The Incorrect Definition of Love

I thought everything would be fine. I ignored the fact that Matty threw himself at me with anger that day. And to top it off Mike came to me acting like nothing happened. And even worse, I let him come to me and we had sex one more time. I'm not even sure if he cares about me, or if he's using me.

I received an awkward text from Danielle followed by calls. I was told that there would a family meeting; I'm not sure what it would be for. It could be for my drug problem and for once I would actually love the help. But I wasn't told what it would be for so I was left with suspicion. I put away my phone and got off the couch. I walked around looking for Mike. He was, like always, nowhere to be found.

I then found Jaime walking around in boxer briefs. I stayed and admired until he noticed and I asked for Mike. He embarrassedly answered that he went out and was going to be back soon. I nodded and left him. I'm not sure if these guys were stupid or they just didn't care for Mike's addiction problems. No these guys are to kind to not care. It must be Mike who's brushing them off. Maybe we should all talk to him, and together we could try and work everything out and maybe...

Maybe one day we could be happy together again.

I sat down and to my surprise I knocked out once again. I don't tend to get sleep on the tour and when I'm with Mike it's either I can't sleep because of the drug or because of sex. Speaking about the drug, lately I've been getting really anxious and really weird. I've been clean for five days and... It's getting to me!

----

When I woke up I looked at the time. It was already five; the dinner was going to be at seven. I need to rush, and while I'm at it, I might even get distracted from these weird tics I'm getting. When I don't get my drug, I can be weird. I pulled some clothes out of my luggage, I never liked unpacking and to be sincere I preferred it in my bag. People on tour and even at home can be a bit nosy.

I pulled out a pair of skinny jeans, a tank top, and a large sweater. I've noticed there were to many bruises on my skin, plus I was already hiding enough bruises on my face with makeup. I've managed to master the use of makeup and like earlier Jaime didn't even notice anything. But when Mike hits my eye that's something that I can't hide. Everyone always seems to show their worry, but my anger always pushes them away.

I showered, dresses, and put on my makeup. By the time I was done I started looking around for Mike again. This time, I did find him. He was passed out in Vic's arms. Vic was caring him inside and placed him on the couch. I ran over to him and asked what had happened.

"Mike got, um... He's just passed out," no one liked to admit when Mike was fucked up on drugs.
"Well, I'm going to leave him here. Anything you need call me," Vic said a bit worried as he looked at his younger brother. Mike looked peaceful while he was asleep; it was the reason to his sleep that caused us to worry.
"Actually Vic, I need a ride to my sister's dinner thingy, um..I don't know what it's for but yah. Could you give me a lift and just leave me there," I said in the kindest way possible.
"Sure but who's going to bring you back?" He asked. I didn't think about that. "I don't know, I'll figure it out."

"No no no no no, I won't allow it. How about I accompany you to this FANCY dinner and we can just make the best of it. Plus... I'll hold you back if anything goes down," he refrained from that last part but ended up saying it.

He got FANCY, and when he was done we got into his car. As we drove he put on music, and we talked a bit. He was very calming and I liked that.
"Vic, I should tell you something," I said a bit worried.
"Yah," he answered.
"I've been clean for a couple days now and... And, I've been..." I couldn't explain.
"Okay calm down, I'm not sure how to deal with recovering addicts, but I'm pretty sure you're gonna need all the help you can. Jaime, Tony, umm... maybe your family, and definitely me!" He said this and grabbed my hand.
"Thank you so much," I said quietly.

-----

Here I stand with Vic. We are all alone on a couch while everyone in the room is happy and talking. Something is up but Vic and I have no idea.
"So when does this dinner start?" he asked.
"I have no clue," but I'm fucking bored.
"Oh gosh, fuck yes! I'm just hungry!" He whisper-yelled. I giggled and in the end we just sat there with all these cheerful freaks that call themselves my 'family'

I then heard Danielle, I looked up and saw hand in hand with Matty. They were smiling and out of the no where everyone in the room yelled, 'Congratulations!'
"What are we celebrating?" Vic asked.
"I have no fucking idea," I answered. We looked and just saw everyone happily dancing around the couple.

We decided to head on over and see what was up. As they saw us walk up to them, their smiles slowly faded. I waved, and Danielle greeted me.

"Hey Hilda," she said with a light smile.
"So... what's this whole dinner for?" I asked awkwardly.
"If you would have answered earlier you would have known," Matty answered in a sort of mean voice. He mumbled something after but I ignored. What was the point in getting mad?
"So, this was a family dinner to talk about-" I cut her off.
"I've been a couple days clean so you don't have to worry about my drug problems, so the family should just leave," I said bluntly.
"This isn't about you," Matty said harshly. Danielle pushed Matty.
"That's great Hilda," She took a step forward as if she wanted to hug me. I wasn't going to hug her but then I felt a push.

Vic pushed me so I could hug my sister! In Danielle's embrace I could feel her care, why didn't I realize sooner?!
"I'm glad Hilda, that you finally stopped. Matty and I will be here to support you. I know you have Vic's support. And I'm sure Mike..." I sighed and then I began... to fucking cry! OKAY YOU'VE GOT THIS HILDA?!

"You know, I think you should leave a bad guy like that," Matty mumbled but it was still audible.
"See that's the thing Matty, Hilda actually cares for Mike," Vic answered.

"Fuck that shit, so... Danielle, what are we celebrating?" I yelled. She smiled and answered, " Matty and I... are going to be parents!" She's still a bit girly, but I can handle.

So, we ate dinner and messed around. WE DIDN'T FIGHT! I felt safe, I felt right.

It was on the way back that I felt horrible. Like I was going to throw up my food just at the thought of seeing Mike passed out.

____

"Okay Vic, I'll see you later!" I yelled.
"Okay, goodnight!" He yelled back as he drove off. I entered to a room where I could instantly smell drugs. And before I could realize and focus on my surroundings, I felt a big hit on my face.

Mike hit me, once again. I looked up to see Mike above; he then grabbed me from my hair.
"Did ya think you could leave me just to go and be a slut with my own brother!?" He screamed in my face. I felt tears rushing down my cheek and I felt bad. I pushed him off and I couldn't hold it in...
I threw up on the floor.
"Ugh, you're fucking gross Hilda! Fucking clean that up!" He yelled and pushed me on to the ground. I fell on the juices my stomach had just thrown out. This was dehumanizing!

After I cleaned up, I headed to the bathroom and couldn't hold in another load of vomit. I threw up everything from that day. I sat on the floor. I took out my phone. I pushed a couple button and reached what I was looking for.

The phone rang....
"Hello," Danielle answered.
"Yah, Danielle it's me..." I said softly.
"Oh my gosh Hilda," She said with a bit of cheer.
"Danielle, I think I want to divorce Mike," I said it and could hear a big bang on the door.

"Hilda! Who the fuck are you talking to?" Mike yelled as he entered the bathroom.

WHO KNEW... IF I WAS GOING TO BE DRAGGED TO MY DEATH AT THAT MOMENT...