Thinking Out Loud

"So how have you been?" Jon asked, not making eye contact with me as we walked along the lake front.

"Fine." I said, kicking sand as I walked.

"Ya know Amelies just worried…and I am too, Kay. You don't seem fine…you've changed. I can see it and I haven't even spent a whole day with you yet."

"Nothing," I snapped. I've heard 'you've changed' so many times in the last 3 months, and I was growing sick and tired of it. I was well aware I changed, but pain does that to people. I live with myself, knowing I'm not the fun, carefree girl everyone used to know and love.

"Kay, I can help you." He pleaded, making me feel guilty.

"Jon, I really am fine. You know how my mom over reacts. I just grew up, that's it." I forced myself to smile.

"You know you can tell me anything," Jon assured me and I nodded, "I'm glad you're here kid." He wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"Kid? You're 2 years older then me!" I said, making him laugh.

"Linds!"

I looked at Jon confused, but then looked forward to see a blonde running towards us.

"Hey babe." Lindsey smiled, pecking Jon on the lips quickly before turning her attention to me.

"Kayla right?" She smiled sweetly at me.

"Kada." I corrected, trying to mimic her smile.

"Ooh right! I knew it was something really unique but I couldn't think of it so I just went with Kayla," she giggled, "You're gonna love Chicago, especially during hockey season."

"By the way, tonight a lot of the girls are going out to dinner then drinks for girls night…you should so come!" Lindsey said excitedly. I glanced at Jon and he was almost daring me to say no. I knew my mom had some kind of thing set up with him, if I was doing what I was doing at home, Jon was to let my mom know.

"Sounds great," I nodded.

"Perfect, I'll pick you up at 730!"

"Do you care..?" Jonathan looked at me then to his girlfriend, implying that the two wanted to grab lunch.

I shook my head and laughed, "Not at all. See you guys later, I'm gonna finish my run." I said, plugging my headphones back in and continuing a nice jog. Jons idea of 'tour of the city' was a walk at the lakefront in the morning. Which, I didn't mind, but it was funny to me.

_________

"Is this a regular thing?" I took one ear phone out and left the other in as I walked into Jons apartment to see Kane sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn.

"Why, does it bother you beautiful?" He set the bowl of popcorn next to him and smirked at me.

I scowled at him, "I was curious so next time I come back in after a run I don't almost have a heart attack thinking it's the boogie man."

Boogie man?" He raised an eyebrow before bursting into laughter. I rolled my eyes and stomped to my room to take a shower and possibly a nap before 'girls night'.

"Hey Kada?"

I turned around briefly, surprised and confused as to what he wanted.

"I'm sorry."

I was surprised, and a little taken aback, "For what?"

"Being…an ass yesterday. I didn't know and-"

"Don't worry about it, how would you?" I said, before turning on my heel and heading to my bedroom.

I showered and changed into a dress ; not sure exactly what 'girls night' meant, but I figured my dress would suffice. Lindsey came by Jons apartment at exactly 7 and we were meeting the other "WAGS", as Lindsey had called them, at a nearby bar. I personally, found it pretty weird, that all the wives and girlfriends of the players actually had a designated day to hang out. Like just because you're dating a person on the team, the wives and girlfriends kind of formed their own team. Lindsey tried to explain it all to me, but I wasn't understanding so she eventually gave up.

"…and Elina. Don't worry, it takes time but you'll be here a while, so you'll learn." Abby Sharp, the wive of Patrick, who picked me up from the airport told me. I nodded, taking in all the new faces.

"You're to good for him anyways, Lucia," Lindsey sighed and avoided eye contact with the girl sitting across from her. "You're to nice. I mean, remember the first time I met you? We all were like, 'You're dating him, you're too nice!'

One of the 'WAGS' or, I guess in her case, 'ex-wag', had just gotten broken up with. I'm not familiar with all of Jons teammates yet, so I didn't hear who she dated, or how long they were dating for. But Lindsey promised she would fill me in on the way home.

Lucia let a tear slip from her eye, but quickly wiped it away. "It doesn't feel like I'm better than him. He practically just tossed it in the air, like it had no meaning, like he didn't care." She now looked her friends in the eyes. "I was the one not giving him enough of whatever he wanted! It was all me." she said, her words barely audible.

The rest of the night went pretty much the same; girls complaining or gushing about their boyfriends/husbands…and honestly, it was exhausting. I found myself spacing out most of the time, unfamiliar with names and faces of the people who they were talking about.

I did, however, meet a couple girls who I seemed to hit it off with. It almost felt like a normal night, before Kevin died. My friends from home didn't know how to react, so they all started acting differently towards me. So it was nice to have an almost fresh start.

"That was exhausting," Lindsey said as we got in her car to head home.

I burst out laughing, "Tell me about it, I was so confused. I felt like it was a pity party!"

"Lucia dated Patrick Kane for like a week, if even, I think it was like 5 days, maybe 6," Lindsey chuckled, "Whenever a girl goes out with us and she say she's with Pat, don't even worry about learning her name. We just invite them along to humor her."

"That's terrible!"

Lindsey shrugged, "Pat's a great guy. Just he's not ready for a relationship…and honestly these girls aren't right for him, ya know? They always make him out to be the bad guy, but they know what they're getting themselves into before they do anything so."

"We need to find you a guy. Marcus Kruger's single…and that boy is beautiful, I can set it up." Lindsey winked at me as she pulled up to the apartments entrance. I laughed and shook my head.

"Let me learn names first, then maybe," I waved goodbye and walked into the building.

_

"Ew, are you guys having a sleepover?" I flicked on the lights of the apartment, to see Jon and Patrick sitting around the tv playing some new video game.

"How was pity night?" Jon asked as Patrick cursed from losing.

"You knew this was a sob fest? I hate you, you could have warned me!"

Jon chuckled, "You still bonded with the girls over how annoying it was."

"You're terrible, oh and Lucia is planning on keying your car, so fair warning…and you didn't hear it from me."

"Who?" Patrick asked, looking genuinely confused.

"Lucia, the blonde," Jon explained to his friend who's eyes widened.

"Fuck, what time did you guys leave the restaurant at?"

"Like 12," I shrugged. Patrick hopped off of the floor and sprung to his feet, slipping on his shoes and promising Jon he'd be right back, while muttering 'crazy bitch' under his breath. I took a sip of Jons mikes hard and rested on the couch.

"He's not all bad Kay, he just makes dumb choices. But in his defense, he told Lucia it was a one night stand thing only, but Lucia bumped into Lindsey when she was leaving and that's why she was at the dinner tonight."

"That's what Lindsey said too," I nodded, "Hey Jon? Are you and Pat gonna continue to play out here for a while?"

"Yeah, why? If its too loud we can go to Pats apartment," Jon offered, but I shook my head no.

"Then do you mind if I crash on the couch? Ever since…Kev...I can't fall asleep unless someones with me. So if you and Pat are out here when I try and sleep, I should be fine."

"Kada, anything that's gonna help you, you know….be okay, just tell me and you got it. Okay?" I smiled and hugged my cousin before moving back to the couch.

"You know you're my favorite cousin, right?" I smiled as he put a blanket over me.

"I figured, but it's always nice to hear it," he smirked.