Love is a Dangerous Thing

Their first day together was uncomfortable to say the least. Zack didn't speak at all and barely made eye contact because he was still embarrassed from that morning. He also found out that Alex worked from home as a columnist for the local paper which was great because that meant they could spend even more time together. Eating was also a source of conflict, Zack didn't eat at the hospital and he wasn't going to eat outside it either. There was no real reason for that, it just wasn't something he did. At least he hadn't had a breakdown but the day wasn't over yet, there was still time for that.

Currently they were siting in the living room watching Iron Chef, Alex on the couch and Zack in the recliner. It was around 9:30 and Zack was getting tired, in the hospital they had a strict 9 o'clock lights out policy and his body was accustomed to medicine at 8:45 and sleep no later than 9 every night. He was trying to hide his exhaustion though, not looking forward to another night in Alex's bed.

"Are you sleepy?"

Well, there goes hiding being tired Zack thought though he showed no outward reaction. Nevertheless his older friend turned off the tv, telling him he just had to grab his medicine and then they could go to bed. Seconds later he reappeared handing over a glass of water and one of Zak's pills. Zack took them without a fight even opening his mouth afterwards out of habit and then they were headed to bed.

"Hey Zack?" Alex sighed at the lack of response that came from the other side of the bed. "What happened this morning,you cuddling with me, it's not a big deal. I'm not mad at you or anything."

Again Zack didn't reply but in his head he protested loudly. He knew it was a big deal, Alex didn't want him to be that close to him, he was weird. Nobody likes weirdos and nobody liked him. His negative, self-loathing rant went on and on until he was crying. Nights were hard for him even before he went to the hospital and they'd only became worse since.

"Zack, don't cry." Alex pulled the crying boy towards him wrapping his arms around his skinny frame. "What's wrong?"

This time Zack did try and answer but he couldn't form the words he wanted to say which only frustrated him more. "I'm w-weird." He finally choked out as he tried unsuccessfully to get back to his side of the bed.

"No, stay here Zack. You're not weird, you're my friend."

The next hour carried on in that same fashion, Zack crying and saying bad things about himself and Alex reassuring him that he was his friend and there was nothing with him. Zack normally cried alone and though he didn't necessarily feel better with Alex there, he did feel something. He couldn't quite identify it but something was different, when he finished crying this time he felt less like he was the worst person to ever be born. He still rolled back to his side of the bed as soon as Alex released the death grip he had on him but he felt just the tiniest bit better as he fell into his chemically induced sleep.

The next morning he woke up pressed close against Alex again. He wasn't thrilled with how close they were but he also didn't want to wake Alex up for a second consecutive day so he closed his eyes and went back to sleep with no sigh of contentment. When he woke up again Alex was gone and he felt his cheeks flush red realizing he probably left because he didn't want to be next to Zack.

"Are you up yet?" He heard Alex call presumably from the kitchen because he could also smell bacon and pancakes wafting through the air. "I made you breakfast."

Silently he got up and walked to the kitchen, scaring the daylights out of Alex who promptly informed him that he needed to at least cough before he showed up behind him. Honestly though Zack thought it was pretty funny which was weird because he hadn't thought anything was funny in years.

"Are you smiling?" Alex inquired looking way too excited.

"No." Zack made a point to keep his face as blank as possible but Alex was still grinning like a mad man.

"Sure you didn't and I'm not the best looking man in the world." Zack fought hard not to laugh or smile but despite his best efforts he felt the corners of his mouth twitch just slightly. "Two smiles in one day this, my friend, is progress."

At that Zack left the kitchen before he got his friends hopes up too much. He still didn't want to be close to him in fact he still didn't even really no why he kept thinking of him as a friend. He tried to figure that out until Alex brought breakfast out, then he tried to figure out how he was going to get away with not eating.

"I think we need to go out today," Alex suddenly announced as Zack was poking at his pancakes. "You need some clothes."

Zack couldn't really argue with that all he had were his hospital provided scrubs and even those were pretty worn. But that didn't mean he wanted to go buy new stuff, he wasn't ever going to do anything so there was no point in having nice clothes or any clothes at all. He tried to convey this message by frowning intensely and lowering his eyebrows but Alex only laughed in response.

"You're pouting like a child, you have to know that's not going to work." Zack did sort of know that but he figured it was worth a shot. "I promise it won't be that bad all you need is like 3 shirts, pajamas, and some pants and then we can go home."

That plan didn't seem the least bit appealing to Zack so he pushed his plate away, refusing to eat in protest although he never really planned to eat anyways. He hadn't been around other people in a long time and the thought alone terrified him. He spent all his time at the hospital hiding in his room ignoring people that had been there just as long as him. People just weren't his strong suit anymore but then again nothing really was.

But Alex had made up his mind and there was no changing it so after they ate, or after Alex ate rather, he found some clothes that sort of fit Zack and then they were on their way. Zack's outfit hung awkwardly on his skeletal frame, he was wearing a pair of skinny jeans that were anything but skinny on him and a large hoodie over his old hospital shirt. The jeans pooled around his ankles and despite the belt he put on they still sagged leaving him to pull them up every five seconds. He was happy about the hoodie though it kept him warm, hid his scars, and smelled like his friend but he tried not to think about that last part too much.

"There's gonna be a lot of people in here, Zack," Alex informed him with a look a mother might give her son on his first day at a new school. "But I won't let anything bad happen and I'll get us out as quick as possible."

Zack swallowed nervously and nodded determined not to have a breakdown before they even entered the building. He was halfway confident he could do this all they needed were pants, a couple shirts, and pajamas. He repeated the list over and over in his head as they made their way to the doors, pulling his stupidly big pants up out of nerves and necessity. The noise hit him as soon as they entered and he decided that actually, no, he couldn't do this. The store was packed with shoppers, kids crying, teenagers complaining, and moms barking out orders. They were barely even in the door before someone knocked into him and it was the holiday season so of course there was obnoxious Christmas music blaring throughout the store.

"You're okay Zack, I got you." It took a moment for him to realize that somehow without his knowledge he'd pressed himself into Alex's side and grabbed one of his hands. Normally this would have freaked him out but the crowd in the store scared him more so he allowed it. Luckily Alex didn't seem to mind how close they were either in fact Zack actually thought he saw the older boy smile but he was too caught up in not freaking out to really notice. "Alright, do you wanna help pick stuff out or do you want me to just get some stuff for you?"

Just barely Alex heard a quiet "you," over the noise of the mall. With Zack still clinging to him he made his way through the crowded teen boy's department, neither of them were teenagers but there was no way Zack would fit into anything in the men's department. He picked out a few shirts and a pair of pants and told Zack he would have to try them on to make sure they fit but Zack shook his head quickly.

"Will you try them if I go with you?" Zack looked around the store anxiously and then nodded, gripping somehow tighter to Alex's hand. Maneuvering through the store was difficult, especially with Zack refusing to leave his side, but somehow they managed. "Okay, I'll stand out here and you get dressed and tell me what fits."

Quite reluctantly Zack headed into the small dressing room by himself to try on his clothes. The pants were a little too big but the shirt fit fine and he didn't want to spend another minute in the crowded store so he pulled his borrowed clothes back on and lied about how the new ones fit.

"Good, let's get out of here, there's way too many people." Zack furrowed his eyebrows frowning at his friend, he thought he was the only one who didn't like people. "Nobody likes being in crowds this big Zacky," Alex explained but Zack was too busy blushing at the nickname to care.

*******
"Are you okay?" Zack glanced up from where he was next to the balcony door in Alex's apartment. "You've been standing there since we got back which was like a few hours ago." Zack only nodded in response to try and show that there was no reason for the other boy to worry. He was used to standing and sitting quietly for hours, it was pretty much all he did in the hospital, there were groups and activities he was supposed to attend but he never went to any of them. "Well, your room is finally free of that disgusting paint smell if you want to come see it."

Instead of answering Zack walked over to the hallway and waited for the other boy to show him to his room even though he knew which one it was. Alex opened the door and smiled nervously at him and even though he didn't want to give him false hope Zack smiled a barely there smile at just how nice his room looked. It was obvious Alex had put a ton of work into it, it looked better than the living room and in the back of his mind he wondered who helped him pick out stuff that matched. The walls were a deep purple with a horizontal black stripe all around them in the center of the stripe opposite his bed was a large Raven's decal. The bed itself was big pressed up against a wall with a window that revealed the park Alex had told him about, the one they played at as kids. There were a dozen or so black and purple pillows laying atop a warm looking dark grey comforter. Next to the Raven's sticker was a bookshelf that held all his favorite books from his childhood until right before the incident. What really got him though was the dresser to the right of his bed, it wasn't anything special just a wooden dresser with four drawers but on top Alex had arranged a collection of photos with Zack smiling in every one. There were none with Jack in them but that only bothered him for a second at the time because he was too caught up in how happy he looked.

He'd spent so long thinking of his life in phases that revolved around Jack and a love that he never had that he forgot that there were other things that happened but these pictures reminded him. There was the time him and Alex went to the beach when they were about four and spent the whole day digging or pirate treasure. There was the park across the street where they spent everyday after school from kindergarten through third grade while their moms would sit and talk. He was staring at photographic proof that there had been times when he knew more then just wanting something he knew he'd never have. Every picture reminded him of another memory he and Alex shared and for the first time he sort of understood what Alex had kept repeating to him over and over for years now; they were best friends. He felt a hand on the small of his back and flinched but he didn't pull away.

"Do you like it? I can take down the pictures if you don't want them here."

Zack half listened as Alex continued to ramble about things he could change but mostly he kept looking at he pictures. Finally he found the one he'd unknowingly been searching for, it was a picture of him and Alex sitting on their favorite bench at their favorite park, cracking up at something he couldn't remember. Jack took the picture without them knowing which made it even better they were both holding ice cream cones, that looked dangerously close to falling and if he remembered correctly did end up falling, their heads thrown back in laughter with their arms wrapped loosely around each other's shoulders. It was the summer before Senior year and, though none of them knew it, the last summer they'd ever spend together. Without thinking he reached out and grabbed the picture frame handing it to Alex, successfully stopping his incessant talking. He wasn't really sure why but he felt guilty all the sudden like he had done something wrong but he couldn't quite place his finger on what it was, something just didn't feel right.

"I really missed you, you know," Alex said, breaking Zack from his thoughts. "But I never would have given up on you. Even if you spent the rest of your life in that hospital I still would have visited you everyday and you'd still be my best friend."

Tears filled Zack's eyes and he turned away, climbing into bed and laying with his back to Alex until he heard the door to his room close. Even though what Alex told him was really nice somehow it only made him feel worse.