With My Life in Her Hands

Everyone holds a weapon tight in their grasp with skin paling as white as bone.

The sun shines almost incessantly but I imagine their used to such irony when having capture or death threatened on a near daily basis.

The Scoobies must have chosen a leader as everyone looks up to the petite blond for where we go.

Buffy is at the lead much the opposite of me treading behind the group.

The tension of the humans and ex-demon are only revealed by the tight grasps on weapons the town of Sunnydale completely ignores.

How can someone hold an axe and be completely ignored like this group apparently can?

It's more obvious now than before how peculiar Sunnydale actually is.

It is harder trying to read these people to know what to do than other humans I believe.

No one is easy to understand here which leaves me in an perpetual state of confusion.

The Scoobies are tense now seemingly aching to fight but hurry to an assumed safe haven when this 'Initiative' has a habit of only attacking at night.

Fear must have overtaken them but also a need to survive which I can't help admiring.

That admiration seems to bring me to a serious question at the moment.

Why am I here?

The instantaneous answer is the Wiccan who walks beside me: my 'girlfriend'.

Willow.

This sweet babbling wiccan has me addicted to her company in a way I cannot fully comprehend.

She is my only reason for being alongside the Scoobies.

I don't really belong here.

I am a half human that doesn't even understand humans enough to masquerade as one.

How can I possibly hide with them knowing little of their customs other than what I've seen on the box with pictures?

The answer is simple.

I can't.

Swiftly, I glance toward Willow for strength in this resolve.

The sunshine turns Willow's normally ruby crown into a platinum halo which I could only too easily believe with her goodness.

Her eyes stare straight ahead turning that same unique shade of fawn that captivated me the first time we met.

I look away just as fast.

If I was looking for resolve not to go, I found none.

Still if I want to stay with Willow, I need to keep the appearance of being human even if I don't want to be alone again.

"I appreciate the gesture but I think I should go back to the dorm."

My voice is quiet almost unheard as we walk the way I need it for a private conversation.

I still don't know where exactly the destination is but I imagine it's a safe haven to hide until the Initiative is more well known.

I don't believe I should need to go though even if I desire to.

No one looks behind themselves to see us so I believe the others must not have heard me.

They are the Scoobies: in a group they step towards a common ground muttering to themselves and each others while I lag behind uncertain with Willow.

For an instant, I feel a warm hand in mine and remember the task at hand.

She tugs lightly on my hand and I stop assuming she wants more detail of why I should not go.

"Why would you be leaving? The Initiative could get you and play doctor with you like with Spike."

Willow's voice heightens with what I imagine might be worry.

"The Initiative doesn't know who I am nor where I live. At the moment I am unseen. The only reason to stay would be if you were alone but your friends are here."

My voice remains soft through this as I try to placate the both of us and I remind myself to study more English terms that are not so archaic as to be less conspicuous.

Willow's auburn brows furrow creating small wrinkles in otherwise smooth creamy skin.

"You're a Vila though. Not demon-y but definitely not human-y either. They could still catch you and I don't know how to beat the military to get you back! I can't be all G.I. Jane! I'd get you out but how do you break into the government?!"

Small rosy lips turn downwards at the corners combine with a furrowed brow to display her worry for being alone.

My own lips quirk upwards at the expression of care across the Wiccan's gentle face as my abdomen feels heavy like I've swallowed a heavy stone.

I interrupt her softly still smiling despite the odd feeling.

"I like that you worry for me even if I feel guilty for doing so," I begin. "I think if I sleepover there might be more chance to notice that I'm not fully human.."

The frown on rose pink lips stealthily deepens growing into a frown.

"There won't be," Willow tries to reassure me." Even if there was, we can tell the truth. You never slept over anyone's house before. They'll understand."

"I am unsure even though I wish I could go," I repeat myself. "It's still a risk and I don't know them."

This seems to be an argument without an end in sight.

She takes a deep breath which hides fawn brown eyes away from me as they close.

They open and her shoulders loosen their tension relaxing her face.

"Listen to me Briar because I don't think you understand. These are soldiers who don't care about demons: good or bad. They're 'fixing' them."

Willow's eyes widen in now readily apparent concern...for me.

"They fixed your white haired vampire which is good, right? My circumstances are different. They can't fix me: I'm good. At the moment, nothing is wrong."

She shakes her head softly making each sunset colored strand follow the movement.

Light brown almost hazel eyes engage me pleading for my comprehension.

I step closer toward the Wiccan that needs my full attention.

"The Initiative knows us. Briar, they've seen us," she pleads and her eyes widen further like a beacon toward my own eyes.

"They know where I am?"

My eyebrows burrow and I feel them creating a wrinkle on my otherwise smooth face.

"They might," she admits biting on a pink lip.

Abruptly, I hear footsteps coming towards us.

I recognize the short dark hair and smile as Xander: the ex-hyena and one of Willow's close friends.

"What's wrong with the happy couple?" He asks still smiling showing an array of white teeth.

I decide to be honest to a point.

"I'm not sure if I should hide away with the Scoobies."

His own thin lips purse before grinning again.

Almond shaped chocolate eyes were focused on me as he answers.

"So your problem is whether to sleep with Willow or not to sleep with Willow."

I feel like I'm missing a vital pint of this based on her opened mouth.

I look back to Xander wondering if he actually has a answer to the issue.

"Just think about, Brie. We don't mind the whole lesbian-y sleepover thing. It jus happens to wiccans."

He moves broad shoulders up and down casually to end his opinion.

I look to Willow for her reaction.

Willow's thin rosy lips are in a grin although her eyes are rolling.

Is this acceptance?

I nod at my head outnumbered.

"Fine. I will go to this 'sleepover'."

I take the redhead's slender palm in mine and follow Xander to this hideout.

When Xander is farther ahead, I cant help asking these questions.

"How do you sleep with someone and what's a sleepover?"