Just Run

The summer I turned seventeen would come to set the tone for the rest of my life. For a long time, those days would define me. I knew he was bad news. I’d heard of him, heard of his troubled past and his misdeeds. But I didn’t care. It didn’t matter, because we were in love.

That was the summer that I met Mike Fuentes.

My parents ran a foster home out of our house. It was a huge colonial situated on a comfy hillside in southern California. I was born there; it was the only home I knew. I didn’t have to share my room or anything, which I’d been grateful for, but I lived in the east wing with the rest of the girls. The girl who lived in the room next to mine was a tall, tough looking girl with a pretty face named Ricky. She was my best friend, but she ran with a real rough crowd. She did a lot of drugs. Drank a lot, too. She stole and had sex and broke the rules. She was the girl that everyone envied.

I looked up to her, and because of that, I struggled a lot in my teen years to keep up with her and her crazy lifestyle. Looking back on it now, I owed a lot of my current problems to that girl. But I could never bring myself to leave her. Even now, years later, I still love her like my own flesh and blood.

I think that I was the only person in her entire life that she let see into herself, her true self, the one she kept hidden behind the mask of eyeliner and cigarette smoke. She came from a broken home. Her momma had died in child birth and her daddy was an alcoholic. He used to beat her, and rape her, before social services came and took her away. She would never admit it, but Ricky was broken, too. She never healed. She tried to find her peace in drugs and money, but it never filled the whole she had in her heart.

More than anything though, I think Ricky just wanted to be free.
This story isn’t about her, though. This story is about me and Mike, and how we slowly spun out of control.

My birthday was a huge deal. “You only turn seventeen once.” My dad had fondly remarked with a kind smile. So, we through a huge party, and all my friends, and all the foster kids were invited. Though, most of my friends were the foster kids.

One of the few friends that I had from school that came to my party was Matt. I’d known him since kindergarten, and he was like family. In elementary I got picked on a lot, and Matt was always there to stick up for me. He took on the role of my big brother, and though sometimes his over protectiveness got to be a little annoying, I was grateful for it. Everyone needs someone to look out for them, and for me, that was always Matt. He was the best man I ever knew. He was kind, loyal, and overbearingly honest. His only fault was that he was deeply in love with Ricky. So much so that’d he do anything for her. Everything she wanted became everything he wanted. He didn’t have to say it. I could see it in his eyes. The way he watched her was that of a lover, and I could only feel pity for him. Ricky couldn’t love anyone. She didn’t have the capacity.

On the night of the great celebration, I let Ricky do my hair and makeup. My parents went out for the night, leaving my party completely unsupervised. In retrospect, it probably wasn’t the best idea, but that’s just the kind of people that my parents were. They trusted me. That was a mistake.



June 3rd, 1998

Ricky’s black nail polished fingers worked their magic on my wavy, pale blond hair, teasing it out wildly into crazy, curly mass. Nirvana played softly in the back ground, I sang a long quietly under my breath.

Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet
Cut myself on angel's hair and baby's breath
Broken hymen of your highness I'm left black
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back

“All done!” Ricky’s blue-grey eyes sparkled with satisfaction as she looked me over. She spun me around, and I met my reflection. The girl in the mirror was not the one that I knew. Her dark brows arched elegantly over her heavily made up green eyes, her lips wore a pale shade of pink. I touched my skin where my freckles would normally be, but there was no trace of them. There was only the smooth porcelain of that girls’ skin. I looked like a badass. Like I didn’t give a damn about anyone, not even myself. I looked like Ricky.

“Whatcha think?” Ricky’s lips, painted a dark burgundy, stretched in a sideways smile. I met her eyes in the mirror, a genuine smile lit up my face.

“You made me look beautiful.” I felt like crying. I’d never been this pretty in my whole life.

“Nah kid, I just gave ya a polish, you brought the beautiful all on your own.” Sometimes Ricky could be sweet. But those moments were sparse and fleeting.

She pulled me up from the vanity chair and led me over to the bed, where my outfit was laid out. Ricky and I had scoured the mall last week for the perfect party outfits and all our hard work had truly paid off.

The dress stopped a little above my knees. It was made of a clingy black material that hugged and defined my curves perfectly. I paired it with a few necklaces, a slew of bracelets, and pair of simple black pumps.

Ricky’s mouth dropped wide open as she gave me a final look over. “Damn Allison! If you don’t lose your virginity tonight it’ll be a miracle.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Ricky had a thing for exaggeration.

I turned to the full body mirror and gasped. This girl in the tight black dress with the wild curls was definitely not Allison Lucille Waters. This girl could be anything or anyone.

“You know what?” Ricky said suddenly, her eyes looked thoughtful. “You need a new name. Something to go with your new look.” It was almost like she’d read my mind. We were so close back in those days that she often spoke for the both of us, seeing as how I was not particularly inclined towards people most days.

I smiled. “Yeah, something… short. Sweet, but edgy.” We both thought hard for a moment, but it was Ricky who thought up my new Identity.

“I’ve got it!” She exclaimed. “Lux! It’s short for Lucille, I think.”
“Lux.” I rolled it over in my mouth, tasting it. I looked to the girl in the mirror and adopted a cocky smirk. “Lux.” I said it again. It fit her. “I love it.”

And so, Lux Waters was born, and with her birth, Allison Lucille Waters died an early and tragic death.

“Come on Lux,” she put special emphasis on my new name, “The party started half an hour ago.”

My heart was pounding as she led my down the stairs. I was nervous, but excited, for everyone to see the new me. I vowed to no longer be the shy, quiet Allison that everyone knew. Now, I was Lux, and I was a total badass bombshell who didn’t take shit from anyone.

Music thundered through and shook the foundations of my childhood home. Voices were swallowed up amongst the ruckus. As we descended down the staircase, my hand held tight to the smooth mahogany banister and my heart threatened to beat straight out of my chest.

Ricky paused and looked back at me with her trademark smile that never seemed to reach her eyes. “Remember kid, sometimes you just gotta take a deep breath and say fuck it.”

Those were the words that stuck with me my whole life.

As we neared the final step, I did exactly what she said. I took a long, deep breath in, and whispered “Fuck it.”



I strutted along next to Ricky; the clicking of my heels on the wooden floor was completely lost in the swell of music. Heads turned, jaws dropped when we swaggered by. In that moment, I knew what it was like to be her. To be envied and wanted. I was drunk on the confidence that I now suddenly had.

My eyes scanned the living room for Matt. The couches were filled up with people, some familiar, some not. None of them were Matt. I broke apart from Ricky to look for him. I red cup was clutched in my hand, and its contents were a mystery to me. I sipped it experimentally, and fought the urge to spit it out immediately. The bitterness made me want to gag, but I forced myself to swallow and keep my composure.

As I wondered from room to room in search of my good friend I began to curse the enormity of my house. Like goddamn. Feels like I’ve walked a mile and my feet were beginning to hurt from the heels.

I walked down a long hallway, poking my head into each room that I passed. No sign of Matt in any of them. Fuck.

Just as I stuck my head into a doorway I was roughly shoved and my drink tumbled from my grasp. Before I could fall and join my cup on the hardwood, a strong pair of arms caught me.

As I was held against the strangers’ chest I froze, unsure of what to do. “Oh shit, I’m so sorry are you okay?” he had to shout to be heard over the loud music. I looked up into his deep brown eyes and all at once it felt as if I was falling over the galaxy’s edge into a dark and beautiful oblivion. Just like that, all at once, I was lost and never again after that moment was I the same.

“Yeah,” I was surprised that I didn’t stumble over my words like a usually would in the presence of a guy. “That drink was gross anyway.”

He chuckled and I realized just how close we were. My hands were against his chest and his arms were wrapped around my waist. His cologne smelled heavenly. Blushing, I moved away from him.

“I’m Mike,” He said with a smirk.

“Nice to meet you Mike, I’m Lux.”

“Pretty.”

“Me? Or my name?” I said flirtatiously, the corners of my mouth rising.

“Both. “ He chuckled. For a long moment, we stopped talking and just stared at each other.
He was tall. Much taller that my tiny 5’6” frame. Most of his visible skin was almost completely covered in tattoos, which was something that I found undeniably attractive. His hair was dark and straight, mostly hidden by the black beanie on his head but it looked like the sides were shaved. His eyes were a warm brown and they shone with mischief. In other words, he was the most perfect human being that I had ever seen.
I looked away shyly, blushing.

“I was about to go out back and smoke this joint, wanna come with?” He grinned, pulling a white cigarette looking thing from his jacket pocket. I’d never smoked before, but I didn’t want to seem uncool, so I smiled broadly and nodded.

“Sure.”

So I let him lead me outside into the brisk night air, heart pounding. When He stopped, I took his hand again and led him further into my massive backyard. There, hidden amongst the tall trees, was one of those swinging bench things.

“Nice,” He said, seemingly impressed. “Do you live here or something?”

He sat close next to me. So close in fact, our thighs were touching and I could smell the heady scent of his cologne. I chuckled. “Yeah… this is my birthday party.” He’s lighting up the joint, but I can see his eyes widen in surprise.

“Oh shit,” He coughs as he exhales a cloud of smoke. It smells funny, nothing like a cigarette does. “So you’re Ricky’s friend then.”

“That would be me.” I smirk. He passes me the joint but I’m not quite sure what to do with it so I just hold it unsteadily in my awkward fingers.

“She never said anything about you being so pretty.” His soft words cause the pleasant feeling of butterflies to erupt within my abdomen.

“Shut up and tell me how to smoke this thing,”

He chuckles, scooting even closer and throwing his arm across my delicate shoulders. “First time?” He asked. I replied with a nod and a sheepish look. “Aw,” he cooed, “I get to take your virginity.”

I rolled my eyes, giggling stupidly. Damn, he was charming. “Okay, put it to your lips like a cigarette.” I did as he said. I had had some experience with cigarettes before. Seeing as how Ricky was basically a chain smoker it was impossible for me not to have smoked at least one by now.

“Now, when I put the lighter to the end of it suck really hard.” He commanded and I obeyed. Smoke filled my mouth and I sucked it deep into my lungs until I thought I was going to explode. Finally, I pulled it from my lips and handed back to mike.

My chest and throat hurt like hell but I held it in until he told me that I could breathe again.

It didn’t take much for me to get high, I soon found out.

Barely twenty minutes had passed and I was smoking like a pro. Mike had a seemingly endless supply of joints hidden within his coat pocket, and he kept them coming.

After a while I didn’t really feel like smoking anymore, so I just kind of sat there with a dopey expression on my face. I’d never gotten high before this, but man, I wished that I had. This was fucking awesome. It felt like my brain was running on two different frequencies. On one, everything was slowed down, and on the other, it was all sped up. I felt amazing.

“Hey,” Mike said suddenly, grabbing my chin gently. “I wanna try something.”

I didn’t really understand what was happening in that moment and I didn’t care. All I knew was that I had this gorgeous creature sitting beside me and that I was high as a kite. He took a long drag off his joint, and cupped my jaw firmly is his large hand. He pressed his lips to mine and blew smoke into my mouth. Slowly, he moved his full lips against mine and I greedily sucked the cloud down into my lungs and kissed him back.

He pulled back and I puffed out the smoke. In my dazed and foggy mind it didn’t really seem like a big deal. We kissed, so what? But when I was sober again I would probably have a mini heart attack.

“We should probably go inside.” He said, sometime later. I didn’t argue. I knew that Ricky would probably be looking for me by now, anyway. How long had I been out here? An hour? A week? A year? Who knew? Under the thick leafy branches of the oak trees time seemed to pass differently.

Our feet crunched softly on the grass as we made our way back inside.

The noise is what startled me the most, I think. Outside it had been so quiet, almost like another world. But damn, it was loud as hell in here.

“I’ll find you later.” He shouted to be heard above the pounding music. He said it like a promise. He gave me a crooked smile and disappeared into the swarm of people.

With one last wistful look in his direction I stumbled off in search of a familiar face. As luck would have it, I found Matt sitting on a couch, looking at Ricky from across the room with those sad, puppy dog eyes of his.

I plopped down next to him, he seemed startled. “Hey there friend.” I yawned, fighting the urge to rub at my eyes.

“Holy shit Allison is that you?” I’d almost forgotten how different I looked with my hair and makeup done like this.

“Yeah, but don’t call me that. It’s Lux now.”

He rolled his eyes and took a drag off his cigarette. “Yeah okay whatever Lux.”

“Shut up.”

I would have said something else but at that exact moment, Mike entered the smoky room and made his way over to Ricky.

My heart fell into my stomach as he placed his hand onto her lower back and led her from the room.