Disenchanted

I was old enough now to show a decent amount of maturity. I was 29 to be exact. One year younger than him, his birthday was February 17th 1972.  

But I couldn't stop myself from getting excited and over hopeful around four. When the door opened and in came a man, he was tall with dark hair. Though I hadn't seen him in two years, I still knew him well and could easily recognize him. 

My mind began racing without my permission. Should j approach him? Ask him about... Him? Does he know where he went and how he is? I still sat at my table, feet propped up drinking a beer. Which tasted nasty to me, I'd always had a dislike towards any kind of alcohol.

I finally stood up, though he had his back turned to me, I was wary as I walked towards him.

“Tim?” I whispered. My voice sounded weak and hoarse. 

He turned around, taking a double look until he recognized me. 

He was very quiet, and from the darkness that overshadowed his eyes, I could tell that he could remember our last conversation with vivid clarity.

•••

“I have to leave. Tonight. You must not tell him where I am if he asks. Tell him I am fine if he does,”

I flitted around my little room of the same house I lived in now. Tim sat on the corner of my bed watching me pack with tired eyes. He knew I needed to get away, but he didn't think collage was the best option for me. But I wasn't being open minded to new offers, my mind was set and I'd get to look forward to two years of school in Denver without any reminders of Him. I could live with that, excitement overtaking me and drowning out the calm, persuading words of Tim. 

he sighed and ruffled his hair, looking up at me again. Actually presentable and healthy looking. My skin had some color to it instead of the pale translucent glow it had had. The dark circles around my eyes had faded, but I knew I'd have them back in a few months anyways. I wasn't giving anything up by going away.

“So what to you want me to tell him when he asks, or if he asks?” he said, his voice low, he didn't want to be apart of it but it seemed that I had dragged him in.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, turning my back on Tim again and pretending to fiddle with a blouse resting limp in my suitcase. He seriously didn't need to see how much leaving was effecting me all emotionally, physically and mentally. 

I nodded slowly, encouraging myself, turning slowly to face him with red rimmed eyes. 

“Tell him... Tell him, that I... I'm ok.”

He rose his eyebrows “That's it?”

I closed my suitcase and quickly pulled the zipper around. Smearing the traces of tears off my cheeks. 

“Yes Tim, that is all. Now be safe while I'm gone... Take care of yourself. Kay?...”

“Okay.” he said, his straight faced emotion non-wavering. 

I nodded, sniffles and crossed the room, he stood up to hug me and I wrapped my frail arms around his waist since he was so much taller than me. I pressed my cheek into his chest and let a few more tears slip away. But for a different reason, I was leaving Tim behind for two years though he had done nothing wrong. 

•••

I looked back into his eyes, as desk as that night. Just a fuzzy memory in my head now from two years ago. The time had flown and I'd made every effort to stay occupied during that time. Extra studying, reading and watching movies. Never listening to music though, even though I'm sure it would help me straighten out my emotions immensely. I couldn't. Because listening to music was what He did.

“You're all grown up.” he stated proudly in a whisper.

I snorted and rolled my eyes “I was all grown up when I left, genius.”

He smiled, lightly so. I could tell some news was on the horizon. Preparing to break down my carefully formed walls inside my head.

“I know but... You are like a baby sister to me. I worried about you every day. And you rarely called, how does someone cope with that?” he demanded in a low voice so no one else around us could detect the discomfort.

“I'm sorry...” I mumbled pathetically “I literally drowned myself I studying so I could forget.” 

He smirked and ruffled my hair a little bit. I could sense that the worst was over for now. But surely more questioning would come up later. But I'd be ready for it when that time came.

“Okay, so how 'bout we grab some beers—”

I growled.

He chuckled and amended “And some cokes, and just chill and talk. Y'know, catch up. I'll bet you have a ton of campus stories and gossip.” he stated, winking like a chick in my direction. I rolled my eyes and playfully shoved him towards the counter. 

***

“So yeahp, Lint found a way to set this kid's pants on fire.” he stated cooly and taking a drink of his beer. But I was very lost in thought.

“I can't believe John would just quit the band like that... He was like a third founder to their little sacred circle... Must have been really hard on... Him.” I took a drink of Coke and looked away indifferently. I really didn't want to broach more subjects in my uncomfortable daze for the one that left me behind. I struggled to keep the subjects changing constantly before any of them could become too deep. 

I missed Tim more than I thought. And I started feeling guilty for avoiding thoughts of him as well. Mostly because my good memories with Tim, always included Him. And as time waned on, it started annoying me.