Status: finished
Love is a Dangerous Thing
15
Zack had a rough morning filled with crying but Alex on the other hand seemed oddly happy about the whole thing. He held Zack while he cried and hushed him when he rambled apologies but Zack couldn't help but notice the small smile permanently etched on his face. It was sort of annoying, Zack wasn't having a good day and he didn't know why that made his friend so happy.
"W-why are you h-happy," he finally stuttered out between tears.
"Because I can do this," Alex smiled. "Who do you love more me or Jack?"
Zack shifted to be even closer to Alex and groaned, that was quickly becoming his least favorite question, "you."
Alex smiled more and wiped away some of the many tears on Zack's face before he spoke again. "You said my name while you were dreaming this morning, I've never heard you say my name when you dream."
"I u-usually have n-nightmares," Zack explained. "Y-you're not in those."
"I love you so much, so very, very much," Alex said with his signature too big grin. Zack didn't really feel much better but he smiled too and listened to Alex whisper about how much he loved him while he fell back asleep. There was no Jack to be found in his dreams and for the first time he didn't feel the need to look for one.
The next time he woke up he was laying half on top of Alex who was still sleeping soundly. For a minute or so he laid quietly and watched the older boy breathe, he looked so relaxed. The worry that had almost come standard with Alex since the first day he visited the hospital was nowhere to be found and Zack wondered if it was just because he was sleeping or something else. Before he could decide Alex blinked his eyes open and stared back at him with a sleepy smile.
"Proud of you buddy, you feeling better?"
"Yeah, sort of," Zack furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to think of a way to explain how he felt. "I feel lighter? Not as scared, I don't wanna be with," he trailed off for a second, not very confident he could say Jack's name so soon after yesterday. "That other guy so, so it doesn't matter that much that he didn't like me. He was still my friend though."
"Yeah," Alex sighed wrapping his arms a little tighter around Zack. "I get that."
The room fell quiet for a while after that, Zack crying quietly again while Alex rubbed his back. They stayed laying quietly together until Alex gently nudged Zack off him and turned on his side so they were facing each other.
"I'm sorry you lost your friend Zacky and I'm sorry I've been such a jerk about it." Zack shook his head but Alex continued despite his disagreement. "Jack was your best friend and I can't imagine how bad it feels to have someone you think cares about you say all that stuff. I get it now though, you don't want Jack to love you, that's never been what you meant I was just too jealous to see that, you just want to feel like your best friend supports you. That's all you want, isn't it? You just want your friend back."
"You're gonna yell at me," Zack muttered because Alex always yelled when Jack was mentioned.
Alex smiled sadly and tilted Zack's chin so they were looking at each other again. "I'm not gonna yell at you for talking about Jack anymore, he was a big part of your life," Alex swallowed and closed his eyes, shaking his head before he continued. "You cared a lot about him and what he thought about you but I need you to know that his thoughts have never been able to make you who you are. You're not who he said you were, you're Zachary Merrick and that's enough for me and it'll be enough for plenty of other people who will love and support you for who you are."
Zack nodded a lot, all his crying making it impossible for him to get out any real words. It took a lot of crying into Alex's shoulder for him to settle down again and even then he didn't know what to say. Instead he just continued to lay there and feel Alex's heart beat next to his, the rhythm keeping him calm. The only reason either of them moved was because of a knock at the front door that came maybe ten minutes later.
"It's Chris," Zack guessed, holding tighter to Alex when he nodded. "Can you stay with me this time?"
"Of course," Alex wiped Zack's tears up for him and then pulled him out of bed. "I don't wanna leave you alone."
Together they walked out to the door and luckily Alex checked the peephole before answering. "It's not Chris, it's Rian."
Zack immediately let go of Alex's hand and hurried back to his room because he was sure Alex was right about other people liking him for who he was but he had no interest in meeting someone when it looked like he'd been crying for months. He stayed close to the door and tried to listen to what was being said, he heard the Rian guy ask to meet him again and cringed. He wasn't that interesting, there was no reason someone should want to meet him. He couldn't hear what Alex said but no one came into his room and the door closed a few minutes later.
"You can come out now," Alex called and Zack walked out and hesitantly poked his head around the corner. "Zack," Alex laughed. "I'm not lying just come out here."
"What did he want?" Zack asked walking into the kitchen where Alex was fixing sandwiches for what he guessed would be lunch.
"He said Chris sent him over to ask if we want to go out tonight." Alex didn't turn around but given the question both boys knew what Zack's face looked like. "Before you say no at least let me give a good sales pitch."
"Fine." Zack already knew his answer, definite no, but he figured he should at least let his friend try and talk him into it.
"Okay," Alex began putting things back in the fridge while he talked, still not looking at Zack. "Well, it would be a good distraction from this whole loving me most in the whole world thing." Zack laughed a little at that summary of the current situation. "Also it would be our third date and the first date that you didn't have to ask me on which is petty cool if you really think about it." Finally Alex turned to face him handing him a plate with half a sandwich and some chips before walking out to the living room. "People refer to us as "we" now, like he didn't even ask if you wanted to go he asked if "we" wanted to go."
"I get it, he said a word you liked," Zack rolled his eyes with a fond smile. "But it doesn't make me want to go anymore than before."
"Okay but if we go you can meet Rian," Alex said it like it was a selling point and Zack just shot him a questioning look because it really wasn't. "Which means," Alex continued, not addressing Zack's look. "You won't have to hide every time he comes over, you can make a new friend, and you won't have to be jealous anymore."
"I am not jealous of Rian," Zack replied, earning a whine from Alex.
"Why not," Alex complained.
"Because you call me beautiful and tell me you love me even when all I do is cry and sleep, no one would do that unless they really loved the other person. You really love me, not Rian." Zack thought about it for a second while he ate a few of his chips, he was oddly confident in Alex loving him most. "I'm not sure about lots of things but I'm sure you love me, it's almost scary."
"But it's not scary?"
Zack shrugged, "it's like I told Chris, you wouldn't ever hurt me like I was before, I trust that."
"Have I told you how much I absolutely love you?" Alex grinned and Zack just blushed and continued to eat his lunch. "You're just, you didn't even talk to me last month and look at you now! You're just so fucking incredible Zack, I'm so proud of you."
"It's not a big deal," Zack blushed.
"It is a big deal," Alex put his plate down and gave Zack a weird look that Zack couldn't place. The expression was somewhere between apprehension and adoration, it was definitely new.
"Alex, stop," Zack whined, a little afraid to look back at him.
"Can I kiss you?"
Zack dropped his plate.
"Fine," Alex sighed. "I just love you so much, you're just, I don't even know." Alex hugged him so tight Zack couldn't breathe, which was even worse than normal because he'd sort of stopped breathing after Alex's last question. When he finally let go Zack was slightly breathless and it took him a moment to regain composure.
"If you want, I guess we can go out tonight."
Alex did a dance, a fucking dance and Zack just shook his head because it was really starting to sink in, he loved Alex.
"W-why are you h-happy," he finally stuttered out between tears.
"Because I can do this," Alex smiled. "Who do you love more me or Jack?"
Zack shifted to be even closer to Alex and groaned, that was quickly becoming his least favorite question, "you."
Alex smiled more and wiped away some of the many tears on Zack's face before he spoke again. "You said my name while you were dreaming this morning, I've never heard you say my name when you dream."
"I u-usually have n-nightmares," Zack explained. "Y-you're not in those."
"I love you so much, so very, very much," Alex said with his signature too big grin. Zack didn't really feel much better but he smiled too and listened to Alex whisper about how much he loved him while he fell back asleep. There was no Jack to be found in his dreams and for the first time he didn't feel the need to look for one.
The next time he woke up he was laying half on top of Alex who was still sleeping soundly. For a minute or so he laid quietly and watched the older boy breathe, he looked so relaxed. The worry that had almost come standard with Alex since the first day he visited the hospital was nowhere to be found and Zack wondered if it was just because he was sleeping or something else. Before he could decide Alex blinked his eyes open and stared back at him with a sleepy smile.
"Proud of you buddy, you feeling better?"
"Yeah, sort of," Zack furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to think of a way to explain how he felt. "I feel lighter? Not as scared, I don't wanna be with," he trailed off for a second, not very confident he could say Jack's name so soon after yesterday. "That other guy so, so it doesn't matter that much that he didn't like me. He was still my friend though."
"Yeah," Alex sighed wrapping his arms a little tighter around Zack. "I get that."
The room fell quiet for a while after that, Zack crying quietly again while Alex rubbed his back. They stayed laying quietly together until Alex gently nudged Zack off him and turned on his side so they were facing each other.
"I'm sorry you lost your friend Zacky and I'm sorry I've been such a jerk about it." Zack shook his head but Alex continued despite his disagreement. "Jack was your best friend and I can't imagine how bad it feels to have someone you think cares about you say all that stuff. I get it now though, you don't want Jack to love you, that's never been what you meant I was just too jealous to see that, you just want to feel like your best friend supports you. That's all you want, isn't it? You just want your friend back."
"You're gonna yell at me," Zack muttered because Alex always yelled when Jack was mentioned.
Alex smiled sadly and tilted Zack's chin so they were looking at each other again. "I'm not gonna yell at you for talking about Jack anymore, he was a big part of your life," Alex swallowed and closed his eyes, shaking his head before he continued. "You cared a lot about him and what he thought about you but I need you to know that his thoughts have never been able to make you who you are. You're not who he said you were, you're Zachary Merrick and that's enough for me and it'll be enough for plenty of other people who will love and support you for who you are."
Zack nodded a lot, all his crying making it impossible for him to get out any real words. It took a lot of crying into Alex's shoulder for him to settle down again and even then he didn't know what to say. Instead he just continued to lay there and feel Alex's heart beat next to his, the rhythm keeping him calm. The only reason either of them moved was because of a knock at the front door that came maybe ten minutes later.
"It's Chris," Zack guessed, holding tighter to Alex when he nodded. "Can you stay with me this time?"
"Of course," Alex wiped Zack's tears up for him and then pulled him out of bed. "I don't wanna leave you alone."
Together they walked out to the door and luckily Alex checked the peephole before answering. "It's not Chris, it's Rian."
Zack immediately let go of Alex's hand and hurried back to his room because he was sure Alex was right about other people liking him for who he was but he had no interest in meeting someone when it looked like he'd been crying for months. He stayed close to the door and tried to listen to what was being said, he heard the Rian guy ask to meet him again and cringed. He wasn't that interesting, there was no reason someone should want to meet him. He couldn't hear what Alex said but no one came into his room and the door closed a few minutes later.
"You can come out now," Alex called and Zack walked out and hesitantly poked his head around the corner. "Zack," Alex laughed. "I'm not lying just come out here."
"What did he want?" Zack asked walking into the kitchen where Alex was fixing sandwiches for what he guessed would be lunch.
"He said Chris sent him over to ask if we want to go out tonight." Alex didn't turn around but given the question both boys knew what Zack's face looked like. "Before you say no at least let me give a good sales pitch."
"Fine." Zack already knew his answer, definite no, but he figured he should at least let his friend try and talk him into it.
"Okay," Alex began putting things back in the fridge while he talked, still not looking at Zack. "Well, it would be a good distraction from this whole loving me most in the whole world thing." Zack laughed a little at that summary of the current situation. "Also it would be our third date and the first date that you didn't have to ask me on which is petty cool if you really think about it." Finally Alex turned to face him handing him a plate with half a sandwich and some chips before walking out to the living room. "People refer to us as "we" now, like he didn't even ask if you wanted to go he asked if "we" wanted to go."
"I get it, he said a word you liked," Zack rolled his eyes with a fond smile. "But it doesn't make me want to go anymore than before."
"Okay but if we go you can meet Rian," Alex said it like it was a selling point and Zack just shot him a questioning look because it really wasn't. "Which means," Alex continued, not addressing Zack's look. "You won't have to hide every time he comes over, you can make a new friend, and you won't have to be jealous anymore."
"I am not jealous of Rian," Zack replied, earning a whine from Alex.
"Why not," Alex complained.
"Because you call me beautiful and tell me you love me even when all I do is cry and sleep, no one would do that unless they really loved the other person. You really love me, not Rian." Zack thought about it for a second while he ate a few of his chips, he was oddly confident in Alex loving him most. "I'm not sure about lots of things but I'm sure you love me, it's almost scary."
"But it's not scary?"
Zack shrugged, "it's like I told Chris, you wouldn't ever hurt me like I was before, I trust that."
"Have I told you how much I absolutely love you?" Alex grinned and Zack just blushed and continued to eat his lunch. "You're just, you didn't even talk to me last month and look at you now! You're just so fucking incredible Zack, I'm so proud of you."
"It's not a big deal," Zack blushed.
"It is a big deal," Alex put his plate down and gave Zack a weird look that Zack couldn't place. The expression was somewhere between apprehension and adoration, it was definitely new.
"Alex, stop," Zack whined, a little afraid to look back at him.
"Can I kiss you?"
Zack dropped his plate.
"Fine," Alex sighed. "I just love you so much, you're just, I don't even know." Alex hugged him so tight Zack couldn't breathe, which was even worse than normal because he'd sort of stopped breathing after Alex's last question. When he finally let go Zack was slightly breathless and it took him a moment to regain composure.
"If you want, I guess we can go out tonight."
Alex did a dance, a fucking dance and Zack just shook his head because it was really starting to sink in, he loved Alex.