With My Life in Her Hands

I really like kisses.

You don't understand, I really do.

Maybe it's just Willow's kisses I like.

Maybe it's just there's always one silky palm across my cheekbone as if to keep me in place.

Maybe it's how the other hand touches my waist to pull me close or sometimes closes into a fist with my shirt in an conflicting gentle grip.

Either way, I love the kisses Willow gives me.

The fabric that makes my comforter seems so coarse compared to the feel of her skin.

I nip at Willow's lip gently tugging and the soft groan that escapes makes my heart beat even faster.

Deceptively strong, her arms seem focused on making us one body and not two.

I trail my kisses from swollen plum pink lips down to a smooth pale neck.

"I like the necking," Willow says breathing hard.

The taste of Willow's skin is addictive.

Is it wrong I'd be ecstatic to keep doing this all night?

Another soft groan escapes the Wiccan when I suck gently on her pulse.

Her heart beats just as fast if not faster than mine.

I place a placating kiss under her cheekbone.

My chest heaves from so many kisses but it's not something I'm stopping.

Willow's eyes seem almost glazed when her eyes find mine but clear rapidly.

I bestow a slow long kiss on the Wiccan's swollen lips and can't help the almost tremor that happens every time Willow kisses back.

My lips leave a trail of almost kisses in their wake to other side of her neck: more lips than kisses.

I can taste the unique sweetness of her skin and it's intoxicating.

"I feel conflicted," Willow announces disturbing the symmetry of kisses I am laying.

I retreat confused at the sudden need for words.

Was I kissing wrong?

We are laying here on my bed just breathing side by side. The soft comforter is all but ignored in favor of Willow's body heat.

"I'd love to keep kisses and becoming because now I don't need vicarious smooches but I have to leave soon. I'm seeing Xander, Anya and Buffy there. I don't want to leave now either but I haven't seen Buffy in days and we're roommates," she babbles.

"It's okay. I'd ask if I could go if I think I already know the answer," I smile even though I don't want to and don't feel like kissing anymore.

Now my stomach has a weird heavy feel and it makes me feel sick.

"Briar, you know it's not personal right? I mean I really like you. I don't normally smooch this much at first but you're so soft...and sweet..and now I really don't want to go."

"I won't ask," I say trying to make Willow feel better. "I know, Soon. You said you'd tell them soon and I told you. I'll wait...forever if need be."

"I do want to tell them," Willow tries again.

"I know the chances are infinitesimal you'd be ready to introduce me: too small to count. Yes, I read the dictionary," I say going slightly off topic.

Willow tries to smile but it's small and short lived.

"I'll be fine," I say honestly. "Go with the Scoobies. I will see you tomorrow or in a couple days."

"Are you sure?" she questions again.

I grin at Willow.

"Go," I urge her. " I'll be fine."

Willow still looks torn as she rises off my bed.

I give Willow a small peck goodbye.

"Have fun," I say softly smiling.

Willow tries to speak again.

"It's just a Scooby thing. No one is bringing a non-Scooby-"

"Have fun," I repeat harder.

"See you Briar."

Soft pink lips touch mine in a goodbye kiss and I smile.

Willow leaves and I let my smile drop.

I am surprised when a little over a hour later, I hear someone knocking on my door.

I am even more surprised to see my visitor.

There Willow stands looking as nervous as ever near my door.

Her small mouth is pursed and I never thought someone could have such large and expressive eyes that screamed let me in than right now.

"I thought you and the Scoobies were going to the Gold," I say confused in the doorway.

Willow smiles at me still in the hallway.

It's small and timid but still Willow.

I smile back without thinking.

"It's the Bronze," she corrects me gently. "As for why I'm here, irony's kind of ironic that way."

I open my door wider.

"Tell me about it."

Willow's smile is wider and more relaxed when she enters my room.

I immediately head for my bed and lay down.

"Cuddles?" Willow questions.

I nod grinning.

"Then you're really not mad."

I sigh a little but keep grinning.

"I told you I wasn't," I remind her.

"Can I be the big spoon?"

I furrow my eyebrows at the question.

"I don't have any utensils but tomorrow I'll buy some if you want some so much."

Willow smiles in that endearing way that lets me know I've misunderstood once again.

"I don't mean a literal big spoon," she explains. "Although, there are big spoons. I mean I want to do the holding."

"You can do that," I say nodding furthering my consent.

I go onto my side and pat behind me.

Willow smiles eagerly and I feel the bed move with every one of her crawls.

I can feel the instant she's right behind me and hear the sheets wrinkle as Willow gets comfortable.

Then I feel a familiar weight on my waist.

I could feel Willow exhale and the warm breath make some of my hair move.

She wiggled even closer and even pulled me closer.

"Buffy brought strangers to the Scoobies," the Wiccan says softly .

"I haven't seen her in days and she brought G.I. Joes to the Scoobies. You should've been there and not them."

"You'll meet them tomorrow," Willow finishes.

I hope that's a promise.

"I didn't want you to feel left out so you didn't come but she brought the action figures and didn't care if we felt left out. How weird is that?

"Irony really is ironic that way," I say remembering what Willow said earlier.