The Impossible Children

Kurt really wanted to just stop thinking for a while, but his mind kept coming up with more reasons his life as he knew it was over. In addition, it kept reminding him of his earlier discussion with Rachel and Santana. Particularly, Rachel's words, "Surely, you don't want to do this alone," tore him apart inside.

He could think of no way to comfort or even distract himself from all of this. How could he? It was already threatening his whole life from within him.

Thinking about "it" made him feel sick and uncomfortable in a way he was not sure he could accurately describe. There was something invading his body, and he was powerless to stop it. And he kept thinking about how it was going to effect his body. He stared at his stomach in horror, unable to avoid trying to imagine how much worse this was going to get.

Then, there was the inevitable outcome of all this, assuming that he and "it" managed to survive. "It" would not be such an intangible nightmare anymore. He would have a child, or something probably resembling one. He would keep it, wouldn't he? He would probably have to. The thought terrified him further. He didn't want a child, especially not this child (if it could even be called that.)

Maybe some tea would calm his nerves enough, so he could get some rest. He sighed and tried not to think of Adam. Instead, he was reminded of Rachel's well-intended, but gutting words.

"Kurt?" Rachel's voice issued sheepishly behind him as he began preparing the water for the tea.

"Yeah?" His voice was more hoarse than either of them expected. He cleared his throat and busied himself getting the herbal tea he was looking for. He paused, his eyes lingering too long on a box of Earl Grey that practically stabbed him through the heart.

"Are you, um—?" Rachel began.

"No, I'm not really," Kurt replied, cutting her off, "Um, okay, I mean."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Rachel asked.

"I'm not sure honestly," Kurt said. He stared at the water as though he could somehow sink into it and disappear...or at least will it to boil faster. "I wouldn't even know where to begin."

"Oh," Rachel said.

"Do you want some tea?" Kurt asked her.

"I—yes, tea sounds pretty good actually," Rachel replied, "Are we out of green tea?"

"No, it's right here." Kurt retrieved the box quickly. He did not dare catch sight of Adam's favorite again. After a long pause, he confessed, "I'm really scared, Rachel."

She looked him in the eye with both intent and concern. She seemed expectant, so he continued, "I mean, I'm- I'm really terrified."

When he paused again, she responded, "I know you are, Kurt." She seemed to want to say more, but surprisingly she held her tongue.

"And-and it's not just because I might die, although there is that, of course," Kurt continued, "It's what's going to happen to me during the course of all this." Subconsciously, he looked down at his torso once again. "And, if I do survive, and-and 'it' survives then what? Then, I have a kid? I'm not ready to be a parent, Rachel, especially not like this."

"Oh, Kurt," she responded, approaching him more closely. She swiftly but gently closed the gap between them, standing nearly tip-toed to wrap her arms around his shoulders.

He returned her hug gratefully. He was surprised at how comforting such a small gesture was. He was almost reluctant to break the embrace so he could finish making their tea. He was about to thank her when she spoke again.

Something seemed to be dawning on Rachel. "We've got options," she said in a stronger, more confident voice.

"Huh?" Kurt was confused by this outburst.

"It doesn't have to be this way. We've got options," she continued.

This explained nothing. "Um, 'we'?" Kurt asked, "What exactly are we talking about here? Who's 'we'?"

"Oh, um," Rachel stammered. She paused. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you. I, um, I might be pregnant."

"Don't even— wait, you're serious," Kurt responded. Rachel nodded. "What?"

"I'm late," she replied, "I think it's still too soon for a test, but..."

"Wait," Kurt said, something occurring to him, "Would it be Brody's?" He suspected he already knew the answer.

"Kurt, you can't tell anyone, but—"

"Oh my God," Kurt exclaimed.

"It's Finn," Rachel continued.

They had both recently made the mistake of hooking up with their respective exes. The consequences for Kurt were Blaine being more annoying than ever before, but the consequences for Rachel now seemed more serious.

He took one of her small hands in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Does Finn know?" When she shook her head "no", he asked, "Are you gonna tell him?"

"I- I don't know." Tears welled in her big, brown eyes. "I mean, if I am, I-I know I probably should, but I don't even know how I'm gonna tell Brody yet."

And again, he remembered her words from before, but they now took on a new meaning. Rachel was scared. Rachel didn't want to do this alone, and here she faced that very possibility depending on several factors and decisions.

"So, these 'options'?" He tried to keep them both off the subject of relationships for the moment.

"You don't have to keep it. There's always adoption," she answered, clearly weighing her own options at the same time.

"That might work for you, assuming you even are pregnant." He found the word even made him uncomfortable when describing Rachel now. "But what am I supposed to do? Try to explain that I'm carrying some kind of mutant baby thing, and I need to adopt it out? I'm sure that will go well. I'll just try to explain to them that I'm the frickin' birth mother to this thing that is probably not a normal baby and see how well that works out." He was ranting at Rachel when she was only trying to help (even if she seemed just as concerned with helping herself) and was already emotionally vulnerable. He sighed. "Damn it. I'm sorry, Rachel. I know you were just trying to help, but I just don't know if there's anything any of us can do at this point. Hence, I'm freaking out."

"I understand," Rachel said. She sniffed and wiped her eyes. He handed her the cup of green tea. "Thanks," she said and began blowing on the steaming liquid.

Suddenly overcome with the very emotions he was trying to avoid, Kurt set his cup down abruptly. He had thought he was all of of tears, but apparently he had been mistaken. He turned away from Rachel.

"Kurt?" she asked.

Talking actually seemed to help, if only a little, so he dared to confess something else, "You were right earlier."

"About what?" she asked.

"I don't wanna do this alone, Rachel, I'm so scared, and- and it hurts so bad." He felt her place a hand on his shoulder, gently trying to urge him to face her once again.

"I know, Kurt," she said. Her hand on his shoulder began a petting motion that he supposed was as much for her comfort as it was for his. "I know. I don't either, and I'm scared, too." There was a pause; both of them were so fragile and uncertain. "But-but we'll get through this somehow, okay? We've-we've got each other." Rachel was clearly making a feeble, yet earnest effort to reassure both herself and Kurt.

It only helped Kurt very slightly, but that was better than nothing and he recognized how important this was for Rachel, so he agreed. "Yeah, yeah, we do. Thanks, Rachel."