Lego House

“I’m sorry, Jack, but Alex still doesn’t want visitors.”
My heart jumps into my throat and I sigh.
“I figured. I don’t really know why I expected anything different. Thank you though, Mrs. Gaskarth,” I say.
She nods and gives me a sad smile before shutting the door. I turn on my heels and walk back down the sidewalk.
Snow crunches under my feet and I grimace. Crunching snow is one of those sounds, for me, that you can’t explain why you hate it; you just do.
I pull my iPod out of my pocket and slip the headphones in my ears. I switch on Pandora and put it back into my pocket.

I’m gonna pick up the pieces, and build a Lego house.
If things go wrong we can knock it down.
My three words have two meanings.
There’s one thing on my mind.
It’s all for you.
And it’s dark in a cold December, but I’ve got you to keep me warm.
If you’re broken I will mend ya and I’ll keep you sheltered from the storm that’s raging on now.

I stop in my tracks as an idea starts to sink in. I smile to myself and turn around again, with a new destination in mind.

----
I knock on Alex’s door the second time that day with a new weight on my shoulders. No one answers at first and I frown before pounding on the wood harder.
“I’m coming,” a weak voice calls.
I smile at the sound. The door swings open to reveal an unkempt version of my best friend.
His hair is lying in a messy heap on his head; random clumps disobey his part, making it appear as though he doesn’t have a hairline. A thick blanket is wrapped tightly around his fragile shoulders and his legs are clad in pajamas, which would be fine if it wasn’t four in the afternoon.
If I didn’t know any better, I might’ve thought that he’s sick.
“Hey, Lex,” I say cautiously.

He tries a smile but it slips off his face as soon as it rests in place.
“Hi, Jack. What’re you doing here?” he asks, stepping aside to let me in.
I step past him and he shuts the door.
“I just thought I’d try to come check on you. Again.”
A bit of guilt flashes across his face.
“I’m sorry,” he says, looking at his feet.
I smile sadly and pull him to me.
“It’s okay, Lex. I mean, this is a big change for everyone. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you,” I murmur, rearranging the rebels on his head.
Alex nods and sighs into my chest.

“If it wasn’t for me we wouldn’t even be changing so much,” he says.
I don’t have time to answer before he’s pulling away from me.
“Can you go? Please?” he asks quietly.
He pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders and slouches over.
“No. I mean, I know I said I came over here to make sure you were okay but I also wanted to show you something. If you’re okay with that,” I say.

He hesitates for a few seconds before nodding. I smile, grabbing his wrist and pulling him upstairs. I shut the door behind us and pull him to his bed, which I suspect he hasn’t left in a while considering it looks like he’s been nesting.
It’s cluttered with medication bottles, dog eared books, his laptop, multiple CDs and many food dishes; some still have food on them. I push most of the mess to the foot of the bed and we sit down.
“Okay, so, I made a couple of things for you,” I say, sliding my book-bag off of my shoulders.
Alex watches curiously as I pull out the first Lego house.
“You made me… Legos?” he asks.
I laugh and shrug.

“Yeah, kind of. Um, this is supposed to represent my life with you. See, we’re standing out front there,” I say, pointing to two Lego people.
Alex laughs and it’s a relieving sound. He takes the Legos from me and fiddles with a few of the pieces.
“Are those dogs?” he asks, peering into one of the windows.
I glance where he’s looking and nod.
“Yeah,” I say, pulling the red roof off of the mutli-colored house. I pick up the toy dogs that are resting in the ‘living-room.’ “You said you wanted dogs, so I got you dogs.”
He smiles and takes one of the dogs out. He sets it on the fake lawn and strokes it with his pointer-finger.
“I can’t believe you remember that conversation,” he murmurs, “It seems like forever ago.”
I shrug.

“I always listen to you when you talk,” I whisper.
He blushes and turns the house around.
“Is that a pool?” he gasps.
I nod again.
“Yeah. Your dad mentioned that you wanted one once, but your backyard isn’t big enough,” I say.
His smile widens and he moves his Lego person into the pool. He looks inside the house.

I’d gone all out with it, and gave it rooms. It has a large living-room, complete with a flat screen TV and a large bookshelf for all his books. The kitchen’s fridge is stocked with fake pieces of his favorite foods that I’d ‘borrowed’ from my sister’s box of doll stuff. Our bed room has small pieces of paper with his favorite bands’ names written on them.
“What’s this room?” he asks, pointing to one that lacks furniture.
“That’s just in case we decide to adopt kids.”
He leans into me and nuzzles my neck.

“Where’s the stuff for you? This is all stuff I want.”
I pick up his Lego person and rest it in my palm.
“You see that?” I ask, pointing to the sticker of a smile on the Lego person’s face, “That’s all I want.”
Alex blushes but hides it by pushing his face into the crook of my neck. I move the house off to the side and pull the next one from my bag. I rest it on my knee and nudge his head with my nose.
“There’s more,” I say.

He presses a kiss to my neck before pulling away.
“Is this a new house?” he asks, frowning.

“Yes. This is what my life would and or will be like if you had and or will have succeeded in killing yourself.”
He flinches but inspects this house as well. After a few minutes he clucks his tongue.
“Besides the fact that you’re married to women, have kids of your own, and your house looks a bit more girly I don’t really see the difference. What was the point of this? To make me feel worse than I already do? Why would you show me this?” he asks.
His words are angry but his voice comes out weak and sad. I shake my head and pick up my Lego person from each house. I hold them out for Alex to see.

“What do you see between them that’s different?” I ask softly.
Alex looks over them for a few seconds before gently taking them from my palms.
“This one is smiling and this one is frowning.”
I nod.

“Exactly. I can survive without you, but without you I’m a whole lot less happy,” I say.
He twirls the Lego Jack’s in his hands and curls his feet under himself. He bites his lip and looks up at me.
“I’ve been really stupid, haven’t I?” he asks softly.
I shake my head and move a clump of hair from his eyes.
“No, you’ve just been sad and forgot that I’m always going to be here to help.”
“I’m sorry that I got lost,” he whimpers.
I pull him to my chest and lay us down on his bed. I kick the covers over us and pull him closer to me.

“It’s okay; you’re back now.”
He sighs and relaxes in my arms.
“Yeah,” he mumbles sleepily.
I kiss his forehead and he smiles with his eyes closed. I close mine as well and squeeze him tightly.

_______
I wake up a few hours later, and pull myself out of Alex’s grip. I grab my book-bag off of the floor and check my phone.

Birth Giver:
Mrs. Gaskarth said you two fell asleep and that’s fine; please come home when you wake up though. You have school tomorrow.

I check the time and am surprised to see that it’s only eight P.M. I shrug it off and get off of Alex’s bed. I put one of the Jack Legos on Alex’s desk and stuff everything else back into the bag.

I take off a post-it note and grab a pencil out of the pencil box sitting in the left hand corner to leave him a note.
Don’t let this frown happen. I love you, Alex.
-Jack