyler and what he's done to my sister. And now...” I shook my head, “...and now you lied to me again and cheated on me with that son of a bitch. How can you fuck him but when I touch you, you recoil or flip your lid?”

“Donovan, please forgive me. It didn’t mean anything, I swear. Please, please believe that. I love you so much, Donovan.” I shook my head.

“I want nothing to do with you.” She looked so hurt by those words. I didn’t care. I turned around and walked out, slamming her door behind me. I ran down the stairs and got into my car. I sat there for a few seconds and stewed in the anger that I was feeling. I started hitting my steering wheel and yelling profanities. I couldn’t help but let the tears fall. I hated crying. It made me feel weak. Vulnerable. I just...hated it.

I didn’t know what to think. As the risk of sounding like a cliché girl, she was literally my everything. I loved her so much. I loved her as much as someone could love someone. I felt happy every time I saw her. I wanted to touch her every chance I got, even it that meant just holding her hand. And I was perfectly fine with that. I didn’t want to pressure her because I knew, I knew that she had went through something tramatic that damaged her for good and I was okay with that. I was okay with her being the way she was. Maybe I just got to complacent in our relationship. Maybe I should have pushed her more into telling me what happened.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so blinded by love that I didn’t see what the fuck was going on in front of me.

I wiped the tears away. I started the car and sped out of there. There was only one person who seems approtoite to be angry with other than myself and Amber. Tyler. Always Tyler. He fucks everything up. He’s hurt me. He’s hurt my family. He’s hurt Amber.

I pulled into Tyler’s house and parked the car. I got out and barreled into his house. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to punch him so hard.

“Tyler!” I yelled. Derrick came out of the kitchen.

“Where the fuck is he?” Derrick frowned and pointed upstairs. He didn’t stop me. I opened Tyler’s room and he was sitting at his desk counting money and Chuck was lying on his bed, staring off in space. Tyler turned around and smirked at me.

“Don, how are you?” Chuck sat up and looked at me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him. Chuck looked down. Tyler laughed.

“I supply him. He’s more into mushrooms though. Not like Amber. She likes her oxy.” He stood up and walked closer to me.

“You know, when she didn’t have money, she sucked my dick for them. She was a pro. Her uncle taught her well.” I gave him a disgusted look.

“What are you talking about?” Tyler laughed.

“She didn’t tell you? Of course she didn’t. I bet you never seen her naked either. All those scars.” He got closer to me. I didn’t know what he was talking about. He was smirking as he rambled on. He was proud that he knew more about her than I did. I was about to punch the pride right off his face.

“Especially those scars on her inner thigh. She moaned as I kissed them and then her.” I clenched my fist and punched him in the face which made him fall backward. I got on top of him and punched and punched and punched. I felt someone pull me off of him. I jerked away from Derrick.

“You are a worthless piece of shit, Tyler. I hate your fucking guts and I will call the cops.” Tyler laughed as he got up. He wiped the blood that was coming out of his lip.

“You forget who my father is.”

“I don’t fucking care if your father is a judge. You will pay.” I looked at Chuck. He looked so pathetic. I pointed my finger at him.

“And fuck you. How can you do this to Felicia?” He didn’t say anything. I walked out of that cesspool of a house. I couldn’t stand being there. I got into my car and sat there for a second. I looked at my hand and saw that the skin on my knuckles was broken a little and blood was there. I opened and closed my hand, it hurting every time I did. I checked my phone and noticed it was almost time for work. I sighed angrily and drove to the pizza place I worked. The whole time I was there I couldn’t help but think what Tyler had said. What did he mean about her uncle teaching her well? Did her uncle do something to her? As I put pepperonis on a pizza, I thought more and more about. What if that is the something that happened to her when she was younger? What if her uncle...raped her or something.

I started getting angry with myself. I didn’t want to think about this. I didn’t want to think about her. Not my girlfriend, not my problem.

But of course that didn’t stop me from speculating more about what happened to her. And what he could mean about scars.

The shift went fast and 10:00 rolled on by. Right when I got into my car my phone went off. I picked it up and saw that it was Billie. I sighed before answering it.

“Hello?”

“Is Amber over there?” He sounded panicked. I turned my car on to let it heat up.

“No, Billie. I’m leaving work. We broke up today.” He sighed.

“She said she was going to your house and she left super fucked up. Did you know she was getting high?” I chuckled.

“I found out today when I went to see her. She was snorting pills. Has been since I’ve known her.” Billie sighed. I didn’t want to talk to him anymore.

“Look, we aren’t together anymore. I’m sorry that she’s missing but-”

“I get it, Donovan. You are mad at her. But she left here angry and fucked up and she doesn’t have her phone. I know this is asking a lot but can you please help us find her? I’m really worried.” I sighed. Way to lay the guilt on. If something happened to her I would hate myself even more than I dislike her now.

There are only three places she would go to. My apartment, Tre’s house, and fucking Tyler’s house. I highly doubt she would go to Tre’s house fucked up, plus I bet Billie would have already called there. That leaves...

“Fine. I think I know where she went so I will go check there. If I found her I will call you.”

“Thank you.” I hung up and threw my phone on the passenger seat. Fucking Amber. I started driving to Tyler’s house. As I pulled up I saw her car smashed against another car. Great. I was about to call Billie to tell him but something told me to get out and check on her. I tried to push it away but it kept on persisting that I make sure she was okay. I sighed angrily before parking my car grabbing my phone, and going inside. Right when I entered the house I saw Tyler walk down the stairs with a smile on his face. I mingled my way through the dancing bodies and met him as he stepped off the last stair.

“What are you doing here?” He asked. I smiled.

“You are much prettier now with all those bruises all over your face.” Tyler smirked.

“That’s what Amber just said as I fucked her brains out a few minutes ago. She lying on my bed if you don’t believe me.” I clenched my fist but resisted on punching him. Too many onlookers waiting for something to happen. He laughed as I started up the stairs. I walked into his bedroom and saw that she wasn’t on his bed as he claimed.

“Amber?” I called out. I saw that his bathroom door was partially open. I gently opened the door but it only opened halfway because something was blocking it. I walked further in.

My stomach dropped.

Amber was lying on the floor and had blood pooled around her. She had gashes all over her stomach and breasts and her left wrist was still bleeding. Adrenaline kicked in. I grabbed a towel off the floor and put pressure on her wrist. I grabbed my phone and immediately called 911.

“911, what is your emergency?”

“My girlfriend. She cut her wrists and is passed out. She’s lost a lot of blood.”

“Where are you?”

“I don’t know the address! I’m at Judge Cooper’s house!” I yelled.

“An ambulance is en route-” I threw my phone down and brought Amber into my arms. Her mouth was slightly open and she was even paler than normal. She looked dead. I started to cry. Everything that happened in the last 24 hours disappeared. I looked down her body and saw so many scars. So, so many scars.

“Amber, don’t die. Please, don’t die. I love you. Please.”

“Anyone in here?” I heard someone yell.

“In here!” I yelled. The paramedics came in and pushed me out of the way. They put her on their stretcher and covered her up with a blanket. I followed them as they walked down the stairs. The music was stopped and people were just staring in disbelief. I was about to get into the ambulance with her but one of the paramedics stopped me.

“I can’t let you come.” I didn’t say anything as I watched them take her away. I ran back inside and up the stairs. I grabbed my phone and started dialing Billie’s number as I ran down the stairs and into my car. I started driving when he picked up.

“Did you find her?”

“She’s on her way to the hospital.”

“What happened?”

“Just get to the hospital.” He hung up. I pressed down on the pedal to make my car go faster. I wasn’t thinking the whole way there. I just needed to get there. I parked in a handicap spot but I didn’t care. I got out and ran into the hospital. My heart started to beat in my ears. I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know what to do. A nurse came up to me.

“Are you okay, sir?” She looked worried. I looked down and saw that I had a lot of blood all over me. I shook my head.

“A girl. She came here-”

“Donovan!” I turned around and saw Billie and Adrienne. They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw my clothes. Adrienne brought her hand to her face and started crying.

“What happened?” Billie asked me. My heart was still beating in my ears. It was hard to concentrate.

“She cut herself. All over.” I said calmly. I turned to look at the nurse.

“Her name is Amber. Amber Benson. She was brought here through ambulance. She had cuts all over.” I said rather calmly. The nurse looked at me then at Billie and Adrienne.

“Yes. She is here. They rushed her to surgery. You can go wait in the waiting room and I’ll update you once I hear anything. Are you her parents?” She asked Billie and Adrienne.

“Yes. I’m her father.” Billie said. She walked behind her desk and grabbed a clipboard.

“I need you to fill these out. I’ll let you know if anything happens.” I mindlessly walked with Billie and Adrienne to the waiting room. I should have known. I should have known that something was up. She wore long sleeves all the time and I thought that was peculiar but I just thought that was her fashion sense or some Sacramento thing.

“I should have known,” I said out loud. I wiped my face of the tears that spilled. I felt someone touch my back. It was Adrienne.

“We all should have known. Don’t blame yourself, Donovan.”

I just stared forward.