Love is a Dangerous Thing

There are some people in this world you shouldn't love; your best friend is always one of them.

Zack was aware of this before, during, and especially after he fell in love with his but that didn't stop him.

The thing about love though is that it hurts, like a lot. It hurts when it ends, it hurts when it doesn't start, it even hurts when it's just a lonely thought roaming the empty spaces in your head.

Zack was aware of this before, during, and especially after he told Jack he loved him.

This is what the before looked like.

*******

"Zack, Zack!"

Zack blinked his eyes, searching for the sound of his friends voice, a smile finding its way to his lips as soon he saw him. "Sorry Jack what were you saying?"

"Dude, you seriously need to get like checked out, you space out all the time." Zack felt himself blush and he ducked his head as Jack smiled over at him. "I was saying, who are you taking to prom?"

You, I'm taking you he thought I've loved you since we were 12 and you're the only one I want to go with, that's what he thought but it's not what he said. Zack wasn't very brave in the before stage so he said, "Eh, I don't think I'm gonna go, you know I don't really do dances."

"Whatever, man, I'm taking Sara for sure."

"Yeah I know," Zack mumbled to himself. "I gotta go, my mom will kill me if I miss dinner again."

"Find someone for prom, that's an order!" Jack called after him.

I already did it's you he thought the whole way home and for the rest of the week but this was before Zack decided to be brave so he didn't say anything but it was still love so it hurt just the same.

He thought about telling Jack how he felt over and over again running different scenarios on a constant loop in his head. The good ones ended with the two of them going to prom and college together, the bad ones ended with a lot of harsh words and then silence when Jack vowed to never speak to him again. The bad ones clearly didn't do a lot to help encourage him but the good ones certainly did.

He knew it was dangerous, knew that falling in love with your best friend was stupid and telling them was even worse. He knew all the risks but this was the during and Zack had decided to be brave. His bravery looked a lot like this.

*******

"Zack? What are you doing? It's like, fuck man, it's like 3 in the morning. We have to graduate in less than 10 hours."

"I know, but I have to tell you something, can I come in?"

"No, Zack, I'm just gonna leave you on my fucking roof, you kill me man, really."

Maybe this was a bad idea Zack thought, it had seemed good before but now as he sat on the roof outside of Jack's room he was having second thoughts. The concept was good, he would tell Jack now and then if he felt the same it would be a great start to the rest of his life and if he didn't he would never have to see him again and could live out the rest of his days in hiding.

"Zack, you're doing it again," Jack sighed.

"S-sorry I, there's something I wanted to tell you..."

What he did next was the bravest thing he'd ever done in his life because this was the during and this was when Zack had decided to be brave so he said, "Jack, I like you a lot, like more than just a friend. I love you, I have for a really, really long time and I know you might not feel the same but I had to tell you."

Originally Zack thought the silence was the worst part but then Jack opened his mouth and that thought was crushed.

"Get out. You love me? I'm not even fucking gay! How could you think was a fucking good idea? I always knew you were weird but Jesus, gay, really?"

The rant didn't stop there it went on for another couple minutes until Zack felt capable of moving and ran from his former best friend's house. The whole thing hurt so much more than he could have ever imagined. He was supposed to graduate the next day but this was the after and Zack had decided to give up. Giving up looked like this.

*******

"Hey, Zack, how are you doing today?" Alex felt the first of what he knew would be many tears slide down his face. Alex was Zack's other best friend, he talked to him everyday before, during, and especially after Zack's life fell apart. "I still have your room all set up, I even got your mom to let me have a lot of your old stuff. It looks really nice, you're gonna love it. Our place is right next to that big park we used to play at when we were little, do you remember that park?" When the silence got too loud Alex continued. "I'm graduating college in a month. Can you believe it? We're getting old man. I majored in English, maybe I'll write a book about you." Alex tried to laugh but it didn't feel right. "I miss you Zack. I miss you so, so much. Can you please come home? Please, Zack, I'll take care of everything just come home."

"Sorry honey visiting hours are over," a nurse said, opening the door to the room Zack and Alex were sitting in.

"Okay, I'll wrap it up." The nurse sent Alex a sympathetic glance before she closed the door leaving him alone with Zack again. "Whenever you're ready buddy. I talked to your doctor, he said you can come home whenever you're ready."

Alex waited for an answer, the same way he waited everyday but just like every other time no answer was given. He hugged Zack, well he wrapped his arms around Zack who didn't move at all, and then he left.

"Any progress?" The nurse asked hopefully as Alex signed out.

"No, no progress. Has, has he said anything to any of the staff or his doctor?" Alex was almost afraid to ask.

"Nothing new, he just mutters about that Jack boy every once in a while but nothing new."

Alex clenched his jaw, the same anger he felt every time that god forsaken name was uttered flooding his mind. Jack was once one of Alex's favorite people but now, well now he just spent every moment wishing that asshole had never been born.

Zack sat in the empty room until a nurse came to take him back to his bed. He could move on his own, he could speak, he could think but this was the after and Zack had decided he was broken.