Ache With Me

“Are you all right? You keep wincing and touching your stomach.” Max asked, looking at me over the rim of his coffee cup.

“I think I must have indigestion or something, my tummy kind of hurts.” I shrugged, stirring a dollop of honey into my tea. “Pregnancy fucking sucks.”

“Any day now, love.” It was February 17th, the day after my due date, and we were now anxiously waiting for me to give birth. Avery had bitten her nails down to the quick the last time I saw her, she was so nervous about the baby coming.

“Can’t be a day too soon. “ I was absolutely terrified to give birth but I was so ready to not be pregnant anymore. My life had been in a serious state of upheaval for the last nine months and I was ready for it to all be back to normal.

“I’m rather excited to see the little bugger and he’s not even mine.”

“I’m torn between excitement and dread.”

“We already know you’re going to be given an epidural, that’ll take the edge off.”

“I know, it’s just…they told me when the egg was first implanted that I would have a difficult birth because of how narrow my hips are. I just don’t want to have to have a C-section.”

“If that’ll get you through it, then you’ll have to consider it.” He reached over and squeezed my hand. “It’ll be fine.”

“God I’m glad you’re going to be in the delivery room with me.”

“Why?”

“Because oddly enough I believe you when you say it’s all gonna be okay.”

“Then I’m glad I can be with you.” We finished our breakfast in comfortable silence. In the last month we’d been able to repair our relationship. I was so glad to have him back in my life. I loved him more than anything and being without him had been nearly unbearable. Ignoring his protests, I got up to take my cup and plate to the sink. As I was rinsing the tea out of the cup, I felt something pop and then a gush of warm liquid from between my legs.

My first thought was that I’d finally lost complete control of my bladder, until I realized it wasn’t urine on the floor.

“Max!” I hollered, finally figuring out what the ache had been. “Max get in here!”

“What’s the matter?” I heard the quick slap of his bare feet against the floor and then he was rounding the counter into the kitchen. His eyes immediately zeroed in on the puddle on the ground. “Did your water just break?”

“I think it did.” I carefully picked my way out of the puddle, tossing a dish rag onto it to soak up the mess. “I need to call Avery.”

“Then we go to the hospital?” He hadn’t gone to the pregnancy and birthing classes with me and Avery, thank God. They probably would have started a fistfight in the middle of the class.

“No, I pretty much have to wait around until the contractions get closer together.” I found my cell phone and dialed Avery’s number.

“Hey Lil, what’s up?” She asked when she finally picked up.

“My water just broke.” I managed to keep the note of terror out of my voice. I heard her let out a whoop and sounds like she was running.

“James, Lily’s water just broke!” She crowed.

“Oh my God!” I heard him say.

“Call us when your contractions get closer together, we’ll tell Mom and Dad.” Avery said. “My God, Lily, thank you for doing this for us.”

“Thank me when the little one is in your arms.” I was glad that she didn’t want to come over immediately. Having three people sitting in the loft staring at me would not make me comfortable. We hung up and I curled up on the couch. Max sat next to me, watching me like I was a ticking time bomb. “Max cut it out, you’re freaking me out.”

“I’m sorry, I just-” He tugged at his hair with one hand. “You’re gonna give birth today.”

“Yes I am and I need you to stay calm so I can stay calm. Can you do that for me?”

“Of course.” He wrapped one arm around me, pulling me in closer to him. “How long does this part last?”

“Could be hours.” That was another thing that scared me, being in labor for something crazy like 36 hours. At that point, I think I would take the C-section. We ended up watching a movie and taking a short jaunt around the block before I noticed the contractions were getting a lot closer together. Max had the presence of mind to time it and we realized they were about seven minutes apart.

My hospital bag had been packed for the last week, thankfully, so all we had to do was make sure the cats had food and water, grab the bag, and head out. I called Avery on the way to the hospital and they met us there. When they checked me into the maternity ward, I immediately snagged a nurse and told her I wanted the epidural. Avery made a face, but didn’t say anything. I knew she wanted the baby to come out naturally but since I was the one pumping an eight pound watermelon out of a garden hose, I was getting the drugs.

Max held my hand tightly while they did it, and the pressure of the needle made my eyes cross. At least it would help with the pain a little.

For the next four hours, I chewed on pieces of ice and swore at Max. He was a good sport and didn’t argue with me when I yelled at him. It wasn’t his fault I was in this position but he still let me curse him like he was. Avery and James popped in and out to check on me and get sworn at. I was just so scared I couldn’t hold it back. The epidural had made it so I couldn’t feel the contractions, but the terror of pushing and actually giving birth was making me crazy.

At one point I tried to start pushing and a nurse had to talk me down and teach me a breathing technique to help me fight the urge to push.

In the fifth hour, the doctor came in, poked his head under the tarp covering my lower half, and cheerily announced, “It’s time to push!” I could have kicked him in the face.

Max’s knuckles turned white under my grip but he didn’t complain at all, just kept up a soothing stream of nonsense in my ear. I was more focused on the incredible pressure taking place down below. I was just about to give up and tell them I wasn’t going to give birth when they told me they could see the head. That gave me the strength to pull myself up and push harder. I must have started screaming as the baby began to crown because the doctor’s instructions seemed to get much louder.

“One more push Ms. Ashworth and then you’ll be done!” The nurse said, giving me an encouraging pat on the shoulder. It took everything I had to focus on pushing and not backhanding her.

With a final scream and a push, I brought Avery and James’s baby into the world. I fell back against the bed, utterly exhausted, while they bustled around, cutting the cord and cleaning the baby up.

“You did magnificently Lily.” Max kissed my cheek gently, his eyes shining in the fluorescent lights. “I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah I’d like to see you squeeze something that size out of you.”

“Get me lots of fiber and I’ll see what I can do.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that, and I was still smiling when a small bundle appeared in front of me.

“Is that-?” I asked.

“It’s a girl.” The nurse settled her on my chest and I looked down into the face of the baby I’d carried inside me for nine months. She was blonde, like Avery, and when she opened her eyes I saw that they were James’s stormy gray color.

“She’s gorgeous.” I murmured, running my finger along her cheek gently.

“She takes after her aunt.” Max was grinning from ear to ear, and in that moment I knew I was willing to do this again, but only if it was his baby.

“Could you go get Avery and James? They must be losing their minds out there.”

“I’ll be right back.” He kissed the top of my head and made a small cooing noise at the baby before leaving. I spent the whole time he was gone staring at the little human I’d carried into the world. She was surprisingly quiet. I would have thought she’d have been crying already.

Avery, on the other hand, was already crying when she came into the room. It hurt a little to hand her over to my sister, even though she wasn’t mine. Now I understood why I’d had to sign so many forms saying I wouldn’t try to keep the baby. I was already in love with her. My sister and her husband were both in tears but from what I could understand, they were telling her how much they loved her.

It wasn’t until the nurse came back into the room that they tore their attention away from her. I didn’t mind; Max and I had been talking quietly the whole time they were getting to know their baby.

“What do you want to name her?” The nurse asked, holding up the birth certificate.

“Peyton Lily Mitchell.” Avery said, flashing me a quick smile. I smiled back, feeling a few tears threatening to spill. I hadn’t thought they would give the baby-Peyton- my name.
Mom and Dad came in to see me and we were all hanging out for a while until my eyes drooped too low and Max shooed everyone out. He seemed to be meshing well with my family, thank God. I didn’t think I could handle it if they didn’t like him.

“How do you feel?” He asked, leaning over to take my hand.

“Very, very tired.” I scooted over on the bed so he could climb up with me. It was weird to not feel the baby inside me anymore. There would definitely be an adjustment period while I got used to not being pregnant anymore.

“Go to sleep Lily. You’ve had a long day.” His hand smoothing over my hair was quickly lulling me to sleep. “Just rest, I’ll keep watch.”

I slept for a few hours and when I woke up, Max had fetched me a cheeseburger from our favorite place. I devoured it ravenously and then begged my father to get me a cup of coffee. Now that I could have coffee again I had a feeling I’d be chugging it down like there was no tomorrow.

Twelve hours after I gave birth to Peyton, they let us leave the hospital. Max helped me change into the clean clothes we’d packed in my hospital bag and the others met us outside. Peyton was sleeping peacefully in her carrier, a mint and apricot hat covering her head. Mom had been making little things for her ever since I was implanted.

“It’s so weird to say goodbye to her.” I said, not even bothering to disguise how teary I was. “I thought being pregnant was the hardest part, but I was wrong. This is the hardest part.”

“It’s not like you’ll never see her again. She’s gonna need her godmother.” Avery kissed my forehead. “I can’t thank you enough, Lily. You’ve given us an incredible gift.”

“She’s an incredible girl.” Max said, rubbing my back gently.

“That she is.” Avery kissed us both on the cheek and after one final teary kiss, I let her and James and Peyton head home.

“Are you all right?” Max asked, leading me to his car.

“Yeah.” I managed a genuine smile for him. “Let’s go home.”