Status: finished
Love is a Dangerous Thing
17
Zack stared at himself in the bathroom mirror late Christmas Eve morning and whispered out three words very, very quietly, studying his face as he spoke. He felt ready to say them but when he practiced his face looked panicked every time and he didn't want to look unsure when he said those specific words. He wanted to look as confident as he felt but it wasn't happening and it was frustrating him. After he practiced a few more times he walked out to the living room sitting on the couch and staring at Alex, who was eating breakfast across the room, for inspiration.
"Hey Alex?"
"Yeah buddy?" Alex didn't look up from his plate and Zack thought maybe it would be easier if he wasn't looking.
"I, I like your shirt," Zack shook his head at himself "I like your shirt," was so very different from "I love you."
"I love you too," Alex smiled back, walking over with a piece of paper he pulled from his pocket. "Here, I made things easy for you."
Alex handed over the folded up page, patting the smaller boy's shoulder before he walked back to his food. Zack's face was a bright red and he took a moment to compose himself because Alex still made him a little nervous sometimes. When he finally looked at the paper in his hands he couldn't help but laugh, glancing at Alex who smirked at him.
The note read: "Dear Zack, I know you love me, you don't have to worry about saying it. I also know all you do is worry so if you really want to say it but your mouth refuses to cooperate you can write it here." An arrow pointed to a pen drawn box where Alex had already done most of the work for him writing out two of the three words. Zack shook his head and blushed more but grabbed the pen left for him and scribbled in four letters that meant more than he could express.
He stared at it for a while, glancing up at Alex who he could tell was making a point not to look at him. With a smirk of his own he flipped the paper over and wrote a new message, one that he had previously intended to save for Christmas day. Getting up he handed the paper back to Alex who apparently had done a good enough job not looking at him to no not know to flip the paper over.
"You know I love you too?" He asked and Zack smiled because he couldn't have planned this better if he tried.
"Actually, yeah I do." He couldn't keep a straight face and Alex raised an eyebrow at him but he only blushed and smiled more. "Check the other side."
"Did you draw our names in a heart because that would be-." Alex gasped slightly and his eyes filled with tears as he looked back up at Zack who was still smiling. "Zack, do you really mean this?"
"Only if you're saying yes."
"Yes, I'm definitely saying yes!" Alex jumped out of his chair and hugged Zack so tight the younger actually had a hard time breathing. Not so slowly he rocked back and forth laughing and crying with excitement. "I love you Zack. I love you so, so much."
"That's good," Zack grinned. "Because it would be pretty weird to have a boyfriend that hated me."
********
"I can't believe you asked me," Alex repeated for the hundredth time later that night. They had just finished dinner and were watching A Christmas Story together on the living room couch. Mainly though Zack was complaining about Alex shifting around too much and Alex was alternating between telling him he loved him and expressing how surprised he was that Zack had asked. "I never would have guessed in a million years you'd ask me!"
"It was pretty brave, huh?" Zack smiled at his own accomplishment and turned over in Alex's arms to look at his friend that was now his boyfriend. He had a boyfriend, he couldn't help but smile like a fool at that thought. "I wanted to ask you on Christmas," he admitted. "But, I don't know, I guess it just felt like the right moment or whatever."
"Because you just loved me so much?"
"Yes." Zack took a very deep breath and closed his eyes before he spoke again, making sure he was looking right into the brown eyes that were looking at him. "I love you, Alex. I love you more than anyone else and that's why I asked you."
"Zack," Alex groaned with audible frustration which concerned Zack, the last thing he wanted was to make Alex mad by saying he loved him, that didn't seem right.
"S-sorry," he mumbled trying to turn back over but Alex held him in place with a firm grip, squeezing him in a tight hug that Zack was starting to think would one day actually crush him.
"I just love you so much buddy," Alex finally said and Zack relaxed in his hold. It was still pretty painful but as long as Alex loved him he didn't mind the discomfort. "Can I just kiss you a little?"
"No," Zack moved away so fast he fell off the couch, his head hitting the coffee table with a loud thud and it hurt a lot more than such a short fall should have. He felt tears fill his eyes and he tried to blink them away as Alex asked him a dozen questions about whether or not he was okay. He could feel a little blood trickling down the side of his head and it really hurt so he closed his eyes briefly which evidently worried Alex even more.
"Zack, are you okay?" Alex asked for the seventh time in as many seconds. He knelt down next to his injured boyfriend and cringed at the small but very bloody gash on the side of his forehead. "Hold on Zacky."
Zack sat up against the couch and wiped away the single tear that was rolling down his cheek while he waited. Quickly Alex was kneeling in front of him again and wiping away the blood to lay a bandage over the small cut. He used a wet napkin to clean up the blood that had rolled down as far as Zack's chin and then went to throw away all the used supplies while Zack sat quietly in the living room.
"Sorry I made you fall," Alex said with a small smile when he returned. "It probably would have been less painful if you just let me kiss you."
"I don't wanna talk about it," Zack muttered, blushing furiously as he got up and left the living room. It was embarrassing and he felt stupid, the last thing he wanted to do was talk about it with Alex. He had barely crawled under his warm covers before Alex was lifting them to climb in beside him.
"It's not a big deal-"
"Yes it is," Zack argued cutting off whatever else Alex was going to say. A few more tears filled his eyes and whether they were from pain or embarrassment he wasn't sure but they only added to his frustration. "I wanna do normal stuff but I just can't and it's not fair. I want to be able to do stuff that a normal b-boy, boy," he stopped there, struggling to force out the word he wanted. Despite how happy he'd been earlier he couldn't bring himself to say the title he'd been brave enough to ask for. His inability to express himself frustrated him further and he clenched his fists while more tears rolled down his face. "See? I can't even say it. What's wrong with me Alex? Why can't I just be normal?"
Alex silently pulled a reluctant Zack into his arms and held onto him but not as tight as before. Zack continued to cry and fight against him but Alex didn't let go. Eventually things quieted down and Alex didn't say anything but he was very proud of himself for not making things worse like he had a tendency to do.
"You don't ever have to kiss me in your whole life if you don't want to," he said instead, still holding Zack close.
"I want to though," Zack sniffled burying his head into Alex's neck so his voice was slightly muffled. "I wanna do normal stuff."
"Then let's work on getting to a place where you feel comfortable doing that stuff but it doesn't have to happen right now."
"But I want it to happen right now," Zack whined.
"Okay, then let me kiss you," Alex challenged, expecting the tense reaction be got. He ran a hand through Zack's hair and waited to feel his body relax some before he said anything else. "You don't want it to happen right now buddy and that's fine. When you're ready we can kiss as much as you want but until then I want you to keep working on trusting me and I'll work on not saying things that result in head injuries for you."
"Thanks," Zack mumbled after a while. "I just wanna go really slow but, but I can tell you I love you, does that make it any better?"
"You don't need to make anything better," Alex laughed. "But it does feel pretty incredible when you say you love me."
"Yeah, I like it too." Zack pulled away to watch Alex's face as he said the three words that had scared him for so long. It was fun to see Alex's eyes light up or to watch the way his lips stretched into a smile. It was fun to be in love with someone he decided.
"Hey Alex?"
"Yeah buddy?" Alex didn't look up from his plate and Zack thought maybe it would be easier if he wasn't looking.
"I, I like your shirt," Zack shook his head at himself "I like your shirt," was so very different from "I love you."
"I love you too," Alex smiled back, walking over with a piece of paper he pulled from his pocket. "Here, I made things easy for you."
Alex handed over the folded up page, patting the smaller boy's shoulder before he walked back to his food. Zack's face was a bright red and he took a moment to compose himself because Alex still made him a little nervous sometimes. When he finally looked at the paper in his hands he couldn't help but laugh, glancing at Alex who smirked at him.
The note read: "Dear Zack, I know you love me, you don't have to worry about saying it. I also know all you do is worry so if you really want to say it but your mouth refuses to cooperate you can write it here." An arrow pointed to a pen drawn box where Alex had already done most of the work for him writing out two of the three words. Zack shook his head and blushed more but grabbed the pen left for him and scribbled in four letters that meant more than he could express.
He stared at it for a while, glancing up at Alex who he could tell was making a point not to look at him. With a smirk of his own he flipped the paper over and wrote a new message, one that he had previously intended to save for Christmas day. Getting up he handed the paper back to Alex who apparently had done a good enough job not looking at him to no not know to flip the paper over.
"You know I love you too?" He asked and Zack smiled because he couldn't have planned this better if he tried.
"Actually, yeah I do." He couldn't keep a straight face and Alex raised an eyebrow at him but he only blushed and smiled more. "Check the other side."
"Did you draw our names in a heart because that would be-." Alex gasped slightly and his eyes filled with tears as he looked back up at Zack who was still smiling. "Zack, do you really mean this?"
"Only if you're saying yes."
"Yes, I'm definitely saying yes!" Alex jumped out of his chair and hugged Zack so tight the younger actually had a hard time breathing. Not so slowly he rocked back and forth laughing and crying with excitement. "I love you Zack. I love you so, so much."
"That's good," Zack grinned. "Because it would be pretty weird to have a boyfriend that hated me."
********
"I can't believe you asked me," Alex repeated for the hundredth time later that night. They had just finished dinner and were watching A Christmas Story together on the living room couch. Mainly though Zack was complaining about Alex shifting around too much and Alex was alternating between telling him he loved him and expressing how surprised he was that Zack had asked. "I never would have guessed in a million years you'd ask me!"
"It was pretty brave, huh?" Zack smiled at his own accomplishment and turned over in Alex's arms to look at his friend that was now his boyfriend. He had a boyfriend, he couldn't help but smile like a fool at that thought. "I wanted to ask you on Christmas," he admitted. "But, I don't know, I guess it just felt like the right moment or whatever."
"Because you just loved me so much?"
"Yes." Zack took a very deep breath and closed his eyes before he spoke again, making sure he was looking right into the brown eyes that were looking at him. "I love you, Alex. I love you more than anyone else and that's why I asked you."
"Zack," Alex groaned with audible frustration which concerned Zack, the last thing he wanted was to make Alex mad by saying he loved him, that didn't seem right.
"S-sorry," he mumbled trying to turn back over but Alex held him in place with a firm grip, squeezing him in a tight hug that Zack was starting to think would one day actually crush him.
"I just love you so much buddy," Alex finally said and Zack relaxed in his hold. It was still pretty painful but as long as Alex loved him he didn't mind the discomfort. "Can I just kiss you a little?"
"No," Zack moved away so fast he fell off the couch, his head hitting the coffee table with a loud thud and it hurt a lot more than such a short fall should have. He felt tears fill his eyes and he tried to blink them away as Alex asked him a dozen questions about whether or not he was okay. He could feel a little blood trickling down the side of his head and it really hurt so he closed his eyes briefly which evidently worried Alex even more.
"Zack, are you okay?" Alex asked for the seventh time in as many seconds. He knelt down next to his injured boyfriend and cringed at the small but very bloody gash on the side of his forehead. "Hold on Zacky."
Zack sat up against the couch and wiped away the single tear that was rolling down his cheek while he waited. Quickly Alex was kneeling in front of him again and wiping away the blood to lay a bandage over the small cut. He used a wet napkin to clean up the blood that had rolled down as far as Zack's chin and then went to throw away all the used supplies while Zack sat quietly in the living room.
"Sorry I made you fall," Alex said with a small smile when he returned. "It probably would have been less painful if you just let me kiss you."
"I don't wanna talk about it," Zack muttered, blushing furiously as he got up and left the living room. It was embarrassing and he felt stupid, the last thing he wanted to do was talk about it with Alex. He had barely crawled under his warm covers before Alex was lifting them to climb in beside him.
"It's not a big deal-"
"Yes it is," Zack argued cutting off whatever else Alex was going to say. A few more tears filled his eyes and whether they were from pain or embarrassment he wasn't sure but they only added to his frustration. "I wanna do normal stuff but I just can't and it's not fair. I want to be able to do stuff that a normal b-boy, boy," he stopped there, struggling to force out the word he wanted. Despite how happy he'd been earlier he couldn't bring himself to say the title he'd been brave enough to ask for. His inability to express himself frustrated him further and he clenched his fists while more tears rolled down his face. "See? I can't even say it. What's wrong with me Alex? Why can't I just be normal?"
Alex silently pulled a reluctant Zack into his arms and held onto him but not as tight as before. Zack continued to cry and fight against him but Alex didn't let go. Eventually things quieted down and Alex didn't say anything but he was very proud of himself for not making things worse like he had a tendency to do.
"You don't ever have to kiss me in your whole life if you don't want to," he said instead, still holding Zack close.
"I want to though," Zack sniffled burying his head into Alex's neck so his voice was slightly muffled. "I wanna do normal stuff."
"Then let's work on getting to a place where you feel comfortable doing that stuff but it doesn't have to happen right now."
"But I want it to happen right now," Zack whined.
"Okay, then let me kiss you," Alex challenged, expecting the tense reaction be got. He ran a hand through Zack's hair and waited to feel his body relax some before he said anything else. "You don't want it to happen right now buddy and that's fine. When you're ready we can kiss as much as you want but until then I want you to keep working on trusting me and I'll work on not saying things that result in head injuries for you."
"Thanks," Zack mumbled after a while. "I just wanna go really slow but, but I can tell you I love you, does that make it any better?"
"You don't need to make anything better," Alex laughed. "But it does feel pretty incredible when you say you love me."
"Yeah, I like it too." Zack pulled away to watch Alex's face as he said the three words that had scared him for so long. It was fun to see Alex's eyes light up or to watch the way his lips stretched into a smile. It was fun to be in love with someone he decided.