Here One Minute, Gone the Next
Then Hell Comes Forth
After I feel the bus stop I hear the boys talking. The bus moves slightly as they all must be getting up to get out of the bus for a while. I wait until I hear silence to leave the bathroom. As I step out I keep my head down. My steps are cautious, as if the floor will crumble from beneath my feet if I make a wrong move. Much like how I walk in the apartment I live in with Derrick. I raise my head to see Kellin still sitting in the same spot on the couch. He looks like he is contemplating something. I normally wouldn't speak up, but I was really curious as to where we were. I finally said,"So, where exactly are we? I am curious because I don't want to be TOO far from home, ya know?" He finally looked up at me as I sat on the recliner that was occupied by Jack only moments ago. " Well, after we got you back to the bus we hung out there for an hour or so. Then we drove to pick up a bit of food... and now we are grabbing some gas. We are still in San Diego though.", he said. I nodded my head in response. We sat there in a rather awkward silence for a few minutes. The only thing I could think is,'God I am so socially impaired! Kellin probably doesn't even like me. They will probably ditch me soon.'
My thoughts are interrupted when Kellin speaks up again saying," So, I should learn some more about you considering we will be around each other for the next 3 months or so... I assume you know a bit about me already, so I ask first!" He had a childish grin on his face so how could I not accept? I got up and moved to the spot next to Kellin and said,"Ask away my good sir!" He cracked his neck and knuckles and quickly rambled," What is your favorite band, album, song, color, animal, and movie? How old are you anyways? What is your name? Are you from San Diego? Vans or toms? What is your family like? How did you find my band? And hunny don't you go on thinking I am done with the questions!!" I laughed as he blurted out the questions and talked like a ghetto girl at the end while snapping his fingers. I copied Kellin by cracking my knuckles and neck before replying,"My favorite band is well, yours. Favorite album is Selfish Machines by Pierce The Veil. My favorite song right now is The Fire Down Below by Slaves. My favorite color is lime green, and my favorite animal is a giraffe because it resembles me. My favorite movie is... don't you dare laugh! Is the Lord Of The Rings series... I am 24 years old and my name is Stephanie White. I am from Ohio, but have lived in San Diego since I was a teenager. And I prefer converse, but I like Vans better than Toms. My family... well my parents died in a car accident long ago and I have a brother, but I have not heard from him in a really long time. They were really caring back in the day though... Oh. And I found your band from a friend around 3 years ago. She was obsessed with you and Never Shout Never."
Kellin looked at me for a little while before pulling me into a hug. I hugged back and held every sob back. I wanted to just let go, but I can't. Not in front of him. He pulled away and said,"Nobody should have to deal with losing both of their parents like that. I am so sorry. But hey, maybe we can contact your brother and talk to your friend sometime and invite them to one of the dates around here?" I give a weak laugh while controlling my emotions. "That would be great, but Dave, my brother, isn't really thrilled with seeing me because I remind him of my mother too much. He is about 5 years older than me and I haven't seen him in like 6 years. I haven't seen my friend in like 3 years... after she showed me some bands, well. It wasn't my choice, but I am not allowed to have contact with outsiders because Derrick-",I cut myself off. Shit! I said too much. Now he will ask about Derrick. I can't tell him though, can I? He looked at me intently for a moment. "Why exactly does Derrick keep you from having contact with other people?", said a now super serious Kellin. I can't tell him. Not yet. I can muster up a lie. I was the best liar of all time back in the day. I quickly replied saying,"No, it wasn't like that. Kristy just hurt me a lot through the friendship so Derrick was just protecting me. He always does. He thinks I am more sensitive than I really am, so he is cautious with who I am around." He stares at me for a little while looking unconvinced then says,"Okay! Whatever you say. I have 2 more questions though, alright?" I nervously nod. I wonder when the guys will walk back in. Probably soon. He continued by asking,"What happened to your arms? I see lots of unsightly scars on a beautiful little lady. With some bruises too... So I am having a hard time believing that Derrick is just over protective. You can tell me anything babe, I just want to help" I knew this was coming.
I blink away tears struggling to stay strong. I take one look at Kellin's eyes and break. I curl into a ball and shake. I shake and sob. Kellin pulls me up to his lap and holds me rocking back and forth. I calm down and steady my breathing. Kellin is rubbing circles in my back just like earlier. I finally speak up and say," I have cut since after my parents died. I have never handled... pain. In a healthy way... even when I was younger I would do drastic things when things went wrong... it stopped for a couple years when I started dating Derrick. He was awesome and kind. He was attractive, and just every girl's dream. Then he changed. He started to b-beat me. Called me a worthless-less piece of shit. He took advantage of me. Made my life hell. He cut me off from everyone else. Until today I was pent up as hostage in his hell hole apartment. He only let me go to get a job and not have to live off his income. I never want to go back though! NEVER!! I DON'T NEED TO BE TREATED THIS BAD! I NEVER DID SHIT TO HIM! I GAVE ONLY LOVE AND HE RETURNED WITH HATRED. What is wrong with me? Why am I even alive? Maybe I do deserve this all... You guys should probably just reject me. Everyone turns on me after a little while." Kellin snaps and says,"No! Nobody deserves to have to go through all of that! Especially not you!! We will never leave you behind like that, girl. In fact, I am not giving you a choice but to stay with us. I am not letting you go back to him. In fact, I am going to beat his fucking ass when and if I see him! Just... just stay brave. You do not need to hurt yourself, and I need you to promise me that you will quit hurting yourself. Okay?" I only nod and crush him into a hug.
We both stay there. I was clinging on to Kellin for dear life. He was now the only stable thing in my life. I have never been so grateful for anything ever. I remember that he had one last question so I said with a cracking voice,"What was your last question?" He shifted a tad and said," Um I will need to know where you live so you can go like pack clothes and such..." I simply sighed and told him where it was. It would take about 10 minutes to reach the place that held me captive for so long. The guys returned as I was now sitting at the dinette toying with some chips that Kellin insisted I ate because I was way too thin. I conversed with them as if I never had a complete breakdown with Kellin moments before. Justin was asking similar questions to what Kellin asked, but it never got really into detail. Just all the superficial bullshit. Gabe was super astonished that I am 6 feet tall. I also got major crap for obsessing over Lord Of The Rings. We laughed and had fun for a while. They promised to have me meet a lot of the other bands once we got to opening day. I was honestly feeling really excited and well.. happy. Until I felt the bus pull to stop. Here we are. The place of torture itself. Time to face my captor. This is going to be the biggest moment in my life so far. I am leaving Derrick once and for all.
My thoughts are interrupted when Kellin speaks up again saying," So, I should learn some more about you considering we will be around each other for the next 3 months or so... I assume you know a bit about me already, so I ask first!" He had a childish grin on his face so how could I not accept? I got up and moved to the spot next to Kellin and said,"Ask away my good sir!" He cracked his neck and knuckles and quickly rambled," What is your favorite band, album, song, color, animal, and movie? How old are you anyways? What is your name? Are you from San Diego? Vans or toms? What is your family like? How did you find my band? And hunny don't you go on thinking I am done with the questions!!" I laughed as he blurted out the questions and talked like a ghetto girl at the end while snapping his fingers. I copied Kellin by cracking my knuckles and neck before replying,"My favorite band is well, yours. Favorite album is Selfish Machines by Pierce The Veil. My favorite song right now is The Fire Down Below by Slaves. My favorite color is lime green, and my favorite animal is a giraffe because it resembles me. My favorite movie is... don't you dare laugh! Is the Lord Of The Rings series... I am 24 years old and my name is Stephanie White. I am from Ohio, but have lived in San Diego since I was a teenager. And I prefer converse, but I like Vans better than Toms. My family... well my parents died in a car accident long ago and I have a brother, but I have not heard from him in a really long time. They were really caring back in the day though... Oh. And I found your band from a friend around 3 years ago. She was obsessed with you and Never Shout Never."
Kellin looked at me for a little while before pulling me into a hug. I hugged back and held every sob back. I wanted to just let go, but I can't. Not in front of him. He pulled away and said,"Nobody should have to deal with losing both of their parents like that. I am so sorry. But hey, maybe we can contact your brother and talk to your friend sometime and invite them to one of the dates around here?" I give a weak laugh while controlling my emotions. "That would be great, but Dave, my brother, isn't really thrilled with seeing me because I remind him of my mother too much. He is about 5 years older than me and I haven't seen him in like 6 years. I haven't seen my friend in like 3 years... after she showed me some bands, well. It wasn't my choice, but I am not allowed to have contact with outsiders because Derrick-",I cut myself off. Shit! I said too much. Now he will ask about Derrick. I can't tell him though, can I? He looked at me intently for a moment. "Why exactly does Derrick keep you from having contact with other people?", said a now super serious Kellin. I can't tell him. Not yet. I can muster up a lie. I was the best liar of all time back in the day. I quickly replied saying,"No, it wasn't like that. Kristy just hurt me a lot through the friendship so Derrick was just protecting me. He always does. He thinks I am more sensitive than I really am, so he is cautious with who I am around." He stares at me for a little while looking unconvinced then says,"Okay! Whatever you say. I have 2 more questions though, alright?" I nervously nod. I wonder when the guys will walk back in. Probably soon. He continued by asking,"What happened to your arms? I see lots of unsightly scars on a beautiful little lady. With some bruises too... So I am having a hard time believing that Derrick is just over protective. You can tell me anything babe, I just want to help" I knew this was coming.
I blink away tears struggling to stay strong. I take one look at Kellin's eyes and break. I curl into a ball and shake. I shake and sob. Kellin pulls me up to his lap and holds me rocking back and forth. I calm down and steady my breathing. Kellin is rubbing circles in my back just like earlier. I finally speak up and say," I have cut since after my parents died. I have never handled... pain. In a healthy way... even when I was younger I would do drastic things when things went wrong... it stopped for a couple years when I started dating Derrick. He was awesome and kind. He was attractive, and just every girl's dream. Then he changed. He started to b-beat me. Called me a worthless-less piece of shit. He took advantage of me. Made my life hell. He cut me off from everyone else. Until today I was pent up as hostage in his hell hole apartment. He only let me go to get a job and not have to live off his income. I never want to go back though! NEVER!! I DON'T NEED TO BE TREATED THIS BAD! I NEVER DID SHIT TO HIM! I GAVE ONLY LOVE AND HE RETURNED WITH HATRED. What is wrong with me? Why am I even alive? Maybe I do deserve this all... You guys should probably just reject me. Everyone turns on me after a little while." Kellin snaps and says,"No! Nobody deserves to have to go through all of that! Especially not you!! We will never leave you behind like that, girl. In fact, I am not giving you a choice but to stay with us. I am not letting you go back to him. In fact, I am going to beat his fucking ass when and if I see him! Just... just stay brave. You do not need to hurt yourself, and I need you to promise me that you will quit hurting yourself. Okay?" I only nod and crush him into a hug.
We both stay there. I was clinging on to Kellin for dear life. He was now the only stable thing in my life. I have never been so grateful for anything ever. I remember that he had one last question so I said with a cracking voice,"What was your last question?" He shifted a tad and said," Um I will need to know where you live so you can go like pack clothes and such..." I simply sighed and told him where it was. It would take about 10 minutes to reach the place that held me captive for so long. The guys returned as I was now sitting at the dinette toying with some chips that Kellin insisted I ate because I was way too thin. I conversed with them as if I never had a complete breakdown with Kellin moments before. Justin was asking similar questions to what Kellin asked, but it never got really into detail. Just all the superficial bullshit. Gabe was super astonished that I am 6 feet tall. I also got major crap for obsessing over Lord Of The Rings. We laughed and had fun for a while. They promised to have me meet a lot of the other bands once we got to opening day. I was honestly feeling really excited and well.. happy. Until I felt the bus pull to stop. Here we are. The place of torture itself. Time to face my captor. This is going to be the biggest moment in my life so far. I am leaving Derrick once and for all.