We Are an Example of Why Not to Fall in Love

Oli’s point of view:

It’s around eight thirty now. Tom and Xavier went home around half an hour ago (Tom reluctant since Josh is still here) and Alex decided to go home too, since his mom texted him and told him that she wasn’t feeling very well. I avoided looking Josh’s way the whole time though, scared of what’ll happen if I do.

“Oh, um, guys, I’m going to bed. You guys can just do whatever, see you in the morning,” Jack announces as he shifts from his spot on the floor. Within a few seconds, light snores pass his lips, and I’m jealous of how easily he can fall asleep. I mean, fuck, he’s on the floor and managed to fall asleep just fine.

It’s now very awkward, because me and Josh are both wide awake and in the same room only a few feet apart. Hopefully, he won’t say anything to me.

“Oli…”

My breath hitches in my throat. Why is he talking to me? I thought he didn’t want me? Doesn’t he know that this is hard for me? Is he a fucking sadist?

“Y-yeah?” I reply, barely above a whisper. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. I’ll just use Jack as an excuse.

“So, what’s up?”

Really? What’s up? You broke up with me not even a fucking week ago because you wanted your fucking ex back after a fucking month and a week, I’ve been a fucking mess ever sense, and the first thing out of your fucking mouth is what’s up?!

“Oli, why are you crying?”

Fuck, I didn’t even realise I’m crying!

Damn it, Oli, you’re so fucking pathetic! No wonder he left you, you’re such a fucking bitch!

“I-I’m not,” I retort, turning my back to him and wiping at my eyes.

“Oli, aren’t we friends? You said we were friends!” Josh whines, his voice a bit closer this time.

“Josh, you fucking broke up with me to get back together with your ex, do you really expect me to be able to talk to you like we never had anything other than friendship?” I snap at him, my voice breaking. God, I’m such a fucking cry baby…

“Oli, I’m sorry, okay? But you’ll find someone better than me who-” Josh starts. I’m so fucking sick of hearing this speech over and over and fucking over again!

“NO, Josh, don’t even fucking finish what you were just about to say! I’m fucking sick of hearing it from everyone!” I refrain from shouting so I don’t wake Jack. He’s able to sleep, so I’m gonna let him.

“What else am I supposed to say?”

“You don’t fucking say anything! Just leave me alone! Fuck, simply looking at you hurts! It fucking hurts!”

I let out a hideous sob then. I pull my knees up to my chest and sob into them, trying to muffle them a bit.

“Oli, what was that on your arm?”

“Just leave me alone!” I cry miserably. Josh is a fucking sadist! I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I fucking hate him!

“Oli, why are you hurting yourself over me? It’s not worth it-”

“So you can hurt me but it’s not okay if I hurt myself?”

“No, Oli, that’s not it at all!”

“Then what the fuck is it?”

He’s doesn’t say anything, but that only pisses me off a bit more.

“Why do you hate me so much?” I whimper helplessly, my whole body shaking with sobs. My heads pounding from doing it now, and my face just feels so gross now.

“Oli, I don’t hate you! I told you that I still love you, just as a friend! Why would I be trying to help if I hated you?”

I’m just not gonna say anything, maybe he’ll stop talking.

But, I was wrong…

“Please, give me another chance. You’re a great person, just at least try to be my friend?”

Josh sounds so fucking desperate and helpless and genuine…

“F-fine… But just give me some time…”

“Alright. Let’s sleep now?”

“Sure,” I reply as all I do is shift so I’m laying on my side. I know Josh does the same exact thing as I feel his back slightly against mine.

“Night Oli. I’m sorry.”

“Night Josh. I’m sorry too. For everything.”